The Utah Cabin Murders, Psychos vs. Mormons

Perhaps there is nothing new in this brutality tale of murder and desperation.  Still, the makers of this movie have something to say, or preach, and the final 20 minutes becomes an anthem for the human soul. Perhaps out of place in this vicious work, but perhaps something that separates this psycho-killer film from other cabin in the woods psycho films.  Like it or not, there is something in this film that will speak to you, whether you want it or not. Anti-Mormons will hate it.  Our feature today is 2019's "The Utah Cabin Murders," directed by Andrew Jones.

I guess they're Mormon, a seemingly happy and clean-cut family who has rented a wilderness cabin for Christmas. Richard (Erick Hayden) is the dad, initially annoying, but he has a Herculean task...keep his family loving and assuage bitterness between his daughter Tina (Jennifer Sims) and his wife Patricia (Anna Ruben). Tina describes herself as the 'prodigal daughter,' but she may be over-stating matters.  In reality, Patricia just favors her other daughter Linnea (Tiffany Ceri).  Both blonde and beautiful daughters will be unequally loved by mom, until Hell comes to visit. To make matters worse, the mom, Patricia, is having a crisis in faith...seems she's upset that there are hypocrites in the church (Yawn!).

Enter two escaped convicts, Taylor (Lee McQueen) and Ed (Derek Nelson). They are pure evil and break into the cabin and initially hold grandma (Lucy Aley-Parker), Patricia, and Linnea hostage.  They ruthlessly execute mom and grandma.  Now Richard and Tina arrive home and these two will now be drawn into a veritable hell. Meanwhile, two cops, Sheriff Redwood (Dennis Farrin) and Deputy Wilkes (Jason Homewood) are wrestling with past demons as they will get the call to respond to the cabin. Taylor and Ed are brutal psychopaths who look at the blonde sisters with rape in their minds.  Can any of this end well?  Now there's the relevant question.  

Enough of the plot.  The real questions posed by this film will be ignored, but for the faithful among you, you'll harp on them.  Will Redwood and Wilkes be able to respond in time to save any of this victimized family?  Will Taylor and Ed carry out the sexual assaults on the blonde daughters? Is hypocrisy merely a red herring used by Patricia to mask greater sins?  This one won't get a lot of love, but for the more devout among you, see the brutally explicit "The Utah Cabin Murders." 

Clown Nightmare, Greatest Clown Horror Film Ever

Yep, the greatest clown horror film ever!  Most of you will agree that Stephen King's "It" movies were over-rated and dull. "The Terrifier"?  Yawn!  However, the apocalypse and a re-imaging of an H.G. Wells classic, with a big dose of creepy added?  Now we are talking. Also, the sultry Tucky Williams as a babe laboratory assistant, clad in a white lab coat, boots, and wielding heavy firepower is something that will inspire you forever.  Our feature today is the micro-budget "Clown Nightmare," directed beautifully by Mark Holmberg.

Mark (Holmberg) is the videographer for mad scientist, and H.G. Wells wannabe, Jerry (Jerry Williams). Jerry has invented a time machine, or at least that is what he thinks it is.  His beautiful lab assistant Tucky (Tucky Williams) joins him as they are about to fire it up.  Oops!  Yeah...not quite a time machine.  Instead of sending the crew to a different time, the machine opens up a portal to a clown universe and creepy clowns, by the millions come through. These bug-eyed weirdos are ominous and terrorize the Earth as they take it over.  Todd (Todd Burrows) joins the crew, and so does BDSM actress Penny (Penny Abney), who uses a paddle in her work. Now the clowns converge on the film studio sending the surviving earthlings into underground tunnels.

Okay, the survivors are separated but get away.  Now Todd, Mark, and Jerry are trying to get back to Tucky...who loves shooting machineguns at clowns...who doesn't?  Penny?  Clown food, sadly. Never mind Penny, Kayla pops up!  The perky blonde also loves shooting machineguns at clowns.  We like her a lot, and you will too. The clowns are ominous and like cockroaches...they get in.  A master wizard clown appears and seems to be able to transcend the time and space continuum, or something like that.  Now Jerry has to work fast.  He needs to use his mad scientist brains and invent something to close the portal and get rid of all the clowns before the military nukes the whole country.

Will Tucky and Kayla get into a catfight or have a make-out session?  Will Jerry adjust his time machine controls to get rid of the clowns?  Are the clowns just a metaphor, and a weird foreshadowing of the soon to emerge Biden Administration?  This is a good one and Tucky Williams' character is one that you will take a liking to from the start.  For some good clown carnage, and realistic end-of-the-world drama, see "Clown Nightmare." 

Star Time, A Slasher Born from TV

What do you get when we mesh "Videodrome" and "Henry: Portrait of s Serial Killer"? Yep, today's feature.  The two aforementioned 1980s horror classics obviously inspired this 1992 offering that may be the magnum opus of John P. Ryan.  This fable is convicting and perhaps talks to all of us about what our minds do when deluged with the nonsense we watch every week on the tube.  Madness and gratuity abound, and some of this film will break your heart.  Let us look at "Star Time," directed by Alexander Cassini.

Uh oh...Henry's (Michael St. George) favorite TV show, "The Robertson Family" is ended by the network.  This show was not a mindless sitcom to Henry.  The characters were real and in his mind, his family. The mentally unstable Henry has only one friend now, his social worker/therapist, the nubile Wendy (Maureen Teefy).  She does not really have an understanding of this cancelled show or what it means to her patient's psyche.  Sadly, she'll find out.  Now, Henry is about to commit suicide when the head of "The Robertson Family," the dad (Ryan) shows up and introduces himself as Sam.  Sam is distraught too but more philosophical.  He convinces Henry not to end it all and instead to make something of himself in show business.  Become someone important.  Be significant.  Matter.  Yep, you guessed it, a serial killer.

Sam fixes Henry up with a hatchet and a baby mask.  Soon, after dozens of murders, Henry will be known as "The Baby Mask Killer."  He preys on families who are watching TV.  In Henry's mind, as coached by Sam, he is making his victims important by allowing them to be covered on the evening news.  Being on TV is akin to immortality.  Now Henry is immortal and loving the fame.  Poor Henry, his sense of reality was never there.  Even sadder, the pretty Wendy has no idea the level of Henry's delusion and paranoia. With hatchet in hand and mask on his face, Henry sets out to win over Wendy and also to introduce her to Sam.  Sam is not pleased that now he will have to share Henry with this babe.

Is Sam real or just part of Henry's insane brain manifesting itself as his new buddy?  Will Wendy be able to figure out Henry's true level of madness before meeting a hatchet in the head?  Is this film an accurate metaphor of what TV has done to the past three generations of Americans?  Heartbreaking, with an astronomical kill count, and difficult to watch, this is a splendid slasher film and Mr. Ryan, Mr. St. Gerard, and Miss Teefy all turn in stellar performances.  See "Star Time" and evaluate what your favorite TV show is doing for you, or to you. 

Blood Sabbath, Nude Witch Babes Dance and Frolic

Yep, the highlight of this film is babe witches dancing in the nude. A lot of jiggling and wide steps. No, not the remake of "The English Patient," but a drive-in quality horror/exploitation film from 1972. No hag-type witches here, no way!  These witches could have been drawn from the LA Ram cheerleading squad, and are very perky. Plot? Of course...and shouldn't more plots be full of naked babes dancing and frolicking?  Our feature today is "Blood Sabbath," directed by Brianne Murphy.

David (Anthony Geary) is a PTSD (in the early 70s, we called this 'shell shock') ridden Vietnam vet, just back home. Now he's a drifter with a guitar until naked hippie-chicks try to rape him and steal his guitar. Left for dead, the sultry water-nymph-witch Yyala (Susan Damante) arrives and cares for him. The two fall in love but the nymph tells him she can never be with a man who has a soul. Thus she leaves. Distraught, David desires to lose his soul and meets hermit Lonzo (Sam Gilman). He tells David to forget about all this as no good can come of it. David is in love, though, and is determined to lose his soul so he can be with Yyala. Turns out Yyala is part of a coven of nude and dancing witches headed by Alotta (Dyanne Thorne). She wants David, too. 

So here's the deal. The witches sacrifice a child on the altar every year and in return the neighboring town has a great harvest. This agreement is satisfying to everyone except a moralistic priest (Steve Gravers). Now David asks the priest how he can lose his soul.  This does not produce productive dialogue.  Now David finds Alotta and demands she take his soul so he can be with Yyala.  Alotta is a sly devil and has a plan in which she herself will end up with David and Yyala will be banished.  Ignorant of Alotta's treachery, David agrees to a blood rite which will include a lot of nude dancing.

Will David and Yyala be given to one another by Alotta, or will Alotta fool both of them? Will there be an epic catfight between Alotta and Yyala with mud pits and Jell-O?  Are these witches a pretty good metaphor for babes in general?  See "Blood Sabbath" and get your fill of nude dancing and jiggling.

Shriek of the Sasquatch, A Malaise in Bigfootville

1979, a malaise has overtaken America, or at least President Carter had told us. The idiot from Georgia staffed his administration with incompetents and crooks and confessed to lusting for babes that were not his wife.  The Islamist Revolution was born and the Soviets entered Afghanistan...all the while Carter told us to turn the lights off. Today we have a film set in 1979, and filmed like a low-budget drive-in.  It is also a deceptively terrific film that features one of this blog's favorites...Sarah French!  Throw in gore, pre-marital and very gratuitous sex, and dismemberment and we have 2011's "Shriek of the Sasquatch," directed by Steve Sessions.

They're so cute...Nick (Danny Versiga) and Julie (French), on a road trip in his Dodge 442. Near Biloxi they stop in a town and unbeknownst to them, Bigfoot has also settled in the woods there. Bigfoot has begun his homicidal spree and he initially focuses on babes and hunks in the woods getting nude and sometimes having pre-marital sex. He'll swat their heads off, claw up their abdomens, and eat their insides...a metaphor for the Carter Administration?  Meanwhile, Julie gives us a gratuitous yellow bikini modeling session. With severed heads popping up, Deputy Hobbs (Todd Cockroft) is on the case and is apparently a believer in our cryptid. Through some unfortunate circumstances, and a broken down 442, Julie and Nick are stuck in town.

Bigfoot continues his rampage and Mr. Sessions has given us some nice cheese as Bigfoot fodder.  A sultry hitchhiker (Deanna Meske) and a underwear clad Disco babe (Alice Ford) are two victims in scenes that will break our hearts.  Yep, you guessed it, Julie and Nick will not be immune.  They'll come face to face with the thing in an incredibly frightful and gory series of scenes.  Julie, the nubile babe, now out of her yellow bikini, and into some denim, will be the classic damsel in distress.  Bigfoot, like all us guys, will pursue the hot blonde...but will Nick have anything to say about all this?  The ending? You'll see, but it is a neat one.

Does Bigfoot merely want love, and if so, isn't Julie just what he needs?  If Bigfoot wants Julie, where does this leave Nick?  Is this film a definitive morality statement imploring all of us to avoid pre-marital sex and nudity in the woods?  Ms. French is fantastic in this and the other actors and actresses are too.  The gore, kills, and surprises are all first-class, and Mr. Sessions does present a nostalgic look at early 1970s drive-in cinema.  See "Shriek of the Sasquatch" and enjoy Sarah French as the nubile damsel in great distress.

Half Moon, A Hooker and a Werewolf

What if "My Dinner with Andre" was a horror film...a werewolf film?  Would Siskel and Ebert have still fawned over it?  Instead of Andre, the role was switched with a sultry, scantily clad whore?  Right. Siskel would have been fine with that, but not Ebert, probably. Today we have that film. The 2010 Jason Toler film, starring the 'adult' film star Tori Black, "Half Moon." A lot of conversation, but also some passionate pre-marital sex and dismemberment.  Sounds like "Mystic Pizza, " I know!

Rose (Black) is a sultry...whore!  Her pimp Kevin (Torey D. Sutton) is a mean one and he has rules. Immediately, Rose breaks the rules, steals another whore's trick, and ends up in a motel room with a handsome guy from Eastern Europe, Jacob (Marek Matousek). They talk, and he feeds her a nice dinner.  He's mysterious and apparently part gentleman. Rose kind of likes him. When they get down to the pre-marital sex, it is the most amazing Rose has ever had. Then they talk some more and Rose finds duct tape, handcuffs, tranquilizers, syringes, and a gun in the bathroom.  Concerned they are to be used on her, she takes the gun and confronts Jacob.

Even after Rose ties Jacob to the chair, the conversation continues. Rose calls Kevin who shows up, pummels Rose, and demands Rose get the combo for this guy's safe and get out all the money.  Now Rose, with a gun, tries forcing Jacob to give her the safe combination. Jacob insists he has a condition and the money is needed to pay a doctor to cure him.  Rose is skeptical...but soon she won't be.  What happens next?  You can probably guess, but the strong part of this film is Tori Black who oozes seduction and primal bacchanalia in every scene she is in.

Will Jacob get loose from his binds and tear up Rose?  Will  Jacob get loose from his binds and make more pre-marital sex with Rose?  Will Kevin come back and force the issue?  The cheese factor is terrific in this film and Mr. Matousek is terrific as the exotic hunk with a problem.  If the cast does not talk your ear off, you will enjoy the sex, gore, and violence of "Half Moon."

Cannibal Troll, Monster vs. Lesbian Babes

As if the title did not tell you everything you need to know. This English offering decides to not only push the alphabet agenda, it also pushes every other envelope it can. This film delves in the uber-taboo and the fate of Lizzy (Megan Purvis) is one you may not believe as it plays out in front of you on the silver screen. With a cue from "A Serbian Film," our feature today presents us the disgusting and revolting...but we are endeared by the troll (Zuza Tehanu) and his plight.  Now let us look at 2021's "Cannibal Troll," directed by Scott Chambers and Becca Hirani.

Yep, a cannibalistic troll rules a section of the woods and if you wander in, he'll eat you. Before he does that he will put you through that old classic fraternity boy ritual of tying you up, and making you eat your girlfriend...or worse.  Worse? Yep. You'll see. Okay, Cassie (Georgina Jane) is about to marry a guy...ick! That's what her bestie thinks. Ava (Nicole Nabi) had a wild lesbian encounter with Cassie and wants her. Also along for a camping trip is sultry lesbian Yara (Barbara Dabson), the pregnant Lizzy, and Cassie's mom, Emma (Kate Sandison). We have already met the troll as he made some nubile babe eat her boyfriend...literally. The four go on the hike with lesbian sexual tension exploding.  Emma is naive, but Ave does hope to get Cassie back.  

See where this is going?  The troll finds them and makes mincemeat out of them with his bow and arrow and an axe.  The opportunity for Cassie to eat Ava, or for Ava to eat Cassie is right around the corner... literally...okay, and figuratively. Yara? A babe...sadly, she'll meet many of the arrows shot by the troll. Emma? Not worth mentioning.  Pregnant Lizzy?  Horrifically, the troll has unique plans for her and... well, you'll see, if you don't cover your eyes. Now Cassie has a chance to man-up, figuratively, and literally.  Ava increasingly professes her love to Cassie, fortunately the troll always comes by interrupting these scenes. Enough of the plot, when this film ends, the alphabet agenda will not be the talking point this movie presents, rather it will be what happened to the pregnant Lizzy.

Just what will befall Lizzy and her unborn baby?  Will Ava succeed in making Cassie face her true identity?  What deference will the troll show to these two babes from a "marginalized community"?  Will the social statement by the moviemakers justify what happens to Lizzy and her unborn baby?  You decide.  For a shocking and taboo film, see "Cannibal Troll." 

The Naked Witch, Blondes in Bikinis in Peril

Blondes in bikinis, or other undies, don't usually fare well in these films.  The nubile lot just can't keep from capturing the attention of satanists, berserkers, or evil witches.  Sadly, they are punished for their beauty. No, not a film about woke Ivy league colleges, but a serious horror film about witchcraft, blood sacrifices, and an inept team of parapsychic researchers.  Our feature today is the 1969 uber erotic "The Naked Witch" (aka "The Witchmaker"), directed by William O. Brown.

As our film begins a sultry blonde in a white bikini climbs out of the swamp all wet and shiny. She'll immediately be grabbed by Luther the Berserker (John Lodge), stripped, murdered, hung upside down, and drained of her blood. This babe was the eighth nubile blonde to buy it this way. Enter Dr. Hayes (Alvy Moore) and his team. The team? Blonde babe psychic Tasha (Thordis Brandt), the lovely blonde but useless Sharon (Robyn Millan), the sultry secretary Maggie  (Shelby Grant), the grad student Owen (Tony Benson), and the hunk reporter Vic (Anthony Eisley). The first thing they do as they enter the bayou where all these babes have been drained of blood? Right. Tasha and Sharon, dress in bikinis, Tasha takes her top off, and the babes rub suntan lotion all over themselves. Luther senses Tasha's presence and wants her.  Who wouldn't?

Luther knows talent, though other than her looks, Tasha really isn't good at anything, except rubbing suntan lotion. Luther summons an old hag, who turns into a babe witch (Warrene Ott) and they entrance Tasha. Tasha then lures Sharon into a midnight tryst, but Luther is waiting and they drain her blood. So sad. Now Luther and the witch he conjured, with an entranced Tasha go to work on the team. Dr. Hayes is useless and slow. Vic is heroic but incompetent. Luther and all the babe and nude witches he conjures up are party animals and into orgies, and in need of the blonde babe Tasha. Vic has a plan, not a good one, but Dr. Hayes and him will try it. At stake, the sultry and entranced Tasha.

Will there be a catfight between Tasha and either Maggie, Sharon, or the dozen or so babe nude witches? Will Luther be able to make Tasha his mate for all eternity?  Does Luther have any idea what happens to babes after a week...it's like that Meatloaf song, "Paradise by the Dashboard Lights."  I mean, eternity is a long time to put up with an annoying laugh or constant nagging, or...okay, never mind. See the very erotic and arousing "The Naked Witch."   

The Ladies of the House, Cannibal Strippers!

Prurient! Gory! Seductive!  This one stars four lovely actresses who play strippers...er, I mean, exotic dancers!  Guess what else they are...yep...cannibals.  A metaphor for sultry dames in general?  You answer that one.  The victims?  Wait, victims?  Three hunks, well, two hunks and a...well, you'll see.  Don't cry for anyone, no one in this film gets anything they do not deserve.  Our feature today is 2014's "The Ladies of the House," directed by John Stuart Wildman.

Getty (Melodie Sisk), Lin (Farah White), Crystal (Brina Palencia), and Ginger (Belladonna) are four hot strippers who are also roomies in a house. Getty and Lin are lovers, and Ginger and Crystal are lovers. Yes, there will be passion, even in the shower, among these two couples. Kai (RJ Hanson) is a mentally challenged giant and it is his b-day. His brother Jacob (Gabriel Horn) and friend Derek (Samrat Chakrabarti) bring Kai to a strip club to get him de-virginized.  This doesn't work as he goes spastic with even a hint of feminine contact. The gals perform there and are done for the night. Before three of the girls head home, Ginger heads back to the house. Unbeknownst to her, the three guys follow hoping for a party with the girls. Besides, Jacob still wants to get Kai laid.  The men show up, and Ginger lets them in hesitantly, and then all goes to pot.  Drugs, alcohol, and dares end up in Ginger being murdered by the men. 

The murder was accidental, but incredibly careless.  When the other three babes return, they will find Ginger's corpse...and hints that the trio of men are hiding in the house. The babes have secrets.  No spoiler here, they usually lure men home to have play-time with, then murder them, and butcher them, and cook them, and eat them.  Now the three men are being hunted in close quarters.  The exotic dancers will have passion, hunt, have some more passion, have a shower, and hunt some more.  What happens next will be incredibly gory, heartbreaking, and full of torture.  Not for the squeamish, but think of what goes on in a butcher shop.

Will the three exotic dancers survive the homicidal intruders?  Will the three homicidal intruders survive the cannibalistic strippers...er, exotic dancers, I mean?  Are all gorgeous babes lunatic nut-cases?  The cheese in this one is tremendous, and so is the gore.  For some very prurient horror that will cause you to hide your eyes in several scenes, see "The Ladies of the House."

Drawn Into the Night, Cheerleaders Humiliated in Cages

Wow! Misogyny!  Sexploitation! Think Giallo or Euro-Trash times 10! How does anyone get away making movies like this?  Officially, I am appalled. Pretty cheerleaders and other high school skanks humiliated, violated, and exploited by the most vilest of human beings.  I am so offended. Now, if your curious as to what I'm talking about, let us look at 2022's "Drawn Into the Night," directed by Bill McAdams, Jr. If you are still curious, find it on Tubi, you will love it! 

Three sultry cheerleaders (Chelsea Brummet, Adriana DeMeo, and Sharon McNerney) from Belmont High, in full costume, frolic in the moonlight. They'll be captured in a net and put in cages. This makes six cheerleaders total who have been taken. The cops assign sultry detective Kate ( Jessica Sonneborn) undercover into the high school to find out what is going on. She'll get into catfights with skanks, and prance around locker rooms in satin undies with those same skanks. She befriends the sultry and semi-clean cut Lauren (Paulie Rojas) and earn the scorn of the sultry b#$%h Brittany (Augie Duke), Tina (Sita Young), and Brooke (Casey Reinhardt) . They all get lured to a phony rave party.  The gals get all dolled up and drive to the middle of nowhere.

As soon as they get there, the gals are hunted with stun guns, captured, and caged. Kate, the empowered female detective is a lousy cop. Fortunately the men will show up later to undo her incompetence, but that's another story. The caged girls meet the captured cheerleaders, in other cages, and are zapped more with stun guns and hauled away for some deadly humiliation.  The beautiful will die horribly, but can Kate save at least some of them...or can some man detective save them. Exploited, humiliated, and electrocuted, the gals will be forced into humiliating deviance and violence.

The actresses in this film are all sultry.  Their deaths are so heartbreaking. The brutes in this film are so evil. Why are these sultry cheerleaders and skanks being taken, and by who?  Will Kate be able to beat the rich-b#$%h Brittany in a vicious cat fight?  Will any of the sultry cheerleaders survive this film?  Prurient, exploitive, misogynistic, and so good.  For some great sexploitation, fit for a 1970s drive-in experience, see "Drawn Into the Night." 

Strip Club Slasher, Bloody Prurience

Filmed like an early 1970s drive-in movie, this nostalgic piece will leave you needing a shower.  Dirty, grimy, gory, and without any morally redeeming qualities, this stripper heavy drama will probably leave you gasping at the uber-prurient and twisted ending. Here's the best part!  This film stars one of this blog's favorite actresses...Sarah French! Our feature today is 2010's "Strip Club Slasher," directed by Jason Stephenson.

After a bad night stripping at a dive strip club, Kitty (Elske McCain) is murdered by a weird guy who intercepts her in the parking lot. So distraught...okay, not very distraught...the other strippers at the club will convene at Desiree's (Rachel Grubb) house for remembrance.  In reality, only the sultry Sarah (French) has mourning type feelings for Kitty. The other strippers are indifferent to the poor babe's fate. Desiree actually invited all the strippers over so she could get into Sarah's pants. This is a shock to Desiree's stripper GF Jezzy (Saint Deville). Jezzy's twin sister, Heidi (also Deville), is Sarah's good friend and gets stoned immediately. Now distraught as Desiree chases Sarah into the bathroom, Jezzy storms out only to meet a tortuous fate at the hands of the killer.

Now the killer has descended on the house and he is a hulking being. He'll also follow all the strippers back to the club when they return there to talk to the investigating detective (Joel D. Wynkoop). The killer has a big machete and he'll use it to decapitate and slice throats.  The gals fall faster than a prom dress at an after party, but Sarah has what it takes to be the final girl...or does she?  Desiree is excited when Sarah recounts to her a memory of her first lesbian encounter with Mindy Muffin (Leah Avery). Sadly for Desiree, Sarah is not interested in her.  What happened to Mindy Muffin?  Unknown. Now the masked behemoth enters the club and begins swinging away with his machete.

Will Sarah be the final girl or is there something twisted planned for her by these warped movie makers?  Will Desiree get to bring Sarah to ecstasy, or will Sarah maintain high standards?  Just who is this masked killer, and could it be Mindy Muffin returning to share some glory with Sarah? The ending will be as twisted, or more, than the first 70 minutes of this film.  For an epic performance by Sarah French, in a bloody and prurient slasher film, see "Strip Club Slasher."  

Blood Mountain Massacre, Homage to Drive-In Splatter Fests

There's a lot here, and none of it is good.  I mean, so bad its good.  If you like those Satan exploitation films that showed up on drive-in screens in the late 60s and early 70s, then this is the film for you.  Though this is a 2024 film, it is filmed like an old drive-in offering.  The plot is right out of so many films you saw in the 70s and 80s, but that is a lot better than out of a Stanley Kubrick or Francois Truffaut film...or better than that "Star Wars" Mandalorian nonsense.  Babes in peril!  Machetes!  Escapee from an insane asylum!  Gratuitous shower scenes! No, not the remake for "To Kill a Mockingbird," but "Blood Mountain Massacre," directed by Bob Place.

There is a plot, but be wise and don't pay too much attention to it lest you miss gratuitous shower scenes or splattering blood. A total lunatic escapes from a prison van bound for an asylum for the criminally insane. Edward (Jody Black) kills a babe juggler by shoving a curling iron through her eyeball. Dr. Loomis (Greg Behrens) arrives and tells the cops his patient is a true murder machine ...think Jason. Okay, now we meet the stars of this epic, an all-girl punk rock band called The Abortions. A rough crew of babes featuring Laurie (K.D. O'Hair) a heroin addict, Nancy (Katherine Blackford) a blonde Tarot card reader, Alice (Liz Derr) a nymphomaniac who likes it rough, Pam (Vandala Morton) a Pam Greer wannabe. Also along is the clean cut sister of Laurie, Sally (Jenna Aungst) who sells the merch at concerts and drives the van.

As Edward murders his way on his trek to Blood Mountain, The Abortions join the lead band Dick Hammer for an after-party at their lead singer, Freddie's (Matt Maher) blood mountain cabin. A veritable drug filled orgy develops with shower scenes and hot tub deviance. Then Edward arrives...and you can guess where the plot goes...or can you?  Director Bob Place has a surprise or three for us and what follows is one of the most ambitious plots you will ever see.  Worry not, the plot won't become clean cut but this film becomes much more than a slasher horror film.

Yes, I have left out a lot, you'll see.  Will the all-girl punk rock band make it to the end of the film intact?  Will Sally maintain her virginity as the end credits roll?  With bands called Dick Hammer and The Abortions, can you figure out where a lot of this plot will go?  This is a prurient and decadent traipse through a slasher/satanist film that would have played well in the drive-ins over 50 years ago.  Today we look upon it with nostalgia and guilty pleasure.  See "Blood Mountain Massacre" and then take a good long hot shower afterwards to clean off all the dirt you will feel.

Death Streamer, Vampire Eats His Subscribers

Yes!  We have a Charles Band film today. The genius produced and directed this Full Moon Features effort. So given this is a Full Moon film, are we likely to see female nudity in the gratuitous sense? Yep!  Add spurting blood to that topless motif and we have something that we may be able to classify as prurient.  Oh, and how the blood does spurt!  Our feature today is 2024's "Death Streamer."

Arturo (Sean Ohlman) is a handsome vampire that invites big breasted babes to his mansion.  With the help of his topless bartender (Chili Jean) and thug servant (Travis Stoner), he drugs babes in sexy party gowns, lays them on a bed, and eats their necks. Oh, even better!  He livestreams all this for his million subscribers. Discretion is not one of his strong points. On the other side of town, Alex (Aaron Michael McDavid), Edwina (Emma Massalone), and Juniper (Kaitlin Moore) have their own livestream, a YouTube show called Church of Chills that explores occult phenomena and ghosts. The trio are struggling to gain enough subscribers to make their show profitable, but appear to be fighting a losing battle.  Then by accident, Juniper comes across Arturo's bloody livestream and the trio figure out his murders are real.  Now Alex has an idea.

Arturo is smart and figures out that Juniper has hacked into his stream.  Now Arturo comes through the livestream and threatens Alex, Edwina, and Juniper...they should have heeded the warnings. Alex, smelling subscribers, decides to play one of Arturo's murders on Church of Chills. Not a good idea as Arturo decides the intrusive trio is going to be a problem and he comes after them.  Trying to defend themselves, Edwina does research and realizes Arturo's real age and what his ultimate plan is, and it is terrifying.  Now the two babes are in mortal danger of being the next sacrifice as Alex constructs wooden crosses to defend themselves.

Do Alex, Edwina, and Juniper have a prayer at defending themselves from a toothy and aroused vampire who likes dames with great big...smiles?  Will Juniper or Edwina capture Arturo's eye and be his next sacrifice?  Will Alex' wooden crosses and his knowledge of the occult be enough to mount a defense against Arturo and his minions?  This is a bloody, prurient, and graphic film from our buddies at Full Moon.  Kids, if your mom says 'no way are you watching a Full Moon Features movie,' obey them.  For a bloody good time, and especially for fans of Charles Band, see "Death Streamer."

Hunting Emma, A Pacifist Goes Nuclear

In 1897, Sigmund Freud was quoted as saying, "Inside every pacifist is a raging nymphomaniac psychopath thirsting to gut any brute that comes her way." Okay, I admit this is a paraphrase. Still, you've seen this trope...and anti-violence, anti-gun, anti-war puke is pushed to the limit and he or she becomes Predator! Today we have one from South Africa, 2017's "Hunting Emma," directed by Byron Davis.

Emma (Leandie du Randt) is a sultry blonde schoolteacher who is a pacifist, supposedly. On her holiday, she drives to visit her dad (Tertius Meintjes) and breaks down on a deserted highway.  Unlucky for her she spots six men who might be able to help.  Too late, as she nears them, the gang of six criminals executes a police officer.  Emma, horrified, runs.  The gang leader, Bosman (Neels van Jaarsveld) orders his men to capture her...they do.  Bosman then orders Boela (Edwin van der Walt) to rape her...he tries.  Dad finds out Emma is stranded and in the wilderness.  He puts two and two together and sees that a gang of six is hunting her...and he is scared...for the six men.  See, dad was a special forces monster who taught Emma all he knew...especially how to murder. In handcuffs, Emma escapes as Boela is distracted...the chase is on again.  Emma is smart and triples back on her tracks causing the men to separate.

Boella and AJ (Danie Putter) find her first...to their detriment. Boella ends up gutted and AJ ends up... educated.  Now Bosman is ticked!  The men keep pursuing, Emma keeps slaughtering.  Now Emma has one of their radios and calls Bosman a "b@#$h."  Bosman has an ego and three men left.  Well, you can guess how the rest of the plot goes.  Oh, I should say Emma just broke up with her BF because he slugged a guy in a bar.  This fact will make the ending of this film priceless...you'll see.

Will Emma murder her way all the way to Bosman and then skewer him?  Will Emma's dad camp out in the wilderness with popcorn, marshmallows, and beer and just wait for his bloodstained daughter to arrive?  Will Emma see the error of her ways and take her BF back?  The goons in this film are evil, and Emma is quite the babe as she sweats nicely in the South African desert.  For a vicious babe versus brutes film, see "Hunting Emma." 

The Arkansas Pigman Massacre, Little Girls and a Hatchet Wielding Pig

A coming of age film!  yep, if the homicidal half man-half pig were a cello instead and this film was called "Two Girls and a Cello," the critics would all love it. Yep, it would get an 8.8/10 rating on IMDB instead of the 2.9 it does get. Something about a behemoth of a man with a pig's head scares the critics...wusses! Hey, Eric Roberts is in this...we like Eric Roberts, and even though his 90 second scene has no bearing on the plot, we do admire his...hair. But wait!  You'll never guess!  This is actually a pretty good film. Our feature today is 2025's "The Arkansas Pigman Massacre," directed by JT Kris.

Pig Man is the behemoth hunk who has a pig head, wears a bloody apron, and wields a hatchet and carving knife. He chases down hikers and campers, cuts them open, and feasts on their internal organs.  The monster man oinks a lot and is relentless.  As the film opens, we see him hunt a few down. So here are our two stars, a couple of 12-year-old girls who are into their phones, music, and boys. Tracey (Junie Liv Thomasson) is from a broken family and would rather live with her dad (Roberts) than her mom. Chelsea (Saga Pernille Johnson Muro) is her buddy. Tracey has a crush on Chelsea's rock-star brother, Dylan (Dante B. Salazar). Dylan is driving the two pre-teens to summer camp when the car stalls on a back dirt road...and along comes Pig Man. Pig Man takes Dylan away and Tracey and Chelsea flee into the woods.

Now our two slightly annoying, but kind of likable pre-dames are on the run.  Pig Man wants them to eat for dinner.  The girls are horrified, exhausted, and helpless to defend themselves against the raging monster with the hatchet.  Pig Man eats Dylan and now the gals have no hope for rescue.  Several close calls occur, but the screeching duo always just get away.  Along the way, Pig Man sometimes veers off and murders and eats more campers.  No problem here, the monster always gets right back on the trail.  Now the gals are desperate and their bond of friendship may be their biggest weapon against Pig Man, an obvious metaphor for modern American media and culture and their effort to destroy femininity in our young girls.

Will Tracey and Chelsea defeat the ruination that awaits them and turn the tables on Pig Man?  Will Eric Roberts do anything of note in this 90-minute epic?  Is the fact that this film took place in Arkansas an obvious message of and metaphor for the perversion and ruination that Bill and Hillary Clinton caused a nation?  Better than any "Mandalorian" garbage, and infinitely more valuable to our social conscience than the over-rated "To Kill a Mockingbird," "The Arkansas Pigman Massacre" is a film you must put on your watch-list.

Bad Channels, A Shrunken MTV Generation

What a combo!  Charles Band and Full Moon Entertainment merged with MTV. Yep, we have it here today and it even stars the perky Martha Quinn!  I believe she is an MTV original. When MTV still did music videos, boy that was long ago, their allure, especially with teens, was at its maximum. Now, MTV is gone, at least from any kind of popularity. Did MTV turn our kids into mind-numbed robots? Well, according to this film...maybe. Our feature today is 1992's "Bad Channels," directed by Ted Nicolaou.

Superstation 66 is the biggest rock station in the country. DJ Dan O'Dare (Paul Hipp) is kicking the programming off and it is being covered by TV reporterette Lisa (Quinn). Uh, oh! UFOs and one lands near the station. A slimy alien comes to the station with his laser shooting robot and takes it over. The station is covered in green slime so no one gets in or out. Dan is forced to broadcast and his music entrances the sultriest dames in Pahoota to dirty dance.  Even worse, as the babes dance, the slimy alien zaps them into glass jars at the station and shrinks them to a foot tall.  Now the beautiful high school band babe Bunny (Daryl Strauss), the beautiful diner waitress Cookie (Charlie Spradling), and sultry and kinky Nurse Ginger (Melissa Behr) are captured in these jars...but one more needs to be filled.

Outside the station, many of the town's citizens are overtaken by a green fungus that grows when the music from the station is broadcast.  Inside the studio, Dan tries everything to fight the monster alien and the laser-shooting robot and also tries to rescue the shrunken babes.  Lisa heroically keeps covering the story for her station as the cops and locals converge on the station and its radio tower.  The music blasts and each babe is entranced by a separate MTV-type band. Guitars play aplenty, lead singers gyrate like crazy, and babes are spun into sexual frenzies.

What does the slimy green alien want with the babes it has captured and put into jars?  Who is destined to be put in the fourth jar?  Will Lisa earn her Emmy for this heroic reporting, or will she be sucked in by the radio frequency, shrunk, and be put into that last jar? The cheese factor is terrific and the music factor is...well, if you liked MTV, you'll like these tunes.  See "Bad Channels" and relive the days MTV dominated the psyche of high schoolers throughout the world.

Adam & Evil, Teens in Wilderness Shredded

Erica Cerra is a lovely actress we never saw enough of.  She was the sultry deputy in the Syfy show "Eureka," and had a voice that oozed seduction...and wore her uniform well. She's in this slasher epic, and no uniform, just some shorts and at times a bikini. What we have here is sort of a rip-off of "Friday the 13th," not in backstory, but of sultry teens felled by a machete, arrows, a sickle, or other blunt instruments.  Before the bikini babes and hunks assume room temperature, there will be a lot of steamy pre-marital sex, beer drinking, and more steamy carnal relations. Our feature today is 2004's "Adam & Evil," directed by Andrew Van Slee.

Four years ago Adam (Sean Arnfinson) and Matt (Brody Harms) set off a Roman candle that shot into a house by accident and incinerated a nice family. Accident, but the two now have a bloody secret. These two will join six others in a wilderness getaway as they have just graduated from high school. Yvette (Lynsey Brothers) is Adam's GF and she knows about the dirty deed. Also along are the hunk Rob (Terrence William) and Rachel (Tiffany Paterson).  This couple is so sweet and Rachel in a bikini is unbelievable...they'll both be impaled through the neck by the same arrow, so sweet. Yep...the killings start fairly quickly. Oh, Seth (Kevin Robson) is sliced in his tent after boinking the lovely Maureen (Allison Warnyca). Maureen is the sheriff's (Jodie Graham) wife and he is a jealous sort...a killer?

The teens start being sliced and impaled at a rapid rate.  Suspects? Well, Yvonne (Cerra) just dumped her psycho BF Shane (James Clayton) and he followed the group to the wilderness with evil intentions.  Too easy?  There is the obligatory creepy caretaker (Jeffrey Fisher) with the hedge clippers.  Oh, Evelyn!  The most seductive of them all, also looks great in a bikini, and is loose with the pre-marital sex.  Why is she a suspect?  You'll see.  Booby traps, arrows, and machetes will fly and blood will spatter.  Babes will die horribly and so will hunks.  The killer goes through these great looking teens like crap through a goose.  Then!  Guess what!  A nice surprise ending and a final reveal that will be so satisfying.

Will Erica Cerra make it to the end credits or will she enjoy a dramatic death scene?  Will there be bikini-babe catfights?  Will Adam and Matt finally face retribution for that horrible Roman candle accident four years ago?  The cheese and beef is the highlight of this film but the kills are numerous and great.  For a throwback to the 1980s Slasher Era, see "Adam & Evil."