Torture Dungeon, The Royal Family Shredded

There are those two waste-oids...Prince William and Prince Henry.  There is the worthless and irrelevant Kate, nee Middleton.  Then the idiot Meghan Markle...who looks more like Angela Merkle everyday.  Queen Elizabeth?  Is she still alive?  If so...why?  Prince Charles?  Please!  Has he said anything intelligent...ever!  Interbred swine!  Other than People Magazine and its stupid readers, does anyone really have any respect for the worthless pukes who make up the Royal family?  Today we look at 1970's "Torture Dungeon," directed by Andy Milligan.

Lady Jane (Patricia Dillon) is sad.  Norman (Gerald Jacuzzo), the Duke of Norwich just murdered her brother/lover.  She is pregnant with her brother's baby.  Norman, a bi-sexual and sterile dandy seeks to murder everyone who is in front of him in line for the throne...which is like several dozen.  As Lady Jane's brother was in line next, Albert (Hal Borske) is named king.  He is a half-wit after suffering brain damage as a child (kind of reminds you of Charles, William, or Harry).  Next up...find Albert a suitable bride so a male heir will be born.  Enter Heather (Susan Cassidy).  You'll like Heather...she has a lot of pre-marital sex, goes skinny dipping, and even when fully dressed her b**bs hang out and sway in the wind.

Heather is summoned after her boyfriend is murdered.  She is not happy, but is married to the half-wit, anyway.  Norman enters the marital bedroom and guides her and Albert in the act of consummating the marriage.  Enter Ivan, the demented necrophiliac hunchback, and Norman's henchman...and lover.  He murders Albert.  Heather is now on the run.  Norman summons his mistress, Rosemary (Patricia Garvey).  He will humiliate the beautiful Rosemary by making her have pre-marital sex with the demented hunchback.  Back to the plot.  All the babes in line for the throne are on the run.  Ivan and Norman hunt most of them down...but Heather and Lady Jane are running the fastest.  No matter, Norman is also fast and has promised Ivan that he can have cold sex with the corpses of these babes.

In public you may say this sounds too deviant and disgusting for your taste.  I understand.  In private, you will seek this film out...go ahead...I won't say anything.  At least Andy Milligan makes the Royals an interesting sort.  The bloody murders are numerous and the Royal women are babes.  Yes, the beautiful will die so horribly, and the hunks will be felled swiftly.  For a good metaphor for today's Royal family, discard your copy of People and see "Torture Dungeon."