Invasion of the Saucer Men, Little Green Men Run Amok

Classic 1950s scifi B movies!  Can't beat them.  Today we have one from the 1950s B Movie Hall of Fame!  1957's "Invasion of the Saucer Men, " directed by Edward L. Cahn.  Nubile babes in much peril.  Square jawed hunks trying to save them.  Then, of course, the little green men trying to murder all of the above.  True poetry, our feature today.

A spaceship crashes near lover's lane as many teens are necking in cars.  Also, two drifters drift into town, Joe (Frank Gorshin) and Artie (Lyn Osborn).  Joe and Artie can't scam any babes to date them so Artie goes home to bed.  Joe sees the ship crash and heads into the woods to find it.  Johnny (Steven Terrell) and Joan (Gloria Castillo) are two great looking teens who are eloping.  After necking on lover's lane they depart and accidentally crash into a little green man from the spaceship...and kill him.  Uh oh, the dead alien's hand grows an eye, separates from the body and now pursues our two engaged lovers.

Johnny and Joan call the cops.  The cops don't believe their story of a little green man.  Now all the other little green men decide to attack.  Uh oh, the U.S. Air Force has found the ship and is trying to drill into it.  This won't go well.  The little aliens attack a herd of cattle and the little hand, the one that grew an eye, tries to make the move on the nubile, but spoken for, Joan.  The aliens have needles that come out of their hands and murder Joe when he gets too close...then try to frame Johnny and Joan for his murder.  Now, running from the cops, Johnny and Joan must rally all the other teens who were necking at lover's lane, and form a posse to combat the little green men.  Gritty reality.

Are the lovelorn teens a better bet to defeat the alien invasion than the U.S. Air Force?  What plans does the severed alien hand have for the very nubile Joan?  Instead of Project Bluebook, would the Air Force have more success getting the public on their side if they instituted a program of sending lovers parking for the express purpose of necking?  This is a nice one.  The gals are very pretty and the guys are handsome.  The little aliens are cute and frightful little buggers.  For some classic 1950s science fiction, enjoy "Invasion of the Saucer Men."

Timebomb, CIA Deviants and Assassination

Michael Biehn and Patsy Kensit!  Enough said.  Has either one of these talents ever made a film that disappointed?  No!  Okay...how about this!  Tracy Scoggins as a babe assassin clad in a short tight skirt, stiletto heels and wielding a machine gun.  Oh yes!  I can see you drooling now.  How did you miss this one?  Today's feature is 1991's "Timebomb," directed by Avi Nesher.

Eddy (Biehn) is a dweeb working in a watch repair store.  Or at least that is who he thinks he is.  Uh oh!  He starts receiving a flood of memories, triggered by a deadly bombing, of him murdering a lot of folks.  In his dreams and memories, Eddy is a mean killing machine.  By chance he meets a psycho-analyst, Anna (Kensit).  She's a babe.  He asks her to help him figure out where these images and memories are coming from.  She is hesitant but agrees.  Just after she determines he needs more rest and to eat better, our pretty shrink gets caught up in a wave of violence surrounding Eddy.  Now a whole slew of CIA brainwashed assassins, including Tracy Scoggins, are coming after him with machine guns.

Uh oh for Anna...Eddy's old abilities come back, too.  Now he is an adept killing machine again.  With Anna at his side, Eddy goes through CIA assassins like crap through a goose.  Now Anna does not know whether to help Eddy, or run from him.  Help him?  More memories indicate that Eddy stands between the CIA and their goal of political assassinations to hide their murderous history.  Uh oh again.  We are treated to the secret CIA base where they manufacture these brainwashed murder machines...and it is terrifying...if not erotic.  

Okay, I know what your wondering.  Will Anna and Eddy engage in passionate pre-marital sex?  Will Anna and Tracy Scoggins involve themselves in a steamy and erotic cat-fight to the death?  Will the real Eddy be worse and more vicious than the CIA and their mission?  Explosions, cat-fights, gun fights, assassinations, throat slashings, and some great cheesecake and beefcake!  For a fun movie reviewing experience, see "Timebomb."  

The Badge, The Bible, and Bigfoot, Christian Horror

Christian cinema!  Okay, I think we all have to admit that Christian movies are lacking, in one way or another. A brief review.  Tim Lahaye's "Left Behind" series, made into movies, puts forth suspect theology.  I believe his fiction tends to be self-serving, to his ministry.  Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ."  Fabulous.  However, its evangelical capability was overstated and ineffective.  William Friedkin's "The Exorcist." Whatever masterpiece it is, it is universally viewed as a horror movie with no evangelical push.  "Courageous" and "Fireproof"?  Well done films with no appeal outside the evangelical Christian community.  So how about today's feature, 2019's, "The Badge, The Bible, and Bigfoot"?  Directed by Ashley Hays Wright, this is an unapologetic Christian horror film.

A small Oregon town has big budget woes and its council votes to do away with the police force.  Bad timing.  The chief, Harrison (David Owen Wright), is sad.  The Mayor, Clair (Ashley Hays Wright), did not support the Council's action.  Now Bigfoot begins terrorizing the town.  He murders the sheriff, who was contracted by the town to provide policing.  Then it abducts two teenaged girls.  With the sheriff mauled, the Mayor asks Harrison to help find the girls and track down Bigfoot.  Hesitantly, Harrison agrees to help out.

Harrison then goes into the woods to find Bigfoot and the teenagers.  Uh oh...the Mayor joins him.  He's not happy to be joined by a woman.  Now instead of merely hunting and rescuing, he falls in love with the duly elected leader of this small Oregon town.  She is more attractive than Hillary Clinton, I gotta say.  Then again, so is Bigfoot.  Does Bigfoot make an appearance?  Oh yes.  This film stays Christian in theme and evangelical in nature.  Harrison and the Mayor pray a lot and quote scripture.  Even more than that, just about every word of dialog is a metaphor for a Biblical principle.  You may not have any desire to see any Christian movies, but if you are forced to, this is a much better film than the Tim Lahaye "Left Behind" garbage.

Can we see God in Bigfoot?  Will Harrison and the Mayor swap spit, or is that somewhere a Christian movie won't go?  If "Courageous" and "Fireproof" contained cryptids, would those films have enjoyed wider appeal?  Ashley Hays Wright has delivered us a Christian movie that just may get broader appeal than the aforementioned cinematic efforts...thus giving it more evangelical prowess.  I don't care, when I go to church this week-end, I'm going to recommend this film.

Curse of the Undead, Vampire in the Old West

Nothing beats a good vampire story.  Nothing beats a good Western.  Combine the two and we have a can't miss horror/oater.  Sure, this film is nothing new when it comes to vampire or Dracula stories.  That's okay because we have some hunk cowboys, an even hunkier preacher, a mysterious dark and swarthy vampire, and a sultry damsel who will be put in much distress...and gunfights!  Today we look at 1959's "Curse of the Undead," directed by Edward Dein.

In a small ranch town in the old west, nubile babes are dying mysteriously. Yep, all sport two fang marks in death.  Preacher Dan (Eric Fleming) has watched many of them die as he romances the only nubile babe left in the town, Dolores (Kathleen Crowley).  Uh oh...Dolores' dad is the town doctor and he dies after the vampire bites him.  He was getting too close to the truth.  Dolores will have other problems, the town heavy, Buffer (Bruce Gordon).  Buffer wants Dolores' land as she is now the ranch boss over her family's land.  The vampire enters the plot...Drake (Michael Pate).  He is a mysterious cowboy who has entered the town and is hungry.  He'll bite more townsfolk and get into shootouts with cowboys.

Drake draws immediate suspicion.  He is clearly shot first during the draws, but he never dies.  He sees Dolores and is in love.  He'll go to her at night and...well, you've seen "Dracula."  Now Preacher Dan gets suspicious.  His gal, Dolores, seems cold (literally) and distant.  When Dolores hires Drake as a ranch hand, Dan realizes what is going on.  Now Dan becomes detective as he opens coffins and gets ready for a final confrontation with the undead.  As Drake gets more empowered, and Dolores falls deeper under the vampire's spell, Dan starts thinking wooden stakes.

Does Preacher Dan, a man of peace, have what it takes to win Dolores away from Drake?  Already under Drake's spell, will Dolores prove a bigger threat to Dan than Drake is?  Will Buffer's attempts to steal Dolores' ranch prove fatal for him as Drake falls in love with the nubile damsel?  For a good old fashioned western with a toothy menace, see "Curse of the Undead." 

Monsters of Man, The CIA Unleashes Terminators

The movie proclaims itself zombie/terminator in subject matter.  Terminator/Predator may be a more apt description.   The monsters?  Well, the CIA, really.  The same CIA who murdered President Kennedy, Attorney General Kennedy, and convinced us that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction...yep, that CIA.  Now the CIA voyages back to southeast Asia (Cambodia) to murder more innocents.  2020's "Monsters of Man," directed by Mark Toia, is our feature today.

The CIA under an unnamed Major's (Neil McDonough) guidance drops four terminator like robots into southeast Asia.  The spooks and a large defense contracting company are trying out these killing machines...on people.  Locally, a spook named Boller (Jose Rosete) keeps a tech team of nerds in line to control the things remotely.  Uh oh...they begin thinking for themselves, killing innocent women and children in the jungle...like our government has never done that before.  Now, the CIA and the defense contractor desire all witnesses to be eliminated.  Hence our four monster robots go on a killing spree.

Wouldn't you know it, a Navy SEAL, who deserted, has joined up with a village.  Mason (Brett Tutor) is struggling with ghosts of the peeps he murdered.  Now he organizes helpless villagers in order to survive and perhaps fight back against these terminator things.  Here come the volunteer, humanitarian American doctors.  The idealistic youngsters wanted to treat these jungle villagers against disease, but end up getting mowed down by machine gun fire from the robots. Now Mason must protect the surviving doctors, the villagers, and also fight a war against the same establishments that made him a killer many years ago.

Will the CIA allow anyone to survive, and if not...what are they prepared to do to this part of the Cambodian jungle?  If the robots are beginning to think for themselves, is their threat limited to this isolated Asian jungle?  Will the CIA try to tell us the Khmer Rouge has returned and have amassed WMDs?  50% of Americans used to trust the CIA...then Bush's war in Iraq happened.  Now, 5% of Americans trust the CIA, and Mark Toia, who made this film, has plugged into that mistrust.  Watch "Monsters of Man," and continue being cynical about the CIA's and the defense industry's desire to build horrible weapons and go to war.     

Gappa the Triphibian Monsters, Japanese Monster Movie

Godzilla! Rodan! Gamera! Monster Zero! King Kong! These names bring a sweetness to our smiles whne we see them on the silver screen. The Japanese behemoth monsters have endeared us to them. Okay, so King Kong isn't originally Japanese...but they did coopt him. Then there are a few of these giants that never became household names...perhaps because they never joined the union. Today we look at an obscure, but still epic, Japanese monster film from 1967, "Gappa the Triphibian Monsters," directed by Hiroshi Noguchi.

The PlayMate Corporation is opening a south seas theme park near Tokyo. They send out an expedition team to travel the south seas to explore remote islands and bring back animals to grace the new park. Hiroshi (Tamio Kawaji) is the company man on this vessel. Also with him is the nubile photographer, Itoko (Yoko Yamamoto)..she's a babe and sweet on Hiroshi. A crew member sees glowing eyes under the sea which appear to be following the ship...no one believes him. A volcanic island draws their attentions and the team lands there. The natives are friendly and the crew explores a nearby cave where they witness a giant egg hatch and a big bird/reptile thing is born.

Hiroshi and science professor, Tanooka (Yuji Kodaka) want to cage the thing and bring it back to Japan. Bad move. They each also want the affections of Itoko. The natives are incensed that their god is being stolen. No matter, the volcano destroys the island as soon as the hatchling is taken to sea. Tanooka then makes a mistake. He theorizes the egg was in hibernation for millions of years and the sudden warmth in the cave caused it to hatch. Nope. As the vessel pulls back into Japan, the hatchlings parents...200 foot bird/reptile creatures...awaken and head to Tokyo. They'll destroy much of Tokyo by stomping on it and shooting out laser rays from their beaks. Yes! Now Itoko lets Tanooka and Hiroshi know that she won't have pre-marital sex with them unless they send the baby bird back to its behemoth parents.

In love with two hunks, will Itoko be abducted by papa-monster bird and shown what a real man is like? Will PlayMate Corporation abandon their south seas animal idea and live true to their name and put nubile and scantily clad women on display, instead? Are the beset monster birds a thinly veiled metaphor for the smaller Asian countries and their peoples and their bloody hardships caused by Japanese imperialism? This is a fun one and the monster and destruction effects are quite nice. For a refreshing look at the Japanese monster craze, see "Gappa the Triphibian Monsters."

The Magnetic Monster, Electrons, Atoms, and a Pregnant Dame

Okay, not the most terrifying film of the last 100 years.  Still, fans of 1950s B scifi films will still fall in love with this one.  The monster?  Well, let's just say it isn't the strong point of this science fiction movie.  Still, America gets to almost destroy Canada and mad scientists abound.  Picture a U.S. agency called the O.S.I. which has A-men (atomic men) agents saving the world.  Unlike our real mad scientists, Mengele and Fauci, these mad scientists want to preserve mankind.  Hence, 1953's "The Magnetic Monster," directed by Curt Siodmark and Herbert L. Strock.

Okay, the OSI sits around and examines things under microscopes...atoms and electrons, etc.  Then it happens.  Radiation levels are higher than they should be at our nuclear test sites in Nevada...and the clock store down the street reports all its clocks are going haywire.  Hey, this plot is ambitious.  Come to find out, a mad scientist named Denker (Leonard Mudie) has created an element by bombarding it with alpha particles for 200 hours.  I did this with a burrito once...ick.  Now this element is a monster...a magnetic monster...go figure.  Enter the A-Men A Team, Dr. Jeffrey Stewart (Richard Carlson) and his giddy sidekick, Dr. Dan Forbes (King Donovan).  They're job?  Save the world.

Save the world?  From what?  Wait, we should mention the elegant Connie (Jean Byron).  She is Jeffrey's pregnant wife.  Very sweet.  She isn't grouchy and doesn't show so we don't mind her in this picture.  She has nothing to do with the plot so we won't mention her again.  The mass, created by Denker doubles in size every 11 hours and drains all energy causing...watches to stop and taxi cabs to stall...Fauci would have had a field day with this back in 1953.  Trust me...this is dangerous stuff...everyone who is a scientist in this thing looks really worried.  Then Jeffrey and the military come up with a hair brained idea that might just destroy Canada!  Quaking in your boots yet?

Is Connie enough cheesecake to save this film?  If Canada was destroyed in 1953, would anyone have noticed?  How would we, as a collective people, have adjusted if our paperclips were all magnetized and our watches stopped?  Perhaps the most significant movie ever to come out of the 50s.  Today's CDC obviously saw it and used its playbook to politicize the common cold.  Enjoy "The Magnetic Monster," and then really contemplate the magnanimity of stubbing your toe and then having the government getting involved.

Midnight Vendetta, Kari Wuhrer in Many Sex Scenes

Let it not be said this blog avoids the gratuitous.  Okay, one of this blog's favorite actresses is Kari Wuhrer.  So today, all you 90s children, who lusted after the unfortunate babe in Syfy's "Sliders," here's a gift to you!  Yep, Kari Wuhrer in many sex scenes, bikini scenes, and many psycho scenes.  Oh yes...Barbara Crampton!  Did I mention her?  The big question in this film is will there be an ultimate cat-fight between Barbara Crampton and Ms. Wuhrer?  Today we look at 2001's "Midnight Vendetta" (aka "Poison"), directed by Jim Wynorski.

Ann (Wuhrer) loves her husband (Larry Poindexter) deeply.  She'll even have steamy sex with his potential clients to seal the deal, shall we say.  He's fired and replaced by the sultry Nicole (Crampton).  Nicole looks much better in an alluring and short red business suit...go figure.  Ann is upset after her hubby commits suicide, and goes full-fledged psycho.  She blows up the CEO who fired her husband, his wife, his kids, his dog, and house.  Okay, Ann got a little out of hand.  Next up on her list is Nicole, the babe who took her husband's place.  Nicole is a b***h.  She yells at her hunk husband, Scott (Jeff Trachta), a lot.  She also yells at her skank daughter, Darla (Melissa Stone) for having pre-marital sex on the washing machine.  Nicole also has a large breasted and sultry housekeeper, Karina (Peggy Trentini).

To murder Nicole...step one...get in the house.  Ann has a great plan.  While Karina is taking a gratuitous shower, Ann enters, grabs a big knife, and goes all Norman Bates.  Sadly, the naked and nubile Karina is no  more.  Step two...get hired as the new housekeeper.  Easy.  Nicole has no idea Ann is the widow of the guy she replaced.  Now Ann seduces everyone...and she's good at it.  She seems to be taking good care of the family.  Scott turns to Ann when Nicole yells at him.  Darla turns to Nicole seeking advice to be more seductive at high school.  Now Ann is ready.  She figures out so many ways to kill Nicole, but it is apparent her plan is much more ambitious than a mere one or two murders.  The beautiful will die horribly in this, and no man will be left un-seduced by the deviant and homicidal Ann.

Will we see a deviant cat-fight between Ms. Wuhrer and Ms. Crampton?  Will Ann even try to seduce Nicole?  Can we forgive America's sexiest psycho just because she seems magnanimous with the amount of deviant sex she is offering?  This is a steamy and vicious thriller.  Ann will seduce you into cheering for her...but don't be fooled, she's liable to come after you next.  See "Midnight Vendetta" and then take a long shower.    

The Slaughterhouse Killer, Meat Grinders and Meat Hooks

No humor in this one.  No alluring babe to distract us from bloody carnage.  No witty banter to lighten the scares.  2020's "The Slaughterhouse Killer," directed by Sam Curtain, is a brutal and bloody study of a man bred to kill and take apart.  The pertinent quote from out fiend, "I don't know anything else but killing."  Just what does happen in those slaughterhouses that even PETA idiots are scared away from it?

Handsome Nathan (James Mason) is released on parole.  His probation officer fixes him up with a job at a local slaughterhouse.  He'll be put under the tutelage of the enormous and menacing Box (Craig Ingham).  The two will bond.  Nathan will be Box' first ever friend.  Nathan will be teased and bullied by some creeps at the slaughterhouse.  Box, who loves killing, will collect Nathan one night and the two will pay the head creep a visit...and gut him.  The two murderers will now dispose of the body in the meat grinder.  Uh oh...well, we know Box enjoyed the murder...but so did Nathan and he wants to do it again.

The two then go on a murder spree.  The bodies are turned into ground chuck and fed to the fishes in the lake.  At first, the victims are folks who might have earned the scorn of our homicidal duo.  Then the murders get more heartbreaking and perhaps taboo.  Now our duo don't seem so lovable.  Uh oh again, Nathan gets a girlfriend (Kristen Condon).  She works in a salon as a shampooer...I guess the gentlemen's clubs weren't hiring.  Now the girl doesn't want Box hanging around Nathan.  Can you guess where this is going?  Maybe...but  haven't mentioned Mr. Henderson yet...you're gonna love this plot device.

Does Nathan's new girlfriend have an shot at surviving until the end credits?  Will Box and Nathan ultimately turn on each other?  Okay, who is this Henderson guy?  This is a sad and brutal film, perfect if you have been laughing too much of late.  For some slaughterhouse carnage and meat grinder drama, see "The Slaughterhouse Killer."

Flu Birds, Mutant Condors versus the CDC

In 2008, who would've thought the Center for Disease Control would be more concerned about wiping out segments of the population than curing diseases? Not many. In 2021 we know better, as did a film that appeared on Syfy in response to the bird flu so-called epidemic/pandemic. Hokey and silly back in 2008, "Flu Birds" (aka "Bird Flu Horror") may just be the most accurate depiction of the CDC's true goals. Though the monster condors might be the apparent antagonist here, we do see the CDC for what they might really be here in 2021.

I love this plot line...at risk juvenile delinquents are ordered by a judge to spend time in the wilderness. The goal is that they work together and appreciate their fellow man. This won't go well...no kidding...as their counselor is quickly eaten by mutant condors. A couple hunters are attacked and one survives and is brought to the hospital by Ranger Garret (Lance Guest). It just so happens that his grouchy ex, Dr. Hale (Clare Carey) is the doctor there. Dr. Hale yells at him a lot and eventually has the sultry Dr. Thomas (Terri Markel) care for the hunter who now has the bird flu. This won't go well as the beautiful doctor dies horribly after the CDC shoots her...what a metaphor! Now the grouchy and selfish Dr. Hale and Garret make their way into the woods to find out about these mutant birds. Oh yeah, Garret is bent on saving the juveniles.

Eva (Sarah Butler) is our favorite of these juvies...she is pretty and sassy and doesn't like to be touched. As their group is attacked by mutant birds, they run into an abandoned fort. Bad news, the fort leaks gas and they must leave. Again beset by the mutants, some of them are bitten and begin dying horribly. The group votes and elects to use the sick juvies as bait and decoys...Eva doesn't like this. Oh yeah, the CDC starts flying over the woods with a helicopter filled with nukes. They want to nuke the countryside to save a major metropolitan city. Now Garret, the grouchy Dr. Hale, and the juvies team up to try to elude the monster birds and find a way to kill them.

Is juvie Eva old enough where Garret can ditch the grouchy doctor and pursue pre-marital sex with her? Shouldn't have Garret brought the sultry Dr. Thomas with him for his romp in the woods and let the CDC shoot the grouchy Dr. Hale instead? Would it save more lives if Garret and the surviving juvies wipe out the CDC instead of the mutant condors? This is a fun one and will definitely be viewed differently in 2021 than when it came out in 2008. For some fun Syfy type horror, see "Flu Birds," directed by Leigh Scott.

Sensation, Kari Wuhrer and Eric Roberts...Enough Said

Many who grew up in the 90s had crushes on Kari Wuhrer, the nubile babe from the Syfy show "Sliders." Today we look at a film which should be called "Gratuitous Kari Wuhrer."  We get Kari Wuhrer in gratuitous nude bath shots, gratuitous nude shower shots, gratuitous nude pre-marital sex shots, gratuitous nude painting shots, and gratuitous nude shots with Eric Roberts.  Our film is 1994's "Sensation," directed by Brian Grant.  If Kari Wuhrer nude, shiny, and vulnerable is not your thing...stop reading this now.

Diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic (aren't all babes this?), Lila (Wuhrer) shows up at her professor's office inquiring about a work study gig.  The professor, Ian (Roberts).  He's suave and sexy and hires Lila on the spot for some psychometry experiments.  Psychometry?  Funny you asked.  Ian gives Lila objects (and soon a whole lot more).  Lila feels them and has visions of what they were used for and by whom in the past.  Lila, will paint nude a lot, bathe, shower, and have steamy sex with Ian...and record her visions.  So here it is, Lila figures out the possessions Ian has given her all belonged to another nude coed (Alisa Diane) who was murdered a year ago.  Nude, Lila sees visions if Ian copulating with the poor coed and then strangling her.

Now Lila thinks she is working for a killer.  Judgment issues seem to often cloud the lives of paranoid schizophrenics...thus Lila decides to have steamy sex with Ian...at least in her dreams.  Well, Ian has an air tight alibi for when the murder occurred...he was having pre-marital sex with the very sexy Professor Paula (Claire Stansfield).  Oh yes, every guy who meets Lila, when she tries to be alone at crowded bars, want to beat the living daylights out of her and rape her...go figure. As Lila jumps around nude and gets all sorts of oily paints on her nude self, the murders continue and all clues point to Ian.  Only Lila believes Ian is innocent...but then again, she is a certifiable loonie. 

Is Ian the murderer, or is that too easy?  Could the certifiably crazy Lila be the killer?  Is being nude, sweaty, and in the throes of passion a good way to communicate with the spirits from the other side?  You try that and let me know.  Gratuitous and steamy.  If you like nudity and Kari Wuhrer (...okay, and Eric Roberts), watch "Sensation."

Deadly Manor, A Giallo Type Slasher Film

The Spanish director, Jose Ramon Larraz, makes unusual films. The European director may have wished he was born in Italy instead of Barcelona. His films have a bit of Giallo (Italian horror) style to them. In 1990's "Deadly Manor," this slasher film set in New York state offers some unusual plot devices that set it apart from most American slasher films. Sure, we have hunks and babes beset by a knife wielding maniac, but how this film unfolds isn't typical. At first glance, "Deadly Manor" is flawed, uneven, and leaves much unresolved...unless the moviemaker is from "The Giallo School" of horror.

Three hunks and three babes take their car and motorcycle into upstate New York to find a secluded lake. Once there, they intend to have pre-marital sex, smoke pot, and drink booze. They pick up a hitchhiker, the mysterious Jack (Clark Tufts). He doesn't talk much and has a gun. A flat tire later and the seven travelers decide to spend the night at an abandoned manor, way off the main road. The weirdness begins immediately. In the front yard is a large altar with a wrecked car on top. Also, babe Helen (Claudia Franjul) sees a mysterious shape at an upstairs window. Helen, overcome with fear, decides to hike back to the road alone. Bad idea. She'll meet a slasher and be sliced up. Meanwhile, Jack, the three hunks, and two remaining babes head inside to get rid of the rain.

Jack busts down the door and the travelers enter. They enter through the basement and immediately see a set of coffins...all empty. Ominous! Instead of seeing that as a warning, the hunks and babes ignore that. They head upstairs and find the entire musty manor filled with pictures of a naked beauty (Jennifer Delora). The guys are entranced by the nude lady. Tony will even have erotic dreams about being seduced by her. Susan (Elizabeth Baldwin) decides to have pre-marital sex with her boyfriend, Rod (Mar Irish). He'll be sliced up as he looks for condoms. No matter, the slut that she is, she sucks face with Jack. One by one, the hunks and babes are slashed. Uh oh...the woman in the pictures may be lurking in the house. The chilling mystery of who actually lives, or lived, in the manor unfolds. Hunks and babes will die horribly and a twisted reveal is sprung at us.

Is the vixen in the nude pictures dead, or still lurking? Will slut Susan have pre-marital sex with everyone in this film...or be sliced up? Will the mysterious Jack do anything worthy of plot advancement? A strange slasher film with a wild ending. The ending will make this film for some, but keep in mind, "Deadly Manor" was made by a Giallo disciple. For hunks and babes dying horribly, pre-marital sex, and a mysterious nude vixen, enjoy "Deadly Manor." 

I, Madman, Murder Jumps Out From the Pages

A lost jewel from the 80s.  A slasher film, only in the literal sense.  Today's feature, 1989's "I, Madman," directed by Tibor Takacs, may resemble a film noir film more than one of those slasher offerings we think of when we think back to the 80s.  Don't be deceived...there will be slashings, with a razor, and murder, and gore.  Nubile victims will also be included...damsels hunted down and cut down at their most helpless moments. 

Major league babe, Virginia (Jenny Wright) has quite an imagination.  She works at a used book store and loves to read pulp horror novels from the 50s.  Her hunk boyfriend, Richard (Clayton Rohner), comes over to her place a lot for pre-marital sex. Virginia has quite the imagination, when she reads these pulp novels, she can see herself in the story, pursued by the evil mad scientist/alchemist Dr. Kessler (Randall William Cook).  When she startles herself back to the real world, she can see that the fiend was actually in her apartment.  Another pulp novel arrives, mysteriously, at her apartment, yep, I, Madman.  When Virginia reads this one, her experiences get more vivid.  Now she sees herself as an actress pursued by the fiend, who is determined to rip her heart out.

Progressing through the novel, she sees the murders as she reads.  Uh oh...in the real world, people she know are getting murdered the exact same way as the murders occur in the books.  A pretty classmate in her acting class falls first.  The fiend takes a part of his victims face or head, such as ears, scalp, nose, etc.  The guy has a plan for the stolen facial features but makes it known he will culminate his acts by ripping Virginia's heart out.  Virginia's boyfriend and cops do not believe her and Dr. Kessler keeps murdering her friends and acquaintances.  Our pretty protagonist must act before Kessler barges into her apartment to collect the heart.

Is Virginia as crazy as the cops and her hunk boyfriend think she is?  A sultry dame in alluring silk lingerie who loves horror!  Where can we find dames like that?  This is a gory one and may make you turn your head from the screen a time or two.  Jenny Wright is ravishing and she does wear the silk intimates nicely.  For a different kind of 80s slasher film, see "I, Madman."  

Blood Orange, Iggy Pop and his Nude Trophy Wife

Kacey Barnfield (aka Kacey Clarke) is maybe the sultriest actress gracing the horror scene today.  You might remember her as she was ripped to shreds in one of the "Resident Evil" films, or as a nubile damsel in "Lake Placid." Now, we have her as a skinny-dipping trophy wife (or gold-digger) of Iggy Pop in 2016's "Blood Orange."  Iggy will emerge in this film old, tired, droopy, and gun-toting.  Ms. Barnfield will be nude a lot, clad in various bikinis and other revealing pool attire.  Oh yes...she'll also have a lot of deviant sex out of wedlock with the hunk pool boy.  Directed by Toby Tobias, this one will have plotting, revenge, and murder.

That's what she does...don't hate her for it. Isabelle (Barnfield) is a babe who marries rich old geezers.  She waits for them to die and inherits their money.  In the meantime, she has deviant out of wedlock sex with any hunk that comes her way.  Bill (Pop) is her current husband...he's on death's door.  The two really do love one another.  He lives with Isabelle in a villa on the Spanish coast.  He composes music, she skinny dips and has sex with the pool boy, David (Antonio Magro).  By the way, she has some nice bikinis, though they don't stay on long. Oh yes, Bill constantly carries a rifle around as rabbit hunting is another hoppy of his...watch out David!

Uh oh! The hunk Lucas (Ben Lamb) arrives.  See, Lucas' dad was married to Isabelle.  When the dad died, the old guy left his entire fortune to Isabelle.  Lucas is worthless and upset...he wants the inheritance ...Isabelle won't give him it.  Oh yes, while married to the old guy, Isabelle had a lot of sex with Lucas.  Now Lucas is bent on making Isabelle's life as unpleasant as possible until she gives him the entire inheritance.  Lucas is in way over his head.  Isabelle is smart and so is Bill.  Bill is not fazed by Lucas' sudden appearance...he just makes sure his rifles are loaded.  David?  He looks so terrific, you gals can attest.  David and Isabelle will continue their daily excursions into steamy passion.  Then bang!  Lucas' dirty tricks start...and so does murder.

With all her skinny-dipping and out of wedlock sex with the pool boy, does Isabelle have a shot at surviving until the end credits?  What are Bill's plans for Lucas?  Is Lucas' plan for wealth a sound one, or is he in over his head?  Ms. Barnfield delivers one of the steamiest performances you will ever see.  Fans of Iggy Pop will also enjoy seeing his tender relationship with the adoring babe.  For a steamy good time with murder and skinny-dipping, see "Blood Orange."

   

Crucible of Terror, Euro-Trash Horror

What makes this Euro-Trash?  There is no one set definition for this term, just trust me...you know it when you see it.  For me?  I'd say its plenty of scantily clad or nude Euro-babes...in much peril...and in many cases brutally murdered.  The perfect genre for the divorced man, let's say.  Or the discriminating man with some secret but prurient tastes.  Hence today's feature, from England, 1971's "Crucible of Terror," directed by Ted Hooker. 

Victor (Mike Raven) is an eccentric artist.  Years ago he did a sculpture.  Okay, it wasn't really a sculpture.  See, he believes beauty must be preserved forever.  Victor found a ravishing model and encased her in bronze.  Now the 'sculpture' has shown up in John's (James Bolam) gallery. John's gallery isn't making money and Victor's piece is the only thing drawing interest.  John befriends Vincent's drunk son, Michael (Ronald Lacey) and gets an invite to Vincent's country compound.  Vincent hopes to buy more works from the fiend.  Enter the babes...John will bring his sultry but dull girlfriend, Millie (Mary Maude) and Michael will bring his nubile blonde girlfriend, Jane (Beth Morris).  

After they arrive, Victor ignores John and tries anything he can to get Jane and Millie to pose for him.  Jane will die horribly soon, so we will not mention her again.  Oh yes, also at the estate is Victor's totally lunatic wife, Dorothy (Betty Alberge).  Oh yes, Marcia is his current babe model...looks great in a bikini and she tries to put the moves on Millie, too. Now the nubile Millie will prance around in a kimono or a bikini and felt drawn in by the spirit of a long dead cult-beauty.  Happens.  Victor will become more aggressive in getting Millie to pose for him.  He even gets the forge operating so he will he will have access to molten bronze.

                                    

Will Millie become Victor's new prized work of art?  Does Marcia, with her bikini and sensual lesbian tendencies, have any shot at surviving to the end credits?  Will any of the men in this film actually do anything useful to stop Victor from turning Millie into something magnetic?  This is a good one.  The beautiful will die so horribly and the performance by Mr. Raven will remind you of Christopher Lee in those old Hammer films.  See "Crucible of Terror," and get your fill of Euro-trash this holiday season. 

Bloody Murder 2: Closing Camp, Hunks and Babes Felled by Slasher

Okay...so maybe this film is very similar to "Bloody Murder."  So what!  Its also very similar to most of the "Friday the 13th" movies!  At least its not similar to "Bridges of Madison County."  We'll have gory killings, gratuitous pre-marital sex scenes, gratuitous shower scenes, nudity, and Tiffany Shepis will have a hand in all those plot devices.  Today we look at "Bloody Murder 2: Closing Camp," directed by Rob Spera.

A bunch of teen counselors, all hunks and babes, are closing down a camp as the summer ends.  A few years ago, Tracy's (Kate Woodruff) brother was murdered with fellow counselors at this same camp...while closing it down.  I know...don't you think she could've got a different summer job...maybe as a stripper...er exotic dancer, sorry.  Good news...Angela (Shepis) is a fellow counselor and she will be nude a lot, have a bunch of naked pre-marital sex, have some gratuitous shower scenes, and more sex.  The killer, with a goalie mask and machete, arrives and begins picking off the teens.  He'll use a chainsaw, a crossbow, and a machete.  Tracy has a beau, Mike (Kelly Gunning).  Mike is a hunk, very insensitive, and will emerge as a suspect.

Now the counselors are on the run.  The beautiful Sofie (Amanda Magarian) will endure so much abuse in this, and emerges as a favorite.  More suspects arise...basically any guy in this film will be a suspect.  Angela will get naked some more and even seduce Mike.  Tracy will look serious and annoy people as she keeps grieving for her dead brother...like, just get over it, babe!  The beautiful and handsome will die so horribly.  Gore and nudity will carry much of this film.

Is Angela too much of a skank to survive?  How about Sofie and Tracy?  Do either one of them have what it takes to be a final girl?  Will Tracy stop bringing up her dead brother as everyone has pretty much told her that hey couldn't care less?  Cheesecake, beefcake, gore, nudity, chainsaws and machetes...Clint Eastwood and Meryl Streep couldn't make a film like this.  Do yourself a favor and see a gritty and traditional slasher flick, "Bloody Murder 2: Closing Camp."