Dam Sharks, What Jaws Should Have Been

I know.  Believe me I know.  You don't want to actually come out and say it...but like me, you have no desire to see that movie everyone is telling you, "YOU GOTTA SEE IT!!!"  Alas, "The Smell of Freedom" just does not appeal to you.  Human Trafficking is just not your thing.  I'm there, too. Just call those friends of yours 'QAnon mind numbed robots' (that is what the media calls them), and go watch a film you actually want to see.  Today we look at one filled with babes and hunks fighting an onslaught of CGI sharks.  Our film today is 2016's "Dam Sharks," directed by James and Jon Kondelik.

A mysterious dam is erected on a river.  A bikini babe is eaten in mid-air as she cliff dives, by a jumping bull shark.  It has begun.  See, the bull sharks have erected a dam made largely of human body parts to trap in their prey. After babe Fish & Wildlife officer Kate (Jessica Blackmore) sees her partner eaten by a bull shark while inspecting the dam, the carnage is upped several levels. Now she and a salty fishing guy named Carl (Robert Craighead) race to save all the tourists enjoying the river.  Uh oh...Tech CEO Tanner (James London) has brought a dozen or so of his employees into the wilderness for a team building exercise.  This exercise will culminate in a raft race.  Also along is his sultry secretary Jolene (Kabby Borders)...we like her a lot. 

More schmucks enjoying boating and fishing along the river are eaten...so sad.  Tanner does his best to team build...but it just isn't working. Two of his employees stand out. The babe Stella (Neka Zang) and John (Matt Mercer).  Stella excels at archery and yes this will play big in the last half hour of the film.  John is really smart.  The two will fall in love...so sweet.  Now Tanner brings his peeps onto the river and the sharks converge.  We really pull for Jolene...she has great...or, I should say, has a great big smile.  The sharks eat, jump high up into the air, and eat the beautiful and hunky.  Now Kate has a plan.  She and Carl figure the dam must be destroyed.  This won't be so easy...but both have seen the film "Jaws."

Is Jolene too beautiful to be eaten...by sharks?  Just what is Kate's plan and does it include explosive SCUBA tanks and a rifle?  Will Stella's archery skills play into Kate's plan?  Sure, let your friends go see the new human trafficking extravaganza.  You?  Feel free to show some spine for the first time in your life and tell them, "You guys go ahead!  I'm watching 'Dam Sharks'!"