Galaxy Warriors, Unruly Space-Babes in Peril

Space-babes in peril!  Space-babes wearing tight, shiny and very revealing outfits! Space-babes in catfights to the death! Space-babes with great cleavage buffs!  Space-babes hunted by monsters! Space-babes in a sweaty space-babe prison for unruly space-babes! No, not a Max Gunssler novel, but a fantastic, cheesy, space-babe scifi epic. For a cheesy great time, with a lot of redheaded space-babes in peril and acting vicious...our feature today is 2022's "Galaxy Warriors," directed by Brett Kelly.

Sultry, redheaded space-babes Demeter (Christine Emes) and Vesta (Alianne Rozon) are bounty hunters patrolling the universe in their spaceship. Uh oh, Demeter's sultry redheaded sister, Artemis (Abbey Flockton) is arrested and sent to a prison planet for unruly space-babes. Demeter and Vesta are now on a quest to break Artemis out of the prison.  Bad news!  The warden is space-babe Enyo (Ellen Mildred). Enyo is a sadistic warden who has set up fight games.  These games pit the space-babes against each other in fights to the death, wagered on by a pay-per-view audience. Much more entertaining than the rigged Super Bowl. To Vesta's dismay, Demeter has a far-fetched plan...get arrested and sent to the prison planet to start a prisoner revolt.

Now Vesta and Demeter are inmates.  Butch-babe inmate Circe (Christa Cullain) likes her pets but has a history with the bounty hunters.  Circe now desires to murder Demeter.  Uh oh...Enyo unleashes wild monsters on the space-babes for entertainment purposes.  Even worse, a huge green monster patrols the outside of the prison confines.  Enyo decides to put Vesta and Demeter in the fight circuit where they will have to fight other space-babes to the death to survive. Even worse, the evil Rex (Andrew Galligan) is the captain of the guards and desires to make Artemis his sex-toy.  All this is headed to a brutal and very arousing conclusion. Sultry space-babes will die horribly, but look really good doing it. 

Will Vesta and Demeter be able to rescue Artemis and get off the prison planet?  Will Enyo select one of that trio as her pet, or sex toy?  Will Circe defeat Demeter and take either Vesta or Artemis as her new prison pet?  This is an arousing and satisfying scifi epic.  We don't get enough cheesy films nowadays about scantily clad space-babes, thus this movie is so welcomed!  For sultry babes in much peril, in catfights, and firing laser guns...see "Galaxy Warriors."  

Land Shark, Shark Experiments Out of Control

Marine biologists. In real life...well...they don't look like they do in the movies. Remember the sultry blondes in the Miss America Pageant from Florida, Alabama, or California?  Back in the 70s they all were Marine Biology majors.  In today's woke world, the pageant has gone downhill and those same contestants are either Public Health or Broadcast Journalism majors. Oh, we pine for the days when marine biologists looked like Sarah French... Wait!  Guess what!  Sarah French as a nubile marine biologist!  What could be better. Throw in a semi-gratuitous shower scene, toothy menaces, mad scientists, and laser blasters.  There's more...this is a Polonia Brothers Entertainment film directed by Mark Polonia.  Today we will look at 2017's "Land Shark."

Sharks are coming on land and eating bikini babes, other babes, whinos, and electricians. Lucinda (French) is a marine biologist working for a bio-chemical lab. This lab injects human DNA into sharks, hence our little monsters! Dr. Foster (Peter Baldo) is Lucinda's boss and he is going further in these experiments in order to create a perfect soldier for the battlefield. Maybe something that can defeat the Taliban. Lucinda finds out and now the babe scientist is in mortal danger. Meanwhile, a shark eats Cpt. Bermuda (Jeff Kirkendall), and his mate. Very sad. The sharks get aggressive and one even visits Lucinda in her shower.  BTW...Peter Benchley based Quint on Cpt. Bermuda (embellishment).

Now Foster is ready to advance his experiments to the next stage. First, he and Lucinda, armed with laser blasters, go in search of the land sharks. Uh oh for Lucinda, Foster is charged with her elimination after the sharks are killed.  Why kill all the experimental sharks? Foster has his reasons and you will see what they are. Blood will spatter all over the silver screen as this film has a high death count. Even the lovely Elisa Dowling will be eaten...by a shark. Clad in black tactical gear, Lucinda and Foster scour the countryside in search of monsters.  They will find them...or the monsters will find them.

Will Lucinda survive her semi-gratuitous shower scene?  What does Foster have planned for the lovely marine biologist?  If laser blasters existed a long time ago, would Cpt. Ahab have had one instead of a harpoon?  We are told from sources who know, this was the film Steven Spielberg wanted to make but budgetary constraints resulted in "Jaws."  Finally, decades after "Jaws," a film that demanded to be made!  See "Land Shark" and enjoy a sultry babe scientist in great peril from toothy shark monsters. 

Kong Island, Dames and Gorillas

Sultry, scantily clad dames abducted by gorillas in the darkest of Africa! Oh, in a more politically incorrect time what I could do with this review. Okay, first of all there is no island.  Second, there is no Kong. There are sultry scantily clad dames and gorillas that take them. Throw in a mad scientist, sultry dames taking baths, catfights, and a hunk mercenary who grunts and takes his shirt off. Today we look at 1968's "Kong Island," directed by Roberto Mauri. Yes, this is an Italian film. Euro-Trash!

Burt (Brad Harris) is a mercenary who is betrayed during the heist of a lot of money in Kenya.  His partner, the mad scientist Albert (Marc Lawrence) shoots him, leaves him for dead, and absconds with all the money. Burt, a hunk, survives and recovers and now seeks Albert. Burt wants to murder him. Arriving in Nairobi, he meets up with a former partner, Theodore (Aldo Cecconi), his babe daughter Diana (Ursula Davis), and his former lover, the sultry Ursula (Adriana Alban).  Leaving a lot out, Diana loves the grunting and sometimes shirtless hunk Burt.  During the search for the elusive sacred monkey, Diana is taken by gorillas as most of her hunting party is killed.  In reality, mad scientist Albert has implanted transmitters into the gorillas brains and controls them. He has kidnapped Diana in order to lure Burt into a trap.

Now Burt heads to the forbidden jungle to rescue Diana before the gorillas...well, never mind. Albert sends the mind-controlled apes after him.  Fighting them off, an almost nude jungle babe, Eva (Esmeralda Barros) finds him and helps him.  Eva used to be able to control the gorillas because she is such a babe who wears hardly any clothes. I guess the gorillas want...well, never mind. To Eva's surprise, she has no influence on the apes anymore.  Together, Burt and Eva walk into Albert's trap. Now the gorillas have Eva and they are going to...well, never mind.  Diana is also caged and the gorillas are going to...well, never mind.  Fear not, Ursula is on her way and one terrific catfight will erupt between all three of the babes. Albert seeks to put implants in the brains of the babes so he can...well, never mind. Burt? He'll grunt nicely and flex his muscles as he tries to save Diana so he can...well, never mind.

Just what do the gorillas want to do with Diane?  What was the nature of Eva's relationship with the simians? If Roger Corman had made this film would we have seen Eva, Ursula, and Diana...wait, I withdraw the question.  Cheese and beef to the max and even the gorillas are aroused.  For some good, clean, politically incorrect fun, see "Kong Island." 

The Thrill Killers, Four Lunatics on a Binge

Are all men lunatics?  Many a woman has asked this.  Well, most are...and some are just useless.  hence our film today, 1964's "The Thrill Killers," directed by Ray Dennis Steckler. This very likable and vicious low-budget treat will have plenty of psychopaths, nubile women slaughtered, and plenty of gratuitous killings.  Also, rare for 1964...decapitations.  So, with damsels in plenty of trouble and their men powerless to save them, this film chalks up kills throughout.

Three lunatics, Gary (Gary Kent), Herbie (Herb Robins), and Keith (Keith O'Brien) escape from a mental asylum after murdering five guards.  They are on the run. Already on the loose is Mort (Steckler)...he's more homicidal than the escaped lunatics.  Yep...the four know one another. Babes watch out.  Mort murders a traveling salesman and finds a dancing girl (Erina Devore). He'll slap her around endlessly, humiliate her, and stab her dozens of times with a scissors.  Oh yes...aspiring actor Joe (Joseph Bardo) and his sultry ex-actress wife Liz (Liz Renay) are just figuring out they will never make it in Hollywood.  The three lunatics then go on a decapitation binge and murder a few more. 

Liz flees the Hollywood lifestyle and ends up at the diner where her babe cousin Linda (Laura Benedict) is a waitress.  Joe follows as he wants his wife back.  Now all these peeps meet at the diner and the three lunatics are quite taken with the beauty of Linda and Liz.  Joe seems helpless...but now is his shot to prove he has worth outside his failed acting career.  He better hurry...Mort is on the way.  What follows is a lot of murder, damsels in much distress, and the wrath of some angry women.  Gunshots, an axe, poison, and cold blooded murder follow. 

Will any of the babes survive to the end credits?  Will failed actor Joe find some balls and mount an offense against the psychos that seek to soil and take apart his wife?  How much more violent will it get when Mort arrives to join his lunatic buddies?  This is a vicious one with a lot of cheese and some very heartbreaking kills.  For some good 1960s low-budget violence and exploitation, see "The Thrill Killers." 

Alligator Alley, Feuding Among Monster Gators

Wow!  A wild one today!  Then...the ending...wow!  2013's "Alligator Alley" (aka "Ragin Cajun Redneck Gators") might do for alligator movies what "Crocodile 2: Death Swamp" did for crocodile movies.  This is an ambitious plot that gets even more ambitious.  In one of the best films ever made, we have a mutant/monster gator attack on a redneck community...then the real horror is unleashed...and then, the really really real horror is unleashed.  Make sense?  Today we look at "Alligator Alley," directed by Griff Furst.

Avery (Jordan Hinson) is back to visit her Louisiana redneck kin.  She was off at college in the big city learning sophisticated stuff and how to recycle.  Everyone in her hometown is either a Doucette, like her, or a Robichaud.  The two families have been feuding for hundreds of years. Uh oh...Avery is sweet on Dathan (John Chriss), a hunk Robichaud.  A "Romeo and Juliet" story develops.  Fortunately, the mutant gators, who have spiked tails and shoot those spikes converge and begin eating and killing.  War breaks out but the gators have an advantage.  The gators?  Well, the patriarch of the Robichaud clan, Wade (Thomas Francis Murphy) has been dumping bad moonshine in the swamp. That is what has mutated the gators.

Okay, it gets worse.  The Robichauds and Doucettes pick up their war again.  Avery's dad, Lucien (Ritchie Montgomery), and Wade are bent on murdering one another.  Lucien looks at the Robichauds as a family of werewolves.  Wade looks at the Doucettes as a family of vampires. Meanwhile, Dathan and Avery will have pre-marital sex. The gators will eat other families, some of the Robichauds, an annoying yapping dog, some Doucettes...and a sultry sheriff's deputy (Shanna Forrestall), and Trsitan Sinclair (Victor Webster) the star of "The Gator Whisperer" on Predator Planet.  We cheer when this happens.  Horrific enough? Hah!  Now the real horror begins.  What happens in the last half of this film will shock you.  Then, if you are not shocked enough...the ending.  Wow!

Will the Doucette and Robichaud families put their feud aside and fend off the gator invasion?  However bad the bad moonshine is, is it any worse than Bud Light?  Just what shocks and plot twists await the viewer in the last half of this film?  This 2013 film captured perfectly, as a metaphor, the Obama Administrations ignorance of this country's wetlands and the carnage this stupidity unleashed. For one of the best, if not the best, monster alligator film ever made, see "Alligator Alley."   

Looks Can Kill, The Beautiful Die so Horribly

From our buddies at Jagged Edge Productions!  We have...cheese!  Babes in peril!  Babes scantily clad in peril!  Babes in bikinis and lingerie!  In tight slinky gowns!  Nubile lasses looking great...until they get brutally murdered.  Giallo would be proud.  From the U.K., we have neuvo Euro-Trash...2022's "Looks Can Kill," directed by Jasmine Ebony Thomas.  This may be the magnum opus of the lovely Danielle Scott.

Rhonda (Scott) was quite the thing. She was a stunning actress famous for horror films.  The industry is a tough one and when younger girls come along, well, the established talent gets pushed aside.  Now Rhonda is relegated to humiliating modeling jobs to stay employed.  But wait!  She has an idea.  Rhonda will start her own modeling agency.  Her first move is to hire a photographer, the mentally unbalanced sex offender, Zack (Matthew Baunsgard). She'll also hire beef as her staff.  Hank (Clint Gordon) and Don (Darrell Griggs) look great and are tasked with picking up the babe models and bringing them home. The models?  Young college girls in desperate need of money...and quite the babes. Stacy (Antonia Whillans), Brigitte (Mya Brown), and Lisa (Barbara Dabson) are sultry and unfortunately, may not remain beautiful.

Uh oh...Rhonda seems to be spiraling into insanity. Of course, who isn't?  The models are vulnerable and have a lot of debt.  Sadly, the gals trust Rhonda.  Zack is creepy and his past does not remain a secret.  Hank and Don grunt a lot and show off their muscles...you gals will like them.  The shoots?  Eek!  They are shot in ruins of what looks like a burnt down church.  Then...murder.  Not just any kinds of murder.  The gals are felled in the most awful ways.  Big question...by who?  Rhonda?  Or is that too easy.  You'll see.

Will any of our lovely college girl models survive until the end credits?  Is what happens to these lovelies at the fashion photo-shoots any worse than what happens to them at university by a misogynistic higher educational system in the U.K.?  Will there be any catfights to the death?  This is a great looking film and the cheese and beef are its strong point.  Still, it has great kills and some really creepy characters.  For some brutal arousal, see "Looks Can Kill."    

Red Scream Vampyres, Sultry Vamps Eat Hitchhikers

American Gothic horror!  Where European Gothic horror has old castles, American Gothic horror has a train station.  Where European Gothic horror has nubile naked babes, American has nubile Goth babes. European has dubbing or subtitles...American has New York accents.  Yep...nothing says shocking Gothic horror like an Amtrak station and a few tattoos.  Today we look at the American remake of "Vampyres," "Red Scream Vampyres," directed by David R. Williams.

The plot...pretty much the same as the Euro-Trash "Vampyres."  Pretty much.  We have two lesbian vamps who delight in steamy sex, straight and with one another.  Theodora (Satu Runa) and Elenora (Valeria Dombrovschi) find guys by hitchhiking.  Of course, the pair bring them back to their mansion...er, abandoned train station...have passionate sex with them and then drink their blood.  Now Theodora has found a guy who sort of intrigues her, the uber boring Dietrich (Jess Weber).  Against her better judgment, she does not murder him.  Also in the story are the two campers, but here, they are two peeps from the university studying urban archaeology.  The lovely Sky (Andrea Bentin) and Professor Morrissey (Ed Bergtold).  There is a hint that the two vamps were murdered in the past while in the throes of steamy sex...and here...there is a hint that Sky might have been the trigger-man...or trigger-woman.

Steamy sex and orgies will fill much of this American re-make.  Male motorists will continue to get eaten.  Sky will become captivated by the lesbian vamps.  Theodora and Elenora will also be captivated by Sky...but why?  Whether Sky is being groomed to join the vamps...or a dish on the menu...David R. Williams throws in a plot device that makes this relationship a bit more complicated than in the original film.  As Amtrak trains run in the distance...our beautiful monsters seem in control...and Sky seems doomed to this life...Dietrich still roams and gets more curious.

What are Theodora's and Elenora's plans for Sky?  Will Theodora's failure to murder Dietrich prove a fatal mistake for the vamps?  If this film had subtitles or dubbing, would it be considered an American horror masterpiece?  Kudos to David R. Williams...the American remake of "Vampyres" is erotic, bloody, and very interesting.  For a prurient good time, see "Red Scream Vampyres."