Machete, Overcast and Bloody

All right...let us dive right in.  This one isn't going to get a whole lot of love. Amateurish or stylish.  Boring or a slow burn? Horrific or dumb?  Could go either way. Me...I liked it.  Stylish, horrific, and a slow burn...albeit a bloody slow burn.  What we can agree on is a great looking cast...two hunks and two babes.  Also, the weather...overcast...kind of glum for a Spring Break in Mexico film. Today we look at 2006's "Machete" (aka "Sea Me"), directed by M. Claxton Crawford.

No ambition Jeremy (Brandon Cantello), his hot GF Crystal (Danielle Largay), bestie skateboarder/stoner Shawn (Jared Cohn), and his GF Cindy (Kelly Wood) drive down the coast to spend their break in Mexico.  Jeremy has rented a beach house, but it is very gloomy.  The beach town it is in seems deserted and it is always cloudy.  Jeremy is thinking of attending a junior college and the hot Crystal is upset that he is not as interested in her as he used to be.  Cindy looks great in a bikini and loves sex under the influence with Shawn.  Did I mention it is cloudy?  The four seem bored and Crystal is not able to rekindle a fire in their relationship.  Cindy loves reading about serial killers and we can't help but desire her to be the final girl.

So what happens...not much. Okay, eventually something will happen.  A maniac is squatting in the town and probably has murdered all the residents.  Eventually the maniac sets his sights on the hunks and babes. There will be machetes, meat cleavers, bombs, and exploding heads.  This will be hard to believe if you sit through the first 75 minutes of this film.  Carnage and heartbreak will rule the ending of this movie.  We do desire Jeremy to get horribly murdered...there is just something so annoying about him.  But will he?

Will there be a final girl in this slasher film?  Will Cindy or Crystal realize that they are hot babes and then seek two guys with some semblance of earning power?  Is the cloud drenched Mexican coast a metaphor for the corruption and cartel reign in that unfortunate country?  Gloomy and eventually gory, if you have patience, take in "Machete."