Wow! I was not expecting this! Catfights to the death! A babe with a crossbow! A succubus-type babe with fire coming out of her eyes! Sultry teenage skanks dying horribly! Babe sister seducing hunk brother! The taboo! Gratuitous prurient situations! A mega-death count! The crossbow babe racing through Amityville with a dirt bike! Oh! A dominatrix realtor who has deviant sex in kitchens or anywhere else...who is also a demon corruptor! This might be one of the best films ever. Our feature today is 2016's "The Amityville Terror," directed by Michael Angelo.
Delilah! Wow. If Richard Attenborough had put this character in his 1993 film "Shadowlands," people would have wanted to see it. Delilah (Tonya Kay) looking like a sex-craved dominatrix rents the Amityville house to the unstable babe Shae (Amanda Barton). The artist, Shae, invites her brother Todd (Kaiwi Lyman) and his babe wife, Jessica (Kim Nielsen) to move in with her. Of course, their babe teenage daughter, Hailey (Nicole Tompkins) comes, too. Hailey is always equipped with a crossbow and dirt bike. It is, after all, Amityville. Strangeness occurs. A gory acid bath (very painful), taboo seduction, and a hot Asian gal ejected out the window. Let us talk about the hot Asian gal...Jenny (Lai Ling). She'll try to help protect the crossbow wielding teen, but she'll only get shot out of Hailey's bedroom window just like a cannonball shot out of a cannon. Her death will be sad...and gory. Happens.
Okay, Delilah has sex with some stooge on a kitchen counter. Relevant to the plot? If you have to ask. Hailey gets a sweet boyfriend, Brett (Trevor Stines). He'll lose his head over Hailey...literally. Jessica, who has great big...er...well...a great big...smile...will lose a bloody battle with the rose garden. Shae will shed all her clothes and become a major league seductress, seeking to corrupt her brother, Todd. Todd, an idiot tries to figure out why Jessica won't have sex with him. Then there is the teenage babe Theresa (Christy St. John). She wants to murder Hailey because the crossbow wielding seductress stole her BF. Oh, ghosts and demons...yeah, yeah...them, too. Okay...there is actually a plot. Not a bad one, but it is spliced heavily with gratuitous nudity, gratuitous gore, gratuitous allure, and so many graphic kills.
Is this the story Jay Anson wanted to tell but couldn't because he never took a creative writing course? Why don't we have more movies with babe protagonists who wield crossbows and travel around town on dirt bikes? Why don't we have more succubus/demon/slut real estate agents who...wait...I'm being told we do...never mind. Do yourself a favor and see one of the best films ever made, and don't fall into the trap by comparing it to 1993's "Shadowlands," "The Amityville Terror."
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