Razortooth, Hungry Eel

After feasting on an appetizer of 'gator bites at a restaurant called The Magic of New Orleans, I came up with the law of the swamp. EAT IT BEFORE IT EATS YOU! This maxim stayed with me at a Los Angeles restaurant last year when I ate eel. 2007's "Razortooth" hammers this logic home as it shows us the danger of not eating our slithery friends before they become mutated and hungry.

Two escaped convicts are fleeing through the swamp and pursued by a dozen shotgun wielding cops. Lucky for them, a giant mutated eel eats the pursuing men in blue. The toothy creature continues its swamp buffet leaving half eaten unfortunates littering the ecosystem. Enter a goofy, harmonica wielding, animal control officer named Delmar (Doug Swander). Also enter his ex-wife Ruth (Kathleen LaGue), who is also the sheriff. She is on the hunt for the two escapees and he is hunting something that's eating dogs, diner patrons, a naked babe in a sorority house, and fishermen. Soon the two realize they are hunting the same foe and celebrate this point by having sex. Oh yes, a bunch of youths hit the river/swamp for a canoe regatta...they'll all be eaten.

As Delmar and Ruth finish up carnal relations, they meet up with Dr. Abramson (Simon Page), the mad-scientist that created the eel-monster. As the fiend eats Abramson's interns, except for the full figured Holly (Kate Gerston), he joins the hunt. Hunting parties will be eaten leaving a small group to figure out how to kill the elusive, but deadly eel. Mercifully, Delmar puts down his harmonica and looks toward spears, grenades, guns, and toxins...this really turns Ruth on.

Will our ill-equipped swamp team figure out a way to kill the monster? Is the scene when the monster eel joins the naked coed in her shower a mere metaphor for Harvey Weinstein, and the carnage he has caused young actresses? The gore is over-the-top and the creature is quite ominous and toothy in this monster film.  For a neat monster and plenty of icky gore, see "Razortooth," directed by Patricia Harrington. It has not been confirmed if Ms. Harrington has ever met Mr. Weinstein.