Saturday, October 11, 2014

Bigfoot Wars, Rednecks...Hide Your Daughters

Quirky, alienating, yet pristine, today's feature is 2014's "Bigfoot Wars."  Sort of a cross between "The Legend of Boggy Creek" and "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" this film is a must see for all cryptozoologists, and Roger Corman fans.  Though, not a Corman film, director Brian T. Jaynes obviously drew inspiration from the master.  Terrific performances from C. Thomas Howell as a redneck mafioso (who knew there was such a thing?), Holt Boggs as Sheriff Taylor (, not that one...), Judd Nelson as a loco doctor highlight this film.  However, in the "Actresses We'd Like to See More of" department, these two young ladies also do a fine job; Monica Harmse plays a nurse who is Boggy Creek's only hope for competent medical care, and Mindy Raymond graces the screen as a TV info-babe.  Oh yes, for you beer aficionados, this film also serves a neat advertisement for Dosequis (XX).
The plot: Looking for votes, the Mayor of Boggy Creek is shacked up in a sleazy motel room with Dakota (Audrey Ellis Fox), who is the daughter of the Dixieland mafioso (who knew there was a Dixieland mafia?).  Also six hormone infested, nymphomaniac high school kids wander on to private land for volleyball and an orgy.  Each of these romps is attacked by bigfoots.  In the first one, the mayor buys it the same way Elvis did, on the toilet.  In the latter scenario, a team of Sasquatch's rips apart most of the teens.  Uh oh, here is the Roger Corman influence....the buxom Dakota, and Amanda, the bikini volleyball athlete, are not killed but hauled back to the monster lair.  For what?  Come on...take a guess.  A PTSD wrought Sheriff Taylor, who believes bowel stench is all of our destinies, puts a hunting posse together when his daughter is kidnapped from the drive-in movies by one of these creatures.  Zeke, our mafioso leads the search, and mumbles his way to the lair.
Wait, here comes Emmy nominated, TV reporterette, Kendall Sharp (Raymond).  She meets up with our cynical posse after her cameraman is dissected by a fiend.  All make-up, high-heels, hairspray, and tight wardrobe, Kendall puts on warpaint and finds a gun and some cajones.  After more carnage, our posse arrives at the lair, but will it be in time to preserve the chastity of the surviving skanks.  Meanwhile back at Boggy Creek's hospital, Dr. Evans and Nurse Willis (Harmse) treat Dakota, who is now an insane, drooling lunatic.  Willis then notices something awful about Dakota's condition which will have horrifying ramifications.
The unbelievable conclusion will contain lots of Sasquatch and human carnage.  Spears, pistols, machetes, and claws are utilized in the final battle between man and his rival at the top of the food chain.  Exciting and gory, the acting was terrific.  C. Thomas Howell had the Dixieland mumble down just right, and our cynical sheriff oozed of someone requiring three days of observation on the fifth floor.  Both Raymond (member of UT's championship National Forensic team) and Harmse (a former NCAA Division 1 athlete) will have movies coming out in the near future, which should be paid attention to.


  1. Not an ad for Dos Equis. They drank Tres Equis.
    Link to actual artwork from film:

  2. People will still recognize the Tres Equis as the movie version of Dos Equis, therefore still making it work as an ad for Dos Equis.