Hotline, Wonder Woman has a Speargun

Lynda Carter! We all know her as Wonder Woman in that 1970s campy TV show. The actress did indeed make it to the 1980s and gave a go at so-called serious roles. She will be remembered for none of those. Today we look at a CBS Saturday Night movie which appeared on October 16,1982. This Made-For-TV thriller casts Wonder Woman as a damsel in much peril and sadly, she will not emerge unscathed. It won't be easy to see the dame we know as Wonder Woman be humiliated and reduced to a crying victim.  Let us look at 1982's "Hotline," directed by Jerry Jameson.

The sultry Brianne (Carter) is a young widow tending bar at Kyle's. Kyle (Monte Markham) has eyes for his endeared bartender.  His buddy, the A-List actor Tom Hunter (Steve Forrest) also has eyes for her.  Then, so does a new customer, Justin (Granville Van Dusen). Justin wins and will even have a lot of pre-marital sex with Wonder Woman, even in the hot tub. Justin, a psychologist, runs a night crisis hotline and figures since Brianne is a bartender, she'd be a great operator. Brianne agrees and quickly talks to troubled youths and abused dames. She also tends bar and has a speargun behind it in case any customer gets too fresh.  After all, she is Wonder Woman. Then he calls. Who is he? Therein lies the mystery.  He only talks to Brianne and confesses to several murders where beautiful women were tortured, humiliated, and beheaded.  Brianne tries to get more information.

Justin is convinced this caller is a fraud.  Brianne does detective work and begins to draw clues to his identity.  Now the killer tells Brianne he will do to her what he did to the other babes in his life. Brianne is scared and Justin insists on sleeping with her every night to guard her. Tom, the A-List actor gets more and more unhinged, as he is divorcing his wife in hopes of landing Wonder Woman.  Justin is smooth and all too calm...of course he is engaging in pre-marital sex with Wonder Woman, which has to be a calming action.  Uh oh...the killer is serious.  What happens to Wonder Woman may be difficult to watch, but will she survive?

Is Justin just a little too sweet and helpful to be a legitimate boyfriend? Will Brianne pull out the Golden Lariat, twirl it around Justice while in the hot tub, and...actually, I withdraw this question...I was getting too prurient.  Is the killer anyone Brianne knows?  Linda Carter looks great in this and even out of her Wonder Woman costume, or even naked in the hot tub, we are happy to see her.  For a pretty good and deviant babe-in-peril TV-Made move, see "Hotline."   

Prompt, A Dirty One From Charles Band

What if you get into AI and create images that arouse you...really arouse?  Your sexual fantasies are now strictly AI...and that's fine with you. Dirty!  Smutty!  Forbidden!  Then, what if you find out that AI is prompting you. If AI tells you to go right...do you go right?  If it tells you to go left...do you go left?  Only fair, right? Then AI tells you to engage in steamy and erotic lesbian sex...do you do it? Us guys out here hope you do.  AI hopes you do. Steamy lesbian sex...in the shower...in outer space...in bed...in the office... you name it. Wait!  Sorry, AI names it. Let us look at the most dirty and erotic film of 2025.  Our feature today is Charles Band's "Prompt."

Taylor (Lilly Bell) is an AI creator.  She creates AI ad campaigns for technology companies. All very sexy. In her spare time she creates AI scenes of hot babes, naked and sweaty, having passionate sex. Taylor masturbates to these images. Not a lesbian, yet, Taylor even invites an old BF (Ian S. Peterson) over for sex in front of these images. Not just these lesbian erotica creations. See a hunk (Jax Cody) enters these images. As the created babes are sharing passion, the mystery man peers at Taylor who is masturbating. The hunk seems aroused by Taylor's self-satisfaction. Taylor is uber aroused that the hunk is watching her. She wants him.  The hunk looks like he wants her. He'll only show up when Taylor creates AI scenes of hot lesbians making out and having sex.

Taylor really wants to have sex with a woman, thus invites her big-boobed bestie Sara (Elliott Woods) over. Taylor wants to show Sara the hunk that has obsessed her. Taylor also wants to get in Sara's yoga pants. Sara is skeptical. Desperate her efforts to conjure up the hunk, Taylor prompts images and scenes of lesbians having passionate sex.  Taylor will do anything to get the hunk of her AI program to appear...and Sara may just have to submit.

What will Taylor do to Sara?  Exactly what will Taylor be prepared to do for this AI hunk who seems to lust after her? Who is in charge, the creator or the creation? Erotic and steamy.  Dirty and taboo. This would have been a perfect movie for the old Cinemax After Dark slot. See "Prompt" and relax, as you do not have to tell anyone you watched it.    

BTW, for the most definitive book ever written about Cinemax After Dark, read the B. Harrison Smith book Skinemax Uncut by clicking this link Skinemax on Amazon

Cookers, Meth-Addicts and Ghosts

Yeah there are ghosts in this one. Sadly, they are not the horrific part of this film. The real horror is what meth does to you. Or, if not you, to a loved one. In this film, there will be three meth-addicts who will not fare well, even without ghosts in the haunted house they cook in. Our feature today is 2001's "Cookers," directed by Dan Mintz.

This one starts out innocent enough...not really. Hector (Brad Hunt) has apparently ripped off a dealer of some really nice white powder...pharmaceutical grade. Naturally he needs to get out of Dodge and drives his white van to a big abandoned house in the woods. With him is his sultry GF Dorena (Cyia Batten). Dorena is creeped out by the house in the woods right away, though Hector reminds her they don't have a choice. Arriving is Hector's buddy, the redneck Merle (Patrick McGraw). He will keep an eye on them and bring them food and supplies. Dorena and Hector set up a meth lab in an upstairs bedroom and begin cooking, and their product is fine! The duo can't refrain from their own stuff and smoke it or shoot it up. Now their grip on reality is almost non-existent. Then they hook Merle...and he loves it. One night the trio smoke the stuff as Merle tells them the history of the local woods. A missing girl and perhaps a murdering dad may prowl the woods. Urban legend?

Urban legend or not, in their states, Hector and Dorena insert the two ghostly figures into their reality. Now both are seeing ghosts...either the little girl or the dad, who is known in these parts as the Shadow Man. Eventually, Hector's dead grandma will show up. Paranoia also creeps in, though with these three, the paranoia is probably appropriate. The trio get more and more hooked on their own stuff and their ability to decipher reality from fiction is gone. Merle begins wondering if it would be a good idea just to rip off Hector and Dorena.  After all, those two aren't in a position to do anything about it. The beautiful Dorena gets less and less so as she will even begin losing her teeth. Then the ghosts become more aggressive.

Is there even a remote chance that this trio will survive to the end credits? Is the missing girl and her dad a mere urban legend or do their spirits haunt this abandoned house in the woods? What are Merle's plans, and is he more of a danger to our cookers than ghosts and their  own stuff? This is a creepy one that may be considered a slow burn. For a meth-horror tale, see "Cookers" and stay off the stuff! 

Terror Among Us, Rapist vs. Stewardesses

Rapist wins. So sad. Today we have a grim one. The January 14, 1981 Wednesday Night Movie on CBS. This will be a difficult one to watch as sultry stewardesses are beaten, tied up, gagged, humiliated, and raped. The last 30 minutes of this film will make you wince and turn your head. Beautiful women in stewardess uniforms will go down to defeat. Five weeks earlier, John Lennon was murdered in New York City. We all heard the news from Howard Cosell during Monday Night Football. In the booth, too was Don Meredith who stars in this film. This won't be the feel good film of 1981, "Terror Among Us," directed by Paul Krasny.

Rapist Delbert (Ted Shackelford) is released on parole thanks to his liberal probation officer Connie (Jennifer Salt). Detective Tom Stockwell (Meredith) is irate as he knows Delbert will rape again. Delbert gets a job for a laundry service and makes deliveries to an apartment occupied by five sultry stewardesses. He sneaks into their apartment, smells their underwear, and sometimes takes a bra or panties. We first meet the stewardesses at the pool as they frolic in bikinis...and that's the first time Delbert sees them. Now he's transfixed on them and their garments. Jen (Sarah Purcell) is the most senior of the cabin crew and it is her undies that are stolen. Cathy (Pat Klous) is the most inexperienced and is dating a married man. Delbert goes home at night, satisfies himself in his bathroom, and yells at his grouchy live in girl Sara (Sharon Spelman).

Tom tries to put together a case to put Delbert back in the joint as Connie does everything she can to foil him. Then Delbert sneaks into Vickie's (Kim Lankford) only to be beat up by her husband. Vickie is a stewardess in the same building. Tom now thinks he can put Delbert away but technicalities and Connie prevent this.  Delbert gets more psycho and heads over to the stewardesses' pad and what happens next is vicious and evil. The pretty stewardesses won't emerge pretty or unsoiled, sadly. Now Connie is no longer liberal and her and Tom have their work cut out for them. Jen's willingness to die for her friends may have saved some lives in the end, but not anyone's purity. 

What did Jen do and will she survive?  Will Connie or Tom blow the Delbert pervert away, or will they let justice work the way its supposed to? Of the five stewardesses, will any survive Delbert? This is a grimy one and we see the carnage coming a mile away as soon as the movie begins.  No humor here, just prurient evil and heartbreak.  See "Terror Among Us," and squirm as beautiful stewardesses are horribly violated.  

Bloodlust! Hunks, Babes, Crossbows, Leeches, and Quicksand

Almost 30 years prior to our film being released, the Fay Wray classic "The Most Dangerous Game" was released.  The shocking pre-code horror film set a standard which has been copied every few years, it seems.  Pre-code or not, the 1932 Fay Wray classic is mild horror to modern audiences.  This 1961 version is incredibly unsettling and if you do not like leeches, this is not the film for you.  The images in 1961's "Bloodlust!" are disturbing and definitely would not have been allowed in 1932. Let us take a closer look at "Bloodlust!" starring the dad from "The Brady Bunch," and directed by Ralph Brooke.

Hunks and babes on a ship row to an island to investigate. Uncharted. Never a good idea. Johnny (Robert Reed) is the head hunk, and his gal is the Fay Wray lookalike, Betty (June Kenney). Betty regularly beats up Johnny as she is a maven with Judo. Also on board is the dweeb Pete (Eugene Persson), and his gal, the sultry brunette Jeanne (Joan Lora). Never mind the boat captain, the drunk Tony (Troy Patterson). Almost immediately, on the island, they meet Dr. Balleau (Wilton Graff). He has a sultry wife, Sandra (Lilyan Chauvin). Sandra is having an affair with an existing prisoner, Dean (Walter Brooke). The four new castaways feel something is wrong and see many of the taxidermy trophies bagged by the maniacal doctor.  Sandra and Dean think they have concealed their affair from the doctor, but, of course, have not.

It gets worse. The four sneak around at night and find the doctor's secret laboratory filled with body parts, human skin, and a brunette in a fish tank. Yep, Dr. Balleau hunts anyone who washes up on the island. He uses crossbows, rifles, pistols, and spears.  In one heartbreaking scene, Sandra clad in a smart white swimsuit and Dean are skewered in an embrace by a spear. Now the four realize they are next.  Dr. Balleau believes he is being fair by giving the team a weapon. Now the hunt begins and Johnny and Dean are set out into the jungle to be hunted.  Betty and Jeanne? Having just murdered his sultry wife, the doctor keeps them locked up for future intimacies.  Now Betty and Jeanne try to escape before the doctor can make them into his personal sex-toys.  Johnny and Dean battle quicksand, leeches, crazed convicts, and the pursuing Dr. Balleau.

Will Betty and Jeanne manage to escape the mansion of Dr. Balleau, and the uncharted island?  Will Dr. Balleau stuff his wife and pose her as his latest trophy clad in that hot swimsuit?  If Betty can beat up "The Brady Bunch" dad with her Judo, can she also beat up the psycho doctor?  This is almost a carbon copy of the earlier Fay Wray film, though, I'll repeat, the gore and ominous images are far greater than the 1932 film.  For one of the grossest leech-scenes in movie history, and babes who know how to fight, see "Bloodlust!"  

Stillwatch, Lynda Carter vs. Angie Dickinson

Two of the sultriest actresses of 1970s TV made it to the 80s. Lynda Carter was the fetish queen in "Wonder Woman," and Angie Dickinson was the sexy cop, often undercover, in "Policewoman." what would you give to see a catfight between these two? Embroiled in her own political scandal, with her marriage to Robert Altman in the 1980s, Lynda Carter helped produce our film for today, a thriller about a political scandal. Throwing rocks in glass houses, I know. Therein lies the question, a catfight between the blonde and the brunette queens of 1970s TV, will it happen? Our feature today is 1987's CBS TV-movie (premiering on February 10), "Stillwatch," directed by Rod Holcomb.

Angie Dickinson entered the 1980s naked in the shower while some hunk screws her brains out. Michael Caine will then shred her to pieces. In our film today, she is Senator Abigail Winslow, about to be named Vice President after the current VP gets ill. What can stop her? Her past.  Her secret past. Enter an investigative reporter, Patricia (Carter). She is summoned by news editor Luther Pelham (Stuart Whitman) to do a puff piece on the senator. Uh oh...Patricia may not be Patricia.  Yep, amnesia as a kid, after her parents were murdered, she was adopted and had her name changed. Patricia moves into the DC townhouse the murders occurred. A kind hearted parapsychologist neighbor, Lila (Louise Latham) tries to help her remember the night of the murders...mistake. 

Uh oh, Patricia rekindles romance with a senator she was the mistress of several years ago, Sam (Don Murray).  When Sam two times on her, Patricia's puff piece turns into a hit piece on the senator. See, Sam seems to prefer Policewoman over Wonder Woman. All forgiven, and now Patricia and Abigail are friends again.  This won't last.  Lila does a decent job hypnotizing Patricia, thus bringing back more memories of the night her parents were murdered.  Partial memories are dangerous, and now  it appears someone is trying to kill Patricia. Even worse, Patricia's investigation into Abigail's life reveal that the two babes have something very deviant and evil in common. Catfight brewing? Can you imagine, Wonder Woman vs. Policewoman...in a tub of Jell-O? 

Just what is the connection that links Patricia to Abigail?  Who exactly murdered Patricia's mom and dad? Can this weird neighbor/parapsychologist be trusted? This film is very hard to find as I believe Lynda Carter realized the irony about her making a film about political scandal. See "Stillwatch," and watch the coming fireworks between Wonder  Woman and Policewoman.

Pretty Poison, Anthony Perkins as a Psycho

In 1960, Anthony Perkins was a psycho killer in Alfred Hitchcock's "Psycho." As Norman Bates he became the most famous psycho in film history. In 1968...Mr. Perkins plays a psycho killer again. This time there are some twists. Is he the protagonist or antagonist? Sure, that question is applicable to both films. Now you divorced guys will see where this film is going, but set and filmed in western Massachusetts, our feature today is "Pretty Poison," directed by Noel Black. 

Mr. Azenauer (John Randolph) isn't totally sure of allowing his charge, Dennis Pitt (Perkins) out on parole. He has quite an imagination and does not seem sorry about being a 15-year old arsonist who murdered his aunt. Dennis still claims he was sane when he did it. Azenauer gets Dennis a job in Winslow, Massachusetts at a chemical plant. He immediately sees the Winslow High School High Steppers rehearse and focuses on the beautiful blonde flag girl Sue Ann (Tuesday Weld). He needs to impress her so acts as if he is a CIA operative in town on a secret mission. She's wide-eyed and gullible and believes him. Dennis recruits her to be a CIA operative in training, unpaid, and Sue Ann is thrilled. Sue Ann's strict mother (Beverly Garland) is strict and intends to keep her from dating strange men. Sue Ann is bent on being the best CIA operative any 17 year old high school student can be.

Dennis seems to have a good plan as he concocts a mission to stop the chemical company from dumping chemicals into the river. Sue Ann is thrilled she is being included. Uh oh...Dennis' perfect plan hits a few unexpected snags and now the fantasy changes.  Dennis begins to realize living in a fantasy world is not sustainable. Sue Ann? She's just getting started. Uh oh...it turns out Dennis is not the real psycho here.  Yep, the pretty Sue Ann may be a very pretty poison and Dennis is in too deep to avoid the train wreck that is coming fast. Death, destruction, and dismemberment follow.  Now the mess is a big one.  A mess that even Dennis' great imagination could never of foresaw. Now the world is falling apart.  Not for Sue Ann!  She's just starting to have fun.

Is Sue Ann, in reality, perfect for CIA employment?  Could Dennis have gained wisdom from talking to a few divorced men about sultry dames that seem so perfect?  Will Dennis and Sue Ann present themselves for a "Bonnie and Clyde" or "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" type ending?  Shocking and deep, the ending will be a fantastic one that will haunt everyone in this film who remains alive at the end credits.  See "Pretty Poison," and enjoy Anthony Perkins as a loon and Tuesday Weld as a psycho seductress. 

Wrecker, Re-Make of Duel

Dennis Weaver...yawn!  Yep, the star of the "McCloud" TV mystery show has not aged well in our hearts. Today, no one pines for that over-rated detective show in which Weaver played an annoying cowboy in the  big city. We tuned in hoping to see "Columbo" or "McMillan & Wife," and all gave a disappointing sigh when it was "McCloud" that came on the NBC Sunday Night Mystery Movie. Even worse, in 1980 Dennis Weaver developed Reagan Derangement Syndrome and became an utter annoyance to all of us. Even his TV movie "Duel" in 1971 had us all rooting for the evil truck. What needs to be done to make "Duel" a good remake?  Right! Dump the idiot Dennis Weaver and cast sultry dames instead. Our feature today is 2016's "Wrecker" (aka "Driver From Hell"), directed by Michael Bafaro.

A cute red Mustang with the sultry babes! Yes! The blonde Emily (Anna Hutchison) drives as brunette Leslie (Andrea Whitburn) drinks beer. The ladies have a car full of beer, rum, weed, and tequila. They are headed into California, from Seattle, to have pre-marital sex with strangers. No mention if Rock 'n Roll will be going on. Stupidly, the gals take a left and end op on Devil's Pass. Yep...the road earns its name.  There they encounter a two truck in front of them and antagonize it when they try to pass. The wrecker initially prevents them but the skanks overtake the truck as Leslie throws a beer bottle at it.

Yep...you saw "Duel."  Now the tow truck tries to kill the girls in the Mustang. A hint of the occult makes us think that that the devil himself is driving it. The gals are horrified and the wrecker seems to be toying with them.  At one point a cop pulls the gals over only to be decimated by the speeding wrecker.  Uh oh... the drama is ramped up when...well, you'll see.  Let's just say the gals are now in a full blown horror film instead of a thriller.  Emily and Leslie are real dolls and they scream a lot, swear, and look really good doing it.  Where does this all go?  You ever see "Duel"? The babes in this film are infinitely more appealing than the angry Dennis Weaver, who never recovered from President Reagan's election. 

Will Emily and Leslie outrun the wrecker and make it to safety?  Will there be a final confrontation between the red Mustang and the mysterious wrecker?  Two babes in stress!  Will there be a catfight between these skanks? Hey, why not?  A good catfight might have saved "Duel." For a terrific cheese factor, and some good horror, see the beautiful Anna Hutchison and Andrea Whitburn in "Duel"...I mean "Wrecker." 

Vore King, Babes Ingested by Tentacled Monsters

What is Vorarephilia? A sexual fetish (no doubt big in Japan) involving a fantasy of being consumed and digested by slimy creatures. Sick!  Right.  Disgusting!  Okay. Who would be turned on by that? Easy...you.  Yep, no one is asking you to admit it, but let's face it.  I know what your favorite episode of "Space 1999" is. It's the episode when a slimy tentacled monster, the the episode "Dragon's Domain," gathers in a screaming space-babe, kicking and flailing, deposits her into its mouth, and begins digesting her as she continues to struggle. Then there is the often run MST3K episode of "The Creeping Terror," when a worm-leech thing gathers in babes and slowly digests them from the top down. All the babes have great legs and struggle and scream. Turned on by that? I understand, don't admit it. Then there is the scene in "Deep Rising" when Famke Janssen, in a ravishing red evening gown, is consumed and digested by a sea creature. Wait! Okay, that never happened in the movie...though you wished it did. Today we look at the 2016 documentary of Raymond P. Whalen, "Vore King," directed by Dan Schneidkraut.

Not as famous as Oscar Robertson or Robin Yount, Mr. Whalen is from Milwaukee, and his story may also be Milwaukee's story. Whalen is the king of Vorarephilia.  He makes fetish videos of creatures consuming helpless, often bikini clad, babes. An on-line casting call can net dozens of models eager to perform in his videos.  You will meet several, but my favorite is Tomiko...hot Asian chick.  One thing we know about Mr. Whalen, he is a soul that always needs to be creating. His history in the club scene or community cable TV tells the story of a benign man who only desires to make people happy and create. He writes. He films. He creates f/x, especially creature f/x.  He directs nubile babes on the sets.  The videos he makes do earn money, though Mr. Whalen will not be moving to River Hills any time soon. We are let in on Mr. Whelan's dad and upbringing, and we like all the people we meet there. 

What did the psychological community say about Mr. Whelan? It is all here in this film, just don't mention Evergreen trees to him. You'll see. We'll also travel with him as he goes to Vegas and recruits performers.  What kind of gal would want to do this? Oh please, you dames out there are getting wet in the groin at the thought of it...don't lie. I dare you to tell me the scene in "Galaxy of Terror" when the sultry blonde space-babe Dameia was ingested and slimed by the giant worm, it did not arouse you.  It did arouse the actress who  played in it, Taaffe O'Connell. Mr. Whalen has pioneered into a fetish that most won't speak of...though many are curious about, and if no one is looking, will watch. The video maker comes across as honest, hard working, creative, caring, and always plotting and moving forward.  You will come away from this documentary liking Mr. Whalen...and maybe, though you may deny it, attempt to find some of his videos.  Find the ones with Tomiko!  You'll be hooked...or if you're a dame, you'll be ingested into something new and daring. 

I can only imaging the algo-rhythm buzz saw Mr. Whalen runs into on social media.  This documentary presents a likable fellow, not a sexual deviant.  Mr. Schneidkraut does a fantastic job at reigning in the free spirit Mr. Whalen. This work presents a hard working creative being, not a slacker living in his mother's basement.  Mr. Whelan is still creating, and though this film is 10 years old, he still creates.  He has even invented a board game centered on drive-in horror films, just visit him on X at @mratomicmonster, is creating more videos and books, and also you can be sure, probing tentacles will again be charged by him.  Enjoy "Vore-King" (On Amazon) and tap into a deviant side that is inside you bubbling to get out.  

To purchase these vore-fetish videos, click on his page: La Vore Girl Video Store

For the YouTube channel of Mr. Whalen: Astounding Atomic Monster

The Resurrection of Zachary Wheeler, Transplants, Clones, Mad Scientists, and Angie Dickinson

Whenever you see a Cryogenic Psychologist portrayed in the movies, its always by a babe. Just like Marine Biologists, these scientists, in filmdom, are always hot. Stewardesses, too.  Whether the portrayals are honest ones is of no concern to us, as all we're interested in is babes. Hence Angie Dickinson as a Cryogenic Psychologist! I know what you're asking, "Cryogenics? Isn't that freezing people and then thawing them out?" Right! Any way we have a film where mad scientists do the ungodly, and our hot blonde Cryogenic Psychologist may be the maddest of them all. Let us look at a weird one, 1971's "The Resurrection of Zachary Wheeler," directed by Bob Wynn.

There's a lot in this plot, and we'll not be able to mention most of it. Senator Zachary Wheeler (Bradford Dillman) is fatally injured in a head on auto collision...and set to die. At the scene is investigative reporter Harry Walsh (Leslie Nielsen) who accompanies the dying presidential contender in the ambulance to Bethesda Naval Hospital. A few minutes later Harry is told that Senator Wheeler was never brought in and the staff pretends they don't know what he's talking about. See...the dying senator is flown to New Mexico and a facility run by a Mr. Fielding (Robert J. Wilke).  There he is brought back to health by Doctors Redding (James Daly) and Layle Johnson (Dickinson). How? Transplants. Donors? You won't believe this but this is where the film gets spooky.  Oh, while recovering, Senator Wheeler develops a liking for Layle Johnson...but is she only pretending to like him? 

See, Fielding runs this place. He has a condition and needs transplants often. Donors? Oh, don't worry, this will all be explained in eerie fashion in the film...you'll even meet them and you will be creeped out. The Fielding hospital is run by a Cabal of nine.  They monitor world leaders and when they are getting ready to die, capture them, bring them to the facility, and save them...as long as they will then serve the cabal. Fielding desires to run the world...why? You got me. Oh, our cryogenic psychologist? Dr. Layle Johnson does her best to become the future Mrs. Senator Wheeler. Oh, wait...Harry?  He's on the story and has put two and two together and arrives in New Mexico as Fielding's men try to kill him.  Those donors? See the movie, but I will say, they are major league creepy...and for good reason. You'll see?

Will Dr. Layle Johnson become Mrs. Senator Wheeler, and eventually the First Lady of the United States?  Will Harry break the story of a lifetime or die trying? Will the so-called donors get out of their cells, catch Dr. Layle Johnson, rip her lab coat off, and...wait, never mind.  This question was becoming too prurient.  For a creepy one that raises uncomfortable questions, and may not leave you warm and fuzzy, see "The Resurrection of Zachary Wheeler."   

Killer Rental, Bikini Babes and Hunks Filmed Being Murdered

The magnum opus of Ryan Lucy! Ryan Lucy? A dame...with a guy's name. No matter, she is quite the dish and looks great in a bikini. There will be a lot of babes in this film, all in bikinis, but something about Ms. Lucy...well, she stands out. Wait! There are slashers in this film!  Will the nubile bikini babe avoid being gutted, or chopped up? Today we will look at a weird film, or I should say, a part of this weird film. Skipping the beginning and the end, the middle is where we will dwell. To explain that would give too many spoilers.  Our feature today is the Ryan Lucy spectacular, 2025's "Killer Rental," directed by Ben Hausdorff and Jonathan Kadin.

Chase (Wyatt Hinz), a hunk, and BF of bikini babe Chloe (Mea Wilkerson), rents a remote house way in the desert. Influencer Lauren (Lindsay Arnold) wants to film her social media there for a few days and brings her great looking friends. Also along is her cameraman Aaron (Tyler Lofton), the gay Noah (Matt Mitchell), Chase and Chloe, and her childhood buddy, Mina (Lucy). She films nonstop, or Aaron does. Right away, the six don bikinis or swimsuits and do the pool and liquor. Aaron likes Mina, a lot...as do we. This is trouble as Lauren puts the moves on Aaron, only to be rebuffed. Chloe and Chase engage in deviant pre-marital sex. Mina and Aaron are so cute as they make goo-goo eyes at one another. Lauren is brutally strangled and chopped up.  Wait!  What?  Yep...she's gone early on in this film.  By who?  Why?

Now it gets complicated.  The hunks and babes do not know that there are hidden cameras everywhere.  Everything they do is being captured on video...even the pre-marital sex.  Mina and Aaron  get closer and soon they figure out Lauren is missing. The killer, or killers, then converge on the babes and hunks.  Mina and Chloe make a shocking discovery.  Noah puts the moves on Chase. A nail gun, chainsaw, drill, hatchet, and axe will be wielded by...by...well, you will find out.  Blood and brains splatter, and skulls will be crushed.  

Will Mina survive this, like, is she too beautiful to be torn apart?  Is the killer one of the babes or hunks or something far more dastardly?  Whoever is watching these youngsters on video, does he/she/ or them have special plans for the sultry Mina? This is a gory one and does not follow all the rules of slasher films. The cast is great looking, pure cheesecake and beefcake, and the kills are ominous and gory.  For a slasher film that is a bit different, see "Killer Rental." 

Ape X Mecha Ape: New World Order, Sean Young as the Beast

Oh, my. So sultry she was in the 80s.  "No Way Out," "Blade Runner," or "Wall Street." Sean Young was quite a dish. What happened? I think alcohol and bad decisions.  So here in 2024 she plays Biden's Nat'l Security Advisor and she takes after that weirdo Richard Levine guy. Sean Young plays a guy and is scarier than the big apes and the Cthulhu tentacled thing. Her portrayal is a grim reminder of the idiocy of Biden appointees. No one is pining for the return of Richard Levine and no one is pining for Sean Young to make another movie. Harsh? Ha!  See the movie. Our feature today is 2024's "Ape X Mecha Ape: New World Order," directed by Marc Gottlieb. This film is from The Asylum. 

Abe, the 90-foot gorilla roams a Pacific island after the first film he was in, also from The Asylum. Let's keep this brief. A Cthulhu-tentacled creature comes up from the ocean, destroys a cruise ship, and heads over to Abe's island and beats him up. Okay, in Japan, Asian babe Rio (Jessica DeBonville) gets into the robot ape, the 200-foot-tall Mecha Ape and flies to America to beat up the Cthulhu. Nat'l Security Advisor Eva Lemuria (Young), dressed like a man...and pulling it off (kinda has that Gilbert Godfrey look) is mad at Japan. See, Eva is also a cult leader paving the way for "The Old One" to return and wipe out mankind. A perfect fit for the Biden Administration. Reporterette Naomi (Ashley Dakin) is mad 'cause her parents were on the aforementioned cruise ship. She and her hot assistant, Sara (Bix Krieger) rush to the scene where Abe and Mecha Ape will fight the Cthulhu. Uh oh, Sara realizes they lost a hubcap along the way. Really!

Okay, Abe is out of sorts and attacks Mecha Ape with the hot Japanese babe inside. Mecha Ape shoves Passion flowers in Abe's mouth and he's nice again. Eva yells at the Japanese prime minister who probably had to give a great effort to keep a straight face. In her business suit, Eva recites ancient incantations and does a bunch of useless things. The Asian babe Rio and her Mecha Ape is decimated by the Cthulhu but Rio, wounded, survives. Sara frets over the missing hubcap. Naomi, as with much of the DC press corps, is quite useless.

How easy is it to replace a hubcap on a rental car?  Was Richard Levine really a compelling figure enough to want to base an ape movie around? Just who is "The Old One" and will he be able to help Sean Young get any ounce of her beauty back?  This is one from The Asylum and for that we're grateful. For a good giant ape, without a Fay Wray-type babe, see "Ape X Mecha Ape: New World Order."

Showgirl Murders, Stripper-Psycho

Maria Ford!  Who? Internationally renowned burlesque performer (stripper), actress, and model.  Today we have her magnum opus.  Get this, she choreographed her own routines, for which there will be many. Routines that include fire, a big snake, BDSM costumes, a whip, etc.  It is not easy being an exotic dancer at the same time a choreographer, and killer.  Killer? Yep, pure psycho...at least in this movie.  In real life Maria Ford is a great philanthropist, working for positive change in her community, and an avid recycler of plastic bottles. Let us take a look at the 1996 erotic thriller "Showgirl Murders," directed by Dave Payne. 

Stripper, sorry, exotic dancer, Jessica (Ford) rips off her boyfriend, Crank (Jeffrey Douglas), of his drug dealing profits and runs. Now she is on the run from this psycho and her talents are limited. Thus, she ends up at a strip club begging for a job.  The club is owned by hunk Mitch (Matt Preston), and his dumpy wife Carolyn (D.S. Case). Carolyn wants to send Jessica on her way, but Mitch is aroused and hires her. Jessica's new routines, which are extraordinary in a prurient sort of way, helps the club increase their nightly take enormously. Now Jessica makes the moves on Matt and before you know it, Jessica is trying to get Matt to murder Carolyn. Uh oh...a DEA agent, Sam (Bob McFarland) enters the picture.  He wants Crank and knows Jessica is still in touch with him.

Mitch tries to murder Carolyn...but he is not a killer.  Is Jessica? Duh! In fact, the more we learn about Jessica the more she resembles Michael, or Freddie, or Norman Bates. Jessica's routines get hotter and she even introduces some lesbian themed routines with other strippers...oh, sorry...exotic dancers. Now Crank shows up and he wants his money that Jessica stole.  Now Jessica has a whole bunch of peeps in her life that, in her mind, need killing.  Armed with a whip, blunt instruments, a knife, a gun, Molotov cocktails, and attitude, Jessica decides to take control.

Will anyone in this film be alive as the end credits role?  Is it true that before his death Bob Fosse was going to make this movie until Maria Ford murdered him? Why don't we have more burlesque performers making films today and if we did, would Spielberg's "Disclosure Day" have been watchable?  See "Showgirl Murders" and get your fill of Maria Ford and all her talents.   

Virtually Dead, Italian Gamers in Gaming Hell

Kind of like Giallo...kind of. Italian horror film with some babes in it who are in much peril.  Still, the 1960s and 1970s Euro-Babes were so arousing with miniskirts, go-go boots, or maybe nude. Not today, the babes of today do not know how to be babes.  The movie-makers do not know how to make them into babes. Still, in a movie about gamers, it is nice our filmmaker restrained from giving us Goth-like creatures. Today we look at 2014's "Virtually Dead" (aka "Dead Gamers"), directed by Paolo Bertola.

Robert (Stefano Guerriero) is a nerdy gamer who has invented a bizarre one utilizing Virtual Reality and AI. Yep, he summons his buddies over for dinner, and after dinner, they will play the game. Arriving is the babe Laura (Alessandra Angeli) and her boyfriend Loris (Francesco Testa). Loris hates Robert as he knows the nerd is in love with his girl. Also arriving is the babe/cocaine addict Ellen (Chiara Alivernini) and her boytoy Simon (Alessio Cherubini). Then a fifth-wheel, the thug Mark (Alex Lucchesi), who hates everyone. The friends chow down ignorant that Robert has placed a capsule in their food. The capsule has millions of nanobots in them and takes control of their senses and nervous systems. The guests pass out and now Robert can see their thoughts on his computer. He places them all in some VR world where he can throw zombies at them, but not before arming his buddies with machine guns.

The guests wake in the weird VR world and are irate. They grab their weapons and initially have success felling the zombies attackers. Robert pays special attention to Laura, in the VR world, and also asleep at the dinner table. Then a virus hits and the system's antivirus protection fails. Robert doesn't have control of the game and the attackers are more capable and have the capability to bite and murder. Nazi zombies arrive.  Mark is bitten and begins changing.  Laura struggles to carry her semi-gatling gun around. Then Ellen meets her deceased mother. Robert, in the real world, struggles to figure out how to get control back and pull his buddies back into their bodies at the dinner table.  Then, by accident he figures out a way, but the cure may be as deadly as the zombie onslaught.

Will Robert end up with Laura as he makes sure Loris is eaten by the VR zombies? Will Robert ever get control of the game back or are his buddies forever doomed to the VR zombie-world?  Can Robert do us all a favor and put Ellen and Laura in bikinis instead of the military fatigues he has them in? A techno-thriller which, from Italy, may not have any resemblance to reality in it, but it is fun.  For some neat 21st century Italian horror, see "Virtually Dead."    

Countrycide, Bear Traps and a Babe

Ah, the country! You can have it.  Give me the great indoors, WIFI, and streaming. Nature?  Hiking?  Camping?  I've seen too many movies to desire those.  From Ontario, we have a warning against camping, hiking, and the outdoors.  Our feature today is 2017's Countrycide, directed by Brett Kelly.

So cute! Abby (Robin Hodge) and Mike (Joel Elliott) are boyfriend and girlfriend.  Abby's sister is getting married and they are too broke to take an airplane...thus Mike drives them.  Abby?  Doesn't drive, don't ask. Money for a hotel? No way!  They stop at Ranger Station #5 and meet Ranger Scott (Peter Whitaker) and ask where they can set up tent for the night.  He warns them that no one camps in these woods ever since WIFI and streaming became a thing. The cute couple find a patch of land in the woods and set up a tent.  At night, they build a campfire, discuss the meaning of being boyfriend and girlfriend, and get ready to kiss.  They are so cute...did I mention that? Mike goes to relieve himself in the trees and never comes back.

Abby falls asleep and when she wakes in the morning, no Mike. She goes out to look for him and steps in a beartrap. Happens...at least in the movies.  In real life, these two would have stayed home and used WIFI. Now Abby limps through the woods and is attacked by a wolf before she is saved by three hunters.  Tom (Andrew Galligan), Len (Trevor Payer), and Albert (Lee Cyr) initially look like saviors. Right! Yep, lunatics!  They murdered Mike and want to hunt Abby and then do all sorts of awful things to her when they catch her. They set Abby off into the woods and give her a head start.  Now the trio hunts the wounded dame with rape, torture, and murder in mind. Abby looks like a goner unless she has what it takes to turn herself into a hunter. 

Wild mushrooms! Carnivores, and bad ideas will all occur at such inconvenient times.  The results? Gore and death.  Will Abby become a hunter, and will it be too late?  Are the trio of hunters smart enough to track a dame who can step into a beartrap and not beg for help?  Will Abby make it to her sister's wedding, and if she does, will she be able to dance?  This is a good one.  Low budget, all the way, but Abby is likable and we do pull for her.  For some good beartrap horror, see "Countrycide."

Alien Storm, The Bonfire of the Alien Invasion

If Tom Wolfe had written science fiction, or alien invasion action novels, he would have written this film today.  What we have here is a sci-fi epic from The Mahal Brothers Empire that sort of mirrors Wolfe's "The Bonfire of the Vanities." More importantly we have babes with guns.  We don't have enough socialite-survivalist babes with guns in our films today. Throw in a WWE wrestler, Tom Arnold as the Las Vegas mayor, and Kevin Sorbo as the president, and we have good alien invasion drama. Oh, did I mention the flesh eating zombies?  Funny how those can slip our minds. Let us look at 2026's "Alien Storm," an action-packed alien invasion film filled with biting social commentary with babes in peril, directed by Adam Werth.  BTW, this film comes out on July 21 in digital on Amazon Prime and Apple TV. 

Aliens or demons? I think aliens. They invade and disable major cities around the world. The president (Sorbo) tries to keep America calm, though there is little reason to be calm. In Vegas, Frank McConnely (Robert Standley) and his babe wife, Ophelia (Laura Mason) host a party. Frank's flying car company has just gone public and celebrities, the Detroit Lions, Charles Wright (WWE's Godfather) and other beautiful people assemble to celebrate. Jenna (Elley Ringo) is there to get a statement and pre-marital sex from Mayor Haines (Tom Arnold).  She may want to cover the New England Patriots after this invasion is over. At the party, the guests get word an invasion has gripped Vegas. Frank has a luxurious underground bunker and invites the privileged class to ride out this drama from there. Billie (Elizabeth Chamberlain), Frank's babe daughter, has to find the family dog before she will allow herself to be locked in. How do you think this will go?

Yep, the sultry Ophelia and Frank break out the machineguns and some of the guests decide to take the fight to the creatures, who are now in the mansion. The creatures are mean and shred the guests, then eat them. The shredded guests? Yep, they come back to eat the living.  Could it get worse?  While "The Bonfire of the Vanities" theme is playful and satirical, this film adds some taboo and heartbreak.  It goes from a light, fun horror film to an ominous and terrifying one. Babes with guns are heroic in this but it will be so sad to see some evening gown-clad beauties shredded.  As the survivor pool decreases, the privileged may have found a weakness for these monsters, but is it too late?

Will the lovely Jenna get her pre-marital sex with the mayor, even though she has had to arm herself and turn all killer?  Will the lovely evening gown clad Ophelia get into catfights with female monsters? Will Frank and all his brains that created a flying car company figure out a way out of this?  This is a good one and don't be fooled by an almost comedic introduction of the party goers...it'll get ominous and terrifying real quick. See "Alien Storm" starting next week on Apple TV and Amazon Prime.

   

Cruise Into Terror, Aaron Spelling Made-For-TV Horror

Today we look at ABC's Friday Night Movie from February 3, 1978. Okay, Jo Ann Harris! The most beautiful actress of the 1970s we never talk about. Overshadowed by the Charlie's Angels babes, Ms. Harris will factor huge, often in a bikini, in our feature today.  Our feature today? An Aaron Spelling TV spectacular.  Listen to these names, along with Jo Ann Harris. Dirk Benedict!  John Forsythe!  Christopher and Lynda Day George! Lee Meriwether! Ray Milland! Stella Stevens! Roger E. Mosely! Hugh O'Brien! Hilarie Thompson! Did I mention Jo Ann Harris in a bikini? Throw in Satan and a shipwreck, and we have "Cruise Into terror," directed by Bruce Kessler. 

Captain Andy (O'Brien) is ordered by the shipping company boss to carry eight passengers to Cozumel, Mexico so they can get on a luxury cruise ship. Minutes later the boss is killed in a forklift accident. Hesitantly Andy welcomes them aboard and sets sail across the Gulf of America to Mexico. On board is Andy's First officer Simon (Benedict), Neal and Sandra (Christopher and Lynda Day George), party girl Judy (Harris), her bookwormish buddy Debbie (Thompson), the professor (Milland), the math guy Matt (Frank Converse), the witch Marilyn (Stevens) , The reverend (Forsyth) and his spinster wife Lil (Meriwether). And more! Yep, the Professor is going to Cozumel to find the ancient Egyptian tomb of the son of Satan. The Egyptians wanted it buried on the other side of the Earth. Matt tells him the exact location is actually at the bottom of the Gulf of America and now the ship just happens to be over that spot.

Now weird stuff happens. Greed overtakes the passengers and spinster Lil turns into a demon-seductress and desires sex with everyone.  Oh, Judy dons a bikini a lot in hopes of seducing Simon. Neal turns evil with greed and Sandra pleads with him to be himself again. Judy dons a bikini...did I mention that? The reverend is convinced the sarcophagus that divers have brought aboard the ship contains the second coming of Satan or something like that and seeks to destroy it.  His wife, Lil, played by the former Miss America, sheds her spinster identity and has extra-marital sex with Matt the math guy. Captain Andy and Simon desperately try to fix the ship's engine before a storm rolls in. Evil permeates and Judy even attacks her buddy Debbie. The reverend now seeks to get Miss America back as he tries to destroy the sarcophagus.  Neal and Matt seem possessed as they try to protect the son of Satan. Judy continues to look good, dressing in undies or wearing a bikini. Oh, Captain Andy will be seduced by Marilyn the witch and the two will engage in pre-marital sex.

Did anyone consider Jo Ann Harris to be in "Charlie's Angels"?  Will the former Miss America continue extra-marital sex with guardians of Satan or return to her prudish husband?  Will Satan make Jo Ann Harris and Lee Meriwether  engage in a catfight on the Lido deck?  This is a good one and all the stars in it have infinitely more appeal than the rubbish we have now.  For a real movie with a real plot, and real stars, see "Cruise Into Terror," an Aaron Spelling Production.