Monday, April 27, 2015

Muck, Naked and Wet Scream Queens in Peril

There is horror in Cape Cod, even if you are not dating a member of the Kennedy family.  A better title for 2015's "Muck" would be "Mutant Albino Cultic Rapists Terrorize Naked Sweaty Babes."  Perhaps that would be a touch too contrived.  Ignore the horrible reviews this film has received on IMDB and rest assured, "Muck" delivers in a big way.  Written and directed by Steve Wolsh, slasher film fans should appreciate his effort.  No other film has assembled the cast of scream queens that Mr. Wolsh has put together.  These actresses include Playboy Playmate of 2012 Jaclyn Swedberg.  Also delivering a tour-de-force performance is Lauren Francesca, who almost dies a dozen times and has an alluring and gratuitous lawn sprinkler scene.  In mixed company, you may not feel comfortable about praising this film, though, this is the film you really want to see.
Five really hot peeps emerge from a Cape Cod swamp.  Two of their friends are already dead.  Horrified, a wounded Billy (Grant Alan Ouzts), hunk Noah (Bryce Draper), his GF Kylie (Stephanie Danielson), the mostly naked and very sweaty Mia (Francesca), and ditzy Desiree (Laura Jacobs) hobble to an isolated house.  With an ominous force in pursuit, this quintet is terrified.  Desiree decides to take a shower, and she does it well....just before she is axed to death by an albino lunatic.  The very beautiful Kylie decides to explore the basement.....enough said.  Her BF, Noah, has started to sprint for help. You get the picture.  Though Kylie is initially fully clothed, Mr. Wolsh crafts a death scene for her which has several exclamation points attached, in which her clothes are ripped off.  Meanwhile, at a bar in town, 'Troit (Lachlan Buchanan) is trying to get into the pants of Chandi (Puja Mohindra) and Terra (Swedberg).  You have got to like this guy, and by the time the film is over, he emerges as one of the best horror movie heroes of all time. 
With his GF in much peril, Noah reaches a bar where he calls 'Troit to come help.  At this point, Noah meets some very buxom distractions, and takes a break from the horror with a few shots of Tequila.  Now with 'Troit and his dates coming to the rescue, Noah starts back.  In a classic scene, Noah is distracted again by a babe, stripping to her underwear in a window he passes.  No matter, eventually they all make it back to the house, but will anyone still be alive?  'Troit and his two babes come under immediate attack by the aforementioned cultic rapists.  We'll have a gratuitous implant jiggling scene to endure, here.  Now the fiends are engaged in an all out war against our antagonists, and the victims start fighting back with mixed results.  The last third of the film will be an outright war, with lots of scream-queen action....mostly gratuitous...Yes!

One only has to view "Muck" to know that Mr. Wolsh is a movie-maker who loves horror films.  He has made a film for B horror film fans, not for the Siskels and Eberts of the world.  Also, near the beginning of the film, Billy (Ouzts) has an oration regarding the prospects of survival that you will not want to miss!  Oh yes....I didn't even mention Kane Hodder as an ax killer.  Reasonably priced on Amazon, get yourself a copy of "Muck."

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