Piglet, English Babes Butchered by Giant Pig

From the U.K. a biting political commentary on the horrific reign of terror of Keir Starmer. Yep, sultry dames will die horribly, though some will be cut up first. This one has no relation to the "Winnie-the-Pooh" stories. Sledgehammers, pick-axes, machetes, carving knives, meat hooks, and shot guns will be utilized by a behemoth escaped convict on English babes. The dames won't even be safe in bikinis in hot tubs, if you can believe that.  Today we look at a bloody and grim one (just like Keir Starmer and the Labour Party), 2025's "Piglet," directed by Andrea M. Catinella.

Piglet (Alexander Butler) used to be a runt. A mad scientist at a prison experimented on him, and now he is a behemoth lunatic. He'll kill three guards and escape...oh, he also killed half the prison population. Now he finds his brother, Hogarth (Jerry Vinogradov), who is a weird caretaker of a campsite in the woods. Along comes Susie (Shayli Reagan), a babe.  She and seven friends will celebrate Susie's sister's birthday, Kate (Alina Desmond)...she is 21. The sultry Judith (Valery Danko) will get high soon.  Oh, two blonde babes, Alex (Lauren Staerck) and Diane (Alina Varakuta) will have steamy lesbian make-out sessions in the hot tub and exchange a lot of spit. Hogarth tells his brother, piglet, he can have the girls and he can pick one to be his mate.

Piglet goes bananas.  Diane will give us a nice shower scene, but be axed before the water gets hot.  One by one, the babes are felled, cut up, hung up by meat hooks, and humiliated. Like the Keir Starmer government, this film is incredibly misogynistic.  The babes will be covered in blood and desperately trying to flee Piglet.  Piglet is seemingly invincible and has chosen his mate.  Susie will do anything to protect her younger sister, Kate, and she might have to give her life to do so. Kate is not keen on losing her sister to the pig man, thus will go a little mad herself in order to combat him.  

Will any of the babes survive the wrath of Piglet, or will they all be eaten or used as breeding stock? Is the treatment of these babes by the monster a metaphor for what Brits are subject to in their National Health Service?  Do two hot blonde lesbians in bikinis making out and swapping a lot of spit in a hot tub ever have a chance to survive in these movies? Gratuitous, gory, a mammoth kill-count, and erotically steamy, see "Piglet" and don't get too attached to any of the babes in this film. 

Revenge, Slut Goes Psycho

Wow!  All right...picture this.  A sultry slut in panties and a skimpy top is impaled by a tree branch.  Losing blood fast, she gets down off the tree, yanks the tree branch out of her torso, cauterizes the wound with an aluminum beer can and a cigarette lighter, grabs a shotgun...and goes on a hunt for humans!  Oh!  The cauterized wound?  Now she has the imprint of a beer can logo on her abdomen. In movies, we love sluts.  We don't want our kids to become them or date one.  Still, they beat "strong," "empowered," and independent women who always try to remind you that they had to work twice as hard to achieve what any man has achieved...yawn!  Give me the skank any day of the week. Our feature today is the French film (most of it is in English, no need for subtitles), 2017's "Revenge," directed by Coralie Fargeat.

Jen (Matilda Lutz) is all skank.  The young gal accompanies an older man, the hunk Richard (Kevin Janssens) to a luxury vacation home in the Moroccan desert.  He's married and his kid has his first communion in a few days.  Jen doesn't care and wants Richard to divorce his wife and marry her.  The two have a lot of deviant sex.  Then Richard's Russian mobster buddies arrive.  Stan (Vincent Colombe) and Dmitri (Guillaume Bouchede) are boorish brutes.  The trio are heavily armed as they plan on a hunting weekend in t he desert.  While Richard is out acquiring hunting licenses, Stan rapes Jen.  The brute Stan was so enthralled at Jen's lap dance the prior evening, he figured she wanted it.  She didn't.  

Jen does not want to drop it and the trio of men push her off a cliff in the desert.  She'll be impaled on a tree and left for dead.  Just like Joe Biden is finding out, if you want to kill someone...make sure he or she is dead when you leave the scene.  Through some gory self surgery and some hallucinogenic peyote, Jen recovers and goes on her own personal hunt.  She will be unmerciful.  Blood will be everywhere and the kills will be quite gory.  We cheer for Jen as we like skanks in our films.  Wearing practically nothing, our slut is quite brutal on her heavily armed foes.  The blood will increase the further into the film you get.

Will Jen complete her mission and off Richard, Stan, and Dmitri?  Is Jen a metaphor for the return of beauty to western civilization after the hideous direction women have gone in the Modern Era of wokeness?  Should trashy ornate star earrings and false eyelashes be required for women heroines in film?  You guys will like this film, largely because of the violence and Matilda Lutz.  You babes will love this film largely because of the fashion ideas gleaned from the Jen character.  You woke idiots will detest this film.  See "Revenge" and enjoy a film a real man and a real woman will love. 

The Lair, Monsters in Afghanistan

So you think you know all you need to know about American involvement in Afghanistan.  Ha!  You obviously did not ask Neil Marshall.  Forget about the Taliban, though they are in our feature today.  Forget about that Usama guy.  Nope  Think alien invasion and Soviet mad scientists  Is "Soviet" and "mad scientist" in the same sentence superfluous?  Oh, for Neil Marshall fans, the heroine in this one is named Kate Sinclair...perhaps a tip of the hat to our favorite Neil Marshall character, Eden Sinclair (Rhona Mitra).  Our feature today is 2022's "The Lair."

A British fighter jet gets shot down by the Taliban.  The pilot, Kate (Charlotte Kirk) ejects and immediately gets into a firefight with the Taliban.  She kills dozens of them but is chased into a weird Soviet bunker.  Down there, monsters join the war and kill her pursuers, but Kate escapes and is rescued by Americans.  These American troops are not impressive.  They look like the types of troops that idiot General Mark Milley would love.  Of course, Milley is nowhere around...he's probably sipping wine and eating brie at a DC cocktail party as real men and women do the fighting...okay, back to the film.  Yep, the monsters eventually follow Kate and the Americans to their base and attack.  The attack will be brutal and the commanding officer, Finch (Jamie Bamber) figures out what they are and radios American CIA spooks...who are masters in cover-up.  Now Kate, Finch, some British SAS brutes, some American GI rejects, a Taliban guy, and the hunk Sgt Hook (Jonathan Howard) enter into an unwinnable war.

Kate comes up with an idea after learning what these things are.  Aliens from outer space?  Humans who had their genes experimented with?  A Soviet creation?  You'll see.  The brilliant idea is to take the war to the monsters.  They are gnarly and slimy humanoid beasts with long tongues and a probing eyeball...you'll see.  The monsters enjoy eating humans and Kate and the boys have another problem.  The Taliban is on the way.  Bigger problem...the CIA spooks believe in cleaning up their messes and leaving no loose ends.  Yep...A MOAB bomb is also on the way.  What is a MOAB bomb?  You'll see.

Will Kate and the boys defeat the monsters and the Taliban?  Do the monsters want to eat Kate or do they have other plans for her?  Are the monsters a metaphor for the incompetence of General Mark Milley and General Mattis that made the conflict in Afghanistan such an utter failure?  We don't get enough monster in Soviet bunker movies, so enjoy "The Lair."            

Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey, Someone Had a Rotten Childhood

Wow!  I just finished watching today's blog entry.  The creators of this film seemed to have had a rotten childhood.  Either that or they are all divorced men with women issues.  A lot of nubile babes in this film, sadly, they won't just die horribly, they'll be put through the meatgrinder, crushed, beheaded, etc. Okay, I admit...when I was a kid I did find Winnie-the-Pooh annoying and Christopher Robin weird.  Anyone ever wonder what happened when Christopher Robin grew up? Ask no more.  Today we look at 2023's "Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey," directed by Rhys Frake-Waterfeld.

Christopher Robin (Nikolai Leon) brings his attractive wife, Mary (Paula Coiz) into the woods to see where he used to play with  his imaginary friends...Pooh (Craig David Dowsett), Piglet (Chris Cordell), and Eyor.  To Christopher they were real...and Mary is about to find that out. So distraught at being abandoned by Christopher, Pooh and Piglet ate Eyor and have sworn to murder any human they come across.  This won't bode well for Mary who will be caught by Pooh and Piglet, stripped off her bones, and fed to Christopher.  I'm sure this is a metaphor for something. Christopher is left strung up for whipping and other torture. Okay, we meet six or seven babes, most notably Maria (Maria Taylor).  She is brought to a vacation home by her sultry lesbian lover, Jessica (Natasha Rose Mills). Five other babes are invited. Sadly, Tina (May Kelly) will not make it to the cabin as Pooh will put her through a meatgrinder and make sausage out of her...again, this must be some sort of metaphor for unhappy college aged babes.

As Maria reveals her fear of men to Jessica and the other girls, Lara (Natasha Tosini) strips to a bikini and goes to take selfies in the hot tub...bad move.  She'll be carried away by Pooh and Piglet.  One by one, the now monsters go through babes like crap through a goose.  Some will put up a nice fight but as soon as sledgehammers or machetes are introduced into the melee...they will fall. Of course, our two lesbian lovers are on the run after escaping from the makeshift butcher shop, but just how far will they get?  Pooh and Piglet show no signs they can be reasoned with.  But wait!  Christopher Robin escapes his chains and is determined to help the surviving gals.

Is some part of us happy that Christopher Robin is being horrifically tormented for the sins of his past? Is the fate of the babes in this film a metaphor for what a woke culture does to women here in the 2020s?  Did Tina, after made into sausage, taste just like chicken?  This is a bloody and grim one.  The babes in this film may have provided a high cheese factor, but like a good Giallo film, don't get too attached to them.  See "Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey" for gory horror with a high kill count. 

The Killer Trainer, Lose a Few Pounds and Your Life

Just out of a relationship. His fault...not yours. Go back to the gym.  Lose a few pounds.  Get toned in all the right places. Put on some tight pants and a sports bra.  Sweat when the guys come by. Hire a personal trainer. What could go wrong?  Today's film has the answer for that...a lot!  Our feature today is 2018's "The Killer Trainer" (aka "Blood, Sweat, and Lies"), directed by Lane Shefter Bishop.

The sultry Melissa (Hannah Barefoot) dumps her boyfriend of five years. Good move. Now she is convinced by her sultry bestie, Leslie (Briana Lane) to go back to the gym.  The gym is a meat market. The personal trainer at the gym, Trey (Adam Huber) , takes an immediate liking to Melissa...as do we. Now she hires him to get her in better shape.  She'll sweat a lot. He'll look good ordering her around.  She gets in better shape. Uh oh...now it gets creepy.  Trey gives Melissa a bracelet to monitor her vitals.  Trey will keep an eye on these vitals and furiously grunt as Melissa's heart rate spikes during pre-marital sex, not with him though.  See, Melissa likes Trey but is not interested in dating him. Trey is obsessed with Melissa. Melissa finds a new BF, the hunk Adam (Matt Cedeno). Trey is not happy and begins sabotaging Melissa's life.  He'll take over her phone from his laptop and text Adam and Leslie trying to isolate Melissa.

Okay, it gets creepier.  Uh oh...we start to see that Trey's unhealthy attraction to Melissa existed long before she stepped into the club.  Even worse, the peeps in her life, including Adam and Leslie, are in mortal danger.  Viciousness touches all aspects of Melissa's life and it is apparent to her some psycho is after her...though she does not know it is Trey.  I must say Melissa gives us some nice scenes sweating, in tight work-out gear, and in throes of passion.  Trey is beefy, just not Melissa's type.  Unfortunately for Melissa, Trey will force the issue and get increasingly unhinged.

Sweaty babes in tight work-out gear need to make a comeback.  That aerobic gear from the 1980s is so missed.  Will Hannah ever figure out her trainer is a complete whack-ball?  Will there be sweaty sauna scenes?  Will Leslie and Adam survive to the end of the film?  This is a good one, but I must confess... mostly because Hannah Barefoot is quite a dish who looks good in tight work-out gear.  For a gratuitous movie going work-out, see "The Killer Trainer." 

The Stalker Club, Silly and Deadly Games

There is a lot to like about this throwback to 80s slasher films.  First, a great looking cast filled with young babes and hunks.  Second, a nice death count.  Third, a slasher who is actually a slasher, wielding a big knife and wearing a mask. Then cheerleaders. Cheerleaders? Yep. They have nothing to do with the film but make it to several of the scenes as background extras.  Hey, why not?  They could have used fat women with purple hair and piercings...yuck!  Today we look at the high school slasher film, 2017's "The Stalker Club," directed by Doug Campbell.

A high school clique of five friends all receive a mysterious text.  The text, from an unknown caller, invites them to join the Stalker Club.  High school kids tend to be idiots and in this film, this maxim is no exception...thus, all join. Game on. The rules? never mind, suffice it to say the five kids are then all stalked by a knife wielding, mask wearing stalker. Ashley (Kelcie Stranahan) is the babe we glob onto.  She is pretty and has a sad back story.  Her mom, Karen (Maeve Quinlan) has juts begun to date again after Ashley's father died two years ago. Darren (TJ Neal) is quite the cute hunk and seems hot for Ashley.  He also emerges as the #1 suspect. Chloe (Alex Frnka) is the sultry, stuck-up friend who is mean to everyone. Sadie (Lora McHugh) is a redheaded cutter and her chances of seeing the end credits are non-existent.  Then Mark (Paul Karmiryan) is the hunk BF of Chloe...but Chloe does not seem that in to him.

Each teen begins seeing the stalker outside their houses, and sometimes, inside their houses. Then the killings begin.  One by one the teens are preyed upon.  Everyone, except Ashley is suspect, even some teachers and parents. Oh, gratuitous cheerleader in the background shots will be appreciated...though, none will be harmed in the making of this movie. Ashley switches between smooching with Darren to accusing him of being the stalker.  Chloe looks like she wants to murder everyone, but then again, what high school babe doesn't?  Sadie and Mark are listed way down in the credits...so what does that tell you?  The knife is big and blood will flow.

Just who is the slasher and is there a reason he or she invited these kids to join the Stalker Club? Are one of these teens the stalker?  If cheerleaders were used the same way in Stanley Kubrick's "Barry Lyndon," would that have been a film we would have wanted to see?  For some gratuitous teen-age cheese and beef, and a lot of slashing, see "The Stalker Club."

The Lurker, A Mess with Scout Taylor-Compton

Okay...get over it.  It is better than those "Star Wars" monstrosities or that stupid TV show "The Mandolorian." Oh, you fans of the Marvel Universe! You have no credibility to hate on our feature today.  Sure, five of the ten most annoying character portrayals in film history are in this film today...and Liam Neeson isn't even in it. We do have an astronomical death count.  We have decapitations, chainsaws, big knives, high school babes and hunks dying in gory fashion, and each one of those annoying characters... well, they get it real good. Our feature today is the Scout Taylor-Compton 2019 slasher epic, "The Lurker," directed by Eric Liberacki...no, not the pianist guy.

Scout Taylor-Compton! She plays Taylor.  My goodness.  Okay, maybe she just got out of rehab or something, don't hate her because of this film. She's a high school student starring in the student production of "Romeo & Juliet." She's Juliet...a rather chunky Juliet, but there I go...can't go a sentence without body shaming someone, can I? Oh, she has a secret.  Secret is a relative term...everyone knows what it is and everyone is blackmailing her...and guess who begins dying?  Yep...her sultry classmates.  What is the secret? Or, non-secret? If everyone who knows is killed off, this will be the bloodiest slasher film of all time. That is what we are watching when we put this film on.

The Romeo of the play, a hunk named Miles (Michael Emery) knows the secret. He wants pre-marital sex with Taylor to keep it hush hush. His dad is played by Bruce Speilbauer...and you will want to jump into your TV screen and strangle him yourself.  Fear not...he won't last. Beheadings, throats slashed, guttings, and beautiful high school students getting their faces dumped in chemicals await. Oh, the production that stars Miles and Taylor? Well, Shakespeare is vomiting in his grave...you'll see as the most awkward dance scene will play out before your very eyes. 

Is Taylor the slasher or is that too easy?  What is Taylor's secret and how could it still be considered a secret if everyone knows what it is? Did anyone ever mention continuity during the production of this film? If you see Scout Taylor-Compton at a horror convention, do not mention this movie or she might have security remove you.  However, if you want a slasher film with dozens of gory kills and buckets of blood, see "The Lurker."