Satanic Meat Cleaver Massacre, Blue State Carnage

We don't get many films from Palmer, Massachusetts.  Palmer, Massachusetts? Yep, there is a bowling alley there.  Everyone there will die horribly in this movie.  Now, thanks to Geno McGehee, we have a film that will have four times as many kills as the Boston Massacre did over 200 years ago.  As far as a body count, not many films can beat this one.  Though low-budget, we do have a strange mix of "The Devil's Rain" and "Legacy."  You may never go bowling again after seeing our film today, 2017's (filmed in 2009) "Satanic Meat Cleaver Massacre."

As our film begins, the lovely Courtney Brooke Hall is chased down by satanic cultists and sacrificed.  Massachusetts does not have many babes, so this is a huge loss.  Okay, granny dies...no one liked her. Nevertheless, her relatives come as far as 3 miles away to attend her funeral.  Hey, its Palmer, Massachusetts, No one likable exists in this family. Geno (Forris Day, Jr.), a reporter, shows up with his hot wife, Danielle (LeeAnn Aubuchon). Even though Granny has died...she is seen murdering her relatives with a meat cleaver.  She'll kill so many...We are happy to see these people butchered.  Geno begins reporting on these murders for his newspaper.  Now Detective Dwyer (Brent Northup) investigates and works with Geno to uncover clues.  When witnesses report seeing Granny...well, now they may be dealing with the undead.

Granny, if she is indeed the killer, continues butchering.  She'll even take out at least 10 at the bowling lanes.  Geno becomes a suspect of Dwyer's as relatives he hates die on demand.  Half of Red Sox nation is butchered...yes!  Now Geno gets bold and wants to dig up Granny's grave.  Uh oh...Geno's grandpa alludes to a deadly family secret...just before he is butchered.  Now Geno believes uncovering the family secret will lead to the identity of the killer.  Meanwhile...Danielle continues to look really good making us wonder if she was imported from Florida for this film.

Is Granny alive or dead?  What is the family secret that grandpa died with?  Will the bowling alley massacre spell the end for candlepin bowling in this nation?  Yankee fans will love this film.  For some campy slasher fare...see "Satanic Meat Cleaver Massacre."