I realize today's feature won't get a lot of love out there. This is unfortunate. A lot of hunks and babes will have gratuitous pre-marital sex, there will be a gratuitous shower scene, and many of these great looking graduates will die so horribly with much gore. Oh yes...without any attention to the rules of film making or story telling...paths will open up for more gory kills. Today we look at 2007's "The Legend of Bloody Jack," directed by Todd Portugal.
Hunk Pat (Garrett Brawith) and babe Carol (Lauren Cashman) wander into the Alaskan wilderness so Pat can recite some Satanic incantations. Never a good idea, but Pat is indeed a hunk, so Carol humors him. She probably sees pre-marital sex in her future. Bad news...the incantations work...bye-bey Pat. Now an evil axe-man has been summoned from Hell. Oh yeah...he's quite homicidal. This is bad news for seven campers. Three babes and four hunks. Ray (Travis Quentin Young) is the only stag member and he tells his friends the story of this axe-man...even though his resurrection only occurred two days ago. Okay, Tom (Josh Evans) and Shelly (Alicia Klein) go back to the car for pre-marital sex...a common theme in this one.
Tom will be the first axed to pieces. The grads will head to a cabin in the woods for more pre-marital sex. After Tom is axed by the woodpile, babe Dawn (Erica Curtis) will suggest splitting up to go look for him. Her main squeeze, hunk Nick (Craig Bonacorsi) will tell her 'no'...I guess he's seen these types of film. Without Tom, babe Shelly will try to seduce nerd Ray. More brutal axe killings, so Lisa (Jessica Szabo) will take a gratuitous shower and insist Ray come in the bathroom and watch her. More brutal axe killings, and now the survivors will run away into the woods...where the not so bright Dawn will suggest splitting up again.
Will the remaining hunks and babes split up? After losing their boyfriends, will either Shelly or Lisa be able to seduce the nerd, Ray? If this group had planned on playing Trivial Pursuit instead of drinking beer and having pre-marital sex, would their fates have been as gory? Slasher fans will love this one. There is enough cheesecake, beefcake, and gore to float everyone's boat for 90 minutes. Watch "The Legend of Bloody Jack," and relish in seeing babes and hunks who deserve their bloody ends.
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