Parasite, Environmental Idiots vs. Monsters

Go monsters! Yep, after watching this movie you will want to litter a sea turtle breeding ground with plastic straws. 2004's "Parasite" should not be confused with the one from the 1980s which starred Demi Moore. It is difficult to find a film in which we are cheering for the slimy worm creatures...or even worse...give us a gratuitous shower scene in which we do not want to see. Hence 2004's "Parasite," directed by Andrew Prendergast.

Okay...yawn...excuse me...a bunch of environmental terrorists (Alliance For Green Protection) are ticked off that Carmine Oil is operating offshore rigs...killing millions of fish. They plot the destruction of one of these rigs. Uh oh, Carmine Oil operates a rig which doesn't really exist for sucking up oil from the ocean bottom. No, this rig houses a very lethal and insane experiment. A parasite has been created and it has gotten out of hand and has eaten the crew. Now Carmine Oil sends Dr. Christine Hansen (Saskia Gould) to the rig to perfect her new invention, an enzyme cleaner (what? Don't ask). Christine now heads to the rig unaware that Carmine Oil's front office intends for her to get eaten. See, Christine is an environmental activist (and a bore), and they need her out of the way.

Wouldn't you know it, Christine's ex BF, Mickey (Conrad Whitaker), and his terrorists reach the rig simultaneously. Worse news, idiot rig foreman Jacob (G.W. Stevens) has poured Christine's enzyme cleaner into the air vents (don't ask), and now little toothy parasites grow into really big toothy parasites. The things will begin eating the crew, and terrorists, and sadly a beauty named Kim (Margaret Thompson). This will be extra sad and gory, as Kim is the only one we cheer for as she endured a very awkward gratuitous shower scene. The large worms lay eggs and squirm through air vents and corridors...but will they get to the babe Dr. Christine Hansen. As pretty as she is...we hope so.

Will Christine get picked apart like the nubile Kim, or will she be the final girl? Will our eco-terrorists think better about their life goals and invest in 401Ks which include stocks of Exxon and GE? Is this 2004 film a metaphor for the loss of credibility of the climate-change crowd? The monsters are cool, and some of the deaths are neat...what more do we need? As the burly and beautiful become worm food, we can all enjoy 2004's "Parasite."