Thursday, November 6, 2014

Female Vampire, She Bit Him WHERE?

Okay, okay, okay!  Yes, this film is Rated X.  Before we can talk about it, we need to get a few points out of the way.  ONE:  The opening scene. Lina Romay is nude, except for some alluring leather boots.  As the credits roll, she walks toward the camera....and yes, the credits end as her face collides with the camera.  TWO:  As she meets the farmer, and seduces him, she does bite him in....er....well, in the tally-whacker (..there's that word again).  And THREE: "Female Vampire" might not be the most colorful title, but it beats "Male Vampire."  So, with all of that out of the way, lets take a look at this 1973 Jesus Franco film.  With our censors in mind, grab your [CENSORED] and lets take a peek at "Female Vampire."
Countess Irina Karlstein (Romay, pictured above) is an erotic vampire.  She bites her victims in their sex organs, males on their [CENSORED] and females on(or in) their [CENSORED], and then sucks their hormone juices.  She has arrived on the island of Medeira, where her ancestors used to ply their vampirism.  Karlstein is mute, and is approached by a reporterette, Anna (Anna Watican), clad in a pink bikini.  After a short interview, Karlstein puts this inquisitive damsel under her spell, and eventually [CENSORED] and turns her into a love slave.  Our final shot of Anna, is as she is clad only in white go-go boots, following Karlstein through the woods.  In fact, most of the movie has our alluring fiend dressed only in leather boots and a leather belt.  After sucking out [CENSORED] from her victims, she then has traditional (bad choice of words] sex with the corpses.  This movie is Rated X and nothing is implied.
Dr. Roberts (Jesus Franco, pictured below), the coroner cannot convince the police that a vampire is responsible for the rash of grisly killings.  He joins forces with a blind Dr. Orloff (Jean-Pierre Bouyxou) to track down Karlstein.  Karlstein is very hungry, and in one unforgettable scene visits a dominatrix. Succumbing to a whipping, Karlstein turns the table on the dominatrix and [CENSORED] a threesome.  Then there is the Baron Von Rathony (Jack Taylor).  He is the worst poet in Europe and likes to trim his nose hairs.  Rathony knows what Karlstein is.  Nevertheless, what a way to go he figures and endeavors to arrange a tryst with our hormone-juice sucker.  Orloff tells Roberts that tracking down Karlstein might be difficult, as the victims probably believe the ecstasy they feel in their final moments is worth death to them.  Orloff' endeavors to converse and understand Karlstein, as Roberts has homicide on his to-do list.
Everything Karlstein does in this film, is not only done nude, but has penetration and orgasm in mind. She has sex with not only men and women, but also inanimate objects.  In one weird scene, Karlstein longingly approaches a bed-post [CENSORED] and then with a cushion [CENSORED].  A final confrontation is inevitable, as Roberts enters Karlstein's bathroom, and finds her [CENSORED] lots of blood.  I must give Netflix credit for recommending these types of movies to me.  For your most guilty pleasure, I submit to you, "Female Vampire" (aka "La Comtesse Noire"), available on Netflix.

5 comments:

  1. Here is two others 4u....Carmilla (1999) & Lust for a Vampire aka To Love a Vampire (1970).....

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  2. See you at work....From the Troll in the basement, bldg 9....love the blog...

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  3. What a cool review! The taboo is wonderful and, as you have shown here, often rather ridiculous!

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  4. [CENSORED]...ing heck! How in the [CENSORED]...ing name of a horny [CENSORED]...ed duck haven't I heard of this [CENSORED] crappy movie? Obviously, there's too much [CENSORED] bloody stuff for this old man to experience.
    You've gotta love the [CENSORED] '70s!

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  5. You know Christopher, I conduct all my interviews in a pink bikini and go-go boots. It is all about making a statement. This film sounds like horror porn or an old copy of Oui magazine from the 70s. I can't decide. Anyway, terrific review with the censors breathing down your back. Those hooligans at the FCC.

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