Slow the plot down! Way down! So went the lyrics of a ballad performed by Joel and the 'bots on one of their MST3K shows. The makers of our film today seemed to follow that maxim. We have characters that do their best to slow the plot down. From slow to...even slower. Billy Bob Thornton as an Alaskan Quint? Attacked by a grizzly many years ago he seeks to murder all of them. To the plot...he's useless. Scott Glenn? Thomas Jane? Piper Perabo? Slow the plot down! The two main babes in this film are a deaf photographer and a useless conservationist...babes, no doubt...but they do well to slow the plot down! Our feature today is 2015's "Into the Grizzly Maze," directed by David Hackl.
A grizzly, maybe a 20-footer...slashes some poachers. After spending seven years in the joint, Rowan (James Marsden) returns. His brother, Beckett (Jane), is the sheriff and not happy to see him. Oh, Jane, married to the deaf conservationist Michelle (Perabo)...yawn. Okay, Rowan is contracted to go find a poacher and Beckett responds to a series of fatal bear mauling events. Oh, Douglas (Thornton) wants to go kill the bear...the head, the tail, the whole damn...bear! Into the Alaskan wilderness they all go. The sheriff, Sully (Glenn) has his hottest deputy (Luisa d' Oliveira) eaten by the monster...so he heads into the wilderness too, though he goes a roundabout route and gets there much later.
Just as Rowan and Kaley (Michaela McManus), the hot conservationist are about to have pre-marital sex, the bear takes her. Fortunately for her, Rowan wins the tug-o-war and gets her back. She'll be impaled by a tree branch later and won't be able to walk. She can't walk and Michelle (Perabo) the deaf wife of Beckett can't hear or talk...slow the plot down! All this movie needs now is an eight-month pregnant woman. Now all the characters are in the Alaskan woods being hunted by this behemoth grizzly. Douglas, the bear hunter? Did I mention he's useless to the plot. So where does this all go? Well, a fiery conclusion awaits if you make it to the end. Warning...you'll be pulling for the bear.
Will Rowan ever get to have pre-marital sex with Kaley without getting interrupted by the wildlife? Did Beckett know what he was doing in marrying a dame that couldn't talk? Will the bear lose interest in these humans, even though they are probably low-fat? Have some fun with this one and watch it with a couple of buddies as you all play MST3K. See "Into the Grizzly Maze" and realize big name casts don't always provide big time efforts.
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