Jesus I Was Evil, Babe Missionary Carnage

Another stark warning...never open your door when the bell rings. Bad news...missionaries (think Mormons) ring your doorbell. Good news...they are two sultry babes. Okay, incredibly homicidal babes that will disembowel you if you don't find Jesus while they are visiting. A fun road to Hell, or delicious incentive to become a believer. Hence 2018's "Jesus I Was Evil," directed by Calvin Morie McCarthy.

From Salt Lake City, two sultry babes, Amber (Airisa Durand) and Martha (Melissa Crossland) have arrived in town to knock on doors and proclaim witness. They are part of a missionary group from The People's Church For a Christian Tomorrow. Traditionally dressed and very clean cut looking, men always allow them entrance. If the duo sees that you are a sinner (if booze, cigarettes, or porn is visible), they disembowel, shoot, or stab you. Oh yeah, they also may eat you. Martha is certainly a true believer and she studies scripture and sincerely wants to convert sinners. Amber is just a psycho babe into homicide, cannibalism, sex, and also booze, cigarettes, drugs, and sex.

Oh yes, they have a nemesis. A sultry girls scout selling cookies (Laura Welsh). Amber and this girl scout will antagonize each other and we can tell one will murder the other. After much murder, mayhem, and torture, the gals knock on Christian's (Cameron Lee Price) door. He's handsome and clean cut (no booze, cigarettes, or porn). Martha is hot for him. Uh oh...he is an agnostic. Amber, who is getting more unwound as the film progresses, wants to kill him. Martha wants to save him. A bit of a feud develops. In the meantime, the gals tie him up. Sensing an opportunity to escape torture and disembowelment, Christian attempts to seduce Martha. Amber then goes on a bloody trek in which she'll murder, have pre-marital sex, and smoke. As a rift appears to develop between Martha and Amber, Christian may prove to be too smart for his own good.

Will the virgin Martha be corrupted and soiled by the handsome agnostic? Is there a cat-fight brewing between Amber, Martha...and perhaps a nubile girl scout? Is the cannibalism in this film a loose representation for Holy Communion when done by psycho-bitch cannibals? Perhaps this is not the best movie to bring up in an adult Bible study, however, "Jesus I Was Evil" is fun, bloody, and the two babe missionary gals are nice to look at.