Pale Blood, Vampires and the Babes They Bite

Vampires are not always the antagonists...just ask the nubile babes they bite.  It helps when they are handsome and European (classy).  Bloodsuckers they may be but most are willing to satisfy nubile babes more than the hunk boyfriends could ever do.  Still, their "lives" are sad and those nubile blood donors never fare well.  Today we look at 1990's "Pale Blood," directed by Dachin Hsu.

Vampire Michael (George Chakiris) arrives in L.A. from central Europe, complete with a portable coffin. He has hired a babe private-eye, Lori (Pamela Ludwig).  Lori was hired to track down a killer who bites the necks of nubile babes and drinks their blood.  Another vampire? Also hunting the bloodsucking killer is erotic film maker, Van (Wings Hauser).  Lori is a believer in vampires and Michael pretends he is a skeptic.  Uh oh...Michael needs to feed so he does the L.A. club scene.  There he finds Jenny (Diana Frank).  She is entranced by the suave vampire and brings him home where he bites her...but doesn't kill her.

What a coincidence, Jenny is one of Van's erotic actresses.  Now Van meets Michael and is very suspicious.  Van has set up a plan to capture a vampire which includes a garlic laced dungeon.  Uh oh again, Michael is falling for Lori.  This may be dangerous as Lori also has some secrets.  As neither Lori or Michael make progress in their investigation, Van does.  Now Van has a plan that will endanger Jenny and Michael.  More L.A. babes will be drained of their lifeforce and Lori makes a play for her new European friend.  But if Michael isn't the killer...well...who is?

Does the nubile party gal, Jenny, have a shot at surviving this film?  What is Lori's secret and why isn't she able to develop clues to the homicidal vampire's identity?  Will there be an opportunity to see Van's erotic films?  The twists in this one are pretty good.  The ending is both horrific and comedic and may answer some questions not originally asked.  For a neat VHS goodie, see "Pale Blood." 

Zombie 5: Killing Birds, Italian Horror in Louisiana

College hunks and nubile coeds.  Throw in some birds hungry for human eyes, some zombies, and an incredibly gory industrial accident and we have 1987's "Zombie 5: Killing Birds," directed by Claudio Lattanzi.  Oh yeah, I know what you're asking...do you have to have seen the first four 'Zombie' films to understand this one?  Don't even ask that question...no 'Zombie' film has anything thing to do with any other zombie film. Just sit back and enjoy the gore and dubbing.

Fred Brown comes home to Louisiana after the war and commits a bloody quadruple homicide.  Many years later, Fred (Robert Vaughn) is the world's most renowned ornithologist...he should be, his eyes were eaten by moralistic birds.  Good news for Steve (Timothy W. Watts) his college has approved his senior thesis and he gathers a group together to wander into the swamps and look for some woodpecker. Also going with him is his ex-girlfriend Anne (Lara Wendel) and a bunch of hunks and babes.  Ann is going to cover the expedition for the school paper...I'm sure those frat boys and sorority babes are eager to read all about this woodpecker.

The expedition meets up with Fred...the cranky and blind ornithologist.  He directs them into the swamps where they find an abandoned house.  Little do they know, the house was the sight of Fred's quadruple homicide.  Now Steve starts seeing ghostly images of dead people.  Paul (Jason Villemaire) and Mary (Leslie Cumming) will be useless and have pre-marital sex.  Anne and Steve will bicker.  Then the zombies come and they seem to be driven by the birds.  Poor Jennifer (Lin Gathright)...her beautiful head will be smashed by the zombie horde. Now the zombies are attacking and they love pulling heads off.  As the ornithological expedition gets smaller, the collegians are on the run.  Then they board themselves up in the cursed house.  The beautiful and handsome will die horribly as Steve begins to understand a horrible secret.

What happened to Robert Vaughn after "Man from U.N.C.L.E." that caused him to seize the role as a cantankerous and homicidal ornithologist? Not that we're complaining.  Does the fact that this film is an Italian production spell doom for the nubile coeds?  Are woodpeckers a thinly veiled metaphor for the carnal misdeeds of hunks and nubile college kids?  Gory and creepy, "Zombie 5: Killing Birds" is a perfect film for lovers of schlock Italian horror.

Assignment Terror, Monster Mania and Euro-Babes

This film is commonly called "Frankenstein vs. Dracula," but more accurately should be called "Frankenstein vs .Dracula vs. The Mummy vs. The Wolf Man.  Throw in some go-go booted Euro-babes and some mad scientists, old castle laboratories and aliens and we have a masterpiece.  Oh yes, this horror film is from Spain and the werewolf is played by Paul Naschy...need I say more?  Directed by Tulio Demicheli, 1970's "Assignment Terror" is our feature for today.

An alien world is dying and they send their scientist, Dr. Warnoff (Michael Rennie) to Earth.  His assignment, develop a plan for conquest so the alien peoples can move to Earth.  He comes up with a brilliant one...resurrect old dead monsters and have them destroy the Earthlings and then move his world to Earth.  Oh yes, in addition to the monsters, he will turn every Euro-babe into his slave so they can help out.  Also sent are two more aliens who have taken the bodies of two brilliant Earth scientists, Dr. Kerian (Angel del Pozo) and Maleva (Karin Dor).  First order of business...find a nubile Euro-babe...circus performer Ilona (Gela Geisler) is a good choice.

The monsters are resurrected and Maleva's Earthling hormones also are. Now she is hot for Kerian and Dracula (Manuel de Blas) is hot for her.  The werewolf is hot for Ilona and she him.  The Mummy is hot for Euro-babe Ilsa (Patty Shepard) and she him.  Now Warnoff is watching his plans go to pot as everyone wants pre-marital sex.  Detective Toberman (Craig Hill) is also onto Warnoff's plans of conquest.  Toberman is a hunk and stops off at a lot of bars for cocktails and then also endeavors to engage in pre-marital sex with Ilsa.  Who is Ilsa?  Major league Euro-babe, that is all you have to know.  Warnoff enacts his plan but pheromones get in the way and now monsters, mad scientists and Euro-babes alike all want steamy pre-marital sex, 

Will our good detective get to have Ilsa before one of the monsters soils her?  Is Warnoff insane to want to conquer Earth?  Of the four monsters resurrected by alien intelligence, which one has the best chance with a Euro-babe?  Wild, slightly erotic, and some great cheesecake dot this ambitious Spanish horror film.  For a great take on the classic monsters, see "Assignment Terror."

Sadistic Intentions, Heavy Metal Carnage

The carnage in Heavy Metal "music" is often overlooked.  Sure...many are not able to decipher the words to these "songs."  Still, the thunderous beat is often times the attraction, not the "poetry" of the offering.  Imagine if ravers and other metal-heads did listen to the words...and were guided by the wisdom of those words.  Hence 2018's "Sadistic Intentions," directed by Eric Pennycoff.

No spoiler here...as the film begins, Kevin (Michael Patrick Nicholson) is in the midst of decapitating a family of four.  Nice opening scene.  That night the very cute Chloe (Taylor Zaudtke) is trying to figure out how to pay for college.  She needs cash.  The pretty coed-wannabe then gets a call from Kevin.  Kevin will pay her a lot of dinero if she will deliver some weed.  Chloe accepts the offer and is told to come to Kevin's place...he texts her the address.  Also lured to this address is Stu (Jeremy Gardner), a heavy metal "musician."  The two are surprised that Kevin lures them to a mansion.  The two strangers arrive...but Kevin is nowhere to be found.

Stu and Chloe...the "song" writer and the pretty drug dealer, bond.  Uh oh...this isn't Kevin's house.  Who's house is it?  Remember the opening scene?  Yep.  When Stu finds four decapitated heads in the swimming pool, the mood of the evening changes.  Then Kevin appears...and he is quite psycho.  The mad man has lured the two to this mansion for...well, let's just say the motive is in the lyrics of one of Kevin's metal pieces.  Now gore and further carnage ensue.  The nubile Chloe, much to her displeasure, is slated for...well, Kevin hasn't quite made up his mind, but it has to do with bloody sacrifice.  More bad news...Chloe might not be able to depend on her new buddy, Stu, for help...you'll see.  Madness and insanity...and really thunderous Heavy Metal bring in an ominous last half hour to this horror flick.

If Kevin was more interested in Barry Manilow music than Heavy Metal stuff, would Chloe still be in danger of being cut up into little pieces?  Which side is Stu on, his band mate's or the perky and cute Chloe?  If Kevin had bothered to develop a third chord while honing his Heavy Metal skills, would disembowelment still be on his band's agenda?  Loud and vicious, this film will grab you...if not give you a headache.  See "Sadistic Intentions," and turn off Magic 99.1 on your FM radio. 

The Night of a Thousand Cats, Felines Eat Babes

If you hate cats...here is a film for you.  From Mexico, 1972's "The Night of a Thousand Cats," directed by Rene Cardona, Jr. In what looks like a Giallo film, so many beautiful babes will suffer a horrible fate and the 1,000 cats will end up well fed.  Still, we have to understand that the babes were engaging in either pre-marital sex, or extra-marital sex just before their demises...so, what do we expect? 

Here is the deal, Hugo (Hugo Stiglitz) is a rich guy who flies around Mexico City in his helicopter.  He searches for the most sultry babes in all of Mexico...and finds them.  He lands, romances them, has sex with him, and gives them a ride in his chopper.  Hugo brings them back to his mansion, has more sex with them, murders them, cuts them open, feeds their innards to his 1,000 cats, decapitates them, and keeps their heads as trophies.  Hugo has a menacing butler, Dorgo (Gerardo Zepeda), who helps out.  As the film begins we see him do this to the lovely Christa (Christa Linder). So sad...she never had a chance.

Hugo's cats are getting hungry again, so off he goes once more for another hunt. Two women capture his attention. An exotic dancer who sunbathes in a bikini on a penthouse roof. The dancer (Zulma Faiad) looks great all wet...and Hugo wants her,  She has a sugar-daddy and this annoys Hugo. Next up is Cathy (Anjanette Comer). The wealthy babe lives with her family in a mansion.  Hugo will have sex with both of them and both women love it.  Cathy goes back home and tries her old balding husband out, just to make sure. The old bald guy no longer pleases Cathy so she hops back into the chopper with Hugo.  Hugo has two prospects for his trophy case now.  We'll see them in bikinis, in the throes of extra-marital sex, and alas...horrified and on the run. Did I mention the cats are hungry again?

If Cathy and the dancer meet, will they have a cat-fight over Hugo's affections?  Do any of these beauties have a shot at surviving, even though their sexual morals would not be condoned by Mexico's Catholic church? Just who is this Hugo guy and where did he get an isolated mansion and 1,000 pets?  Erotic, and at times heartbreaking, "The Night of a Thousand Cats" is a good Mexican horror film for your movie night or video collection.   

Beaks, Eyeball Eating Pigeons

They just couldn't leave Hitchcock's "The Birds" alone.  Nope...exploitation cinema from Mexico had to weigh in.  This is actually a good thing.  Picture "The Birds" with Michelle Johnson doing a gratuitous bathtub scene.  Hitchcock eat your heart out!  Thanks to Rene Cardona, Jr., we have 1987's "Beaks."  Bloodier than the Tippi Hedren classic and more gratuitous in the gore and nudity department.

TV info-babe, Vanessa (Johnson) is sent to cover a story of a farmer attacked by his chickens.  Joining is her cameraman and lover, Peter (Christopher Atkins).  The two will have pre-marital sex and baths as they come across more instances of birds attacking people in Spain, Italy, Puerto Rico, and Mexico.  Now airplanes approaching airports are divebombed by the fiends and so are hang gliders, making out teens, and children's birthday parties.  Pigeons (okay, so they call them doves in this flick) are the main culprits.  As survivors worldwide, which includes a bikini babe, a sultry nurse in white, and other assorted hunks and babes, take shelter, the birds plan further attacks.

Our info-babe takes charge.  Her and "The Blue Lagoon" hunk commandeer a passenger train for some unknown reason.  Now the train speeds to...well, somewhere.  As the pigeons divebomb the express, Vanessa yells at everyone to move to the front...don't ask why, but she looks so great doing it.  War will take place on the train as mothers worldwide lead frightened children to safety, interrupting annoying birthday parties.  The pigeons continue feeding on eyeballs and a sultry nurse in white will be a heartbreaking casualty.  

Will Vanessa and Peter put off pre-marital sex and baths long enough to figure out how to combat the bird invasion?  If Vanessa worked for CNN, would that bumbling network actually find some viewers?  Will a info-babe with a proclivity for nude scenes have a better chance against the flying menaces than a catatonic Tippi Hedren?  Gory and gratuitous, this film went places where Hitchcock would not go...the bath tub.  For some neat gratuitous fun from Mexico, see "Beaks."

Frozen Scream, Immortality and Gore

Today we look at one of the 'video nasties' (banned in Europe). 1970s exploitation/horror with as mad-scientists, lovely damsels (many will die horribly), gratuitous dancing, and some nice axe murders dot our feature. 1975's "Frozen Scream" plunges us deep into the discussion of immortality and free love. Directed by Frank Roach, this one would have appeared almost exclusively at drive-ins. 

In a gratuitous swimsuit scene, a hunk and babe are brutally murdered by a ghoul. The ghoul is a creation of Dr. Sven Johnsson (Lee James). He is the leader of a free love cult which includes a lot of sultry nurses and coeds...and some hunks. He and his paramour, Lil (Renee Harmon) abduct or kill these people and implant a device making them slaves to their twisted plans. One night, the ghouls apparently kill Tom (Wolf Muser). He's a loser with a sultry wife, Ann (Lynne Yeamon). She witnesses the killing and is traumatized. Uh oh, at the hospital, she is under the care of Dr. Lil and Dr. Sven. Initially they keep her sedated so she can't talk to police. The detective, Kevin (Thomas McGowan) loves Ann and plans to move in and marry her now that Kevin is apparently out of the way.

No one believes Ann when she awakes. She claims ghouls came in and killed her hubby. Lil assigns zombie drone Cathrin (Sunny Bartholomew) to care (keep an eye on) for Ann. Cathrin is a sultry blonde in a white nurse's uniform. She'll keep Dr. Sven and Lil advised of Ann's doings and romances and also have a gratuitous dance and murder number. Sven and Lil's zombies continue to kill and the two mad-scientists turn most of the corpses into mind numbed zombies.  To increase the 'cheese-factor' in this film, the ghouls horribly murder some nice looking babes with their axes...so sad. Now Kevin, after having pre-marital sex with Ann, decides to investigate Lil and Sven. This investigation will put him and Ann in great danger.

Beautiful dames as mind controlled drones of a scientific madman? Appealing in more ways than one...just think of the possibilities. Unfortunately for Lil, the guy zombies are drooling axe-men. Not fair, I know. Will Kevin get to marry the recent widow Ann, or will he become one of Sven's zombie drones? Turning the population into mind numbed zombies...hasn't this already happened without a serum? Bloody and gratuitous, "Frozen Scream" will deliver much gore and nudity as many beautiful damsels and hairy guys are beset in an extreme way. For some fun 1970s drive-in action and horror, see "Frozen Scream."  

House on Haunted Hill, Asylum Ghosts Shred the Beautiful

Gore and a great looking cast highlights our feature today.  It is really a can't miss plot...a haunted asylum in which demons stalk some babes and hunks. Today we look at 1999's "House on Haunted Hill," directed by William Malone. We have a mad scientist, too. Guess who? Yep...Jeffrey Combs! This film didn't get a lot of love in 1999, but anyone who sees it today loves it.

Stephen (Geoffrey Rush) is a promoter and amusement park designer. His frisky nymphomaniac wife, Evelyn (Famke Janssen) demands he throw her a party at a restored asylum. The asylum was shut down in 1931 after the lunatics rebelled against the staff.  Everyone died, including the doctor who experimented and dissected the lunatics, Dr. Vannacutt (Combs). Uh oh...Evelyn's guest list is altered by the demons in the house and five seemingly unrelated schmucks are summoned.  Here's the promotion. Stephen will give anyone who survives the night in the asylum a million bucks.  Pritchett (Chris Kattan), who knows about the haunted activities, is pulled into the contest unwittingly.

Guests: Celebrity game show hostess, Melissa (Bridgette Wilson-Sampras), Sara (Ali Larter), former baseball player Eddie (Taye Diggs), and a doctor, Blackburn (Peter Gallagher). Soon the demons start playing havoc.  They seal all the doors and windows and the guests scamper into the basement to look for a way out. The sultry Melissa will be the first to go. She will be cut into several pieces by Vannacutt's ghost.  Now the others are beset by the demons and are on the run.  The grotesque happenings of 1931 come back to life.  Evelyn is quite the schemer, and her disbelief of the demons seems to set up her doom. Eddie and Sara develop into a sweet couple and emerge as two of the characters we want to survive. Ghosts, demons, dissections, a mad scientist, and the homicidal tendencies of many of the guests will make survival a longshot. 

The three aforementioned actresses are quite stunning in this one...it is a shame some will die horribly. The male actors are also beefy and terrific.  Limbs will fly...blood will streak...faces will be eaten off...but will anyone earn the million bucks?  For some great gore, cheesecake, beefcake, and a Jeffrey Combs mad scientist portrayal, see "House on Haunted Hill."  

The Strange World of Planet X, Never Mess with Mother Nature

Fans of "F Troop" can never get enough of Forrest Tucker. The Crawling Eye still goes down as one of the best B movies ever made.1958, the same year this Forrest Tucker film hit the silver screen, another, lesser known, Tucker horror film premiered, "The Strange World of Planet X." Again, everyone's favorite "F Troop" star, will be faced with marauding creatures bent on destroying our planet.

Meeting at the pub

The brilliant, and as it turns out, mad scientist Dr. Laird (Alec Mango) has created a machine that changes magnetic forces. Gil (Tucker) is his trusty assistant and the two of them seem unable to fine tune it enough to master this feat.  After some electrical accidents, Michele (Gaby Andre) is sent to help them out. The government begins to believe, correctly, that Laird is a loon and desires to shut him down. Meanwhile UFOs begin appearing all over England and tidal waves start taking out the British navy. Are these related to Laird's experiments? As the lovely French Michele and Gil fall in love, Laird makes breakthroughs that begin to play havoc with Earth's magnetic field.

The monsters attack

As UFO activity and more tidal waves occur, people in the local town begin going mad and some manifest radiation burns. Uh oh, a mysterious visitor named Smith (Martin Benson) arrives asking lots of questions about Dr. Laird. Now men in the town are going mad and homicidal, and something horrifying lurks in the nearby woods. Meanwhile Gil and Michele kiss and go to the pub a lot, and Dr. Laird begins to ramp up his experiments which could have lasting consequences on the planet Earth.

Michele in much distress

The first 50 minutes of "The Strange World of Planet X" may come across as a standard man fooling with nature sermon. Stick with it, however, as the final 20 minutes will treat you to a man versus monster war with a surprising amount of gore. As many fall, and many damsels are put in much distress, will Gil be able to continue to romance Michele? Will Michele be eaten by giant bugs? Must Dr. Laird be allowed to continue his experiments? This British horror/scifi B movie is perfect for a rainy Saturday afternoon for those of you longing for Creature Feature to come back.

Nazi Overlord, What if Syfy had made Saving Private Ryan

A film from The Asylum (Syfy) that gets a 2.2/10 rating on IMDB. Yes! You know this blog will be all over that.  Nazis, mad-scientists, mutant locusts, zombies, and a stirring adventure chronicling the horrors of war...2018's "Nazi Overlord," directed by Bob Pallatina.  Before poo-pooing this film, answer me this...did "Saving Private Ryan" have a babe mad-scientist who strips naked and plays with bugs? See! 

After surviving D-Day, a unit is sent on a secret mission. Col Forrester (Tom Sizemore) has a manpower problem after so many GIs died during the invasion. He sends Cpt. Rogers (Andrew Liberty) and a few of his GIs into Romania to rescue a mad scientist, Dr. Eris (Dominique Swain), who the Nazis now have. She is creating some sort of biological weapon and the Americans want it...to do the same thing the Nazis intend to do. The unit arrives in Romania and realize the Nazis don't want to kill them, they want to capture them.  The GIs are needed for human test subjects.

Cpt. Rogers and his men are eventually captured and realize Dr. Eris, a babe, is voluntarily working with the Nazis. She has bred monster locusts that infest humans and blow up...beautiful.  Hey, Truman dropped two A-Bombs, don't get all moral on me. Dr. Eris strips and uses the GIs to test her bugs before she send the things into North America.  Now Cpt. Rogers and his men must escape or be infested by exploding locusts. Oh yes...she also makes GIs into cannibalistic zombies, but in her defense, she never dropped any A-Bombs.

Will Cpt. Rogers and his men escape and stop the Nazis from using the weapon Eris has created? Will Cpt. Rogers engage in pre-marital sex with the nude Eris? If Eris created a vaccine for an imaginary plague, would we put her on a pedestal with the American mad scientist, Dr. Fauci?  This is a fun one and it is nice to see our science fiction films not afraid of gratuitous nudity.  For bugs, nudity, gore, and WW2 intrigue, see "Nazi Overlord."   

Goth, Horrific Goth Babe

Having never put on black lipstick, been pierced or tattooed, or attended a rave party, I have no way of knowing 2003's "Goth" isn't the most accurate depiction of 'Goth" life ever put on film. Are any Goths sultry?  They are in this movie.  Black is the operable color in this film...but blood red gives it a nice run.  Directed by Brad Sykes, we'll dive into a vicious and bloody chronicle of a seldom studied slice of Americana. 

Cute couple (if 'Goth' can be cute), Crissy (Laura Reilly) and Boone (Dave Stann) are very amorous.  Pre-marital sex and parties/concerts is the life for these pierced beings.  They head over to a concert and meet Goth (Phoebe Dollar).  She is 100% Goth (just like her name).  Goth introduces our couple to a powerful type of blow and they get high.  She then takes them on a magical mystery ride in her Goth van.  Deviant sex, and brutal murder will follow.  Boone wants to run away but Crissy has a strange attraction to Goth.  Goth wants to corrupt them both and does.  Soon, they are accomplices to murder and rape.

Uh oh...Crissy's attraction to Goth isn't purely sexual.  Nope...a sad backstory may shed light on why Crissy is so eager to be attractive to Goth.  Boone has no clue and pleads with Crissy to leave this jaunt.  A vicious blood orgy massacre or two will follow as will deviant heterosexual and lesbian sex.  Goth is generous with her blow and Crissy is either falling deeper under her spell, or getting ready for something vicious herself.

The beautiful, ugly, scantily clad, and naked will die horribly in this one.  What is the basis for Crissy's attraction to Goth?  Is Crissy even more psychopathic than Goth?  Does Boone have any prayer at surviving this film?  Violent, deviant, and gory, "Goth" is a difficult film to watch in one sitting.  Still, if you like your horror loud and blood red (with some black thrown in), see "Goth."

Madness, Five Babes and a Psycho

There are some problems with this film.  Several instances occur when the beset damsels make some really stupid decisions that could result in annihilation.  Then again, isn't that what endears these films to us?  Well, I guess that...and some gory deaths, and some very nubile damsels in much distress, and some neat kills, and nudity...yes let us remember the nudity...all that stuff endears these films to us.  Today we look at 2006's "Madness," directed by William M. Johns.

Five babes are heading on a ski trip.  Uh oh, a blizzard hits and the nubiles must retreat to Karen's (Michelene Pancoe) parents' home.  It is a nice home and the mom and dad are supposedly away at the beach.  Uh oh...Karen's psycho brother, Alex (Michael Rose) is there.  Alex has been ordered by his dad and very hot stepmom to leave the house, and be gone before they return from the beach. Not appreciating his eviction, Alex sets the house to blow up...and then the five babes scamper in.  None are happy to see Alex...except Megan (Jami Ross).  Megan dumped Alex but still likes him...and her heart is as pure as the white snow outside. His sister hates him.  Karen wants him gone and is not happy he just trashed her bedroom.

Alex is a psycho and has wired the house to blow up.  Jenny (Bernadette Lords) stumbles upon the bombs and Alex murders her.  Now Alex tells her buddies that she slipped down the stairs.  No one is too broken up about Jenny and her body is moved outside in the snow.  Heather (Laura Cool) desires a shower. Why not, she is a babe.  She doesn't even mind when she finds Alex already in the shower. Alas, pretty Heather should have run away as now her body is moved next to Jenny's.  Drama hits...slut Leah (Devan Lindsey) announces she is pregnant.  All the gals are pro-choice except Megan...now Megan is the bad guy...go figure.  Alex doesn't care if Leah is carrying a piece of tissue or an unborn baby, he gets a big butcher's knife and...well, you'll see.

We're running out of babes, do any of them stand a chance at surviving?  Oh yes, why did Alex incur the wrath of his dad and stepmom?  Let us just say his stepmom (Shelly Marks) is the hottest babe in this movie and she gets quite frisky (and wanting) toward Alex. Will this film go so far as to show Alex having weird sex with his stepmother and then murdering a fetus? You'll see.  This film is worth a watch for the cheesecake and taboo scenes.  For a squirming good time, see "Madness."

Stormswept, Orgies and Haunts

A possessed house that turns up the libido on nubile babes and hunks? I'll buy. Seriously, the characters in this story are already teeming with libido so when the ghost of a plantation house cranks it up...watch out! Oh, major league babe, who spends much of this film nude and in heat, has her most dramatic sexual fulfillment scene when she fantasizes about deviant sex with Alex Trebeck. Really! I'm not kidding! Let us look at 1995's "Stormswept," directed by David L. Frazer. 

Babe real estate agent Dottie (Melissa Moore) is charged to show this haunted mansion to a babe actress, Brianna (Julie Hughes). Unbeknownst to Dottie, two weirdos left over from an orgy massacre are still living in the basement, nympho Missy (Kathleen Kinmont) and her keeper Lorne (Hunt Scarritt). A storm causes Dottie to have to stay at the mansion with Brianna and her film crew. Director Damon (Justin Carroll) will try, and mostly succeed, to have pre-marital sex with everyone in the house. Brianna's friend, and soon to be passionate lesbian lover, Kelly (Larissa McComes) is also stuck there along with a few more hunks and babes. The libidos explode and every babe in the house will fondle themselves after shedding their clothes and have sex.

No...I'm not kidding...this is really the plot. Do you think I'd make this up? Wait! Don't answer that. Uh oh...the house has a sordid past that includes blood orgies with non-virgin sacrifices and other carnage. Then Brianna tells us about her Alex Trebeck fantasy...really, she does. Even Dottie turns into an uncontrollable nymphomaniac seeking rough sex.  Our friends in the basement? Well, both of them seem to be under the spell of the evil original owner.  Lorne seems bent on chaining up a nude babe and sacrificing her to...well, to whoever. As the evil spirit riles up everyone's libido, it draws them all ever closer to a blood rite that usually ends these orgies.

Will our hunks and babes escape this haunted mansion (do they even want to)? Is Gene Rayburn slated to do a sequel? Are hyper libidos in horror films a plot device we just don't see enough of? This film has a lot of nudity, deviant sex, and more nudity. Fondling, steamy lesbian action, and very rough heterosexual sex will fill the 90 minutes on the silver screen with this one. For a film that will stoke your prurient interests, see "Stormswept."   

Head Cheerleader Dead Cheerleader, Cheer Squad Axed

Nubile high school cheerleaders in much peril, often in states of undress. Enough said! Guess who the cheerleading coach is...Debbie Rochon (and she has a gratuitous hot tub scene).  Pity!  Someone with an axe isn't as fond of cheerleaders as we are.  Pom poms will be bloodied, slumber parties will be massacred, and our nubile cheerleaders will die quite horribly.  Today we look at 2000's "Head Cheerleader Dead Cheerleader," directed by Jeff Miller.

Heather (Tasha Biering) is the sultry head cheerleader of her high school squad.  She's dating a football jock, Danny (Dan Roach).  High school babe Jezebel (Amber Coker) is ticked at Heather as Heather cut her from the team. Heather's partner on the squad is decapitated and so it begins.  A mysterious phone caller harasses Heather and promises to kill her and all the other cheerleaders.  Cheerleading coach Reilly (Rochon) will have a gratuitous hot tub scene which will end with an axe and you wincing...ouch! The beautiful will be felled by an axe man, including the remnants of a cheerleading slumber party where Violet (Beth Hunt) and Rose (Amy R. Beattie) will die horribly.  This after the frisky Molly (Noelle Manuel) gives us a topless cheer.

Suspects! Let's be real.  If you are a sultry cheerleading captain, there are automatically five dozen people with motive to kill you. Ex-boyfriends...rival cheerleaders...current boyfriends...town perverts...but get this...the football team she cheers for may also want Heather dead. The local newspaper is filled with stories that failed cheerleading routines led to the football team's last defeat. Now Heather has reason to fear everyone...and as midnight on Halloween approaches, everyone seems to have a reason to go see her.

Did the banishment of NFL cheerleaders in the 2020 season have more to do with the fact these lovely ladies actually look like they are giving their all...as opposed to the over-rated and pampered players? Is the sultry Heather heading down the same path as damsels in Giallo films? Is this film a thinly veiled metaphor for the misogyny professional and collegiate cheerleaders face from male and female athletes? This is a good exploitation/horror film with a lot of cheese, gore, and Debbie Rochon. For a titillating good time, see "Head Cheerleader Dead Cheerleader."   

Within the Rock, Toothy Moon Monster

This it it...Xander Berkeley's magnum opus! What? You didn't know Mr. Berkeley had a magnum opus? Well, he does. 1996's "Within the Rock," directed by Gary J. Tunnicliffe, is a tale of a fierce monster eating a group of miners on an alien moon.  There will be blood, big drills, a hunk mining crew, and a couple of babes. Oh yes...and Xander Berkeley!

Bad news, an alien moon is heading straight for Earth.  The collision will disintegrate our planet...maybe not such bad news to some. A brilliant plan is hatched by babe space scientist, Dana (Caroline Barclay). In real life, these types of scientists aren't as pretty...go figure. The plan...land on the moon, drill tunnels into its core, plant explosives...and blow the invading moon off its trajectory.  Far fetched? Not when a sultry space scientist is on the job.  She is flown to the moon to meet a gruff mining crew.  They are more concerned with overtime and wages than they are with saving Earth...who can blame them?  Also on the team is babe demolitions expert, Nuke 'em (Barbara Patrick).  The drilling commences.

Uh oh...the drilling leads to a cavern where a fierce and toothy monster is imprisoned...now it is free. The rubber suited (no CGI here) is hungry and ticked off.  The thing begins picking off the mining crew.  If the crew is not able to finish their job, the Earth will be destroyed (not that this is a bad thing). Dana and crew chief Ryan (Berkeley) clash. He wants to get in her pants and she'd rather analyze data. Does she know this is Xander Berkeley? Dana will be pretty useless as there really isn't much data to analyze. There are hunks, if she chooses, to have pre-marital sex with. Back to the story, the monster slaughters our miners one by one, and both Nuke 'em and Dana (women are indeed smarter than men) come up with some interesting plans.

Will the competing plans lead to a cat-fight between the cold fish but sultry Dana and the explosive (literally) and sultry Nuke 'em?  Where did this toothy monster come from?  Will Xander Berkeley get any pre-marital sex before the fiend eats the two dolls?  This is a standard sci-fi thriller, but rubber suited toothy monsters and space-babes are always worth the price of admission.  For a Creature Feature type viewing experience, see "Within the Rock."    

Alyson Moon Interview, Moonlight Faiyrtale

Alyson Moon, the maker of the wonderfully romantic and hopeful MOONLIGHT FAIRYTALE graciously consented to sit down with man and discuss her film.  Soon, and hopefully with all of our help, MOONLIGHT FAIRYTALE 2 will be released.  Enjoy this interview of a beautiful and inspirational film maker.

CJZ: 2020 ends and everyone in the world is cranky and mean. 2021 doesn't begin any better. You release a beautiful film about optimism, love, and realizing the goodness that is just waiting to be realized. Was this a strategic decision on your part to do MOONLIGHT FAIRYTALE, perhaps as a wake up call to populations that seem to need a reminder of their humanity?

Alyson: An interesting question. In reality this was not a strategic decision.  This project had existed for a long time, before the pandemic, but for many reasons it had not yet materialized, and instead it has now been possible, and I am very proud of it because MOONLIGHT FAIRYTALE can help people dream and escape from everyday problems. After all, romance, good music and sweet feelings are always the best medicine!

CJZ: This film follows THE CIRCUS...a very different film. Now we see Alyson Moon as an ambassador of beautiful art and music (mostly jazz). After the intensity of THE CIRCUS, did you need to do this film to re-awake brightness and optimism inside you?

Alyson: The reason I wanted to make MOONLIGHT FAIRYTALE is that in my heart I am a very romantic dreamer. When I saw LALALAND for the first time, I immediately fell in love with this wonderful movie. It was love at first sight. This awakened my never dormant desire to do a musical full of jazz dance, dreams, and ambitions. Each phase of the movie was a pure moment of joy, just as it was wonderful to choose the music and shoot the dance scenes. My favorite scene is the one where the protagonist (me) dances in front of the pianist, trying to distract him. I also daydreamed during the romantic waltz of the rhythm of  The Rainbow Collection, a song with beautiful and poetic lyrics.

  CJZ: New York and L.A. are highlighted in MOONLIGHT FAIRYTALE. As opposed to the depravity many see inside these cities now, you conjure up a happier time in which romance, excitement, and dreaming prevail. Do you look at the major cities around the world, like New York and L.A. and see that...or is this just nostalgic remembrances? 

Alyson: These cities that you mentioned, for me are not nostalgic memories, because giving them this value would have the meaning of something that is finished, that never comes back. Instead, I prefer to call it a dream, a beautiful dream that is nevertheless also real because in the hearts of all dreamers. These are cities where desires come true, like a large playground with a fairytale, and in this parallel universe everything is possible, because in some scenes of the movie dreams and reality overlap, allowing the protagonist to experience the story, enter into it, some sort of ALICE IN WONDERLAND. But who can say where the dream ends, and the reality begins?

CJZ: MOONLIGHT FAIRYTALE is an incredibly vivid romance, perfect for a date or a watch on Valentine's Day. These types of films seemed to go away decades ago...I'm reminded of the Cary Grant/Deborah Kerr film AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER. Are those old love stories gone forever, or does MOONLIGHT FAIRYTALE help in ushering them back into our movie houses?

Alyson: Actually, MOONLIGHT FAIRYTALE is a love story in the broad sense of the term: Love of dance, love of jazz, love of dreams you want to turn into reality. In this muffled atmosphere, the pianist in the movie is perhaps the mirror on Amy, the image of herself that is projected outside her, traveling in parallel to realize new dreams, new projects without any limits. If we want to find an analogy with some old movies of the past, the first films that come to mind are the movies of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, or the movies of Sandra Dee. If, on the other hand, we want to stay in current times, I could say movies like LALALAND  and DE-LOVELY are the ones that have given the greatest inspiration.

CJZ: Drew Wilson and Alex Sullivan are wonderful in this film. They seem in love with art...and art is what makes us human...thus in love with humanity. In addition to being wonderful musicians, they had to be able to exude that love. Were they naturally equipped for the roles or did you have to work very hard with them?

Alyson: The musicians of the movie exuded so much love and passion for art in every scene, in a completely natural way because when you love what you do, this love can be seen, felt, is right in the air...they breathe it and transmit it to the public, without any effort, just because they believe in it, they live it with all their soul. 

CJZ: Your performance was effervescent and musical...is that Alyson Moon or was that a performance you had to carefully craft and learn to adopt?

Alyson: What you saw in the movie was the real Alyson Moon, with all her strengths and weaknesses.  I had fun and was passionate in every scene, and every time I see myself in the movie I am moved like the first time, because I feel all those emotions again. This experience was a full  true immersion in jazz, and I hope the audiences felt the same emotions, too.

CJZ: This film could be considered a medicine for a troubled time. Was this one of your intentions?

Alyson: I believe this movie can be considered not a real medicine, but perhaps a magical book where you can travel inside to discover real wonders it contains. The purpose of this movie was to dust off the old musicals of the past, because in my opinion they have never gone out of fashion and should never be forgotten. This is not a revival operation, rather I would call it transporting the old musical to our days, keeping intact the charm of the old movies of yesteryear. 

CJZ: A sequel is in the works I hear. Can you tell me anything about the sequel? If fans want to be part of it, how can they help its production?

Alyson: That's right Chris, the MOONLIGHT FAIRYTALE sequel is in the works, and its going to be even more compelling. The common thread will always be jazz, dance, and acting, but new situations and experiences will arise in the lives of the protagonists. It is better to keep a bit of mystery so as not to take away the pleasure of watching the movie, but the only certain thing is that the real protagonist will be jazz again. News songs, new exciting moments and many emotions are guaranteed! Anyone who wants to contribute with a donation to allow the film to come to life can do so through this GoFundMe link: GO FUND MOONLIGHT FAIRYTALE 2