River of Darkness, WWF Meets Ghosts

I'm not a huge wrestling fan. Unless we're talking G.L.O.W., W.O,W., or Gail Kim, I usually don't pay much attention. However, a bunch of the WWF wrestlers made a movie, primarily Kurt Angle. Say what you want, and IMDB gave 2011's "River of Darkness a 2.1/10 rating, this film and Mr. Angle's performance are better than any of the losers in "The Avengers'...or "Thor"...or "Captain America"...or the new "Wonder Woman." Oh yes...say what you want about the acting in this one, Lindsey Carothers as the babe paranormal researcher is not only very good, her character ends up...well, you'll see.

Sheriff Logan (Angle) has a problem. No one likes him and his personality was purchased at The Dollar Store. This won't deter three evil ghosts who emanate from the fog, the Jacobs brothers (Kevin Nash, Sid Eudy, and Bill Laing). These unfortunates were framed for a rape they didn't commit and murdered by vigilante townsfolk. Decades later, just like that Adrienne Barbeau film, they come back seeking revenge with harpoons and big fishing hooks. Right away they start killing...a waitress is crucified (and noodled...you rednecks will know what that is), and a couple of fishing guys are harpooned and hooked.

The trio desire a good ole boy named Hix (S. William Hinzman) who spearheaded the effort to murder them. Meanwhile Sheriff Logan remains a paranormal skeptic and eschews help from townsfolk who do believe in ghosts. Oh yes...enter three ill-equipped paranormal investigators...two will be shredded in quick fashion but Autumn (Carothers)...well, let us just say she has an interest other than ghosts to be on this investigation. As our ghosts go through townsfolk like crap through a goose on their way to Hix, the sheriff continues to spin his wheels...and Autumn the ghost hunter? Well...you'll see. She is attractive so we pull for her.

Will the three ghosts be satisfied killing the peeps who murdered them and their kinfolk? Will the sheriff develop a personality and maybe make a move on the attractive Autumn the ghost hunter? Will we ever get another wrestling horror story featuring Gail Kim, and The Asian Invasion? This is a fun one and before you criticize the acting, it is better than any performance of Gal Gadot or the fellow who played Thor. Enjoy "River of Darkness," directed by Bruce Koehler.