Sunday, September 22, 2024

Ship of the Damned, Worse than a Carnival Cruise with a Plumbing Problem

On the surface we have the standard ghost pirate ship story. Okay, the cannibal element makes it a bit gorier.  However, after the end credits begin rolling you will see that you have just watched a creepy and unsettling horror flick. Those of you who are similar to me and love ghost ship horror, and today we have a good one. The ghost ship in question is a 400 year old pirate ship and it is a dark, dank, creaky haunted house on the seas.  Let us look at 2024's "Ship of the Damned," directed by Steve Lawson. 

It's here. Where did it come from? The backstory of this ghost ship began 400 years ago.  During the blockade of Cartagena, the pirates sought gold as they held a city captive. Uh oh...instead they are given a woman. She is, like many women is a witch (I didn't say that, autocorrect strikes again). The witch curses them and now they are destined to sail the seas forever without any possibility of pulling into port. Now they show up on the west coast of England. Hence, Elena (Hannaj Bang Bendz), the babe MMA fighter/Ph.D. is summoned. She wrote her thesis on pirate ships.  The ship is believed deserted. Elena is a babe who broke up with her doting BF four years ago.  Now the BF,  Michael (Jacob Anderton), works for the Coast Guard and summons his former GF with hopes of rekindling the romance they once had. Them and two Coast Guard hunks will board the vessel and see what is going on.

The two Coast Guard hunks?  They'll be eaten. Very bloody. Eaten? Yep...the pirates are still on board.  They are also cannibals. Cursed and grouchy, they are fascinated by Elena.  Jacob (Ben Manning) a brute who captains the ship wants Elena to bare them children. In other words, he intends to use Elena as a breeding vessel. Elena is smart and plots escape.  Her old BF, Michael is also smart. The duo appear to be able to outsmart the pirates.  Sad...the pirates aren't as dumb as Michael and Elena believe.  But wait!  How many 17th century babes were schooled in MMA fighting?  Well, I'm not sure if I know the answer to that.  Uh oh...Jacob offers a cryptic piece of their history.  The ship is not cursed...him and his crew are.

Will Elena and Michael be able to escape and rekindle what they had four years ago?  Will the curse on the pirates be removed?  Is there a match brewing between the hulk of a pirate Jacob, and the MMA schooled Elena?  Does this sound pretty standard?  It isn't.  The ending is shocking.  Nothing in this film goes the way you assume it would. For some shocking horror on the high seas, see "Ship of the Damned." 


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