Cheerleader Chainsaw Chicks, Powersaws and 80s Rock

Okay, I know...today's feature gets a 2.1/10 rating on IMDB. But...if "The English Patient" gets a 7.6/10 rating, 2018's "Cheerleader Chainsaw Chicks" is a 9.8/10 film. Okay, one may suggest this is a flawed effort...perhaps, but it is a far better film than "Thor," "The English Patient," and "The Dark Knight." We have some lovely protagonists doing stupid things and saying inane logic. Most of all...something about this offering was pure fun. Directed by Virginia Perfili, don't be ashamed to put this one on.

A cheerleader trio, Michelle (Alexis Giller), Andrea (Chloe White), and Pamela (Calli Hynes) drive to a cheerleading camp/competition on the other side of L.A. They get there and meet the sweaty lumberjack maintenance man, Diesel (David Moore). They then meet the camp director, Axel (Quinn Sharrow). He's a hunk and will take the lovely trio on a mystical musical tour through 80s Rock. The gals will enjoy this and discover Axel is a suave guy who is also in movies. Awe struck, the trio hop around a bit, sunbathe, practice a little and flirt with Axel. Oh yeah, Lana (Elizabeth Smith), a cheerleader from Yugoslavia shows up alone...her teammates didn't make it through customs.

Everyone will dance and enjoy more 80s nostalgia. Uh oh...someone robbed a government installation of...stuff. The cheerleaders find the stolen stuff. Bad news for them, the bad guys know the cheerleaders have their stuff. The bad guys kidnap Michelle's dog. If Michelle wants her dog back, she'll have to cough up the stuff. Axel to the rescue, he has a plan. Now the four cheerleaders arm themselves and set a trap for the thieves. They don their cheerleader garb, grab chainsaws, hedge-clippers, weed-whackers, and other stuff. The exchange is arranged and war is imminent.

Will any of our trio, or Lana have pre-marital sex with Axel? Is this film an attempt to revive the "Charlie's Angels" theme? When did Yugoslavia reunify...and does that mean Arch Duke Ferdinand has returned? Hey...a film about cheerleaders is so more preferable than anything Meryl Streep has ever given us. For some weird and frivolous fun, see "Cheerleader Chainsaw Chicks, " and then boast to all your friends and colleagues that you saw this film.

The Strangler, Pretty Nurses Assume Room Temperature

Such a waste of medical talent. In a day when all nurses were babes clad in white, film noir movie-makers didn't waste exploitation opportunities. Today we have a heartbreaking tale in which some sultry angels in white are slaughtered having never having a chance. Today we look at 1964's "The Strangler," directed by Burt Topper.

The movie begins with a psychopath's eight murder. As pretty nurse Helen (Selette Cole) arrives home and strips out of her clothes, Leo (Victor Buono) strikes. The hulking fat and sweaty pervert uses the nurse's own stockings to strangle them to death. He leaves a stripped doll at the crime scenes. The cops, headed by Lt. Frank Benson (David McLean) are perplexed. Who is Leo? A fat nerdy guy with a domineering mother (Ellen Corby). The mom keeps reminding him he's fat and doesn't understand why he doesn't visit her more often in the health-care facility. Leo secretly wants his mother to die. Uh oh...mom gets a sultry blonde nurse, Clara (Jeanne Bates). Clara has a great bedside manner and Leo is worried her care will extend his mom's life. Leo follows Clara home and strangles her to death.

The cops are desperate. Clues? But wait! Leo is infatuated by a pretty Tally (Davey Davison). She man's a ring-booth at Fun-Land. He goes every night and wins baby dolls...the same ones found at the crime scene. Tally has a pretty partner, Barbara (Diane Sayer). When the cops arrive to investigate the doll prizes they give away, Leo is watching. Now Barbara and Tally are in Leo's cross-hairs.  Oh no! We like these two beauties a lot, but Leo has secrets he needs kept...secret. He also has delusional fantasies about Tally and he is ready to put them in motion.

Will the two ring-booth beauties survive the wrath of Leo the pervert? Will deviating from nurse victims help or confuse the police seeking to find Leo? Would the pretty nurses have fared better if the 1960s American population had adopted a "Where all in this together" mentality? The murders are hard to watch and gratuitously filmed. For a nice Film Noir homicide story with gratuitous murders of beautiful women, see "The Strangler."

Psychophonia, Phone Calls From Beyond

Our new smart phones are amazing. All sorts of apps doing neat stuff. We can keep track of space stations, ocean liners, and celebrities. I'm sure there is a limit to what are phones can do. Not in 2016's "Psychophonia" (aka "Deadly Signal"), however. For a very pretty damsel in distress, the smart phone receives calls from 'the other side,' which just might save her life.

A loving couple, Lilli (Dedette Lim) and Jeremy (Mitchell Fink) awake one morning. Jeremy goes out for a jog...and is brutally murdered. After his death, the killer castrates him. Detective Becker (Daniel Quinn) breaks the news to Lilli. She is distraught and shocked. It gets worse. Lilli keeps receiving calls from Jeremy's phone, including one 20 minutes after his death. The phone company says there is no record of the calls. It gets seedy,now. Jeremy had a secret life. A free love cult filled with perverted swingers apparently took up his spare time. Now Lilli calls a paranormal investigator, Dennis (Andrew W. Walker). He's useless except for pre-marital sex.

Now Lilli investigates and infiltrates the free-love cult. Surprise...some lesbian action between Lilli and Jeremy's first wife, Angel (Jennimay Walker) result.  Uh oh again, the cult leader Rudger (Mark Gantt) oozes of a psycho-cult-killer in everything he says and does. Jeremy keeps calling Lilli...never able to speak. Now Lilli gets all sexed up, plows deep into the free-love thing...and sets herself up to be the next victim.

Will Lilli uncover her husband's killer? Will the useless paranormal investigator do anything worthwhile...other than the Venus Butterfly? Just what are the motives of Jeremy's sultry ex-wife, Angel? This is a neat paranormal thriller with many erotic undertones. For a taste of the otherworldly, with some kinky eroticism thrown in, see "Psychophonia."

Knifepoint. Depraved and Uber Gratuitous

Of the more than 1300 films reviewed on this blog, this one might be the most depraved and vicious. Warning...stop reading here is you have said, "I'm not watching that, even I have my limits," in the past five years. Otherwise, enjoy! 2011's "Knifepoint," directed by Jed Strahm is our feature today...and you have been warned. You will watch this film and be saying to yourself, "Oh no! Surely they aren't going to show that!" Yep...they show it.

Two sultry sisters reside in a posh and secure Venice (California) apartment complex. Abbie (Katherine Randolph) also cares for her recently paralyzed sister Michele (Krista Braun). How did Michele get paralyzed...well, you'll hear the backstory and it will be filled with gratuitous bathtub scenes, naked cat-fighting, and female bath tub wrestling...if you must know. What does that have to do with Michele being paralyzed? Nothing! Then the psycho gang arrives. They have just finished murdering everyone else in the apartment complex...everyone! They'll gratuitously rape the paralyzed Michelle and Abbie. They'll rape them in front...in back...some lesbian rape...some dildo rape...and some dagger rape...and they'll keep doing it. Okay, I warned you earlier...stop complaining.

As Michele and Abbie kill a lot of the gang, in gory fashion...don't ask, you'll see, psycho-bitch Lorraine (Kym Jackson) gets irate. She'll rape the duo some more, stab them, humiliate them, and when Abbie's fiance walks in, she'll rape him. Lorraine is out of control and will take a knife to Michele's groin and  [CENSORED].  Then the duo's parents and little brother arrive. The gang will rape the dad and [CENSORED]. As gang members and family members die horribly, the fate of Abbie and Michele seems grim...in fact, their fate will be far worse than grim.

Do Abbie and Michele have any shot at surviving this carnage? Is this a type of carnage that they will want to survive, or may death be preferable? How about psycho-bitch Lorraine...will her fate be a bloody one? You have been warned...I left out most of the gore, killings, carnage, and rape descriptions. Not the feel good film of 2011, and not for the Disney crowd. If you want hard-core exploitation and violence, see "Knifepoint."

Hatchetman, Fiend Slices Up Strippers

Yes! A straight-to-DVD, low budget, exploitation epic...with strippers! Oops, sorry...exotic dancers. There will be much cheesecake, gratuitous strip...er...exotic dances, gratuitous shower scenes, pre-marital sex, and graphic hatchet killings. 2003's "Hatchetman," directed by Robert Tiffe has everything we want as far as modern day sexploitation and slasher films go. The beautiful will die quite horribly and the killer is a perfect slasher villain.

Exotic dancer Brittany (Fonta Sawyer) is taken apart by a hatchet mas who absconds with her hands. The suspect is her violent ex-boyfriend Daniel (Daniel Brown). Her colleagues are terrified but still give it their all on stage. Claudia (Cheryl Burns) is a terrific performer and applying to law school. She dates and has a lot of pre-marital sex with Sonny (John Briddell), the detective . Uh oh, another of Claudia's colleagues, Michelle (Elizabeth Ryan).gets axed up the next night...and her hands are missing. Sonny is on the case and the whole department is still searching for Daniel.

Gratuitous shower scenes and more gratuitous exotic dance numbers occur. The dancers all live at the same apartment complex where some pervert sneaks into their bedrooms to steal their panties. Oh yeah...Rob (Chris Moir) has installed hidden cameras in the dancers' bedrooms so he can get his own private shows. So yes...Daniel isn't the only suspect. Meanwhile, the grouchy Star (Mia Zottoli) yells a lot at the other girls, takes a gratuitous shower, and keeps dancing. Rob is infatuated by her and when she turns up dead, and missing hands, he becomes a suspect. More ladies will die and Claudia gets accepted to law school and Sonny buys her a ring...so sweet. Our killer gets bolder and the cops still don't have any leads on Daniel's whereabouts.

Will any of our exotic dancers survive the wrath of the hand stealing hatchetman? If any ladies do survive, will they celebrate with more gratuitous showers? Will Claudia lose our sympathies as she begins her transition from exotic dancer to...lawyer? This is a bloody and gratuitous one. If excessive nudity and gore offend you, go watch some boring Cate Blanchett film. For a great tale of when the misogyny of men meets the exhibitionist tendencies of women...see "Hatchetman."

The Undertaker, Necrophilia and Other Sick Horror

I admit it...today's feature is a sick one. Yep...no redeeming value here. Perversion and sick horror! This one only tickles our prurient senses making us more depraved every minute we leave it on. Still, this one is much more preferable than any film Cate Blanchett or Daniel Day Lewis have ever done...1988's "The Undertaker." You have been warned...feel free to stop reading now.

Roscoe (Joe Spinell) is a weird and sweaty undertaker. He likes to have sex with corpses as he disembowels them. Okay...stop...I warned you not to read any further...but did you listen? Yep, as our film begins he collects Mary (Linda Ipanema), a beauty with a tight skirt and some nice heels. So sad, he'll slit her throat and...well, you'll see. After a gratuitous strip out of naughty undies scene, Jean (Mette Holt), the mayor's sultry secretary, is next. So sad. I'm not even going to tell you about Nancy (Lisa Vondal) and Angela (Nita Kling)...you won't believe it. Who can stop him? Fortunately at the university there is a babe professor, Pam (Rebecca Varon) who loves doing gratuitous aerobics, and is an expert on...necrophilia! I wonder if she's in the Women's Studies Department?

One of her students's, the hunk Nick (Patrick Askins) is also Roscoe's nephew. He has witnessed his uncle doing the naughty deed to the babe corpses. He tells Pam and now she investigates. She will not do too much investigating as she and her room-mate Mandy (Susan Bachli) will get naked a lot and have steamy pre-marital sex with their boy toys a lot. Roscoe keeps finding babes to abduct, torture, disembowel, and rape. As Pam is drawn into much danger, and Mandy...well, you won't believe what Roscoe does to the sultry Mandy. As Roscoe's rampage ramps up...Pam's inferior investigation skills get more babes killed.

The ending is shocking and you will need many showers to clean this grime off you. Will the nubile Pam engage in pre-marital sex with her student Nick and/or end up as Roscoe's cold love toys? Is Necrophilia a subject we absolutely don't need a horror film about? Is Pam's university breaking down sexual barriers by offering necrophilia courses? Perhaps a statement on the modern intellectual movement of America's university system...or perhaps a mere gratuitous sexual offering for the true sickos out there...either way, you have been warned, but if you have the choice between the 1980s horror extremity or a Daniel Day Lewis bore-a-thon....well, you may surprise yourself and choose "The Undertaker."

Bloody Ballet, Swan Lake with Razors and Disembowelment

2010's "Black Swan" was not a horror film. Wimps who are scared of horror films make the claim that the over-rated, Oscar winning bore-a-thon is horror. You want to see ballet horror? I have one for you today, 2018's "Bloody Ballet." This is what "Black Swan" would've been if Lucio Fulci made it. You can have Natalie Portman...you can have Mila Kunis...give me Debbie Rochon any day of the week. So you artsy-fartsy fans stop reading here, but you true horror fans, enjoy!

Adriana (Kendra Carelli) is a sultry prima dona. She has just been awarded the lead in "The Nutcracker." Great news...right? Well, like all of us, Adriana has a backstory. Hers is quite gory and haunting. Her parents were murdered with a razor after someone cut out their eyes. This backstory causes Adriana awful and disgusting hallucinations and panic attacks. Her ally here is Dr. Carlina Cassinelli (Rochon). Carlina does a yeoman's job with Adriana, but sometimes the past is a greedy hoarder.  Uh oh...other sultry ballerinas in Adriana's troupe begin being murdered...the same way her parents were. Oh, by the way, the leader of this ballet is Ms. Valli (Caroline Williams).

Yep, as Adriana's hallucinations get gorier and more disgusting, and more ballerina's have their eyes cut out...a parallel story is thrown at us. An 1892 fire that destroyed an insane asylum. McCabe (Rob Springer)  is researching the abandoned ruin when ghosts of little girls begin approaching him. Then an eerie, eyeless, Adriana beckons him...but to what? McCabe's contact with this Adriana-specter will draw him to the Ms. Valli's ballet troupe. He better hurry, the pretty ballerinas, who are often in the throes of pre-marital sex and other gratuitous nude scenes, are getting sliced up. Uh oh...as we see more of Adriana's past, we realize Carlina's best efforts may not be enough to stop the meat-grinder of a conclusion we are heading to.

Would the ballerinas be dying so horribly if they weren't in states of gratuitous nudity, in the shower, having pre-marital sex, or other misbehaving deeds? Can Dr. Cassinelli diagnose and treat Adriana, or are paranormal forces already set in motion? Just what does that abandoned and ruined insane asylum have to do with Ms. Valli's ballet? Gory and gratuitous, but in every sense a horror film. For some stomach-turning fun and razor gore...enjoy "Bloody Ballet," directed by Brett Mullen.

Island of Blood, Actors and Actresses Boiled and Skewered

Oh so many awful deaths. Lovely actresses meeting unimaginable fates as actors are cut up. Today we have a slasher film from 1982, "Island of Blood," directed by William T. Naud. How did you miss this one? That is what I'm asking myself as I believed I had seen all the slasher films from the early 80s. So many good death scenes in this one, including an acid shower for a nubile actress and a hunk actor getting his limbs severed by a chainsaw.

A movie crew is delivered to an island to film an 'up with people' movie (don't ask). Just before they get there a gratuitous scene in which a nubile lass is shotgunned while swimming in the pool foretells the fate of so many of the arriving crew. The leading lady is BJ (Bari Suber). She's a dish, and all her lines consist of "Make love to me...Take me...I want you" She is usually clad in short shorts, a swimsuit, or a white silk negligee. Even before the filming starts, the murders begin, The killer carries a cassette player with him (or her) and plays the tune "Boil Me and Set Me on Fire." Hence the first actor to go is pushed in the aforementioned pool in which the water is boiling. No one will miss this dweeb as the crew will feast on boiled lobster for lunch.

As BJ mouths her aforementioned lines to the perverted director (Ron Gardner), in private rehearsals, more murders will occur. The very pretty Donna (Maria-Alise Recanser) will give us a gratuitous shower scene before the killer replaces the water with acid making Donna not so pretty anymore. Nail guns, chainsaws, and knives will also beset our cast. As the numbers dwindle, cat-fights are hinted at as the actresses don't like each other. BJ will even have pre-marital sex with the director as spikes come through the bed making him a shish kabob. As the end of the film approaches, BJ will be in great distress as she runs in her negligee and the final reveal will be...surprising.

Might BJ be the killer, as she is sick of screwing old movie executives to get a lead role (this never happens)? Is America ready for an 'up-with-people' film, or is the slasher genre a great elixir to keep these films out of the theaters?  Is BJ too beautiful to die or will this film take on an Italian (Giallo) mindset? For some neat kills and a standard, but great, slasher plot, enjoy "Island of Blood."

Death Warmed Up, Brain Surgery and Mutants

You have to respect a mad-scientist that desires to cure death. Of course, the results are so predictable. Today we look at a gory horror film from New Zealand featuring the perky and alluring Margaret Umbers. There will be exploding heads, bloody brain surgery and cranial saws, and hordes of lovely nurses who all are butchered. 1984's "Death Warmed Up," directed by David Blyth will provide much cheesecake soaked in blood.

Dr. Howell (Gary Day) and Prof. Tucker (David Weatherley) win a prestigious scientific award. For what? Depends who you ask. Tucker believes it will cure disease...not Howell. The more ambitious Howell believes it will cure death by turning men into monstrous mutants who come back to life to slice up pretty nurses. Yes! They feud and Howell gives Tucker's son Michael (Michael Hurst) an injection. This causes him to shotgun his dad and nympho-mom (Tina Grenville) to death. This lands him in an insane asylum for seven years. He gets out and immediately starts dating the prettiest gal in New Zealand, Margaret (Umbers). Poor judgment, as she is pretty enough to date someone with earning potential...I guess Michael offers ambitious pre-marital sex.

Now Howell has an institute on an island where he does brain surgery. His patients turn into indestructible murder-mutants. Michael brings Sandy and two other friends, Lucas (William Upjohn) and the precocious Jeannie (Norelle Scott). The four will try to hunt down Howell. This won't go well. The mutants rebel and take over the hospital, the neighboring town, and the entire island. They rip apart everyone they meet including dozens of sultry nurses in white. Not to be distracted, Howell continues his experiments. As Sandy has pre-marital sex with Michael and screams a lot, and Jeannie and Lucas die horribly, Michael breaks away from the fun and games to hunt down Howell.

Will the sultry and nubile Sandy wise-up and dump the insaniac Michael and start dating a rugby hunk? Will the murderous mutants created by Howell be sufficient interference to keep him from Michael's wrath? Are murderous, brain altered, indestructible mutants a fair representation of the population that make up modern day New Zealand? This is a fine one unless you have an unhealthy attachment to sultry nurses in white. For some great gore and exploding brains, see "Death Warmed Up."   

The House on Straw Hill, Euro-Trash Galore

We have a good one today featuring beautiful women nude having deviant sex and a big bloody knife. I know what you're asking...are they having sex with each other or some guy? Yes. The knife! It gets a lot of use here and doesn't cut into the gratuitous heterosexual or lesbian pre-marital sex. Euro-Trash at its best in 1976's "The House on Straw Hill (aka "Trauma), directed by James Kenelm Clarke.

Paul (Udo Kier) is an unlikable sort writing a novel at his country estate. As our film opens he has weird and passionate pre-marital sex with his GF Suzanne (Fiona Richmond). Everything about Suzanne screams "RIP OFF MY CLOTHES AND HAVE VICIOUS SEX WITH ME!" Under pressure from his publisher Paul hires a typist/secretary. Hence the beautiful Linda (Linda Hayden) arrives with her dildo and vibrator. These two tools will get much use. She's a strange sort as she is willingly raped during a walk. She'll murder the offenders. Paul will try to seduce her but she isn't interested in him...yet.

As Linda goes to town with her dildo and vibrator...and fingers, Paul gets more intrigued by her...I wonder why. Uh oh, Linda has a hidden agenda. She might know Paul from somewhere and may be planning some no-good for him. As Linda moans and groans, she also begins a bloody rampage that will lead to Paul. Uh oh...Suzanne returns. This is good news for us as the two (her and Linda) will engage some steamy and passionate pre-marital sex. Paul doesn't know if he should be upset by this or turned on. As Suzanne and Linda deeply explore each other, Linda's mysterious plan is ramped up several levels. Get ready for a vicious and surprising ending.

Will Paul dive in and create a passionate threesome? Will Linda and Suzanne learn anything from each other? Exactly what is Linda's plan for Paul...and Suzanne? This one is definitely aimed at our prurient interests...not that that is a bad thing. For some steamy and erotic fun, with much blood and gore, enjoy "The House on Straw Hill."

The Biker Warrior Babe vs. The Zombie Babies From Hell, Enough Said

I can picture the discussion. Some schmuck asks what movies you've seen lately. You're response is 2014's "The Biker Warrior Babe vs. The Zombie Babies From Hell." His response, "Oh really, what's that about?" Really! Do you need to ask? Finally, a film that speaks to all of you who have been guilted into working in the church's nursery.

Succubus (Caitlin Bentley) and Lucrecia (Elise Eden) try to gain Satanic power by sacrificing a virgin to some demon played by Lloyd Kaufman. Uh oh...the beauty being sacrificed isn't a virgin and this causes millions of zombie babies to flood out of Hell. The babies eat everyone in their way. Meanwhile, Zipp (Brii Davis) and Melissa (Jessica Bloom) plan their weekend. Zipp is a biker chick and Melissa is a babe. Melissa and her soon to be eaten boyfriend introduce Zipp to Doc (Jake Dylman) Doc is a virgin and Zipp kind of likes him. Unbeknownst to these folks, hordes of demon babies, crying unmercifully, invade their town. They eat teens engaging in pre-marital sex, big breasted beauties taking gratuitous showers, campers seeking pre-marital sex, and other bikers.

Zipp and Doc get heroic and try to figure out what's happening. Melissa, because she is a major league babe, is along for the ride. Melissa and Zipp figure out the creeps Lucrecia and Succubus may have caused this. This duo does things like that, you know, conjure up demons. With Lucrecia eaten and Succubus now an undead zombie, herself, our trio bag Lucrecia's house for clues on how to combat the baby-horde. Yep, you guessed it...they'll need a virgin. Zipp and Melissa won't fit this bill, but Doc will. The problem, Zipp is falling in love with this dork and doesn't want to put a dagger in his heart. As the zombie babies eat their way to them, the trio will have to fight with chainsaws, rifles, pistols, axes, and sledgehammers. It will be such a beautiful thing.

Is Doc more likely to be de-virginized by Zipp or some baby-zombie? Are Zipp and Melissa too beautiful to have their innards eaten out by the baby horde? Is this film a thinly veiled metaphor on the dangers of improperly rearing our babies during the infant and toddler years? This is a fun one and the sight of so many screaming and crying babies being felled by chainsaws and sledgehammers is heartwarming. Directed by Jeremiah Morehouse, "The Biker Warrior Babe vs. The Zombie Babies From Hell" is too important of a film for you to miss.

Peeping Tom, Creepy Guy Slays English Dolls

You know them...those guys that just creep you out. Maybe you dated one...or maybe you have one as a cousin. Can't quite put your finger on it...but everything about him is creepy. Today we have a movie about one, an English film from 1960, "Peeping Tom." Directed by Michael Powell, this film will see so many beautiful UK chicks die horribly. Who knows, our antagonist in this one may bare a striking resemblance to...well, say your boss...a guy at church...a neighbor...or a guy who is right now fantasizing about your murder.

Mark (Karlheinz Bohm) is a cameraman. He films everything. As our story begins he hires a sultry prostitute and films her as he murders her. He takes the film home, develops it, and gets off on it. Mark photographs beautiful women and all will be endangered as this film advances. Uh oh...21 year old beauty Helen (Anna Massey), a tenant in Mark's building, comes on to him. He likes her, too. Helen is kind of thick and doesn't pick up on Mark's weirdness factor (which is off the chart). Then there's Helen's blind mother, Mrs. Stephens (Maxine Audley)...she senses it.

Mark is also working on a film set and agrees to film dancer, Vivian (Moira Shearer). Bad move for Vivian, she wants him to film her in secret. This will be a heartbreaking scene as Mark...well...you'll see...so sad. Why is Mark this creepy? Helen's nosiness reveals this. In flashbacks we see some really sick and perverted acts Mark's dad did to him...its all on film. As Mark arranges more private shoots with London's most beautiful women, Helen finds herself falling deeper into his world.

Just how dumb does Helen have to get before Mark films her murder? What exactly does the blind Mrs. Stephens see in Mark? Is Mark a mere metaphor for the misogyny and unrealistic expectations of western European men toward the fairer sex? This is an uncomfortable murder tale. After watching this film, the portrayal of Mark will have you hitting the showers to wash off the ickiness. Enjoy "Peeping Tom," and find yourself in the world of the perverse and insane for 100 minutes.

Sasori, Convict Scorpion's Revenge

A sultry Japanese woman, armed with a Samurai sword seeking revenge...is there anything better? Okay, granted...this one doesn't take place in an apocalyptic wasteland, but we will have cat-fights in the mud, blood spurting from severed limbs, dangerously beautiful femme-fatales, and some really unique kills. 2008's "Sasori" (aka "Female Convict Scorpion") is our feature today.

The glamorous and diminutive Nami (Miki Mizuno), clad in a sleek evening gown, awaits for her fiance and his family to arrive for a dinner party. A vicious gang intrudes, knocking the snot out of our beauty and sexually molest her. They will kill her fiance Hei Tai (Dylan Kuo) unless Nami kills Hei Tai's beautiful sister (Yuki Lau). Nami complies in order to save the man she loves and is sent to prison for life. In prison, Nami is tortured and raped mercilessly by other female inmates and the warden. The warden has the convicts fight each other in mud, usually clad in undies. To make a long story short, and leaving out much gratuitous action, Nami learns to fight and in a fit of rage kills all her enemies in a bloody shower scene.

Nami is hung out to die, and her corpse is dumped in the woods. Uh oh for some forgotten criminals, Nami isn't dead and is nursed back to health by a weird Kung Fu master...and of course taught Kung Fu. Revenge time! Nami, now clad in leather, begins her quest for revenge and goes through the gang that made her kill her future sister-in-law like crap through a goose. But wait! How about her old fiance, Hei Tai? No spoilers here, but you won't believe what happens to their relationship. The ending will be quite bloody and many Japanese beauties will die horribly.

Will Nami complete her quest for revenge? Will Nami and Hei Tai ever get married, or will Hei Tai swear revenge on the dame who killed his sister?  In a duel with Samurai swords, does a leather cocktail dress, or a silver sequins party-dress provide an advantage to the fashion conscious Asian babe? From cat-fights in the mud, to blood spurting across city streets, "Sasori" (directed by Joe Ma) is a story that will warm your heart...while it is still encased in your rib-cage.

Inmate Zero, Women's Prison Zombie Massacre

Before you get too excited I should tell you there is no eroticism in this film. With that out of the way we do have buckets of blood, carnage galore, and many gratuitous deaths. A dystopian tale about a zombie-type virus that besets a prison is our fare today. 2020's "Inmate Zero" is a heartwarming tale chronicling the events when the worst of the worst are beset by the worst of the worst.

Stone (Jess Chanliau) is a death-row inmate in a futuristic prison located on an island off Ireland. 256 other inmates, all destined for the chair, are also there. Uh oh, Dr. Brooks (Philip McGinley) has an offer for her. The offer? Volunteer for clinical trials of a new drug that cures cancer and have the death sentence commuted to life. Stone refuses but not fast enough. Other prisoners agree...bad move. Drugs that cure cancer never turn out well in these films. Now the test subjects die horribly and...come back. Once back they spread the infection and try to eat the living. Imagine that.

The ghoulish and fast moving zombies keep increasing as the inmate population decreases.
All hell breaks loose and the deadly prisoners all get out of their cells. The few survivors now must battle psycho women inmates and infected ghouls. As Stone, a former Special Forces killer, tries to keep the small band of survivors together, corrupt guards led by Woodhouse (Raymond Bethley) undermine her. Now a war breaks out in the survivor ranks and severed limbs and infection will be thrown at us. Uh oh...the island's small population is also infected and citizen zombies are also invading the prison. Even worse, there is doubt that the main land authorities will send help.

Will Stone and fellow survivors survive the infection and zombies and make it off the island? Just what were the schmuck inmates, who volunteered for the clinical trials, injected with? Are you now developing your own survival plan for when the government knocks on your door with a vaccine for the current virus? Choose wisely. Not the feel good women's prison movie of 2020 but the gore and carnage are worth sitting through this. As zombie films have becoming annoying and preachy of late, "Inmate Zero" is action packed and crisp. Directed by Russell Owen, "Inmate Zero" is a lot of fun...and maybe a little too pertinent to our current predicament.

Witchtrap, The Paranormal and Gratuitous Nudity

Nothing like a horror film centering on a team of paranormal investigators. Yep...can't top that...unless we meet them in states of gratuitous and unnecessary nudity. Perhaps a plot device to suggest the stripped down restrictions on the belief of a regimental standard of science. Sure, we'll go with that. After all, I'm sure Linnea Quigley's gratuitous shower scene had nothing to do with cheap thrills and plot as an appeal to prurient interests. Hence 1989's "Witchtrap," directed by Kevin Tenney.

A our film begins an illusionist is thrown out of the second story of a haunted inn, to his death. Vicious ghost Avery Lauter (J.P. Luebsen) wants no visitors. Next, Agnes (Judy Tatum) is naked in a bath when the inn's owner calls her. Her nudity in the tub has nothing to do with the plot. She and her team are hired to exorcise the inn of Avery. She assembles her team, husband Felix (Rob Zapple), a mental medium, Whitney (Kathleen Bailey), a physical medium, and videographer Ginger (Quigley). Also brought in is a team of three private detectives to protect the paranormal gang. Tony (James W. Quinn) is the only one of those of significance. As the team enters, Ginger immediately finds the shower, strips, takes a gratuitous shower, and is impaled by the shower head...so sad.

Ginger's death coincides with Whitney's spell. The physical medium contorts and shakes every time Avery is killing someone. Before her first spell, Whitney strips out of her clothes in a scene irrelevant to the plot. Felix acts as Avery's voice and is possessed every time. Avery tells the team he will kill them. The team is pretty inept, even when clothed. In addition to Ginger's nude and gratuitous death, Avery's killings are quite nice as we even see a head explode like a grenade. As the malicious ghost goes through paranormal investigators and detectives like crap through a goose, Tony and Whitney team up to battle Avery and expel him from the inn.

Is killing the very nude and wet Linnea Quigley early in the film a major faux pas of the plot? Is the proclivity for gratuitous nude scenes an underused plot device in modern (post 1980s) paranormal horror films? Are exploding heads and gratuitous nude bath and shower scenes enough to make one want to watch a horror film? Okay, that last one was an easy one. For some gratuitous nudity and ghostly hi-jinx, enjoy "Witchtrap."