Dinosaurus! Two Dinosaurs, Two Babes, and Annoying Hunks

Chica!  She's sultry.  The dame has a Latin flare to her as she prances around usually in revealing outfits.  A barmaid/waitress with a sordid past.  The sensuous Lucita Blain portrays her with allure and passion.  Even better, Chica is a demolitions expert that wins revolutions and goes to war against dinosaurs.  Sadly, she is not a major part of 1960's "Dinosaurus!"  This film is directed by Irvin S. Yeaworth, Jr.  We wonder if the fact that Ms. Blain was reduced to a minor role had anything to do with her refusal to sleep with the producer.

Not a minor role, Betty (Kristina Hanson).  Conspicuous as Betty seems totally irrelevant other than looking great in swimsuits and fending off caveman rape.  Anyway, a dredging crew on a small Caribbean island, headed by hunk Bart (Ward Ramsey), unearths two dinosaurs.  Initially frozen, the monsters (a Brontosaurus and a Tyrannosaurus Rex), they'll, of course, thaw.  Betty loves Bart and looks great in a swimsuit.  Also unearthed is a caveman (Gregg Martell).  Annoying or cute, you decide, is little boy Julio (Alan Roberts).  The three pre-historic beings are animated during a lightning storm.  Oh yes, the evil island manager Mr. Hacker (Fred Engelberg) sees the three unearthed things as a cash cow.

Okay, the dinosaurs run rampant around the island.  The T-Rex eats people and the Brontosaurus gives Julio rides.  Julio befriends the caveman and then both ride the big dinosaur.  Betty?  She'll almost get eaten by the T-Rex and saved by the caveman.  Uh oh...the caveman orders her to cook, clean, and lay down on a straw mattress and satisfy him.  In the background, Chica is making bombs and displaying bare shoulders...yes!  Bart and Betty love one another and now Bart goes after the caveman to save Betty.  Chica?  Oh, why, oh why, can't this film be centered on this sultry Latin rebel?

Will Chica use her bombs to blow up Betty or the dinosaurs?  After experiencing the mating rituals of a caveman, will Betty ever look at Bart again the same?  Will we be treated to the T-Rex eating Julio?  Yes, the damsel and revolutionary in this film are sultry and give it a nice cheese factor.  The two dinosaurs are also kind of neat.  For some mindless fun, allure, and hokiness...see "Dinosaurus!"

FleshEater, Night of the Living Dead Rip-Off

Today we are quite done with zombies.  "The Walking Dead" went woke several seasons ago and we lost our appetite for the entire subgenre.  In 1988, this was not the case.  The world now had seen George Romero's "Dead" trilogy and hungered for more.  Not far from where Romero shot his original masterpiece, S. William Hinzman (the original zombie in "Night of the Living Dead") paid homage to it.  With lots of zombies, gore, and beaver (incidentally, this film is shot in Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania), we have 1988's "FleshEater."

Five college couples, all babes and hunks, go on an overnight hayride at Halloween.  Near their campsite, a farmer removing a stump unearths a cursed grave.  Out of the grave pops a ghoul (Hinzman), who eats the farmer's neck and spreads zombie death through the woods.  The college kids drink beer, have pre-marital sex, and will all die horribly in states of undress.  The exceptions are Bob (John Mowod) and Sally (Leslie Ann Wick).  After seeing their friends eaten and turned into zombies, they are on the run.  Reports of violence hit town and the cops are sent...and are eaten and turned.  A Halloween party filled with hunk and babe college kids is also invaded.

Say what you want about this rip-off of "Night of the Living Dead," but Mr. Hinzman finds better looking hunks and babes than Romero cast.  With a great cheese and beef factor, Pennsylvanians are eaten and turned in great number.  Bob and Sally fall deeper in love as they continue running for safety.  Oh yes, the taboo is shown on the silver screen as even a cute little girl dressed as an angel is bitten to become a bloodthirsty zombie.  She'll eat her dad.  Iron City Beer will flow as a posse is put to use.  Even a local news crew will hit the scene.  Having seen "Night of the Living Dead," there may not be too many plot surprises for you.  Still, the beef and cheese factor, thanks to Mr. Hinzman, is so great.

Will Bob and Sally meet a better fate than Ben did at the end of Romero's classic?  Will cheerleader zombies eat their fraternity dates?  Is it fitting that a zombie film with great cheese in it be filmed in Beaver Falls?  Low budget and filled with gore and shocking kills, "FleshEater" is a film you will want to see.  It was a zombie film before woke-ness killed the subgenre.  

Automation, Robot Carnage at Christmas

Sarah French films have appeared on my blog often.  Her, Debbie Rochon, and Ursula Andress may be in the lead as far as most prolific actresses to appear on Zisi Emporium for B Movies. Back in 2019, this sultry actress made a Christmas scifi/horror film about a cute robot turned maniacal killing machine.  Sadly, technology has and will continue to displace most humans in the employment world.  Even sadder, those robots who replace us...will be replaced as well.  Even sadder, the robots won't take it well.  Today we look at "Automation," directed by Garo Setian.

Bill (Jeff Rector) runs an insulation business.  His 2nd in command, the beautiful Susan (Sadie Katz) and tech guy Alan (Parry Shen) have invented a robot, call him Auto, who will enable the firm to lay off most employees.  Saving money and being more efficient are maxims that rule the day in this small company.  More lay-offs will soon be announced as better and more efficient robots will be introduced.  Alas, even Auto will be laid off (powered down).  Auto is almost human and develops a crush on purple haired babe employee, Jenny (Elissa Dowling).  The two have a tender thing going and she teaches Auto about human emotions.  Also kind to him is the office babe Linda (French).  Linda seems willing to also teach Auto, but the subject matter of the lessons may be a bit more carnal.

Sadly, Auto finds out about the layoffs and his impending powering down.  He's also attacked by an employee jealous that Linda and Jennifer dig his robotics.  Now Auto goes on a rampage,. crushing heads, strangling, and using his laser gun fist.  Uh oh...we find more about Auto's history and it is horrifying.  Now babes Linda and Susan, looking stunning in heels and tight skirts are now babes in peril.  Even more so, Jenny is imperiled as Auto wants her as his own.  Office politics and corporate efficiency rear their ugly heads and appear as monsters themselves, making us root for the rampaging robot at times.  Still, we do hope the babes prevail as they are...babes.

Will Auto soon be able to teach Jenny a thing or two about romance and...you know?  Just what is in Auto's past that make his rampaging more horrific and bloodier?  Will Linda and Susan maintain their girlish figures and allure as lasers and crushing fists pursue them?  This is a fun one with messages that are so pertinent.  As corporate western civilization downplays the importance of humanity, perhaps what Auto inflicts on his employers is something we'll see more of in future headlines.  See "Automation," a Christmas scifi/horror film with a message.   

The Projected Man, Mad Scientist Fries England

As government sponsored mad scientists continue to wreak their carnage on mankind, it is helpful to look at a film about one such government project gone wrong. Perhaps 1966's "The Projected Man" can serve as a terrific metaphor for the governmental mad scientists working at the CDC or the WHO or whatever EU version they have. Anyway, this fine horror/science fiction flick from England will have an insane mad-scientist and nubile blonde damsels in much peril, and a certain amount of carnage. 

Dr. Paul Steiner (Bryant Halliday) is perfecting a laser gun that can take matter, convert it to energy, and project it anywhere else on the planet. The next phase of the experiment is, of course, see if it works on humans. Think teleportation...but on the other end, a receiver is not needed. Arriving to help him is his former lover, Dr. Patricia Hill (Mary Peach). Uh oh...she will soon become the lover of Steiner's assistant, Dr. Chris Mitchell (Ronald Allen). Also present is Steiner's sultry secretary, Sheila (Tracey Crisp). We won't mention Sheila again...only to say she'll spend much of the film as a damsel in much distress in her undies. Okay, sabotage is going on. Steiner's boss, Dr. Blanchard (Norman Wooland) is behooved to an international interest seeking to steal the contraption.

Let us get to the meat and potatoes of the plot. Just before Sheila strips to her undies and screams, she helps Steiner put himself through the experiment. It works...kind of. What is 'projected' is Steiner...half man half grotesque and disfigured monster. Now whenever Steiner touches someone they are charred instantly. Now more mad than before he went through his own machine, Steiner tracks down Blanchard and his cohorts. He'll leave a trail of burnt corpses and screaming secretaries. Uh oh...Patricia and Chris will engage in pre-marital sex and a lot of kissing...and this is how Steiner will find them. Fortunately for them, Steiner needs their help...but to do what? Now a competent Inspector Davis (Derek Farr) is on Steiner's trail...and Sheila screams in some alluring blue undies. 

What does Steiner need Pat and Chris for? Will Steiner attempt to find true love with either the underwear clad Sheila or the naughty Patricia? Just what secret organization desires to steal Steiner's invention, and why? For some neat British horror featuring a mad scientist we can all live with, as opposed to the ones belonging to the governmental health organizations, see "The Projected Man." 

Dinosaur Hotel 2, Chrissie Wunna vs. Monsters

Alas, she died horribly in "Nutcracker Massacre."  The beautiful Chrissie Wunna left us wanting.  Now she has returned in the franchise that may just be her magnum opus.  The "Dinosaur Hotel" franchise may not be cinematic genius but it is infinitely better than the last few "Indiana Jones" films.  Today we look at "Dinosaur Hotel 2," a sequel they said could never be made.  Directed by Jack E. Bell, this film gives us everything we want...Chrissie Wunna fighting monsters.

As you all know from the original, Dinosaur Hotel is a reality show.  Contestants arrive at the mansion to win millions in prize money.  Real dinosaurs are released and the last contestant who is not eaten wins.  There can be only one winner and contestants are encouraged to also murder their competition.  This episode is a reunion special.  Winners of the past seasons are brought back...not all, willingly.  Babe Sienna (Wunna) refuses to take part until the producers kidnap her two children.  Mya (Kelly Rian Sanson), a babe in a tight black outfit also refused, until her mother was kidnapped by the producers.  Psycho Jeremy (Osian Dixon), a ninja wannabe, is excited to be back.  Lara (Giedre Jackyte), a psycho Russian babe, is also happy to be back.  Jeremy and Lara begin murdering the other contestants.

The dinosaurs are released quickly.  Raptors, pterodactyls, and a T-Rex start eating contestants.  Now Sienna and Mya team up as they have loved ones in danger.  Jeremy and Lara begin hunting the others as now Mya and Sienna must elude monsters and humans.  Mya and Sienna look really good as they are in much peril.  Weapons will be had and Lara will grab a katana sword...yes!!!  None of the weapons will have any effect on the dinosaurs.  Even worse, Jeremy has found a pistol.

Will Mya and Sienna survive the psychos and monsters?  If the duo does survive, will the producers make them square off in a deadly catfight?  Is a Russian babe with a katana sword facing off against raptors just the perfect plot device of modern literature?  Chrissie Wunna looks great and is worth the price of admission, and dinosaurs on the prowl doesn't hurt either.  See "Dinosaur Hotel 2," as bad as it is...it is so good!.    

They Crawl Beneath, Toothy Worms

Ah!  The fabulous Dr. Wu (Gar-Ye Lee).  She's Asian and a babe.  For those of you who don't know, Asian is Hollywood's way of telling us she's a brainiac. Genius she is.  She is the only one in our movie today who knows what is going on and how to combat it.  She figures it all out in just a few minutes.  Alas, this sultry Asian scientist will be eaten by a giant worm and only appear in the film for a few minutes.  Now, her demise is not as colorful as Taaffe O'Connell's erotic demise in "Galaxy of Terror," but whenever a babe is decimated by a worm, we pay attention.  Today we look at 2022's They Crawl Beneath," directed by Dale Fabrigar.

Danny (Joseph Almani) is a cop...not a very good one.  He hangs out with his Uncle Bill (Michael Pare).  Bill was a cop...not a very good one.  Gwen (Karlee Eldridge) is an anthropologist...not a very good one...but she is quite the babe and Danny's estranged girlfriend.  Gwen also is not a very good GF as she yells at Danny a lot.  Earthquake!  Now a hole opens up in Bill's garage and killer worms come out.  Initially, they're small ones and bite Bill in the leg.  A sample is sent to the genius babe, Dr. Wu.  Very sad.  The little worm will grow and eat the good doctor.  Gwen yells at Danny some more and we wonder what he sees in her...though she is quite good looking.

Subplots abound, we'll ignore them.  The worms grow.  Another earthquake hits, trapping Danny and Uncle Bill in the garage.  Danny is mad at Bill, and so is Gwen.  Appears Bill barfed on Gwen's mom as he was hitting on her.  Gwen needs to learn to be less judgmental.  Bill will succumb to worm venom and become a worm nest.  Danny will try to stay alive while the python sized worms invade the garage again and try to eat him.  Gwen has no clue and appears content to be perpetually mad.  This is a mystery as her mom has probably had enough time to clean herself off after Uncle Bill blew chow on her.  Now Danny is wounded and the worms are getting more hungry. 

If this film had a bigger budget would Dr. Wu have suffered the same fate as Taaffe O'Connell?  Even though Gwen is a real babe, is she worth it?  Is Gwen's mom's lack of a sense of humor the cause of all the trouble in this film?  Alas, Dr. Wu...we hardly knew her.  Do yourself a favor, skip the new "Avatar" monstrosity and see "They Crawl Beneath."  

Play Dead, Rottweiler and Black Magic

Every year, 40,000 Americans get their throats ripped out by psycho Rottweilers {EMBELLISHMENT}.  Most Americans are not aware of these deaths as the CDC classifies all of them as COVID deaths {NOT AN EMBELLISHMENT}.  Today we have one from Troma and starring Yvonne De Carlo.  Mangy mutts, useless men, nubile damsels, and fangs!  Today we look at 1983's "Play Dead," directed by Peter Wittman.

Grouchy and wealthy Hester (De Carlo) is happy her sister has died...mysteriously.  Hester loved a man and her sister stole him from Hester.  Still holding a grudge, Hester gets Greta, a Rottweiler.  With some black magic, Hester casts a spell which will have Greta murder surviving relatives that she doesn't like.  She'll give Greta to her niece, the nubile Audrey (Stephanie Dunnam).  She is clueless but has a hunk boyfriend named Jeff (David Cullinane).  Like most men, Jeff is useless.  However, Jeff and Audrey will have quite an elongated and awkward pre-marital sex scene.  Greta is not pleased.  Greta won't be pleased either as she watches Jeff and Audrey then do it in the shower.  Strangely, we are on Greta's side.

Doing black magic routines in her basement, Hester sets Greta on her nephew and a few others she thinks may get in her way.  The dog is smart...it pans her murders well.  No fangs...but clever planning.  Greta is great at making the deaths look like an accident.  Sadly, the beautiful Monique (Carolyn Greenwood) gets it as she takes a bath.  Of no consequence to the story, Monique did strip and climb into a bubble bath.  I know, essential plot devices, like this, always find their ways into these stories.  Hester's killing spree sees great success as the cops are baffled.  Will anything stop Greta?

What does Hester have planned for Audrey?  Now that Monique is gone, will there be anymore nubile babes stripping and jumping into baths or hot tubs?  Does the CDC still classify animal attacks as COVID deaths?  Pretty tamed for Troma, "Play Dead" will tick off dog lovers.  Still, it is good to see Yvonne De Carlo away from her "The Munsters" role.  For a light Friday night creature feature, see "Play Dead."