Sunday, June 1, 2014

My Bloody Valentine, Scariest Beer Commercial of All-Time

In the early 1980s, slasher films were coming out weekly.  Blogs and the internet were not in existence, so movie reviews were monopolized by the arrogant and so-called intellectual.  Snobs like Gene Siskel, Roger Ebert, and Rex Reed bluffed film goers into believing they actually knew what they were talking about.  Slasher films were always met with hostility by these brainiacs who were trying to get us to fork over our hard-earned income to see dreadful idiocy like "Ordinary People."  1981's "My Bloody Valentine" is a terrific movie.  It has scares, gore, suspense, mystery, surprises and better acting than the critically acclaimed films of that same period.  It also has product placement, lots of it.  Made in Canada (set in Nova Scotia, and filmed in mines) "My Bloody Valentine" is also a terrific commercial for Moosehead Beer.
20 years ago, a mine collapse trapped five miners.  Their supervisors left the mine early that day so the miners could not be rescued immediately.  The supervisors departed so they could attend Valentine Bluffs annual Valentine's Day dance.  When finally rescued, only Harry Warden was alive, as he survived by eating his fellow miners.  Warden was sent to an insane asylum and the town ended their tradition of the dance.  Present day, Valentine Bluffs is going to resume this Valentine's Day tradition.  Uh oh.....murders start occurring.  The corpses have their hearts dug out and a Valentine's Day card inserted warning the town not to go through with the dance.  After Mabel is found in a dryer at a laundromat, heartless, the mayor cancels the dance.  The miners and their really hot girlfriends decide to have a dance anyway in the mine.....this has brilliant idea written all over it.  Two miners, Axel (Neil Affleck) and TJ (Paul Kelman) are vying for the same girl, Sarah (Lori Hallier). For some strange reason, TJ left Valentine Bluffs for a year and never wrote, and Axel moved in.  Now TJ is back, and it is easy to see Sarah still is keen on him.  
As the miners and their babes down a bunch of Moosehead, they start dying.  The carnage is of the pick-ax sort, mostly, but also shower-heads, boiling water, a nail gun, and a large drill are in play.  As the corpses mount, our protagonists realize Harry Warden has returned (...or has he?).  Uh oh...Sarah and her friend Patti played by Cynthia Dale ("Heavenly Bodies") have gone on an informal tour of the mine without Sarah's dueling beaus.  Both Axel and TJ put their differences aside (..or do they?) and rush into the mine to save the damsels from the psycho.  No problem, the party has run out of Moosehead and the revelers are now settling for Schlitz.  As the sheriff gets some shocking news from the looney bin about Harry, he races toward the mines to join Axel and TJ.  The final 25 minutes of this slasher classic, actually shot in a mine, will not disappoint, and delivers some neat surprises and revelations.
Is Harry really the killer?  Will Sarah realize that she is smart and beautiful and leave Valentine Bluffs for the big city, and land an investment banker or lawyer?  The 2009 "My Bloody Valentine" (shot in 3D) is another fine movie which stands on it's own, and will be reviewed on this blog sometime this year.  In 1981 we were suffering through the Major League Baseball strike, and the wedding of Charles and Diana.  Thankfully, "My Bloody Valentine" provided some fun entertainment in what could have been such a sub-par year.

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