Friday, January 6, 2017

The Lady Terminator, Beware the South Sea Queen

Who, or what, is the South Sea Queen?  Beautiful seductress and ravager of men is a fitting description of this siren.  She lures men to her island castle where she seduces them.  Pre-marital sex follows, but this ends up very bloody for the awe-struck guys.  See, our seductress has an eel living up her...well...you know.  When the man's...well...let's call it a John Thomas...When he slips his John Thomas into the queen's...well, you know...our eel friend turns into a sacred dagger and snips off the poor schmuck's John Thomas.  Today we take a peek at a classic from Indonesia, 1989's "The Lady Terminator."
During passionate sex, a wise sailor steals the aforementioned eel from the queen's...well, you know. Now the queen swears she will exact revenge on his great grand daughter, 100 years later.  Present day:  Tania (Barbara Anne Constable) is a beautiful young college student.  Don't call her a lady or she will snap back, "I'm not a lady, I'm an anthropologist."  This babe dons a string bikini and dives into the South Sea seeking the ancient dagger.  Through some mysterious events, she ends up tied to a bed, spread eagle.  Our eel friend then shoots into her...well, you know.  Now the queen has taken over Tania's body.  The nude Tania then walks up onto shore, finds two hunks, and screws them to death.  Same deal, during intercourse, her eel turns into a dagger and snips off their John Thomas'.
Tania's next task, find the great grand daughter of the aforementioned sailor.  This beautiful women is an Indonesian rock star, Erica (Claudia Angelique Rademaker). Clad in leather, armed with an Uzi, Tania starts blowing away Erica's beautiful friends.  She then arrives at a nightclub in which Erica is performing.  Lucky for Erica, a cop named Max (Christopher J. Hart) saves her.  Uh oh, after being shot dozens of times, Tania gets right back up again and pursues Erica and her new beau. These two will even find time for pre-marital sex and mall hopping while fleeing our babe-killing machine. She'll chase them to a police station, kill all the cops, and keep pursuing our fleeing lovebirds. Immune to bullets, and looking really hot in her tight leather outfit, will anyone be able to stop her from killing Erica?
Dozens will be machine-gunned, and lots of men will end up castrated, but will our beautiful damsel survive the ancient queen's wrath?  Borrowing whole scenes from "The Terminator," "The Lady Terminator" is so much fun.  More gratuitous than the Schwarzenegger film, The ending will delight all horror fans.  A cautionary note, especially to you guys, watch where you put your...well...let's just say keep your John Thomas zippered up when a leather clad beauty, armed with an Uzi comes calling.

3 comments:

  1. This Johnson would Rather risk the biting end of an Uzi than the chompers of a cozy eel you know where snapping off my you know what.

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  2. This sounds like a must-see flick, where is it available?

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