Bog Creatures, Satanic Viking Berserker Cult Behaving Badly

How many of us in past lives have had to deal with a Satanic Viking Berserker Cult? Exactly...we're all touched by this abomination in world history. Heaven forbid if you were a nubile female and all the male warriors were away from the castle when the fiends showed up. Hence 2003's "Bog Creatures," directed by J. Christian Inguardsan. Oh, the snobs at IMDB give our feature today a rating of 2.4/10. Those idiots who trashed this film actually gave "The Men Who Stare at Goats" a 6.2/10 rating. Please!!!

In A.D. 802 the aforementioned berserker cult raids a castle full of sultry babes. They grab them, grope them, tear off their garments and give them to an evil witch to do with them as she pleases. 1200 years later Professor Feneman (Jeffrey Howard) and his beautiful sister, the virgin Kelly (Lara Theodos) put together an expedition near Amsterdam to visit that castle and unearth the perfectly preserved bodies of the berserker cult warriors who were thrown into the nearby bog. They summon some great looking college kids, most notably Diana (Leia Thompson) and Susan (Courtney Henggeler). Where there are babes, there are hunks, and three will also join in including the super smart Steve (Joshua Park). Without any effort, the five students find the preserved berserkers...but not before Susan strips and takes a shower and Ron (Jesse Steccato) eats her leopard skin panties.

Uh oh, the berserkers aren't keen on staying dead and rise. Uh oh again, the students find a sacked village where Tara (Debbie Rochon) appears to be the only survivor. Now the berserkers are hungry for nubile babes again and they grab Susan. As the virgin Kelly and her professor brother are able to talk to one of the revived berserkers, they hurry back to the college students who are now holed up in the castle. As the invading berserkers again beset the castle looking for more babes (can you blame them?), Tara emerges as a reincarnation of that evil witch, again looking to gut and use the blood of a nubile college student.

Will Kelly's virginity work against her now that she is ensconced with non-virgins, and a berserker cult comes calling for a sacrifice? Will the non-virgin Diana be desirable to the bog creatures...or to Tara's dagger? Is "Bog Creatures" a thinly veiled metaphor for the hopelessness and ill-preparedness of today's college students? "Bog Creatures" is better than any George Clooney film, and the cheesecake is pretty good. For some great European fun in the bog, see "Bog Creatures."