I Eat Your Skin, A Man's Man Fights Zombies

He is what we all wish we were. He's a hunk...in the true sense of the word. He seduces bikini babes on a full time basis, caressing them with his tales of carnal passion. His hands are all over these nubile babes and they practically throw their almost naked bodies at him. They giggle and coo as his hands slip up their garments and eagerly await his lips on their lips. Aren't we fortunate this type is no longer with us. Women must be cheering that the 2019 version of a hunk wears pink dress shirts, primps with hair gel, adorns with cuff-links and maybe an earring...and most of all, isn't afraid to cry. Boy, have we come a long way...no wonder women are waiting longer to get married. Hence 1971's "I Eat Your Skin."

Novelist Tom Harris (William Joyce) woos bikini babes and sexually molests them by a swimming pool at a Miami hotel. The babes love it...how backwards they are! As his hands caress their bodies and as his lips meet theirs, he is interrupted by his publisher, Duncan (Dan Stapleton). Duncan then brings Tom to a Caribbean island where a mad scientist is working to create a cure for cancer. Cures for cancer always have side effects and in this case, the side effects make natives into bug-eyed zombies. He reaches the island and meets a sultry skinny dipper, Jeannine (Heather Hewitt). This babe...er, woman, I mean...is the mad-scientists daughter and is being stalked by these zombies. Tom will save her and the two will fall in love.

Tom determines that Jeanine needs to be rescued and immediately has pre-marital sex with her. As the natives get restless for a babe to sacrifice (I guess they don't need a virgin), they make a move for the nubile, often naked Jeannine. Snakes, goat blood, and machetes are readied and voodoo schmucks begin banging drums and dancing as Tom leads an escape party to flee the island. Too late, the voodoo hordes and zombies get Jeanine, prep her, and now Tom must lead a rescue party.

Will hunk Tom be able to save the often nude skinny-dipping Jeannine? What is Jeannine's mad scientist dad's relationship to the voodoo tribes and bug-eyed zombies? Are we better off that hunks like Tom have been eliminated from the gene pool in 2019 western civilization? As current studies find that women are finding it harder and harder to meet guys...perhaps a viewing of "I Eat Your Skin" may shed some light as to the reasons why. Directed by Del Tenney, "I Eat Your Skin" is a great reminder of how great this country once was.