Lust for a Vampire, A Sensual Hammer Production

The late 60s and early 70s gave us the most sensual Hammer horror films ever made.  Euro-babes were re-branded Hammer Glamour Girls and we saw a lot of their breasts and uber-nubileness.  No erotic Hammer vampire film was more erotic than 1971's "Lust for a Vampire," directed by Jimmy Sangster.  Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing would be missing from this one but Denmark born model/actress Yutte Stensgaard, and her impressive cleavage, is all we need in this film.

A virgin, blonde, barmaid with big and visible cleavage is hopping home one day.  A carriage stops and she gets in...mistake.  The nubile beauty is brought to the Karnstein castle, put on an alter, and drained of her blood.  The babe's blood is then poured on a corpse of a vampire, dead over 100 years, Carmilla.  Now Carmilla is resurrected and placed in a finishing school for babes...she is now Mircalla (Stensgaard).  Everyone who sees her falls in love with her even her babe classmates.  She'll have lesbian trysts with many of them including skinny dipping with her lover Susan (Pippa Steel).  Also arriving at the school is gadabout/writer Richard Lestrange (Michael Johnson).  He'll lie his way into employment at the place even though he is only looking for pre-marital sex with Euro-babes.  He'll initially have eyes for Janet (Suzanne Leigh), who teaches sexy dancing to the girls.

Then Richard sees Mircalla...and he is in love.  Meanwhile, Mircalla kisses and gets naked with her babe classmates and eventually bites Susan.  Other girls are bitten and go missing.  Richard falls more and more into a weird spell cast by Mircalla's beauty and cleavage.  Now Janet falls in love with Lestrange and begins to suspect vampirism at the school.  Uh oh...Mircalla, guided by Count Karnstein (Mike Raven) guides Mircalla to many of her killings.  Having a taste for nubile and naked Euro-babes, Janet is now on Mircalla's radar.

Will Mircalla and Janet get naked together and skinny dip?  Will Richard's love for Mircalla sway her to choose him over her master, Count Karnstein?  Is Mircalla merely eliminating her completion by biting her classmates, no different than babes on a cheerleading squad or in a sorority?  Erotic and atmospheric, Yutte Stensgaard may be the sultriest vampire ever put on film.  See "Lust for a Vampire," and rue the day that all-girl finishing schools went away.        

S.N.U.B!, Friend Group During the Nuclear Holocaust

You've thought about this question before.  During an all-out nuclear war, who do you want to share a bunker with?  The elected politician who raised your taxes?  His hack-aide?  Annoying teenage girls?  An adolescent boy with acne?  An annoying little kid with his pet goldfish?  A grouch old mother?  Non-heroes of the military?  If those are the peeps you answered with, then you would fit comfortably in our film today, 2010's "S.N.U.B!," directed by Jonathan Glendening. 

Terrorists nuke London!  Stop cheering...this is sad!  A low level MP, Norman (Jonathan Moore), mistakenly gets word of the blast before it happens and grabs a hot American diplomatic aide, Marcia (Alexandra Afryea), and heads to a S.N.U.B. (Secret Nuclear Underground Bunker).  To Norman's disgust, lots of other insignificant peeps show up too including an annoying boy and his goldfish.  The bunker is manned by a formerly useless army guy, Sweeney (Gary Mavers).  Norman won't be happy as Marcia and him start making goo goo eyes at one another.  The military contingent is limited but does include the hot Private Gill (Zoe Robinson)...alas her fate will be worse than death.

All goes smoothly...there is even a skank there, Sophie (Magda Rodriguez) who takes showers and uses half the water supply.  Then,,, horror.  The psycho inmates at a neighboring prison were the labor when the bunker was built.  The blast crumbled the walls of the prison and a bunch of radiation infested murderers get in.  Remember the annoying kid with the goldfish?  Well, you'll see no character is above being slaughtered.  The two teen aged beauties (Alice Henley and Sara Gregory) use the apocalypse to  try to get laid...this won't go well.  Now the mutant convicts are in...Private Gill is...well, you'll see...and everyone wants to murder the politician that raised their taxes.

Is the incineration of London wishful thinking, or a tragedy we should all guard against?  Is this film a foretelling of the U.K.'s fate if Liz Truss (or Rishi Sunak) takes over?  Will N.A.T.O. troops risk radiation poisoning and come to the rescue?  Fat chance!  Just ask The Ukraine.  Grim and low budget, still a worthwhile take to understand where western Europe may be going with the dreadful governments each nation has in power currently.  See "S.N.U.B!" and realize Europe's idiotic choices will have consequences.   

Calling Nurse Meow, A Deviant Anthology

The magnum opus of Kitty Kiss, aka Nurse Meow.  Who is Nurse Meow?  What does she do?  Well, today we have a kinky anthology with some horrific themes.  As for Nurse Meow...she is a sexy Goth...a spirited submissive...a BDSM queen...a cannibal...a sexy bigfoot...a damsel with an attitude...a dominatrix ...murderer...and frequently dressed in tight vinyl, hooker boots, BDSM attire...and usually carrying a whip or other unmentionable sex toys.  2022's "Calling Nurse Meow" is ten shorts directed by Laura Barker, Joe Cash, and Impey.  Grotesque, sexy, horrific, dark, and very kinky...be warned. 

Kitty Kiss is Nurse Meow (Barker).  She'll introduce the kinky and horrific shorts.  With plenty of homage to 1970s drive-in exploitation and Troma films, this rapidly paced anthology will leave you breathless.  It opens with a story called "Nurse Meow and the Hunt for the Sexy Bigfoot."  Warning...cannibalism and castration will follow.  The stories that ensue will be lurid, fun, prurient, and at times shocking.  "The Hideout" is a viciously brief one with guttings and cannibalism...alas, the beautiful die so horribly.  Never fear, there will be some nostalgia ala the old "Ilsa" films of the 1970s as our beautiful damsel is taken and tortured by Nazi henchmen.

Whether a nymph, a dominatrix, a cannibal, a tortured submissive, or a tripping Goth...Nurse Meow will captivate you.  You'll cheer for her...fear her...and alas, will wince at some of her exploits.  There will be torture, X-Rated animation, musical numbers, and whips.  A guilty pleasure to be sure, but do not worry, you are not bound to confess to anyone that you saw this film.  The gore and sex will be piled high as leather, hooker boots, and oversized sex toys may rule the experience. 

If you have a fondness of the old Video Nasties of the 1960s, this is a film for you.  In today's neo-Puritanical, PC, and woke civilization, "Calling Nurse Meow is a breath of fresh air.  Not for the easily offended...but we don't want those types around, anyway.  Do yourself a favor, put on "Calling Nurse Meow" and just enjoy...you deserve it.    

  

The Beyond, Lucio Fulci at his Best

Many of us believe 1979's "Zombie" and 1981's "The Beyond" are two of Lucio Fulci's best films.  This is high praise for these films from Italy's master of horror and gore. Today we look at "The Beyond."  Yep...this is the one that features a horde of tarantula eating a man's face while he is still alive...in extreme close-up.  Eyes will be popping out of faces, faces will be torn off, a little girl will have half her head blown off...and so much more.  The squeamish beware!

Liza (Catriona MacColl) is a babe who inherits a hotel in Louisiana.  60 years ago, townsfolk converged on the hotel and tried to wall in a warlock.  See, this hotel is one of the seven gateways to Hell.  Abandoned since the warlock carnage, Liza is having trouble keeping contractors, construction guys...and Joe the Plumber (Giovanni De Nava).  All are killed in gory fashion as they work on the house.  Now a blast from the past...Emily (Cinzia Monreale) arrives.  This blind babe was also at the hotel 60 years ago...a ghost?  Also arriving is our leading man, Dr. Jack McCabe (David Warbuck).  He, like most men, is quite useless so we will not mention him again.

The folks who die horribly at Liza's hotel are brought to the morgue.  There...they will re-animate.  In one scene, Jill (Maria Pia Marsala) witnesses her dad coming back to life after her mom has her skull melted off by acid.  Happens.  Now Liza realizes her hotel may be cursed as Emily fills her in on the history of the place.  The warlock, back in the 1920s, stayed in room 36 and now weird stuff is happening in that room.  Liza will spend most of her time in the second half of this film in room 36 and in the one of many morgues in the local hospital.  Guts, eyeballs, brains, tarantulas, and ripped off faces will explode at you. Too bad this film was not in 3D.

Can Liza break the curse or seal off the gateway to hell and have Marriott take over the place?  How many points, or stays, does someone need to earn a free night at this hotel/gateway to Hell?  Is this movie a prescient omen of what was in store for New Orleans with the 2005 Hurricane Katrina debacle?  If you love gore..."The Beyond" is a film for you.    

The Scout, The Perils of Micro Budget Horror

A low budget horror film!  No wait...a micro-budget horror film!  What's the difference.  In micro-budget, the star and other cast members have to do triple duty as part of the crew, no catering, and whenever someone sneezes, the producers go in a hole (financially).  We do have to like the filmmakers who endeavor to make a movie in micro-budget circumstances.  Today we look at the making of a micro-budget horror film in 2021's "The Scout," directed by Michael Kallio.

Jeff (Kenneth Guertin) is the director and Denise (Marla Lizbeth Perez) is the producer of the micro-budget "Terrestrial Evil."  As our film begins...actually it begins with a Satanic ritualistic sacrifice, but that's not important right now...they are auditioning cast/crew for their film.  Some real doozies...but in a likable way.  The bubbly and annoying blonde bimbo Patty (Anastasia Elfman) is cast as the final girl.  Jeff's attraction to her will relieve Patty of any crew duties creating rivalry with other cast members.  Then Jessica (Jessica Moore), quite the babe, will be brought on to do social media for the film.  Her and Patty will have their claws out whenever they look at one another.  They have a location!  Oops...it burned down. Then guess what!  Patty just has a place available and now the cast/crew heads there to film the movie.

Then the murders begin.  A fiend with a hammer.  Cast and crew begin getting bludgeoned, garroted, gutted, and having their throats slit.  Suspects?  Yep...just about everyone.  The beautiful will die horribly and so will the beefy.  The killer seems to have a real beef with everyone attached to "Terrestrial Evil." As Patty and Jessica begin hissing at each other, and Jeff wonders where is special f/x gal (McKenzie Kelly) is...our killer goes through "Terrestrial Evil" like crap through a goose.

Will Jessica and Patty get into a bloody catfight before either of them dies horribly?  What about that Satanic rite that kicked off the movie, is it related to the killings?  Is "Terrestrial Evil" really a snuff film and Jeff a serial killer?  This is a fun one with a great looking cast and perhaps more real than you may think in the filming of a micro-budget film.  See "The Scout" and then decide if you really want to get into movies. 

The Loreley's Grasp, Euro-Babes Shredded by Reptile Babe

You know this is going to be a good one from the opening scene.  A nude Euro-babe slips on a wedding gown and a monster lizard rushes in, shreds, and eats her heart.  A feminist metaphor warning women about the western constructs of a patriarchal marriage?  Perhaps.  More likely, some nice Euro-Trash horror.  Made in Spain and Germany, 1975's "The Loreley's Grasp," directed by Amando de Ossorio will have a bevy of bikini babes, gratuitous catfights, intense gore, and more bikini babes.

A monster is praying on the babes of a German village.  The bride (Betsabe Ruiz) was the first.  Now the townsfolk in this German hamlet by the river are getting peeved the breeding stock is dwindling.  Enter the sultry Elke (Silvia Tortosa), a professor at an all-girls boarding school.  She hires a hunk hunter, Sigurd (Tony Kendall) to guard the school and keep the gals safe. She's hot on him...must like his chest hair.  This all-girls school?  All they do is frolic in their bikinis by the pool, bathe, prance around in undies and negligees, and have more bikini parties by the pool.  All the gals are sweet on Sigurd...must be his chest hair, which we see a lot.

Okay, the reptile monster.  Right away we learn it is Loreley (Helga Line).  She's sultry, but when the moon rises, she turns to a lizard monster who feeds on hearts of nubile babes.  Sigurd is now hunting her/it.  Yep, the two fall in love.  Awkward, because Elke also has fallen in love with Sigurd...must be the chest hair.  Now the reptile woman decides to prey on the boarding school and in a classic scene she it invades the bath of two of the nubile, nude, and lathery schoolgirls.  Now Sigurd puts two and two together and decides to take the fight to Loreley...but surprises await.  Oh yes, and a nice catfight between three bikini babes who utter lines like, "I'll pull your hair out!"  You can see the influence of Mexican soap operas here.

Will Elke or the reptile woman end up with Sigurd?  Will there be a catfight between Loreley and Elke?  Will any of the bikini boarding school babes be unshredded by the end of the film?  Whether a feminist anthem warning sisters everywhere of the danger of men or a gratuitous piece of Euro-Trash, this is a fun one. Pure gratuitous cheese and gore...plus a neat reptile monster!  See "The Loreley's Grasp" and get your daily fill of bikini babes, catfights, and gore.  

The Werewolf and the Yeti, Euro-Babes Shredded by Two Monsters

I know, we should value our Himalayan brethren more than we do.  No doubt about it.  Still, we must be honest.  The yeti?  At risk of offending all of Nepal...please!  The yeti is a mere bargain basement bigfoot.  There...the elephant in the room.  It had to be said.  Let's move on...today's film features Euro-babes, several monsters, cannibalistic babes, sorceress babes, Paul Naschy as a werewolf, catfigths, and Euro-babes stripped and whipped.  Yep...a true Euro-trash horror film from Spain.  Our feature today is "The Werewolf and the Yeti" (aka "Night of the Howling Beast"), directed by Miguel Iglesias.

Let's get a couple of things out of the way.  The Yeti?  Please!  Did I already say this?  We'll ignore it, for now.  Euro-babe Veronica Muriel, who plays Melody, has no bearing on the plot.  Because she's a real dish, she'll be in the entire film with no bearing on the plot.  Let's go!  Waldemar (Naschy) gets separated from his party in the Himalayas.  He'll be taken in by two cannibalistic sorceress babes who rape him and eat his buddy...happens.  He'll murder them but not before they turn him into a werewolf.  After murdering more people during a full moon, Sylvia (Mercedes Molina), his girlfriend, finds him.  Sylvia is a babe, a rarity in the Himalayas, thus every Nepalese man tries to rape her.  Her werewolf lover will murder most of these pukes.

Sekkar Khan (Luis Induni) is top bandit in the Himalayas.  His lover is sorceress babe Wandesa (Silvia Solar).  Wandesa has a dungeon full of Euro-babes who she loves to whip, torture, and murder.  Khan wants Sylvia for his harem, or something...and we can't blame him.  Now Waldemar must infiltrate Khan's palace and go to war with Khan, and protect Sylvia from being strung up and whipped by Wandesa.  True, a metaphor for our precarious times here in 2022.  Euro-babes will be stripped and tortured as Waldemar will do battle as a werewolf.  Oh yes...looming outside...is the dreaded (okay, maybe not too dreaded) yeti.

Will Sylvia be freed from Wandesa's evil clutches only to be thrown into the claws of a werewolf?  Is this film a feminist anthem for Spain during the early period of post-fascism in that country?  Are all men putrid monsters seeking to rip apart the fairer sex?  Cheese and gore galore.  This film boasts of the most nudity of any of the Paul Naschy horror films.  For a good time with Euro-trash cinema, see "The Werewolf and the Yeti."  

Blood and Lace, Hammer Killer vs Sultry Teenager

Vic Tayback!  Remember him from "Alice" and "Mel's Diner"?  Today we have the best film he ever made.  In fact, it will make you squirm in a very uncomfortable way.  These types of films I call "American Giallo" because of the taboo plots and nubile babes in much peril.  Today we look at 1971's "Blood and Lace," directed by Philip S. Gilbert.  Oh yes, you old movie fans will love seeing Gloria Grahame.

Edna (Louise Sherrill), the town whore, is bludgeoned to death with a hammer, as she is in bed with one of her tricks.  This leaves her angry daughter, Ellie (Melody Patterson) an orphan. Creepy social worker, Harold (Milton Selzer) places her in a weird orphanage run by Mrs. Deere (Grahame). Oh yes, Harold had a lot of extra-marital sex with Ellie's mom before the murder.  Mrs. Deere runs a tight ship and her wards are terrified of her.  She hates Ellie because her husband also used to have deviant sex with Edna.  Ellie?  She's all slut...like mother, like daughter.  Also angry is Jim (Len Lesser)...Grahame's henchman and maintenance guy.  We see right away the operation.  Children who run away are murdered and stored in a meat locker.  Uh oh...a police detective Calvin (Tayback) is working on the hammer murder of Edna.  He has developed an unnatural attraction for orphan Ellie.

Ellie is all slut, as I have said, and tries to seduce the only hunk orphan in the place.  One by one, orphans are horribly murdered. Calvin keeps checking on Ellie...he sees her as "breeding stock" and wants to marry her.  Creepy Jim wants to rape the snot out of Ellie.  Mrs. Deere wants to do all sorts of nasty things to her because her mom turned tricks with her dearly departed husband.  But wait!  Is Mrs. Deere's husband really gone?  Where is Ellie's dad?  Nope, not what you think...but something much more twisted.

Can't Calvin find some nice gal closer to his own age?  What are Mrs. Deere's plans for the pretty and slutty Ellie?  There will be catfights!  There will be murder!  There will be sex!  There will be hammer carnage! How long until Ellie gets curious and goes to explore the meat locker?  This is one that you can tell a very uncomfortable ending is looming.  18 year old Ellie is quite the seductress and we still hope she will escape the creeps and perverts in this plot.  For some nice Giallo-like cinema, see "Blood and Lace."       

Mother's Day, Babes Terrorized in the Woods

I first saw this film at a drive-in!  Yep...a long time ago.  Sick, perverted, misogynistic, and gratuitous.  hence it appears here on my blog.  Perhaps as all the women's lib stuff went out of fashion as the 1970s ended, these types of movies were quite therapeutic to audiences secretly craving a backlash against grouchy women.  In what must have been a big disappointment to the new Puritans of the 1980s the teens who snuck in to the drive ins to see this film did not turn out to be rapists and killers.  Today we look at 1980's "Mother's Day," Charles Kaufman.

Three friends from college meet up ten years later to go on a girls' weekend.  Trina (Tiana Pierce) is a trophy wife in Beverly Hills.  Abbey (Nancy Hendrickson) is a prisoner in her home as she is saddled with a grouchy invalid mother.  Jackie (Deborah Luce) is a divorced babe with a worthless coke-addicted boyfriend.  Now the three head into the woods, even though the proverbial gas station creep warns them not to.  They catch-up, skinny-dip, and eat marshmallows by the campfire.  Then the two invaders come and abduct them.  Ike (Frederick Coffin) and Addley (Michael McCleery) haul the gals off in their sleeping bags like sacks of potatoes.  They bring their new pets home to their sadistic mom (Beatrice Pons).

The babes are then raped by our creeps and mom looks on in glee.  Mom is so proud of her boys and relishes in the babes' humiliation and torture.  The boys select Jackie to go first. Poor Jackie...a humiliating and vicious fate awaits.  Trina and Abbey know they have to escape or face the same fate as their friend.  What happens next will be straight out of "I Spit on Your Grave."  A different kind of rape/revenge film, but just as violent.  Now the gals must go to war against the perverted family of nutballs.  It will be gory and gratuitous.

Do the babes have a fighting chance against the depraved monsters?  Can these three ladies adopt a "Death Wish" mentality and avenge their soiling?  What did Tipper Gore think of this film?  Depraved and sick, but the audiences loved "Mother's Day."  Watch "Mother's Day" and just sit back and wait for the push back against the wokeness that has taken over our world.   

The Executioners, I Spit on Your Grave x 4

Sick!  Vicious!  Misogynistic! Gratuitous! Perverted!  Yep...we have a good one today.  I'm sure there are some professors at women's studies departments at Ivy League schools who could offer a more intellectual review of today's film, but not as fun.  In the tradition of "I Spit on Your Grave" and "Last House on the Left," we have a 2018 film cut right out of early 1970s exploitation.  Today we look at "The Executioners."  Warning...this one has vicious rape (men and women), gratuitous baths, decapitations, humiliations, and torture. 

Belle (Jemma Dallender) is a babe with a horrible past.  Because of it she is suicidal and on psyche meds...but quite a dish, nonetheless.  She invites three babe friends, Lory (Anna Shields), Kay (Natalie Burn), and Angela (Rachel Rosenstein) to a lake house for a friend weekend.  The four are besieged right away by an invading force.  Three men (Anthony Belevtsov, Michael Santi, and Fernando Soto).  These brutes invade the house, rape the gals, humiliate them, force them to have sex with each other, and then get oral sex from them.  The gals are upset by this and Belle flees.  Thinking Belle was shot while escaping, the trio don't think about her again...until she comes back.

Now Belle comes back, surprises the bad guys, and turns psycho killer.  Most of her buddies are with her and they get the drop on the thugs.  They'll sexually violate their rapists in a neat role reversal.  Uh oh...the babes discover why these men came to rape and kill...and the answer will make the plot more ominous.  The killing will get underway and the brutes and babes will take casualties.  Belle proves all psycho and her buddies have some weird reactions, themselves.  The babe quartet will be nude or in undies most of the film and their rapes will be brutal.  The men...well, I assure you, their violations will make you wince.  Then something else unfolds...and it is twisted and then more twisted.

Will anyone survive this weekend of sexual violation and homicide?  Will Belle ever be cured of whatever ails her mind?  Will any of you watch this film and extol its virtues in mixed company?  Sure...you can say this was a sick and perverted film...but between you and me, you will be glad you saw it.  See "The Executioners" and shower the filth and ickyness off later. 

    

Class Reunion Massacre, Sinners Beware

Extra-marital sex, wearing too much make-up (gasp!), and slimy lawyers are evils that are currently bringing down civilization.  If you don't believe me, just watch 1978's "Class Reunion Massacre" (aka "The Redeemer: Son of Satan").  Any film with "massacre" in the title gets a free pass on this blog.  When fornicators and blasphemers meet an evil puritanical slasher, we are in store for some bloody fun.

In defense of our slasher (T.G. Finkbinder), our six protagonists are hardly sympathetic figures. They are lured to a weird high school for their 10-year reunion, only to find they are the only invitees.  John (Damien Knight) is our slimy attorney, and Cindy (Jeannetta Arnette) is a bar wench who wears too much rouge and mascara.  Joining them are a lesbian, the beautiful Kirsten (Gyr Patterson), a gay actor, Roger (Michael Hollingsworth), Jane (Nikki Barthen) a rich-b@#$h, and Terry (Nick Carter), a general pig.  The school is all decked out for a reunion and soon our six classmates find they are locked in the building.  Now the fun starts.

As John and Terry attempt to find some answers, a flame thrower wielding lunatic chars Terry to a crisp.  Now with five to go, this film takes on an Agatha Christie feel.  Our sinners now realize they are being hunted down, but by who and why?  A shotgun, large dagger, pistol, and bathroom sink will spell the demise of many of these great looking sinners.  One by one, our friends fall to the mysterious redeemer.  Is he a man of the cloth or a disciple of Satan...or just an embittered classmate of his intended victims?

"Class Reunion Massacre" came out the same year as "Halloween" and was directed by Constantine Gochis (his only film).  Will any of our flawed reunion attendees survive the puritanical psycho? In this film, there is a really weird opening and closing scene which you will want to pay close attention to...no spoilers here.  Creepy and weird rule the day in this early slasher film.  For some nice kills, take in this moody and unsettling horror film.

The Psychotronic Man, Barber on the Rampage

One of the best barber-on-the-rampage films ever made.  This 1979 film shot entirely in Chicago may never have the lasting power of "Sweeney Todd," but for B horror fans...this one will earn affection.  Sure, it will tempt its viewers to play MST3K, but that's okay.  Weird and overly melodramatic, as many of us are, "The Psychotronic Man," directed by Jack M. Sell, is our feature today.

He's a barber at his own shop.  Rocky (Peter Spelson) seems to have it all (okay, a bit of an exaggeration).  During his nine hour commute home (really, you'll see) an endless stream of credits show you just how much talent went into making this film.  The drive is so long, Rocky has to stop for a nap.  When he wakes up he and his car are in the clouds above.  Weird?  Yep.  Whatever happens in those clouds has left Rocky with psychotronic powers...sort of a bargain basement telekinesis.  Now Rocky can murder people just by looking at them and willing ill to them.  He'll do this to an annoying old man who serves him coffee and beans.  No great loss.  Now the cops have a murder on their hands and they put a bargain basement Lt. Columbo, Detective O'Brien (Chris Carbis) on the case.

O'Brien does fine work and develops our weird barber as a suspect early on.  Now on his trail, our good detective and the PD are always one step behind Rocky.  Following a trail of bodies who have died violently, the longest car chase in film history ensues.  Say what you want about this film...this chase is a pretty good one.  After getting to meet Rocky's annoying wife (Lindsey Novak), we meet his sultry mistress (Robin Newton).  Sadly, the mistress will only have a minor role...which includes extra-marital sex.  Then...guess who shows up!  No spoilers here but an added element is added to this supernatural horror film that makes the ending quite classic.

Can Rocky use his new powers in his extra-marital sex exploits?  Will O'Brien be able to stay on Rocky's trail through crime infested Chicago?  Just who does show up before the end of the film that ratchets this work to a superior level?  However bad you may think this film is, it is better than anything Harrison Ford, Val Kilmer, or Al Pacino have done over the past 30 years.  For a fun MST3K kind of good time, see "The Psychotronic Man."   

Ravagers, Post-Apocalyptic Drama from the 70s

Ah!  Nothing beats it.  Post-apocalyptic epics from the 1970s.  Unlike many of these fine cinematic achievements, the one we will look at today was not made in Italy, but right here in the U.S..  Shot in Alabama, 1979's Ravagers,"  directed by Richard Compton, has an all-star cast that includes Richard Harris, Ernest Borgnine, Art Carney, and Ann Turkel.  Fortunately, these films always give us plenty of carnage, battles, and apocalypse-babes.

Falk (Harris) is a lone scavenger living in a big city many decades after the world went bang.  He is possessive of his love-toy, Miriam (Alana Stewart).  Then a sadistic band of foragers arrive, known as The Ravagers.  Their leader (Anthony James) sees Miriam from a distance and orders an attack.  They'll beaut up Falk, leave him for dead, and ravage Miriam to death.  When Falk wakes, he attacks The Ravagers, killing one of them.  Now the sadistic men are after Falk.  On the run, Falk cannot seem to shake his evil pursuers.  He'll meet and befriend a crazy old army guy known as The Sargent (Carney).  This now duo will pass through a gypsy-like town where they eet dancing girl Faina (Turkel).  Faina falls in love with Falk and joins him and the Sargent on their merry quest for somewhere where plants grow and women have children.

The Ravagers are pursuing and bent on murdering Falk.  After the trio meet Brown (Woody Strode), they are brought to a beached cargo ship where Rann (Borgnine) leads a colony.  This colony seems to enjoy abundance but are confined to the ship.  Uh oh...The Ravagers have followed.  All out war will occur.  Faina will try to marry Falk and Borgnine will laugh a lot.  But wait!  Is there a land of plenty out there waiting to propel mankind into the future?  Falk is skeptical but his buddies, and Faina want to leave the cargo ship and find it.

Will The Ravagers try to do to Raina what they did to Miriam?  Is there a colony of hope where plants grow and children are birthed over the horizon?  If Falk refuses to marry Raina, will Borgnine or Carney step in for him?  Violent and grim, this post-apocalyptic film is a lot of fun with a nice cheese factor.  For some 1970s post-apocalyptic gluttony, see "The Ravagers." 

Bridge of the Doomed, A Bridge Too Far...Zombie Style

I know we all have thought it.  What if Sir Richard Attenborough had made a horror film instead of "A Bridge Too far"?  Sir Richard is no longer making movies (he died in 2014, and as far as we know...has not reanimated).  Hence one of this blog's favorite directors. Michael Su steps in...and taps one of this blogs favorite actresses, Sarah French, and gives us 2022's "Bridge of the Doomed."  Throw in Michael Pare, spurting blood, intestines, and a pesky bridge where many peeps will die horribly...and we have the latest zombie apocalypse film...or do we?  Perhaps we have something doubly as horrifying.

The U.S. is in the throes of a zombie apocalypse...happens.  The military is down to its last few brave souls, commanded by General Vasquez (Robert LaSardo).  He is sad as Michael Pare is not finding reinforcements for him.  As zombies breach the perimeters of his base, he sends the sultry Sgt. Hernandez (Kate Watson) to secure a bridge.  She and a ragtag group of grunts must prevent a zombie horde from crossing it, and secure it for when Michael Pare does find reinforcements.  Uh oh...two kind soldiers, Lin and Sanders (Johnny Huang and King Jeff) save Susan (French) from a vicious rape.  Susan?  Babe and a half...and she is with a commune of ill equipped survivors.  These survivors?  Very grouchy and have "zombie bait" written all over their foreheads.

Uh oh...Something else is going on.  Remember those fairy tales about trolls under bridges.  Think vicious and slimy monster under this bridge.  It begins picking off army men and eating them.  Moving too fast to aim a gun at, the creature is making it difficult to secure the bridge.  The thing eats all their rations and steals their explosives leaving Hernandez and her men practically naked (figuratively).  Now Hernandez makes some surprising command decisions which may endanger all the survivors in the commune including the sultry Susan (Oh no!).  Even worse, Michael Pare is not doing a good job finding reinforcements.  Oh yeah...Susan may be making goo-goo eyes at one of Hernandez' men (love during the zombie apocalypse?).  If this isn't bad enough...our bridge monster seems to be getting hungrier and the army men are almost out of bullets.  Where Sir Richard Attenborough poured in German troops....Michael Su pours in monsters, zombies, grouchy survivalists...and Sarah French.

Will Sgt. Hernandez fare better than Sean Connery and Robert Redford did in the Attenborough film?  Is the monster under the bridge a metaphor for the political bickering of the different allied commands during their battles in the Netherlands in 1944?  Will the sultry Sarah French and Sgt. Hernandez prevail against the ugliest the apocalypse has to offer?  Plenty of blood, gore, cheese, and one hell of a good time.  For a fast paced and satisfying zombie/monster/war/ babe in much peril film...see "Bridge of the Doomed." (Coming November 4th).

See the YouTube trailer for this film by clicking this link BRIDGE OF THE DOOMED TRAILER      

Angel of Death, The 4th Reich Emerges in South America

I loved the Gregory Peck, Laurence Olivier film from 1977 "The Boys from Brazil."  The Ira Levin story made a terrifying film.  In 2022 we yawn at talk of an emergence of a Fourth Reich.  When Ira Levin wrote the story, the horrors of the Third Reich were still in our immediate past.  A lot of questions were still unanswered.  Did the Nazi leader really die in a bunker?  Where was Mengele?  What were the escaped Nazis doing in in South America with the blessings of the Perons and even some left wing nuts there.  Hence we look at a film, directed in part by Jesus Franco, 1985's "Angel of Death" (aka "Commando Mengele, Angel of Death").

The Israelis desperately want Mengele (Howard Vernon).  They send commandos to Rio to try to positively identify him and capture him alive.  Then, finally, a break.  The sultry Eva (Suzanne Andrews), a nightclub entertainer, is fetched at her club by Wolfgang (Christopher Mitchum).  Wolfgang collects Eva, not for himself, but his boss...Dr. Mengele.  Mengele collects perfect specimens to birth his genetic experiments...and Eva is a perfect specimen.  She'll be artificially inseminated with the sperm of...well, this is where it gets abhorrent.  She might be carrying a chimpanzee in her womb.  To the rescue, Israeli commandos led by Mark (Antonio Mayans).  Eva...now with child (or, with monster) tells Mark to send her back...she wants to help overthrow Mengele.

Uh oh...Mengele is training soldiers to take over every South American country and turn the continent into his own country.  From there, the Fourth Reich will emerge and conquer the world.  Eva tries to tell Mengele she was kidnapped and did not leave willingly.  Mengele does not believe her and cages her in a room filled with his failed experiments which include half man/half ape mutants and even a cute little chimpanzee.  Now the commandos, commanded by some guy named Folsberg (Fernando Rey) are sent to destroy the emerging army of the Fourth Reich and capture Mengele alive.  A vicious battle with machineguns and crossbows ensues.

Not the feel good movie of 1985, but a lot more tamed in the morbid factor than...say..."A Bridge Too Far."  In real life, Josef Mengele was never captured by the Israelis.  No doubt his punishment is appropriate where he is now.  For a weird take on a weird historical epoch (the German migration to South America post World War 2), see "Angel of Death," and then see the more louder "The Boys from Brazil."  

The Legend of Bloody Jack, Axe-Man Besets Babes and Hunks

I realize today's feature won't get a lot of love out there.  This is unfortunate.  A lot of hunks and babes will have gratuitous pre-marital sex, there will be a gratuitous shower scene, and many of these great looking graduates will die so horribly with much gore.  Oh yes...without any attention to the rules of film making or story telling...paths will open up for more gory kills.  Today we look at 2007's "The Legend of Bloody Jack," directed by Todd Portugal.

Hunk Pat (Garrett Brawith) and babe Carol (Lauren Cashman) wander into the Alaskan wilderness so Pat can recite some Satanic incantations.  Never a good idea, but Pat is indeed a hunk, so Carol humors him.  She probably sees pre-marital sex in her future.  Bad news...the incantations work...bye-bey Pat.  Now an evil axe-man  has been summoned from Hell.  Oh yeah...he's quite homicidal.  This is bad news for seven campers.  Three babes and four hunks.  Ray (Travis Quentin Young) is the only stag member and he tells his friends the story of this axe-man...even though his resurrection only occurred two days ago.  Okay, Tom (Josh Evans) and Shelly (Alicia Klein) go back to the car for pre-marital sex...a common theme in this one.

Tom will be the first axed to pieces.  The grads will head to a cabin in the woods for more pre-marital sex. After Tom is axed by the woodpile, babe Dawn (Erica Curtis) will suggest splitting up to go look for him.  Her main squeeze, hunk Nick (Craig Bonacorsi) will tell her 'no'...I guess he's seen these types of film.  Without Tom, babe Shelly will try to seduce nerd Ray.  More brutal axe killings, so Lisa (Jessica Szabo) will take a gratuitous shower and insist Ray come in the bathroom and watch her.  More brutal axe killings, and now the survivors will run away into the woods...where the not so bright Dawn will suggest splitting up again. 

Will the remaining hunks and babes split up?  After losing their boyfriends, will either Shelly or Lisa be able to seduce the nerd, Ray?  If this group had planned on playing Trivial Pursuit instead of drinking beer and having pre-marital sex, would their fates have been as gory?  Slasher fans will love this one.  There is enough cheesecake, beefcake, and gore to float everyone's boat for 90 minutes.  Watch "The Legend of Bloody Jack," and relish in seeing babes and hunks who deserve their bloody ends.