Monday, July 21, 2014

Rodentz, Man vs. Those Icky Little Buggers

Alexandra Townsend (see photo below) is best known as the gal featured in ads for Smirnoff Ice and AXE Men's Products.  A beautiful actress, she is of course stunning in today's blog entry, 2001's "Rodentz" (aka "Altered Species").  However captivating her character Chelsea is, a discerning B Movie fan recognizes, as the movie begins, she is listed sixth in the credits.  In absolutely every instance, no exception, the actor/actress listed sixth in the credits dies the goriest death.  We do get to see her for an hour before her face is bitten off by a six-foot mutant rat, so all is not lost.....unless you are Chelsea.
The plot: Professor Irwin (Guy Vieg) is grouchy and makes lots of mistakes.  In other words, he will not be the pioneer who cures cancer....but Irwin doesn't know that.  His new serum makes rats psycho, and really strong.  His student assistant, Walter (Allen Lee Haff of "Ice Crawlers," see my review of Jan. 20th) tries to tell him that the new batch of serum is no good.  Why let a few mistakes get in the way of saving mankind?  In fact, the university threw Irwin off campus because his experiments were a bit....out there.  Rats in the basement drink this serum as Walter pours it down the sink, and the pipes leak down there.  Also, one of the lab rats is growing at biblical proportion and will be 300 pounds in a few hours.  As the rats turn spazoid (thank you, Sarah LaFleur...the real creator of this word), they turn Irwin's cute tabby into puree, eat the janitor, and then...ironically...Irwin as he looks for the cat.  Not to worry, five of Walter's university friends are coming to party with him.
Alicia (Leah Rowan) convinces Walter to let them in using her female "charm." As our six students convene in the lab, it is not yet apparent to them that they are being hunted by thousands of rats, and one six-foot mutant rat.  So Walter's friends agree to help him find the rat that busted out of it's cage.  Frank (David Bradley) and Chelsea use this opportunity to engage in premarital sex.  Of course you can guess what happens to them, as this is the scene where Chelsea is separated from her face.  The surviving students are now in a panic and are grasping for strategies to survive the onslaught.  Walter and Alicia emerge as the two most level headed characters, and together they concoct a strategy to kill the rats and last the night.  
Will Walter and Alicia ensure that man's place at the top of the food chain is secure?  Will AXE Men's Products and Smirnoff use Chelsea's fate as gimmicks in future ad campaigns?  The acting and gore are both fairly good.  The use of a rat-cam is kinda of neat.  This movie has plenty of upsides, and if you watch it on Netflix, you won't be disappointed. 

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