The Fifth Floor, Psychiatric Observation Nightmare

Don't kid yourselves. 1975's "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" wasn't the film that changed mental health policy in this country. The wooden and over-rated performances garnered undeserved praise from fawning critics. The real culprit in changing policy was 1978's "The Fifth Floor" (Directed by Howard Avedis). For better or for worse, this drive-in exploitation/horror film opened more eyes than the dull Oscar winner. Federal and state legislation, coupled with lawsuits on behalf of the institutionalized, emptied many psyche wards...sadly, not always for the better.  

Sultry disco dancer, Kelly (Dianne Hull), is poisoned on the dance floor. The doctors insist she attempted suicide and institutionalize her in the fifth floor psychiatric ward for observation. No one believes Kelly, who insists she did not attempt suicide, rather she was poisoned. She is given a lot of therapy and mixed into the loony population. Robert Englund plays one of her fellow patient/inmates. Uh oh...Carl (Bo Hopkins) is a psyche-tech who desires to rape Kelly's brains out. Uh oh again, Julie Adams ("Creature from the Black Lagoon") is an unsympathetic nurse who keeps prescribing more treatment for Kelly. Not even Kelly's fiancé believes her innocence/sanity. Now Kelly is at the mercy of the sexual predator Carl and any meds or therapy the nurse deems necessary.

Kelly decides to fight back and attempt escape. Each time she meets with failure and ramped up therapy. As her fellow patients are given electro-shock therapy, we wonder when Kelly will be victim to it...or even worse...lobotomy. The sexual assaults by Carl continue and Melanie (Sharon Farrell), Kelly's bestie in the ward, will hang herself after Carl rapes her. The harder Kelly fights for freedom, the more extreme her punishment is. We'll see water torture, electro shock torture, and yes...even fry the brain torture. This film's popularity was realized at drive-in theaters  throughout the U.S. and spoke to a wider audience than the hoity and arrogant Jack Nicholson film.

What will be Kelly's fate...and can we say her institutionalization was indeed the death of disco? Will Bo Hopkins and Julie Adams experience the wrath of the so-called loonies on the fifth floor? For some controversial horror/exploitation that drive-in audiences flocked to, see "The Fifth Floor." It should be noted that government legislation, which changed mental health policy in the late 70s, early 80s, was written by a class of people who are psychopaths...our elected officials.      

Arachnid, Icky Bitty Spider Tale

They don't get ickier than this one! Slimy insects that burrow into people and explode out. Big mutant spiders sucking blood out of other people. Giant centipede things that are actually snake/spider hybrid mutants. Beautiful damsels in much distress who sweat a lot. For spider horror films, they don't get more icky than 2001's "Arachnid," directed by Jack Sholder.

A fighter plane chases a UFO and both crash on a spider infested island. The alien and the pilot survive...but not for long. A huge spider does both of them in. An expedition is put together by Dr. Leon (Jose Sancho) and his hot assistant, Susana (Neus Asensi). She sweats a lot and wears tight halter tops. Also recruited is a grouchy but beautiful pilot, Loren (Alex Reid). Loren sweats a lot and is always losing her shirt. Lev (Chris Potter) is hired for security. The former marine has nice pecs and is always around when Loren loses her shirt. Susana sees this dynamic and plots an ultimate cat-fight with Loren. Something is biting natives on the island and Dr. Leon wants to know what. Bad news...its giant mutant spiders and by the time they get to the island...everyone is sucked dried.

The expedition is under attack as soon as they crash land on the island. Lev's security people, natives, and some of the expedition are caught in the webs and sucked dry to feed spider eggs. Tick like things invade, burrow into flesh and do their exploding out thing...very icky. Loren loses her shirt a few times as she becomes sweet on Lev and Susana also sweats nicely as she bounces through the jungle. Now the big spider decides the expedition crew would be perfect for its offspring to feed off  before hatching. This will result in unimaginable and horrific deaths for some great looking folks. Alas, Loren has personal reasons to be on this island, and her war with the giant mutant arachnid takes on a vengeful tone.

Will the sweaty Susana and the sweaty, shirtless Loren engage in that cat-fight before one of them becomes breakfast for spider babies? Will Lev find romance with the grouchy and shirtless Loren before the monster arachnids do? Just what is the secret of this island and its huge spider problem? This is one that will have the squeamish covering their eyes. For some nice spider horror, see "Arachnid."  

White Eagle, No One Leaves

You never leave the family! A threat/advice Don Corleone probably gave a thousand times. Yep...and a babe secret agent never just left the Doll Squad. A sultry Japanese superheroine doesn't 'just' leave The Danger Dolls. Nope! In a new short film (12 minutes) by my buddy Juan Diaz (aka Z Budget Director), he picks up on this theme. 2020's "White Eagle" tells the age old tale of a secret agent/assassin finding a new moral compass and attempting to 'leave an organization.'  

He's done. Yep, killing and blowing things up. Over the years, the line has blurred. Who are the good guys? Who are the bad? White Eagle (Juan Diaz) has a family. He wants to give his child a respectable name. No more killing. Alas, the White Queen (Jen Diaz) demands loyalty. No one leaves the organization...no one! Just like Easy Eddie...he wanted to give his son Butch a good name...he went honest. Unfortunately, Easy Eddie was cut in half by a spray of machine gun fire from Al Capone's henchmen. Is that in store for White Eagle?

If the Queen has it her way...yes. She dispatches White Eagle's best friends and fellow assassins. They're mission, terminate the suddenly noble ex-assassin. White Eagle's home is invaded by the most dangerous henchmen since ...well...since The Doll Squad...though these brutes aren't as sultry. These masked fiends led by White Tiger (Leonel Hyatt) will have the firepower and numbers. White Eagle has the desire for good...and a love for his family. Will that be enough to stave off certain death? White Centipede (Dale Thiel), White Scorpion (Nash Walter), and White Lion (Colin Marx) join White Tiger in this overpowering invasion of the abode of a bad man turned good.

Will White Eagle's attempt at retribution be rubbed out before it ever begins? Are the sins of White Eagle's past too numerous for him to ever live a noble life? Will Juan Diaz ever remake "The Doll Squad"? The themes are age old and pertinent to all of us who haven't led lives pure as the white driven snow. Juan Diaz captures the early 1970s grindhouse experience masterfully in "White Eagle." For some neat grindhouse/drive-in type action, see "White Eagle" on YouTube.

To view "White Eagle" on YouTube, click on this link White Eagle on YouTube

A Blade in the Dark, All Euro-Babes Die

 Being a sultry European beauty in an Italian horror film is demanding. Nude scenes. Pre-marital sex scenes. Lesbian love scenes. Death scenes...elongated death scenes, often in the nude. Today we look at a Lamberto Bava film, 1983's "A Blade in the Dark." There will be so many sultry Euro-babes in this film and they will all die quite horribly in elongated bloody scenes. The guys in this film? Clueless. SO sad, really. The Euro-babes here dress seductively, engage in carnal relations, sunbathe, and scream well...and yes...bleed well. 

Bruno (Andrea Occhipinti) arranges musical scores for horror films. He is hired by horror movie director, Sandra (Anny Papa). The beautiful moviemaker sends Bruno to a cavernous villa which is quite creepy to get him in the move to compose creepy music. He doesn't get much work done as right away Katia (Valeria Cavalli) pops out of the closet. She is a sultry Euro-babe and has a two-fold mission...sex with Bruno and to find the mystery of the missing Linda. Bruno turns his head for a moment and a killer slices her pretty face and body to shreds and hides the body. Meanwhile, Sandra pays frequent visits and lets Bruno know she can't tell him the ending to her movie...it is a secret. Sultry model Angela (Fabiola Toledo) comes a calling next...looking for her roomie, Katia. Katia will give us a gratuitous nude scene and a nice swimsuit scene until meeting the goriest death of the film.

Bruno, still clueless, starts looking for the missing beauties. His girlfriend, Julia (Lara Lamberti) arrives. She is an actress with some mental issues...but she's really beautiful and is willing to engage in pre-marital sex, so Bruno overlooks that. Now as Bruno enjoys the moody Julia, he starts unraveling the mystery of the missing (dead) Katia and Angela, and realizes the end of Sandra's film may be the key to this macabre mystery. As more beauties die quite horribly, Bruno wastes a lot of time. The ending is twisted and fans of Giallo will have seen it coming. Still, it will involve more beauties dying in bloody fashion and Bruno moving to slow to save anyone.

Is there even the remotest possibility that Sandra or Julia will survive this film? Are there any frumpy, middle-aged women in Italy? What is the mystery ending of Sandra's film and might she be the knife wielding killer? The actresses are all stunning and they die well. For a misogynistic great time, see "A Blade in the Dark" and try to figure out why old Italian moviemakers get off on slicing up babes.

Slumber Party Massacre II, Big Drills and Bikini Babes

A sequel to an iconic slasher film is a sure bet. Of course, ingredients like gore, bikini babes, and pre-marital sex ensure these sequels will have an audience. In the original "Slumber Party Massacre," babes in much peril, clad in lingerie, fell to a psycho killer...all except for two, that is. In the 1987 sequel, "Slumber Party Massacre II," the two surviving sisters are back...and so is the maniac who supposedly died in the first one. Bikinis are also back...as are gratuitous pillow fights, pre-marital sex, and skewered boyfriends. Let us take a look at 1987's "Slumber Party Massacre II," directed by Deborah Brock.

Valerie (Cindy Eilbacher) and her little sister Courtney (Crystal Bernard) survived the massacre five years ago. Valerie is now a drooling lunatic in an insane asylum, and Courtney is a high school babe and part of an all-girl Rock 'n Roll band. Courtney is also going mad. She has a lot of nightmares which begin with her having steamy sex with her boyfriend, Matt (Patrick Lane), and end with her being beset by the driller killer (Atanis Ilitch). Oh yes, our resurrected killer is now a rockabilly rocker with a guitar that doubles as a big drill. Lead singer, Sheila (Juliette Cummins) invites her band mates to her dad's week-end condo. They all go...mistake. Crystal's dreams are now also daytime hallucinations of severed body parts and a lurking guitar wielding killer.

The babe band parties hard with music, booze, and striptease-pillow fights. The boys arrive. More horrific dreams and hallucinations carry over into the next day's bikini pool party. Now Matt arrives and he is sweet...the two will now get to have real pre-marital sex. Uh oh...the dream menace takes form and his big guitar-drill will disembowel drummer Sally (Heidi Kozak Haddad). Now the gals and their boyfriends are on the run from this singing rockabilly psycho. Most won't fare well, and the beautiful will die horribly. Courtney's bestie, Amy (Kimberly McArthur) will be hunted and beset in a heartbreaking and deliberate manner...so sad. The musical maniac obviously wants Courtney and not just for disemboweling. 

Do any of these bikini band babes have a shot at survival? Or their boyfriends? Is this slasher film a metaphor for the dangers Rock n' Roll pose for our vulnerable teenagers? Is watching scantily clad, or bikini clad young women taken apart by a psycho a weird morale boost to film audiences who have tired of main stream Hollywood's garbage? Say what you want about "Slumber Party Massacre II," but the great looking cast and extensive gore and pre-marital sex make this a must see, even though you won't tell anyone you saw and liked it. 

Who's Watching Oliver, Serial Killer with Mommy Issues

Nothing like bringing a sultry whore home, raping her, and then chopping her up into little pieces...if you're a serial killer, that is. Norman Bates in "Psycho" introduced us to a serial killer with mommy issues, but in today's high tech age, it may be easier for the psycho perverts to bring mommy along for the kills. Hence 2017's "Who's Watching Oliver," directed by Richie Moore. 

The killer may do the raping and carving up, but mommy is there yelling at the beautiful Asian whore in order to make her murder a most humiliating affair. In this twisted tale, Oliver (Russell Geoffrey Banks) has been sent to Bangkok by his mommy (Margaret Roche). Why? To kill filthy hussies...those damn whores! The big guy, who appears mentally challenged, prowls the nightclubs in Bangkok and finds prostitutes to bring home. Once back at his apartment, he gets his mom on the computer (Skype probably) and allows her to watch. This creeps out the women of the night, but when Oliver rapes them, beats them, and guts them while his mom yells, "Die whore...die!" well, that will creep them out more. His mom instructs him on how to rape...from the front or back, all the while yelling at the lady and calling her all sorts of nasty adjectives like "c**t."   

Mommy sends Oliver out to find girls and then enjoys the show when Oliver brings them home. The killings will be quite bloody. Then...yep...Oliver meets a sweet gal, Sophia (Sara Malakul Lane). She is so sweet and the two meet at an amusement park everyday and fall in love. Now Oliver is scared to tell his mom about Sophia as Mama will want him to gut Sophia. Uh oh again...indications are Sophia isn't the most mentally stable lass in Asia. She has issues...and is the product of a weird cult. Now Sophia goes on the offensive and stalks her new boyfriend. A potentially blood-soaked meeting may be brewing between Oliver, mommy, and Sophia. 

How will mommy react when she meets Sara, and will Oliver follow his mommy's instructions at that point? Is Oliver the one in danger, as women from cult's often have issues that can manifest in bloody carnage? Trust me on that one. This is a bloody and misogynistic gore-fest. For a perverted and hyped up version of the Norman Bates story...see "Who's Watching Oliver."

Criminal Audition, Screen Test for Murder

Criminal justice systems throughout western civilization are increasingly corrupted. Billionaires and malcontents have figured out how to exploit them for their own selfish pursuits. In the name of civil rights, justice, and equality, the regular folks have been pushed aside and ordered not to question the inequality or abuse. These corrupted systems have attracted nefarious players who are adept at manipulating justice and the administration of it. Nefarious players beware! Fairness and justice may, themselves, wield a bloody hammer when attacked and perverted. Today we look at 2019's "Criminal Audition," directed by Samuel Gridley.

Ryan (Luke Kaile) and William (Rich Keeble) operate a firm which...well, stages crime scenes and manipulates the ensuing judicial proceedings. Rich people hire them to provide the criminal, who will be handsomely compensated for time in the slammer. Juries are tampered with so a first degree murder charge will be whittled away to a more manageable manslaughter, etc. As our film begins, three applicants have arrived at an abandoned theater for an audition. The three hopefuls want to be criminals and are willing to spend time in prison for an eventual big payday. Uh oh...someone else arrives at these auditions. A fantastically rich client, Ms. M (Noeleen Comiskey) and her assistant, Morris (Cameron Harris). These two are complete psychos...and will change the rules of the 'audition.'

As Ryan and William attempt to conduct their audition, M and Morris' interference introduce gore and carnage to the process. Now the three hopefuls realize they are auditioning for much more than a job. L (Rebecca Calienda) introduces a curve ball to the whole process. This lovely candidate, with a twisted backstory, catches the attraction of Ryan (who also has a twisted backstory). Torture, bloodshed and twists abound as M and Morris take over the 'casting call.' Betrayal is also added to the plot as we realize more than just the three criminal-hopefuls are in mortal danger.

Just who are these two mysterious clients, M and Morris...and what exactly do they expect their chosen criminal to undertake? Is there any way possible for Ryan's increasing crush on L to end sweetly? Twists abound and justice will be bloody. Agatha Christie would be proud as this horror thriller unfolds like one of her stage dramas...except, there is more blood in this one. For a horrific good time, and a wonderful metaphor for the dangers of a perverted justice system...see "Criminal Audition" (written by Samuel Gridley and Luke Kaile).