In what may be the best film of 2016, and certainly a film containing the best catfight of 2016, we celebrate summer with a look at "Atomic Shark" (aka "Saltwater"-Lame), directed by A.B. Stone. When bikini clad lifeguard Gina (Rachele Brooke) and TV reporterette Felice (Mariah Bonner) fight to the death...well, its just such a beautiful thing. Be warned, how the catfight ends may be the most shocking scene in film history! Beautiful lifeguards in tight red swimsuits, sultry TV reporterettes dying horribly, and hunk lifeguards are enough for us...but throw in a glowing shark and we have Nirvana.
Rottger (Jeff Fahey) is driving a boat when his babe water-skier (Jaime Wallace) is eaten by a glowing and radioactive shark. No one believes Rottger even when government men in containment suits show up at the beach. Enter the sultry bikini clad lifeguard, Gina...she knows something is not right. Burned fishes keep washing up on shore. Enter a TV show crew, Felice and Troy (Isaiah LaBorde) who also suspect a government coverup. Oh yes, Kaplin (Bobby Campo) is an injured lifeguard who tries to uncover the mystery with his drone. The shark is a byproduct of a nuclear submarine that sank offshore in the 80s and now glows and spreads radioactive waste everywhere it goes.
Enter Kylie (Jessica Kemejuk), who looks great in her tight lifeguard swimsuit. Her scenes are gratuitous and seductive. Enough said about her. Now Gina and Kaplin team up with a pervert, Fletcher (David Faustino), who uses his drone to capture booty shots of bikini clad beach babes. After a parasailing scene you will not believe when so many sultry bikini babes die horribly, the government can no longer call the carnage at the beach "boating accidents." Gina, and her abs, and great lifeguard bikini, gets aggressive and calls Rottger to help...he agrees only after some past drama is revealed. Now Gina's plan is to kill the shark as Troy and Felice come along to try to top four million views on their YouTube channel. The plan? It's a bad one with hardly a chance of survival...still, a catfight will ensue and some great cheese will grace this film's conclusion.
Will bikini clad Gina get into a catfight with tight red swimsuit clad Kylie? Will Felice and Troy get their four million views? Is the atomic shark a thinly veiled metaphor of our country's careless nuclear experiments in the Bikini atoll. Wait! Did someone say bikini? Think glowing great white sharks and alluring bikinis and watch "Atomic Shark."
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