True Love Ways, An Artsy Fartsy Psycho Babe

What if "I Spit On Your Grave" was an artsy fartsy art-house film with subtitles instead of pure exploitation? Let's say it was made in Germany in a surreal style, and shot in black and white to reinforce the artsy-ness of it. Instead of castrations in the tub we are shown close-ups of a white flower for apparently no purpose. Yes...even the intellectual class need brutal rape and gory revenge in their cinematic entertainment. Hence 2014's German film (with subtitles), "True Love Ways," directed by the super intellectual Mathieu Seller.

Weird babe Severine (Anna Hausburg) lounges around in a silk negligee. Her boyfriend Tom (Kai Michael Muller) senses she is drifting away from him. It's an arty, surreal, European film...no kidding, Tom! She wants to go off by herself to think. Indications is that she has issues...but she is a babe, so Tom wants her back. Bright idea! Even better than Hitler's brainstorm to open a second front in WW2. Tom hires a guy he meets at a bar to kidnap Severine. Then the German Einstein will rush in and rescue the blonde damsel...and of course, she will again fall in love with him. Brilliant. These tokens of true love always work...what could go wrong?

Okay, the thug in the bar is into snuff. He films babes being murdered. His greatest hit is his abduction, rape, and murder of Miss Germany...really...you'll see it. Okay, we get some close ups of a flower, a weird girl in a wheel chair who drools, and a crying old woman. Pretend you understand this and everyone will think you're a genius. Now Severine is on the run...she has spunk (probably from being nutsoid herself). Uh oh for the snuff gang...some of that nutsoid translates into homicidal. There'll be decapitations, hatched disembowelment, bludgeoning, and more bloody weirdness. As the thugs chase psycho-babe in order to catch her and put her in a snuff film, psycho-babe begins hunting them.

I realize the makers of this art-house film will scoff at my description of "True Love Ways," but perhaps I am merely helping them honestly come to grips with their carnal sides. Will psycho-babe Severine kill everyone and eat them? Do the European thugs have her just where they want? What's the deal with the white flower and weird little girl in a wheelchair who drools? To be able to tell your intellectual pals that you are one of them, watch "True Love Ways."