Elves, Nazi Experiment for Christmas

Santa's helpers?  No.  The Keebler elves?  No.  When Nazi scientists delved into the occult, and created a two-foot killing machine able to sneak behind enemy lines, homicidal elves were born.  Too bad for them Germany lost the war.  Decades later, the same Nazi scientists, now living in the U.S. will unleash their creation.  Today we look at 1989's "Elves."  This is a somewhat humorous horror tale that turns very dark and deranged.  Fans of Deanna Lund, the beauty from "Land of the Giants" will have mixed feelings about this tale.  She's in it, but will be left contorting and fried, and very nude, in her own bathtub.

Kirsten (Julie Austin), a beautiful virgin.  She lives at home with her perverted 10 year old brother Willy (Christopher Graham), her skank mother (Lund), and her grandfather, who is also her dad (Borah Silver).  Uh oh, grandpa, who is also pops, is one of the aforementioned Nazi scientists.  Kirsten is the virgin selected to mate with the two-foot monster elf and birth the master race. Kirsten doesn't know this and decides to sneak into a department store after closing with two of her friends for pre-marital sex and other hi-jinx...haven't we all.  This doesn't go well as her friends are murdered by either the Nazis or the elf.

Kirsten catches a break.  Grizzly Adams (Dan Haggarty) is the store Santa (replacing the old one, who got castrated by the elf), and he saves here.  Now on the run, Santa brings her home.  Waiting for her is Deanna Lund, who just drowned their pet cat in the toilet, and her grandpa/pop.  When the Nazis and elf converge, the nude Deanna Lund will meet a a tortuous fate.  Themes of Christmas, incest, and gory horror will play havoc with the viewer leading to an ending that will leave many with their jaws wide open.

From a tale ripped right out of today's headlines, "Elves" is a weird horror film, directed by Jeffrey Mandel.  Gratuitous and exploitative, fans of this blog will not want to miss this one which is available on YouTube.  As the Christmas season approaches, this may be the perfect film after watching Rudolph, the Grinch, "It's a Wonderful Life," and Charlie Brown back-to-back-to-back.