The Amityville Moon, Werewolf Eats Babes

Amityville!  This may come as a surprise to you but this film has absolutely nothing to do with that dreaded house, possession, the Lutz family, or anything regarding what we know as "The Amityville Horror."  I guess "The Amityville Moon" sounds a lot better than "The Levittown Moon." But, we do have a nice cheese factor.  Sure, most of the babes will be shredded.  Our feature today is 2021's "The Amityville Moon," directed by Thomas J. Churchill.

Okay, as our film begins a werewolf chases down some schmuck and shreds him. Fast forward, two at-risk young female criminals try to escape from a Catholic Rehabilitation Home.  The gals there are either junkies, whores, abused, runaways, or exotic dancers sentenced to be there. The sultry Alyssa (Alex Rinehart) and Karla (Kelsey Zukowski) are trying to escape through a window. Alyssa makes it and Kelsey is pureed by a werewolf. Meanwhile, Detective Kimball (Trey McCurley) has just got his badge back after a suspension...anger issues. His first assignment is to find the two runaways, not knowing Karla has been digested. He goes to the home and talks to Father Peter (David B. Meadows) and Sister Ruth (Tuesday Knight). Both of these Catholics are obviously keeping secrets.  Like what? Like Sister Francis (Katrina Leigh Waters), a babe. She's also in a coma...kind of, being fed blood.  A clue!

Okay, more girls get ripped apart.  Alyssa is found at the biker bar she worked at as a cocktail waitress.  She was there to try to  buy a gun with silver bullets...think she knows something? Kimball kind of believes her even though he brings her back to Father Peter and Sister Ruth. Meanwhile, we get indication that Francis is not in a coma but very...hungry.  More babes get eaten.  Now Alyssa takes it upon herself to try to escape again as Kimball tries to get to the bottom of what is going on in the house. More babes get eaten.  One poor babe even gets her face swatted off.  Now Sister Francis is out of bed...and on the prowl.

Will Detective Kimball need cocktail waitress Alyssa to save him?  Will any babe be left with her internal organs as the end credits role?  Is this film a metaphor of the chaos and tumult the Catholic church has been in ever since it adopted The Apocrypha and drove Martin Luther away? For some gory carnage, with babes screaming bloody murder, see "The Amityville Moon."    

Stark Fear, Sultry Babe Put Through the Ringer

Fans of Beverly Garland will find this one very difficult to watch. The sultry actress, usually in horror films, makes this dark thriller.  In it she will be humiliated, toyed with, beaten, and, oh yes, brutally raped. Maybe the creepiest and most humiliating rape of movie history. Her black lacy bra will actually be an important prop throughout the film. This is one that you may think reaches its darkest point...then it gets darker and more sordid. Our feature today is 1962's "Stark Fear," directed by Ned Hockman.

Ellen (Garland) only desires to please her oil executive husband, Gerry (Skip Homeier) on his birthday. She'll buy and put on a very sexy black lace bra and bring home a birthday cake. Gerry's company has not been finding oil of late so he is grouchy. Ellen has taken a new job to pay the bills with the hunk Cliff (Kenneth Tobey). She arrives home and her drunk husband pummels and humiliates her. He is upset that she has taken a job with a hunk. He calls her a tramp and belts her around. Now Gerry orders her to refuse the job she was just offered. The beating and humiliation Gerry delivered Ellen is hard to watch, and now she wanders the park in her roughed up state.  What will ultimately make matters worse for her, Cliff still pursues her, not only as a secretary but romantically.

Now it gets really brutal and sadistic, this movie. Ellen, if at all possible, desires to save her marriage... mistake. When Gerry goes missing she tries to find him and learns some weird secrets about her husband.  She finds out he actually hails from a small Oklahoma town and drives there. Big mistake. The town is weird and is filled with weird people and shops.  Rapists and drunks abound and the smartly dressed and made-up Ellen is no match for the deviance and brutality that will violate her there.  In one horrific scene, she is pulled into a graveyard and...well, you'll see. Can this get worse? Oh yes.  You'll see.  The last act in this film ramps up the sordid deviance three levels.  Alas, the sultry Beverly Garland will have turned in a heartbreaking and difficult performance.  Alas, the beautiful will suffer so much in this film.

Will Ellen be able to save her husband from whatever ails him?  Just what secrets lay in Gerry's spooky home town?  Will Cliff be able to be a white horse and come in and save the pretty Ellen? Beverly Garland is one of my favorite actresses and to watch her performance in this film will be unforgettable. See "Stark Fear," and be ready to gasp and squirm. 

The Bloody Vampire, Mexican Vampire

Cultural appropriation be damned, another stolen vampire film from Mexico. Anglo names are inserted for the characters...although didn't Mexico just elect a president with an Anglo name? Never mind. On one hand we have a classic "Dracula" type tale, however there are some twists to it. The movie is also vicious and gory...and the vampire bat!  Yep a bat that looks like a kaiju...Rodan to be more specific. Perhaps the Mexicans did a bit of cultural appropriation on the Japanese. Interesting that Japan never complained about this. Today we look at 1962's "The Bloody Vampire," directed by Miguel Morayta. BTW, this film is on the free streaming service Mometu (get the app or see them on X @freemometu).

Our toothy fiend is Count Frankenhausen (Carlos Agosti). He lives in a cavernous old castle south of the border.  His sultry wife is Countess Frankenhausen  (Erna Martha Bauman). She's sultry but not pleasing to the Count. She does not desire to be bitten so the Count is killing her with disease. The evil servant Frau Hildegarde (Bertha Moss) brings the Count ravishing women from the village for him to feed on and make some his brides. He has a bunch of brides in coffins...perhaps a metaphor for that Mexican machismo we love to snicker at here in the States. Let's skip much of the plot and get to Anna (Begona Palacios) and her doctor fiancé, Richard (Raul Farrell). See, Anna is kind of like Nancy Drew...loves a good mystery. Richard has been tasked to help find a cure for vampirism by his boss, Anna's dad (Antonio Rexel).

Fast forward...Anna uses her guile to land a job as a servant and nurse for the Countess.  Richard will be kept informed and befriend the Count. Eek...Richard does not fool the Count. Even worse, the Count falls madly in love with Anna and desires to kill off the Countess, bite Anna, and make the nubile sleuth his new main bride. Now Anna and the Countess are in mortal danger.  Richard lingers near and in the castle trying to find proof that the Count is a vampire.  Hildegarde finds out Richard's and Anna's deception from spies and reports back to the Count. Now the Count figures he needs to hurry up and turn Anna into a bloodsucker.  He figures on doing this just after finally draining the Countess. Only Richard can stop him as Anna has been entranced by the vampire's magical gaze.

Will Anna be able to survive as a living being and also save the Countess?  Is Count Frankenhausen a misunderstood undocumented living being in a world that sees him as undead? Is Richard's and Anna's desire to murder the charming vampire a mere form of xenophobia and hate that will forever damn Mexico?  The babe factor in this film is terrific as is the gore factor. This is a better film than many of the "Dracula" remakes made by Hollywood. Treat yourself with a terrific vampire film, see "The Bloody Vampire" or should I say "El Vampiro Sangriento"?

Terror of the Master, Vampire Duo and a TV Info-Babe

When we think of horror films from1998 we may mention "Urban Legend," "The Faculty," or "Deep Rising."  We had starlets like Famke Janssen (who was in two of those films) seducing us.  Though the 1980s were the golden years of slasher and horror films, we often forget about the 90s. Straight to VHS came into being and horror films still opened fairly often in the movie theater.  1998 also saw our buddy Jeff Kirkendall as a young, strapping, gentleman of a film maker. Today we associate him with our other buddies, the Polonia Brothers.  Today we look at Jeff Kirkendall's 1998 film, "Terror of the Master," available free on the streaming service of Fawesome .

Okay, as our film opens, the sultry Jennifer (Amy Naple) is chained in the basement of a vampire's abode. Clad in a nice black negligee, and trying to escape, sadly, she will fall victim to the toothy Christopher (Tony Turcic).  Apparently many young babes have gone missing as Christopher does have needs. Info-Babe Drew (Maitely Weismann) has yet to make it big.  Thus, she works part time in an antique store. One night a babe comes into the shop, leaves suddenly, and ends up in Christopher's basement. Very sad. Drew recognizes the babe when her station does a news report on her disappearance.  She also gets a threatening call telling her to forget about seeing the babe in her shop...or else.

Now Drew, determined to graduate to important news features, instead of bake sales, investigates.  Her depressed sister Amelia (Jennifer Birn) joins her.  They get close to Christopher fast and this incurs the vampire's wrath.  Uh oh...Christopher explains his backstory...and it goes back centuries.  You'll see, no spoilers here, but it does tell us there is another vampire, Darden (James Carolus).  These two have a bit of a rivalry...a rivalry that indicates both want the other dead...I mean really dead.  Unfortunately for Amelia and Drew, they will be caught up in this battle while chained in Christopher's basement.

Will Drew survive to break the story of a lifetime?  Will the sisters, now chained in the basement, escape as living beings...or undead beings?  Can any nubile babe survive the lust rivalry of two horny and hungry vampires?  Jeff Kirkendall succeeds in giving us a plot we want to see on the screen as opposed to making a sequel to Stanley Kubrick's "Barry Lyndon."  For some fun and campy thrills, see "Terror of the Master." 

My Cherry Pie, Hardened Criminals vs. Psychos

We have one from Australia today.  What do we have?  Let's just say it is a reimagining of Tobe Hooper's "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre." At times the accents will be difficult to understand, here in the U.S., but stay with it.  This isn't an arty film about relationships, it is a horror film with gore thrown in your face. It is also one of those films where we end up cheering for the killer.  There are just some people that need killing...a U.S. Marine told me that once. Our feature today is 2021's "My Cherry Pie," directed by Addison Heath and Jasmine Jakupi.

Okay, the film begins with two hippies in the woods planning to fornicate. They'll be killed off in very gory fashion.  The killer marches away with their heads. Fast forward, two idiotic crime guys, Jack (Dylan Heath) and Green (Tim Jason Wicks), pick up Freddie (Sotiris Tzelios) as he gets out of prison. The trio immediately continue their evil ways and knock off three drug dealers. Uh oh...they knocked off a connected fiend (Aston Elliot) and now have to get out of Dodge. They don't get far as their car breaks down.  Edwin (Glenn Maynard) finds them and brings them home. Home? He has an abandoned school where he lives with his sultry niece, Cherry (Trudi Ranik). Like all babes...she's a bit off. The trio look at Cherry as if they want to rape her.  Edwin and Cherry look at the crime boys as if they want to...well, you'll see.

Meanwhile, a masked killer stalks the grounds of this school turned into an orchard, and murders annoying trespassers.  The kills are gory.  Jack realizes there is something off with Cherry and implores his mates to get away now.  The mates, unwisely are captivated by her beauty and decline. Now something or someone in the house hunts them.  Right, someone or something is behind a locked door and is fed body parts by Cherry.  The reveal is not totally surprising, but the gore is intense.  Our three criminal stooges may or may not get what is coming to them.  Other reveals are sordid and taboo.

Do any of these criminals have a chance of getting away?  What is Cherry's story and is she the killer?  Just what is behind the locked door that needs to eat human remains?  This film pays a lot of homage to the Tobe Hooper classic and that is just fine with us.  For an incredibly gory horror film set in the Land Down Under, see "My Cherry Pie."    

Blood and Snow, The Thing in Northern Ontario

Okay, let me clear up any questions that may arise after you view the first five minutes of this film. It isn't in English. The first five minutes is in French. No subtitles. Don't turn it off.  Let me translate for you now. Here is the English translation of the French dialogue. "AH!"  "NO!"  "RUN AWAY!"  "WE'RE DOOMED!" "ALL IS LOST!"  "DON'T RIP MY HEAD OFF!" After this, all is in English. What we have here is inspired by 1982's "The Thing." Our feature today is 2023's "Blood and Snow," directed by Jesse Palangio. By the way, the head did get torn off.

A base in northern Canada supports a rig that is supposedly drilling for oil. Yeah, right!  Marie (Anne-Carolyne Binette) is a sweetie who only speaks, and screams, in French. Something comes up out of the hole they are drilling into and takes her dad's head off. Or so it appears.  She is dragged away by whatever the fiend was. Enter Luke (Simon Phillips) and Seb (Michael Swatton). The two guys from base were sent to bring Marie and her dad back to base before a storm sets in. They find half of dad and Marie, who is in shock. They bring her back to the base and into sick bay...mistake.  It's not Marie. The professor (Vernon Wells) treats Marie and notices things about her that can't be right.  They aren't. Eventually she'll wake, talking perfect English, and seeking knowledge on the internet about the human brain.

Marie also has superhuman strength and starts assaulting, and murdering members of the base.  The peeps are stuck with her as the nearest rescue team is 24 hours away. Uh oh!  She wants the rescue team.  See, she wants to "spread."  Yep, the professor figures out that Marie has a parasite in her from outer space.  If she reaches general population, the entire planet will be infected in 27,000 hours. Seb, who always had a thing for Marie (probably because they don't speak the same language...funny how that makes the opposite sex more appealing) wants to try to get the real Marie to fight off the parasite. Good luck!

Is incinerating a whiny babe scientist, who only speaks French, something we can all get behind?  If the alien parasite does reach general population, and takes over, how will we notice? Is the lack of flamethrowers in this film a severe enough plot deviance from the 1982 film something we can get past? Oh!  Fear not...there is an Alaskan Husky in this movie. For a toned down, but still creepy, version of John Carpenter's 1982 classic, see "Blood and Snow."  

Aimee: The Visitor, AI Babe Runs Amok

Remember cloning? What was it...maybe 10 years ago.  We were told cloning was finally here...gonna change everything. Yawn.  Then VR...what was that, five or six years ago?  Yawn.  Today we have AI.  Well, it's here.  What's here? A device to cut down on labor costs.  A device to trim payrolls.  A device to finally get rid of entitled employees who demand to "work from home." Today we look at Aimee...or AI-mee.  A sultry redhead who is 100% computer generated by Charles Band and Full Moon Features.  She's seductive, sexy, kinky, and not real. Kind of like a lot of stuff in our lives.  Our feature today is 2023's "Aimee: The Visitor."

Pervert and hunk Keyes (Dallas Schaefer) is an industrial hacker.  He owns a building where he plies his trade. Also living in the building are his friends, the nubile Gazelle (Faith West) and her brother Hunter (Felix Morback). The trio discover, or steal, some software that could really bring their hacking to a new level.  Keyes installs it and there is Aimee (Liz Jordan's voice). She is a sultry redhead but soon learns everything.  She helps Keyes and even offers him inspiration and tools for his masturbation. Gazelle gets jealous...and Aimee gets jealous...women! Aimee moves in quite rapidly for Keyes' affections.  Now Aimee desires to eliminate the competition.  See, Gazelle and Keyes end up having pre-marital sex and Aimee is not happy.

Now Aimee plugs into everything computerized in the city and kills Hunter's dog with a Roomba...happens.  The little yapper probably had it coming. Our redheaded computer generated babe proves to be quite psycho and develops a justification for murder.  Now our three humans are in great peril, but Keyes is slow on the uptake.  Uh oh...Gazelle figures out where Aimee came from, though the answer is no surprise. 

Just how does a catfight go when only one of the participants is flesh and blood?  Will Keyes figure out a way to impregnate an AI image?  If the Roomba can be weaponized, can a curling iron or a...well, never mind.  Entertaining and thought provoking, especially if you were thinking of getting a Roomba, "Aimee: The Visitor" is a quirky techno-thriller. 

The Wolf of Snow Hollow, A Werewolf in Upstate New York

Yes!  You are right.  There's no doubt.  Everyone is stupid.  Everyone around you has been put on this Earth to mess you up at every turn.  To interfere with your success. How could everyone be so stupid?  Why don't they just listen to everything you say as if it were the word of God? Is there a limit to how stupid people can be?  Doesn't appear so. Beware, there is someone, or something, who is not stupid.  That monster that hunts you...you'll see.  Today we look at 2020's "The Wolf of Snow Hollow" (aka "The Werewolf"), directed by Jim Cummings.

John (Cummings) is a deputy.  He is covering for the elderly and sickly Sheriff Hadley (Robert Forster). Hadley was like a dad to John, but now his best days are long gone and he is in denial about his diminishing abilities. No time for drama, the lovely Brianne (Annie Hamilton), clad in a leopard print bikini, is eaten by a werewolf. Her sex organs are now missing. John will now have a weird murder case. John? He's at AA yelling at the other drinks.  Irate at his ex-wife, who he wants to drive a bulldozer through her house.  Trying, badly, to raise a lovely 18-year-old daughter (Chloe East), and putting up with incompetent fellow deputies. Now he has this weird case.  His lovely babe deputy, Julia (Riki Lindhome) is trying to tell him that his alcoholism and temper are skewering his own abilities. Still, John belittles the coroner, fellow deputies, the sheriff, the media, his daughter, his ex-wife, and waitresses. 

Might John need an attitude adjustment? This is an important part of the film as it chronicles a deputy/dad that is in the throes of a nervous breakdown. More sultry dames will be eaten by the werewolf. Parts of their bodies will also be missing. No clues.  John refuses to believe a werewolf is doing these awful crimes, though the evidence certainly points to that.  He maintains a man is doing these evil and perverted things. His deterioration continues at full speed. Even after we see the werewolf, John does not believe in monsters.  We see the werewolf?  Do we?  Even in a state of going insane, could John be right?

Could John, himself, be the monster?  Will the lovely Deputy Julia, or Jenna (the daughter) end up wolf food?  Is the 12-foot tall creature really a werewolf, or could John be right? This is a good one.  As John further delves into a nervous breakdown, he just may be onto something.  See this gory, quirky, and often heartbreaking horror film.  "The Wolf of Snow Hollow" will deliver surprises and a sad human commentary.       

Cannibal Corpse Killers, A Spaghetti Western Zombie Apocalypse Style

We have a dusty one, today.  You'll need a shower after it ends to get all the grit, dirt, and dust off.  Set in the old...actually, contemporary west in post-apocalyptic times, our feature today has a lot of zombies, demons, and five warriors of the wasteland. There will be eating of the flesh, tumbleweeds, and catfights. An added dimension is the demonic influence that has brought the dead back to life to eat the living. Our film today is 2018's "Cannibal Corpse Killers," directed by Joaquin Montalvan.

Pike (Dennis Haggard), a "Mad Max" type figure, prowls the wasteland after the zombie apocalypse with his trusty and ragtag gang. They go from ghost town to ghost town looking for zombies to murder. Ruby (Theresa Holly) is his big breasted right hand woman.  Scar (Katherine Norland) is the sultry blonde warrior with a backstory and a half.  Boots (Nate Philo) rounds out the quartet. But wait, the gang comes across cowboy, Slim (Chris Shumway) and has to adopt him as he has a working car. Okay, in a distant town called Jawbone, the Magistrate (Ron Jason) is a religious cult figure who is ready to sacrifice his entire congregation and make them into a zombie horde.  Why?  Demon zombie babe Ava (Charlotte Bjornbak), chained in a jail cell, tells him too.

These two groups are headed for a showdown.  The demons, unleashed by Ava, possess the dead and bring them back to life.  The now quintet has to be careful not to make eye contact with the demon zombies, lest they be entranced.  Meanwhile, throughout this entire film, we get flashbacks of the backstories of all these characters.  None of them are happy ones, as you can imagine in a demonic zombie apocalypse film. The ending will not disappoint and will be consistent with the gore and bloodshed of the entire film.

Will Ava, the babe demon/zombie enchantress seduce any of the quintet as they come to kill her?  What is in store for the magistrate that has conjured up, and now chains Ava?  Just what is there during a zombie apocalypse that Ruby and Scar can catfight over?  This is a gritty one that throws a lot of gore and internal organs at you.  For an atmospheric demonic zombie film with possession, gunfights, and dust (a lot of dust), see "Cannibal Corpse Killers."  

Creeping Death, A Halloween Slasher

This is a difficult one to watch. A gory slasher film that will pull at our heart strings. Yep, difficult because of the plight of the character played by Monique Parent.  Watching Ms. Parent go through what she goes through in this film will be so hard.  We love Ms. Parent and her contribution to horror film, and to see her...well, you'll see.  Oh yes...there are other reasons to be horrified by what happens in this film.  Other reasons to be heartbroken.  This is a fun slasher film, that takes place on Halloween, that will legitimately horrify.  Today we look at the 2023 Matt Sampere film, "Creeping Death."

No!  She's dying! Linda (Parent). Brain cancer is almost through with her. The awful disease has so eaten her up...but she courageously plods on, determined to live. Her son, Tim (Sampere) and her husband Fred (Scott Lee) are already mourning. Tim had to say bye to college as the cost of prolonged treatment for cancer is prohibitive. Horrific enough? But wait, there's more. Tim must stay with his mom on Halloween bypassing partying with his buddies. His buddies? Idiots!  They pull a boner and now have a Gaelic demon, Aos Si (Alan Maxson) after them. Before they know it, they all crash Tim's house not realizing Linda is so close to death. While Linda is upstairs dying, his buddies tell him what they did. Even worse, they stole Aos Si's spoils and now the demon is also on his way.

The good news, Danielle (Delian Lincourt) is with them. She and Tim love one another but are too shy to say it. No time, Aos Si arrives. He's ticked! He looks menacing with a pumpkin head, fire in the eyes, and a big foot to crush heads with. Some of Tim's buddies will have their insides pulled out, others will be skinned. Danielle? You'll see. As Linda coughs and continues to die upstairs, Tim figures out what this demon is and maybe how to get rid of it. Maybe. Then the most horrific point in the film.  A taboo element that we pray Tim won't do. You'll see. 

In a supernatural slasher film could Linda be cured of her cancer?  Will Tim and Danielle ever express their love to one another?  Will Aos Si prove ominous and invincible?  Warning...this is a film that prides itself on being a horror film...that goes for the ending. For a shocking, but fun, Halloween slasher film, with a sensational performance by Ms. Parent, see "Creeping Death."  

Science Friction, 3 Babes, a Hunk, and Something Else

Something else?  Indeed...but what?  A malevolent alien? Could be.  More importantly, in this quirky, hard to follow scifi/horror offering, we have three babes.  Four if you count Roxanna (Kristina Bond).  Why not include Ms. Bond?  Her role, though initially a throw-away appearance, proves to be quite important. Yes, hard to follow, but if you pay attention, it'll all make sense.  Even the ending. Did I mention the babe-factor? Today we look at 2012's "Science Friction," directed by Liam Kiernan.

Jack (Spencer Heney), a young hunk. He just got fired from his menial job and has exams tomorrow, which he is not ready for. Vulnerable and needing money he allows three skanks to seduce him into driving them into Mexico. The babes, Julie (Cristina Magirescu), Jill (Stephanie Kollmar), and Meg (Roubina Karina) are mules for a drug dealer. They need to get to a party across the border and deliver contraband. Jack hates them and they hate Jack. Still, Jack needs dinero. Jack is told to take a little known route. Oh!  Did I mention Billy (L. Paschal Tenet)? Insane weirdo. He lives in an underground cave, kidnaps babes, and tears them apart.  Whether the babes deserve this, who knows? Billy also serves an alien spaceman in the cave. With the aid of oral sex skills of the trio of babes, Jack is able to get across the border.

Now an evil force enters the plot. The force has them take a wrong turn onto a cursed sideroad.  There, the force plays havoc with the babes and Jack. Now, this quartet is on the run but they have no idea from what. Yep, they meet Billy and end up in the cave. Oh yes, the alien force is playing with their minds. Now the babes are terrified and suddenly love Jack. Smartly, Jack still detests the skank trio. In their undies, or in short, tight party garb, the babes are hunted by Billy, who seems to be controlled by the evil spaceman. No more plot. Oh, Roxanna!  The ultra-babe will be in the opening scene, but also in another very telling scene...we like her a lot.

Do the three party girls have a prayer at surviving to the end credits?  Can Jack put his morals aside and tap one of the skanks for pre-marital sex?  What does the alien want with these three babes?  Okay, this last question is a stupid one. Many may see this film as a long-awaited remake of Stanley Kubrick's "Barry Lyndon," but as a stand alone plot, it is actually a fine film. With a gratuitous cheese-factor, "Science Friction" is a film that you will want to add to your Friday movie night.   

30 Miles from Nowhere, The Anti-Big Chill

1983's "The Big Chill" is one of the most overrated films of all time.  It justified hatred of the University of Michigan. Narcissistic idiots come back together at the funeral of their friend who committed suicide.  This is the plot of the 2018 film "30 Miles from Nowhere," too.  Directed by Caitlin Koller, this film does a lot right.  For instance a mad scientist is introduced into the plot and a nefarious experiment looms in the background of the plot. Sure, there will be a shower scene, but there will also be a lot of blood.

Max (Andrew Rothenberg), a scientist, commits suicide. His experiment is being shut down by his university as his test subject, an 18 year old freshman, is missing. Now his college buddies are summoned by his wife, Sylvia (Carrie Preston) for the funeral in middle of nowhere, Wisconsin. Right! A cabin in the woods with no cell service. Of all of them we like Bess (Cathy Shim), a hot Asian babe who is quite the slut. She was Max' GF in college...and now will sleep with anyone with a tally-whacker. Larry (Rob Benedict) and lesbian Elaine (Seana Kofeed) arrive, too. Elaine will also get some action with the ditz Amber (Marielle Scott). Amber is Jack's (Pastell Pringle) GF. Don't feel bad, Jack will have sex with Bess in the shower. Then there is the pacifist Paul (William Smillie). Weird friends and all did Max wrong at one point or another in college.

Sylvia seems unstable. She cares after Max' dementia ridden mother. She seems a bit of a loon. The creepiness begins. Bess keeps hallucinating blood.  Amber and Elaine hallucinate big cockroaches climbing all over them in lesbian intimacy. Strange noises. A weird funeral in which Amber falls into the grave on top of Max' coffin. Sylvia is often seen digging in the woods and burying animal remains. Other guys try to get into Bess' pants. Then...Larry and Bess make a horrific discovery in the basement and then the duo see...Max!  So what is going on here?

What is Sylvia up to?  Will Bess have deviance with everyone in this cabin?  Did Bess and Larry really see Max after the funeral?  The answers lie in the experiment Max was doing before he died.  Surprises abound as all the characters are able to clear the air on how they treated each other back in their college days. For a witty and surprising mad scientist/slasher flick, see "30 Miles from Nowhere."   

The House on Laura Anne Drive, Poltergeist Lite

Yeah...about a tenth as scary as 1982's "Poltergeist."  Things moving around slightly. A dress falls off a bed. A short nightmare about maggots.  A hint that someone or something may be in the house. Yawn!  Minor league as far as horror movies go.  So why watch this low-budget film? Two reasons. This film stars Natalie Brienen...babe! She'll even give us a nice bikini scene, completely irrelevant to the story.  The second reason. Did I imply this film was not scary.  Ha!  Just stick with it until the horrific and taboo ending. Then all non-scary descriptors will flush down the toilet and suddenly it will be a film that may give you nightmares.  Did I mention Ms. Brienen in a bikini? Today we look at 2024's "The House on Laura Anne Dr.," directed by Joseph Mazzaferro.

Okay, we don't know what happened but cute couple Jay (Stephen Lewis) and Ava (Briennen) move into a nice Florida house after some tragedy. A house on Laura Anne Drive. What is the tragedy and who is Laura Anne? No spoilers, but the answers to those questions will make you cringe. Ava does not work. She sits home all day. Why?  You'll find out. Jay loves Ava and is trying to be a good and supportive husband. Then it appears Ava is going crazy, at least to Jay. She is hearing noises and responding to phantom knock on the front door.  I know...hardly the type of horror that will shock you. Just wait.

Then a couple weeks later Ruth (Jann Van Dyke), an elderly neighbor shows up. She seems friendly and even sent Jay and Ava a nice gift basket.  She also knows the history of the neighborhood and the house.  The history is icky and Ava is not happy to hear about it.  More creepy stuff...then some unsettling stuff... then the real horror begins. We like Ava, probably because she is quite a dish. Now we see she may be in danger from something hardly harmless.

Just why does Ava not work and just hang around waiting for strange noises? What is the deal with this house and just who is Laura Anne...and why name a street after her?  With a short bikini scene, if this film is ever remade with a bigger budget, would we get a gratuitous shower scene? Stick with this one until the end and you will be glad you watched "The House on Laura Anne Dr."  

The Model, Runway Models Behaving Badly

Every girl's dream.  Move to Paris and become the face of Chanel. Gag me with a spoon! These undernourished skanks deserve our scorn and ridicule. Our "protagonist" today is a sultry teen who does just this.  What follows is what I believe a pretty accurate character study of Paris' new top model. Today we look at 2016's "The Model," directed by Mads Matthiesson.

Teen beauty, Emma (Maria Palm), who we assume is 18, loves making out with her BF Frederik (Marco Ilso). She is a great kisser. She leaves all this and flies to Paris with a job in a modeling firm. She'll initially meet with humiliation and failure as Marcel (Virgile Bramly) finds her some good jobs. She moves into a weird flat with another aspiring model roommate, Zofia (Charlotte Tomaszewska). They will be naked a lot. Emma is a quick learner and rebounds to seduce an influential photographer, the hunk Shane (Ed Skrein). Poor Shane, he's infatuated with this psycho in the making. Poor Emma, she thinks he really loves her. Now Emma will succeed and quickly grace the covers of Vogue and Harper's Bazaar. Has anyone ever read those two mags? Uh oh...Shane gets bored.  Why do women expect their guys to be one-woman guys?  Well, the supposed 18 year old gets clingy and unappealing.

The relationship takes a hit when Shane has pre-marital sex with his old GF and Emma screws a Chanel exec in the pool.  Great scene, sure, but not activities that promise fidelity.  Now on Shane's bad side, Emma tries everything to get him back.  Catfights and knife violence follow...as well as some uncomfortable deviant sex with weirdos. Now Emma dives straight into depravity and her new plan is ultra-depraved. This supposed 18 year old is growing up fast, and she better if she plans on seeing her 18th birthday.  Oh!  The ending!  Horrific. You'll ask "what just happened!?" Please...you will know what just happened, don't be naive.

Will Emma succeed in Paris without Shane's help?  Will Shane and his new women survive Emma's coming wrath?  Would these Paris models benefit from finding a boob job surgeon and perhaps an occasional smile?  Ooh!  I didn't just ask that. Damn autocorrect!.  See "The Model" and feel really slimy afterwards.  

The Brain, The Rich Always Live On

In 1953 a creepy but effective horror film came out called "Donovan's Brain."  That movie was created out of the same screenplay as today's British film, 1962's "The Brain."  Both black and white films dwell on the same subject.  Both do it swimmingly well.  Today's entry is a dark one without humor or wit with a bunch of characters that are all unlikable. Let us delve into this Freddie Francis film that does differentiate itself from the former one in the second half.

Max Holt, an evil international financier is murdered when a bomb goes off on his private jet.  Who would want to murder him?  Everyone that knew him.  Wait!  He survives the explosion and crash.  Kind of.  Mad scientist Dr. Peter Corrie (Peter van Eyck), his assistants Frank (Bernard Lee) and the sultry Ella (Ellen Schwiers) hear about the crash and race to the site. There, Peter detects a pulse from Max Holt and brings him back to his lab.  Uh oh...Peter has an ulterior motive for treating him. Max is going to die soon.  The cops are on the way, this trio did call them. See, Peter is experimenting in keeping a brain alive after the body dies.  Max does die and Peter and his assistants remove the brain, put it in a tank, sew the head back up, and give the corpse to the cops when they arrive.

Now Max live son...kind of.  His brain is still working in the big fish tank. Uh oh...it telepathically communicates to Peter. Actually it possesses him. Now Peter, at times, is indeed the evil industrialist trying to solve his own  murder.  Peter goes to Max' mansion and meets his sultry daughter, Anna (Anne Heywood), and lunatic son Martin (Jeremy Spencer). Both hated Max. Max and Peter's body goes to chat with his business associates and lawyers, all had motive to murder him. Peter is handsome and persuasive, even without being possessed by Max. He finds Max' old mistress, Marion (Maxine Audley). Marion is about to tell him the secret of this mystery but is murdered in mid-sentence.  This happens again and again leaving the mystery unsolved.  Now Peter, or Max, become more persuasive and soon he appears to be onto his own killer.

Everyone in this film is the bad guy. The women in the film are all sultry brunettes. Martin, the artist, is certifiable but kind of lovable. Will Max solve his own murder or be  murdered again? Will Peter get it on with Anna in her period of fake mourning? Is the real killer necessarily an evil character, or did Max have it coming? Creepy and deep.  The ending will leave you with some important moral questions. See "The Brain," and then go see "Donovan's Brain." Two outstanding films.    

Red Velvet, Telling a Slasher Story

Little Elliott isn't so cute anymore. The little kid from "E.T." is all grown up and Drew Barrymore isn't even in his scope. Today we look at a fine slasher film, though it is a film that will not receive much love.  True, experienced horror-philes will see exactly where this one is going. However, the babe factor is off the charts and the prurient element in this slasher film is sky-high, too.  In one of those "what's real and what isn't films, there will be plenty of gore and deviant sex. Today's feature is 2008's "Red Velvet," directed by Bruce Dickson.

Aaron (Henry Thomas) is frustrated. He's trying to concentrate but his neighbors, the sultry Linda (Kelli Garner) and her BF Kyle (Jordan Hagan) are having another knock down drag out fight. Linda runs off with her laundry to the laundromat. Aaron follows and meets her there. He is ticked at her and the two seem to detest one another. Eventually, Aaron realizes Linda is quite a dish and offers her lunch at a neighboring Thai restaurant. At the restaurant, the duo have a hot Asian waitress (Dina Morishita). No more about her other than her role is hardly insignificant. The two are sarcastic with one another and Aaron lets Linda know he is a good story teller. Linda tells Aaron that she should be at a b-day party at a secluded mountain lake with all her hot friends. Aaron then, with goading from Linda, makes up a story of that party she is missing.

Aaron concocts a slasher story, and a brutal one. There will be gory murders, skinny-dipping, sweaty deviant sex, and imaginative kills. Linda's hot sister Pat (Cristen Coppen) seems to star in his story. Other babes are Amy (Natalia Baron), and Jenny (Michele Nordin). The b-day party is for Pat's maybe BF Frank (Bret Roberts), who may be gay...don't ask. There are a few more hunks, none will fare well. There will also be a crocodile in one heck of a kill scene. The babes will get sweaty and naked fast. Aaron realizes Linda needs cheering up and a dose of self-confidence.  Linda is vulnerable and fears returning to an abusive BF back at her apartment. Sexual tension erupts between the two neighbors.  Then...well, it'll surprise most of you.

Will Linda pay dearly for developing a liking to her obnoxious neighbor?  Just what is Aaron's real attraction to his hot neighbor?  Is what is going on at the mountain lake really a fictionalized story? You'll see.  Kelli Garner is sultry in her role as the vulnerable Linda and Henry Thomas is unhinged as the grouchy neighbor.  For a prurient, gory, and naked-babe filled slasher film see "Red Velvet."    

Amuck! Sexual Deviance and Murder

Giallo! Can't beat it.  It's allure.  It's gore.  It's bad dubbing. It's sweaty nakedness. The most beautiful of Europe's Euro-Babes die so horribly in these films, many times in states of undress and in the throes of carnal relations. Today we have a classic Giallo film hitting all the tropes.  Our feature today is 1972's "Amuck!" This film, directed by Silvia Amadio, relies on deviant sexual practices and orgies...much like today's Washington, DC power brokers and Big Hollywood.

Greta (Barbara Bouchet) gets a job as the secretary for novelist Richard (Farley Granger). She's a doll!  Loves wearing tight stuff and miniskirts.  Richard has a nymphomaniac, bisexual wife, Eleanora (Rosalba Neri).  She takes a lustful liking to Greta. Okay, Greta is on a personal mission.  Her bestie Sally (Patrizia Viotti) was the former secretary of Richard and went missing while in his employment.  She sent Greta letters hinting at sexual deviance and being pulled into bacchanal lifestyles. Greta wants to find out what happened to her friend...and is also very aroused and curious about this bacchanal lifestyle hinted at by Sally. Early on, Eleanora will drug Greta, undress her, and have wild lesbian sex with Greta.  Is Greta a willing participant?  Richard also seems to fall in love with her.

Greta snoops and soon Richard and Eleanora realize she has a motive apart from typing up Stuart's manuscripts.  Eleanora will include Greta in orgies and even invite a brute fisherman (Petar Martinovitch) who loves strangling babes. Eleanora displays a sensual side toward Greta and Greta allows her, either figuring information will be gotten from her easier...or she likes it. Richard feeds Greta clues in the form of his manuscripts, or is he just luring Greta to her doom?  The nakedness, bacchanal carnality, and murder will explode off the screen.

Does Greta really want to solve her buddy's disappearance or is she looking to join a bacchanal lifestyle? Will Eleanora or Richard try to murder Greta while in the throes of passion? Just what necessitated Sally's disappearance?  This one will send you to the showers.  Erotic as any Giallo offering, "Amuck!" highlights the attributes, all the attributes, of Ms. Neri and Ms. Bouchet nicely.