Silent Venom, Snakes on a Submarine

Krista Allen from "Baywatch" as the world's leading scientist on snake venom? Luke Perry from "Beverly Hills 90210" as a submarine commander? Hey...if Hollywood can cast a plain-Jane for the new "Wonder Woman" or "Duane "The Rock" Johnson as anything...Ms. Allen and Mr. Perry have nothing to answer for in their roles in 2009's "Silent Venom." Beware...also cast are dozens of poisonous, slithery snakes, including two gigantic monster vipers.

Dr. Andrea Swanson (Allen) and her greedy assistant Jake (Louis Mandylor) are researching snake venom on an island. Their experiments unintentionally yield some giant monster snakes. This venom research could eventually lead to a formula that would make soldiers immune to the affects of biological weapons.  Bad news...the Chinese navy is heading toward the island for military drills. Enter the U.S. Navy. Needing to evacuate Andrea, Jake, and their research before the Chinese get a hold of it, a submarine commanded by Luke Perry is sent to pick them up. Jake, who seeks to sell the snakes on the black market, smuggles dozens of poisonous monsters onto the sub, along with the two giant mutations.

Yep...they get out. At first, no one knows. Naturally Andrea takes a shower...Krista Allen seems to do this well. Then sailors get bitten. Before long, the submarine is infested with slithery killers. More bad news! The Chinese navy begins to hunt Luke Perry's sub and a depth charge knocks out a lot of its power. In the dim light, the snakes become more aggressive. Fresh from her shower, Andrea tries to help out, but she has a very limited amount of anti-venom. Before long the two mutant snakes bust out and begin feeding. Andrea will be put in much peril and at one point have a dozen snakes crawling all over her with only Luke Perry there to save her. As the Chinese get as aggressive as the vipers, Luke Perry comes up with a plan.

Will Commander Luke Perry be able to save his crew, and the sultry Dr.Andrea? Is Andrea a metaphor for Eve from the Garden of Eden, and the snakes a metaphor for original sin? No! Will Andrea take another shower? Directed by Fred Olen Ray, "Silent Venom" is an icky tale of those slithering buggers aboard a submarine. Say what you wish about this film, it is a far better tale than the preachy "Crimson Tide."