Megashark vs. Crocosaurus, The Heavy Weight Championship

Okay, I confess.  When the 1,500 foot crocodile flew through the air, descended on Sea World, and ate Shamu...I laughed.  Does that make me an awful person?  When the 1,500 foot shark swallows a U.S. Nave nuclear sub and Nigel says "I think the sharks just went nuclear," I laughed again.  Today we have a marvelous 2010 made for Syfy classic, "Megashark vs. Crocosaurus," directed by Christopher Ray.  Big monsters, hunks, babes, and the U.S. Navy will thrill us today.

A humungous croc busts free in The Congo, eats natives, and causes the owner of some diamond mines to try to hire Nigel (Gary Stretch) to kill the thing.  The big game hunter is approached by a ravishing blonde (Hannah Cowley), but she is eaten... so sad...and Nigel remains a free agent.  Okay, the 1,500 foot shark decimates the U.S.S. Gibson, named after pop artist  Debbie Gibson. The only survivor is Terry (Jaleel White).  Among the dead is Terry's fiancé, the ravishing Corrine (Nicola Lambo).  He'll get over it quickly.  Now N.O.A.A. sends Special Agent, Hutchinson (Sarah Lieving) to collect Terry and Nigel and kill the monster duo.  Who knew N.O.A.A. had special agents that carry weapons?  Can they also impose a moratorium on landlord-tenant evictions?

Hutchinson is sultry and grouchy.  She yells at Terry and Nigel a lot and we are left wondering if she will have pre-marital sex with either.  Terry is an expert on underwater sounds, or how to repel and attract sharks.  Nigel is an expert croc hunter.  As the duo is flown around by the grouchy but sultry Special Agent, Megashark is eating U.S. submarines and destroyers.  Crocosaurus is swimming to the U.S. to eat Miami, Orlando, Shamu, and lay eggs.  Then Nigel gets a bad idea...trap the beasts in the Panama Canal and blow up Panama...okay, so that's not such a bad idea.  Hutchinson will yell at them some more, and defense contractors will froth at the mouth seeing the Navy needs bigger boats.

Pure fun!  Is Terry removed enough from his fiancé being eaten to have pre-marital sex with Special Agent Hutchinson?  Is Nigel's sweaty demeanor, and unshaven face irresistible enough for Special Agent Hutchinson to rip her clothes off and attack him as he holds a high-powered rifle?   Do the good people of Panama have a say when N.O.A.A. decides to blow them up?  Okay, no on that one.  For the elixir for the underwhelming and dull "Godzilla vs. Kong," see "Megashark vs. Crocosaurus."