Sky Monster, Octopus at 30,000 Feet

The film quote of the year.  Lola (May Kelly), sultry blonde with a leopard print bikini and a fabulous cleavage buff, sums up what is really important in life, "I should be topless, on a beach, f***ing hot guys!"  Unfortunately for Lola, the tentacles might get her before she can rip that bikini top off.  Hot girls! A slimy tentacled fiend!  Bikinis all around!  Finally, a film that demanded to be made.  Today we look at 2023's "Sky Monster," directed by Aaron Winsal, Rhys Frake-Waterfield, and Tyler-James.  This one comes to us courtesy of our buddies at Jagged Edge Productions.

Major league babe, and skank, Cindy (Betsy-Blue English) is having her 21st birthday.  What do 21 year old skanks want for their birthdays?  Right!  Slimy tentacles up their...  Whoa!  Stop!  There goes auto-correct again. Cindy's rich dad hires a private jet to fly Cindy and her four sultry buddies to San Lorenzo! Beaches! Rum! Hot guys! Pre-marital sex on the beach with hot guys, while drinking rum! We were all 21, once. Okay, the plane hits weather at 30,000 feet and a huge octopus monster attaches itself to the plane.  By the way, we should mention the other bikini babes; Lola we mentioned above, Becca (Sarah T. Cohen), Yvonne (Sarah Alexandra Marks), and Adriana (Evangeline Burton).  Champagne and 'shrooms are served by hunk flight attendant, Vince (Jack Ilco)...I guess they ran out of peanuts.  Poor Vince...no one should fall victim to probing tentacles emanating from a toilet...but it happens.

Now the pilot is pulled out of the cockpit by the octopus.  Cindy must fly the plane...she won't be much help.  The tentacles get probing...after all, we do have five nubile bikini babes on the plane.  The Air Force will send a fighter jet and the control tower will send two commandos in a plane to help out.  Men!  As usual...useless as they will be of little help.  Finally, the octopus wants to use its tentacles in a way Roger Corman would approve...to go after the babes.  Cindy is showing no proclivity to do anything useful in the cockpit...wait...did that come out right?  The octopus is hungry and sadly, not all the bikini babes will fare well.  Is there any hope for our nubile nymphomaniacs?  How many times have you asked that same question this week?

Is the babe eating octopus at 30,000 feet a metaphor for the deadly decision by the airlines and the CDC to make all passengers wear masks during the COVID sham?  Might the tentacled fiend be a manifestation of the ids of these skank nymphomaniacs?  There goes auto-correct again. Are tentacled creatures at 30,000 feet, feasting on bikini babes, an underused plot device in modern cinema?  This is a good one...and no doubt one of the finest films of 2023.  See "Sky Monster" as soon as you can...a definite date movie.