Wow! A gorilla named Abe, is sent into space (don't ask why) and something goes wrong. The primate is infested with alien DNA and grows to like 100 feet tall. The ship he's on crashes back on earth, Washington, DC to be more exact. Uh oh...Abe is followed by a monster lizard from space. The two monsters fight and destroy DC in the process (Yes!!!). Abe does kill the alien lizard thing. Don't worry...we'll see none of that. Thankfully The Asylum who made 2023's "Ape vs. Mecha Ape," decided not to bore us with this. We'll get a hot Asian scientist driving a car through rural Indiana and an annoying ASMR coach playing with flashlights...but none of the ape in space drama, or lizard vs. ape fight to the death. Afterall, why would we want to see any of that when we can get some nice ASMR action?
Okay, the Americans unleash Mecha Ape (a 100 foot tall weaponized robot) on a Russian city murdering millions. The Russians send dragon lady Pavla (Iris Svis) and her husband Arnott (Xander Bailey) to Indiana to retaliate. Alas, this is not as an exciting plot line as you may think...even though they bring a bunch of hot Russian babe assassins with them. No! Instead we get annoying ASMR coach, Sloane (Anne Telfer), who has a knack for calming down the depressed and anxiety-ridden real giant ape, Abe. Laure (Lisa Lee) is Sloane's boss at NASA and she is pretty hot. Alas, there will be no lingerie, bikini, or hot tub scenes with her. There will also be some hunk men who are not even worth mentioning.
Okay, the Russkies hijack Mecha Ape and arm it with a nuke...and send it to Chicago. Tom Arnold is the Secretary of Defense and he orders Abe, the real ape, to Chicago to stop him. Sloane tries to jump on Mecha Ape, go inside its machinery, and rewire it. Laura drives a car through rural Indiana and yells a lot on the phone...fully clothed, I'm afraid. Abe is sent to battle Mecha Ape not realizing his ASMR coach is inside. Sloane, not wanting to die inside Mecha Ape tries flashlight therapy to calm and signal Abe. Okay...let us just stop here. Sadly, Laura the NASA babe will show no skin. Sloane will continue to annoy us, Tom Arnold will act as we figure a Biden appointee would, and Abe and Mecha Ape will continue to show aggression. I know, we will be cheering for Chicago to get nuked and for one of the men in this film to take Laura into his arms, rip her clothes off, and kiss her like she has never been kissed before.
Will Chicago survive? Will Sloane the ASMR coach fix Abe some Chamomile tea and whisper in his ear? Will The Asylum give us Laura and the Russian dragon lady in a gratuitous catfight? This one has a terrific IMDB rating...go figure. Perhaps it is because the military and the FBI are portrayed with diversity, equity, and inclusion in mind...perhaps this is why we will be cheering for the Russians in this one. Go ahead...watch "Ape vs. Mecha Ape."
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