Vampire Hunters, Vampires and Hopping Zombies

No film captures 17th century China better than 2003's "Vampire Hunters" (aka "Tsui Hark's Vampire Hunters" and "The Era of Vampires"). For those of you yearning for more elaboration from 1988's Robo Vampire , today's feature is for you. Both the hopping zombies and maggot infested vampire from "Vampire Hunters" are pulled out of Robo Vampire . Also, for all you academics out there, to fully understand the rise of this huge Asian superpower on the world stage, "Vampire Hunters" is a must see. More importantly, zombies that hop like bunnies are never a bad plot device. Oh yes, throw in lots of Kung Fu and we have a masterpiece.

Four warriors/vampire hunters (Ken Chang, Michael Man-Kin, Suet Lam, and Kwok-Kwan) are seeking bloodsuckers. These Kung Fu warriors have tracked a deadly vampire and set out to kill it. Uh oh, the vampire has created an army of zombies who hop like bunnies. Once these living dead fiends feed, they too will turn into vampires. The quartet track the monster to the Jiang kingdom where the young Jiang boy is about to wed the beautiful Sasa (Anya). The four get jobs at the kingdom castle-keep and wait for the arrival of the vampire.  During the night, the Jiang boy dies from a snake bite and now the sultry Sasa is a widow...vampire bait.

Double cross and political intrigue converge as Sasa's brother also heads to the kingdom to rob the Jiang's of all their gold. Her bro' has a dynamic plan for robbing the gold. He hires a zombie wrangler to re-animate all the dead Jiang relatives. These newly animated relatives will cause a diversion at Jiang's kingdom while he robs the gold. Now the four warriors must fight off two different zombie armies while attempting to kill the vampire...and also protect Sasa.  The nubile Sasa will be put through much peril but just may find another husband out of her warrior protectors.

The Kung Fu will flow as freely as the ooze, maggots, and decapitations in this film. Will 17th century China survive the undead onslaught? Will the widow Sasa find another husband during the macabre war which will be raged? A fitting companion to "Robo Vampire," "Vampire Hunters" is a lot of fun and more historically accurate than "Shogun." Enjoy this Hong Kong film and don't try any of the stunts shown during the battle scenes at home.

The Deadly Mantis, Bug...Really Big Bug!

The U.S. Congress just opened up the Arctic National Wildlife Reserve (ANWR) in Alaska for oil drilling.  This was a controversial move as learned men on both sides of the issue vehemently debated this opening for decades.  Sure, caribou populations may be endangered, and Arctic plains may be polluted, but one wonders if the U.S. Congress even thought about the real risks to humanity.  Bugs!  Big ones!  Hence 1957's "The Deadly Mantis."

A crumbling iceberg in the Arctic unleashes a pre-historic monster, a giant praying mantis.  The creature takes out a C-47 cargo plane, a radar outpost, and an Eskimo (a 1950s politically incorrect term, I might add) village.  At first these attacks mystify the U.S. Air Force, who man these radar stations in Canada's Arctic.  The very handsome Colonel Joe Parkman (Craig Stevens) calls in bug scientist Dr. Nedrick Jackson (William Hopper) for assistance.  Fortunately for the Air Force crew in the Arctic, who haven't seen a dame since the Roosevelt Administration, Nedrick brings a dame with him, the sultry reporterette, Marge (Alix Talton).  Marge, quite a dish,  will be sexually harassed unmercifully by the men at the base, but in true B movie fashion...she likes it.

Back to the story.  The bug continues its attacks and even decimates the Air Force base, sending our men, and the nubile Marge scrambling.  After some more sexual harassment, the Colonel and Nedrick take Marge (a sight for sore eyes) on the road, following the mantis as it attacks U.S. cities. While pursuing the monster, the Colonel parks the car and plants a big one on the dame.  As the two swap spit, the bug takes out a bus and the Washington Monument.  Now New York, Richmond, and New Orleans are in peril.  But which is more dangerous to this country...a giant bug monster, or the rampant sexual harassment prevalent in this male dominated society?

Marge, the doll that she is, screams great and wears tight sweaters nicely.  Will the huge bug be stopped?  Is the creature a metaphor for the dangers women face from military personnel groomed to kill?   So all you dames out there, take note, next time a serviceman, who fights off enemy terrorists or creature invasions, pinches you on the rear, smile and give him a wink.  Ah 1950s scifi B movies...can't beat them, and perhaps we can learn something from them...Harvey Weinstein did.

The Leech Woman, Forever Young and a Cat-Fight

I originally saw 1960's "The Leech Woman" over twenty years ago.  As I recently re-watched this classic, I only remembered this film for two reasons.  First, it was a lot like The Wasp Woman . Second, and more importantly, that cat-fight.  One of the greatest cat-fights ever to hit the silver screen occurred between the nubile Gloria Talbott ("I Married a Monster from Outer Space") and the sultry Coleen Gray ("The Vampire").  Oh yes, the nubile Ms. Talbott gets the drop on the sultry Ms. Gray as she has a gun. Uh oh...The sultry one has evil in her heart and soon disarms the nubile one and inflicts horrible doom on this darling.  Let us take a more detailed look at "The Leech Woman."

Dr. Paul Talbot (Phillip Terry) and June (Gray) were married many years ago, she was ten years his senior and very hot.  As the years go by, she is...well.. ten years older.  As for Paul, he has a nubile young nurse, Sally (Talbott), who looks great in her white nurse uniform. A mysterious 152 year old hag arrives at Dr. Talbot's office with a tale of a potion that will make the old young again.  Paul and June travel to Africa to find this elixir, and they do find it.  June tries the stuff and is young and sultry again.  Bad news, the potion must mix with a human hormone, and this step will kill the host. Now greedy and fanatical, June uses Paul as the first subject.

Now back in the States, June passes herself off as her niece and seduces Neil (Grant Williams). Because Neil is engaged to the nubile Sally, Sally's fate is tragically determined.  See, June's youth only lasts a short time and she must keep feeding on human hormones to stay young.  Addicted to being young and beautiful, the sultry June kills often. With the slaughter of the nubile Sally, Neil will have to be careful and wise up.

Can June keep killing to feed her beauty?  Is the quest for eternal youth an endeavor that ever meets with success?  Is "The Leech Women" a 1960 foretelling of the fate of modern day actresses that are addicted to Botox and plastic surgery?  "The Leech Woman" is a lot of fun even though the story isn't at all surprising.  B movie grade all the way, enjoy this horror classic which appeared on MST3K.

Because Reasons, Opportunity and Boredom

They have no guilt.  We do.  They are intelligent.  We're schmucks.  They are master manipulators.  We're suckers for kind words and a smile.  The psychopath!  In my 25 years as an FBI agent, I studied psychopaths.  All the advantages are theirs.  They are church deacons.  They are computer programmers.  They are school teachers.  Oh yes, even more alarming, they stand behind you in line at Costco. They are at reception when you sign into a hotel or for a doctor's appointment. They seize opportunity.  Hence, a My Little Rascal Productions short horror film(15 minutes), "Because Reasons." 

Tiffany and an unfortunate schmuck (Shawn Shillingford)

Tiffany (Krista West), on this particular day, goes on a murderous rampage.  She doesn't look like a monster; in fact she is quite attractive.  Everyone who sees her desires either pre-marital or extra-marital sex with  her.  Like most psychopaths, she is a bit of a prude when it comes to morals, and making people die for their sins is her hang-up on this day.  She'll, very calmly, explain her mindset and her thought processes.  You males out there will, before being horrified by her, be attracted to her perkiness and simple beauty.

The beautiful psychopath

Since "Because Reasons" only spans 15 minutes, I'll be brief on the plot.  Alluring, sexy, playful...deadly.  As we watch and listen to this evil vixen, it is apparent that she could end up offing a couple dozen schmucks.  Like many psychopaths, sex and the pursuit of sex seem to drive her.  All kinds of sex.

 Pastor Bev (Adela-Adriana Moscu)

 A bit of comedy, lots of horror, and some titillating allure will be thrown at you in a very short period of time.  Isaac Thorne's understanding of what makes up a psychopath is spot on.  Fortunately this is a work of fiction, though deep in the bowels of the Behavioral Science Unit (I've been there) at Quantico, Virginia, may be files that chronicle the activities and conquests of devils like Tiffany.  Oh yes, consider this a cautionary tale...and remember, in 2017, there have ever been more psychopaths on the prowl on this planet.  Not for the squeamish (the gore f/x are gratuitous), enjoy "Because Reasons" (directed by Roger Glass).  For more information about this work, visit the links below. This screenplay was written by Joseph Sorrentino and adapted from a story by Isaac Thorne.
Because Reasons on IMDB
Because Reasons on Facebook

Castle of Evil, Maniac in Old Castle

As a lifelong horror fan and a lawyer (shhh, don't tell anyone), my favorite legal proceeding is the obligatory reading of the will.  Oh!  If conditions are attached, even better.  You know those conditions.  Some wills may stipulate the surviving heirs must spend the night in a haunted castle to collect.  Or even better, those same heirs must survive the night to collect.  Hence, 1966's "Castle of Evil."

After an opening scene filled with blackmail, betrayal, and murder, six schmucks land on a remote island.  These peeps were summoned to the island's Gothic castle to hear the reading of the will of Kovic (William Thourlby). Recently dead (or is he?), Kovic's will stipulates the six must stay in the castle overnight and...here's the best part...must figure out which one of them murdered him. Surprise! All had motives as Kovic ruined all of their lives. Matt (Scott Brady) takes the lead and immediately develops goo-goo eyes for the sultry Carrol (Lisa Gaye). Carroll is a beauty but pretty worthless to the plot as she will faint in horror and not emerge until the end of the film when a monster chases her around as she is clad only in a red negligee.

Okay, bad news.  Despite Kovic's corpse, with a very disfigured face (a lab accident) being in the coffin, Kovic seems to rise from the dead to begin killing the heirs.  Uh oh, Kovic's weird housekeeper, Lupe (Shelley Morrison) is up to something and spends most of her time in a laboratory monitoring the guests on CCTV. Sable (Virginia Mayo) is the most colorful of the guests, a former canteen singer and GF of Kovic.  Wronged big time by Kovic, could this beauty be the killer? Did I mention, if the guests identify Kovic's killer, they will share a larger chunk of the inheritance?  As Kovic...or his ghost...hunts down the guests, Matt spearheads an effort to figure out just what really is going on.

Is Kovic really dead?  If so, which one of these schmucks killed him?  Will anyone be left alive by the morning?  Perhaps a cryptic statement of inheritance and Trust and Estate laws, "Castle of Evil" is a nice film with a scary monster, an old cavernous castle, and damsels in much peril.  Before writing your will, think about having some fun with your surviving heirs, and watch "Castle of Evil."

The Vampire, Bloodsucking and Addiction

Unlike most of today's Harvey Weinstein corrupted actresses, Coleen Gray seems to have had an uncharacteristic Hollywood history. In addition to being cast in lots of films after being discovered while waiting tables, Ms. Gray testified in front of the U.S. House in favor of prayer in the public schools. This beauty didn't just talk a moral game, she went into prisons and helped preach to hardened convicts. She must have been a sight for sore eyes behind walls and jail-bars, but good looks can be a hindrance if caught in a vampire's radar. Today we look at 1957's "The Vampire."

Dr. Paul Beecher (John Beal) accidentally ingests an experimental serum which proves to be highly addictive. Thinking his pills are treating migraines, Paul finds himself popping them more frequently. Meanwhile, people in his small town are dying. Not all is going bad for Paul, he has just hired Carol (Gray), a new nurse who looks mighty fine in her white uniform. As the deaths continue, police chief Buck Donnelly (Kenneth Tobey) begins to get suspicious. Paul has told him the deaths are heart failure, but whenever two puncture wounds are found on the neck, that natural causes story always flies out the window.

Above suspicion, Paul doesn't have to explain his blackouts, which occur when some of his female patients are drained of their blood. Now completely addicted to his supposed migraine pills, Paul loses sanity and control. Oh no! The lovely Carol begins dating both the police chief and Paul...not at the same time of course...that would be weird...unless Harvey Weinstein was the police chief, of course.  Needing more pills, and more importantly, a woman's blood supply, Paul, now a monster, sets his sights on his new beauty in white.

Will Carol's white nurse's uniform be stained red with her own blood when Paul gets finished with her? Where did those migraine pills come from? Is Carol's  proclivity to date a cop and a doctor at the same time an omen for bloody doom? Ms. Gray is the perfect white-clad damsel in much distress and we do pull for her to survive the toothy menace. Directed by Paul Landres, "The Vampire" is a minor horror film, but lots of fun, nonetheless.

Mill of the Stone Women, Euro-Babes Die Horribly

The fate of the very pretty Annelore (Liana Orfei) is horrible, no doubt, but probably a good metaphor for the plight of young ladies in misogynistic and patriarchal western civilization. The pretty redhead will appear in 1960's "Mill of the Stone Women" as a seductively clad model in front of an art class, then as a frisky canteen singer entertaining drunk men, then as an abducted damsel having her blood drained and turned into a macabre piece of artwork. Finally, this beauty will be decapitated and have her head tossed about like a soccer ball. In a sense, perhaps this fate awaits all of us...in a figurative sense, that it.

The professor and an unfortunate damsel

Hans (Pierre Brice), a Euro hunk, arrives at an old windmill inhabited by Professor Wahl (Herbert A.E. Boehme). The professor is an artist and Hans will help him...well...with something artistic. Uh oh, strange wails emanate from another part of the windmill. Oh yes, the good professor has an art exhibit enjoyed by everyone in town...a carousel of wax statues of sultry women being murdered, executed, or otherwise killed.  Charming indeed. Those wails? Wahl's nubile daughter Elfie (Seilla Gabel) has a mysterious illness and cries out in pain a lot, and is constantly treated by a mad doctor (Wolfgang Preiss).

Elfie dying

Against Wahl's wishes, Elfie meets Hans. So blown away by her, Hans has immediate pre-marital sex with her. Now she must have him. Big problem. Hans is engaged to the equally pretty and nubile Liselotte (Dany Carrel). Oh yes, the professor abducts a model from his art class, Annelore and...well...you'll see but it will be quite horrible, I assure you. A rare disease causes Elfie to die and the mad doctor has figured out a way to bring her back to life using the blood of beautiful ladies. After the blood is drained out of the ladies, Wahl takes their corpses...well...you can figure that out. More bad news! The mad doctor figures out Loselotte's blood is special and will cure Elfie for good. As Wahl and the mad doctor make a move to secure Liselotte's blood, the always two steps behind Hans must play catch up.

The most unfortunate Annelore

Will Liselotte suffer the same fate as the unfortunate Annelore?  Is Hans' proclivity to engage in pre-marital sex with beauties having one foot already in the grave a bad omen for his future relationship with Liselotte? Will the detached head of Annelore play a factor in the final fiery conclusion of "Mill of the Stone Women"? An erotic Italian horror piece with a very loud and crazy ending awaits whoever views this cinematic gem.  The ill-fated dames are beautiful and we do hope at least one will survive the madness and sadism of our antagonist. For an alluring and morbid good time, take in "Mill of the Stone Women."