Monday, December 19, 2016

Chopping Mall, Killer Robots vs. Hunks and Babes

Yep!  We all have done it.  Sneaking into a mall after closing for wild partying and pre-marital sex.  It always ends up so wonderful and after it's over, we were all glad we did it.  Years later we reminisce and remember this foray as one of the most brilliant ideas we ever had.  Not so for some great looking hunks and babes in 1986's "Chopping Mall" (aka "Killbots"). Many of these alluring youngsters will suffer horrible deaths.  A year after "Re-Animator," and the same year as "From Beyond," Barbara Crampton (one of my favorite actresses) would star in this film.
Our hunks and babes have a great plan. You guessed it.  After closing they will sneak into a mall and party in a furniture store.  Perfect locale for pre-marital sex.  Alison (Kelli Maroney) is a shy babe who will be fixed up on a blind date by her sultry BFF, Suzie (Crampton).  Ferdie (Tony O'Dell) is the fortunate, and somewhat nerdy, soul who is matched with Alison.  A sweet couple.  Uh oh!  The mall has a new security system.  Three robots who patrol after closing with the ability to stun thieves and hold them for the cops.  Boom!  A lightning strike damages the circuits of these machines turning them to homicidal robots.
After killing two schmucks in the security office our fiends go on patrol.  As the furniture store becomes an arena for an orgy, our unsuspecting lovebirds will soon realize that they are now prey.  Suzee (Leslie Todd) will get her head blown off while prancing around in her undies.  Prancing around in undies is a sure way to get torn apart in these films.  Now our hunks and babes are on the run.  However hormonal they are, these kids do have fight in them.  As the gals and guys get separated, the guys grab weapons from the gun store.  Now a war is on.  The gals double back to help the guys and the mechanical menaces begin killing more of them.  Who will win?
Fun and vicious in tone, "Chopping Mall" is a fine film.  However silly it could become, some of the kills touch us as we actually care about some of the characters,  Of course we pull for the beautiful Alison and Suzie.  Unfortunately no one in this film is too beautiful to die.  If Suzie doesn't survive, will her death be as horrific as Barbara Crampton's death in "Re-Animator"?  Some great looking and feisty peeps will fall horribly (blown up, decapitated, burned, or worse).  Directed by Jim Wynorski, "Chopping Mall" is a perfect film as we all go out to the malls and complete our Christmas shopping.


  1. Great Review! This is still one of my favorites of all time! How can you not love it?