Monday, July 12, 2021

Dinoshark, Prehistoric Shark Eats Beach Babes and Hunks

Yep...we have a Roger Corman presentation today.  Okay, the characters aren't likable but because they are either hunks or bikini babes we do desire they survive this film.  In what probably appeared on Syfy, 2010's "Dinoshark" is a summer beach movie that will have you avoid Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.  This is too bad because that Mexican resort has better drinking water than Flint, Michigan.  Directed by Kevin O'Neill, this film will always be remembered for the monster fish eating a really annoying girls water-polo team.

Because of global warming (yawn!) a prehistoric shark comes to the waters off Puerto Vallarta and starts feeding on bikini babes and hunks.  Rita (Christine Nicole) will have her bottom half bitten off and her buddies will be very sad.  These buddies are loser hunk Trace (Eric Balfour) and marine biologist/water-polo coach Carol (Iva Hasperger).  The two will team up and annoy us (just mute it).  She will wear some nice bikinis and he will have his shirt off a lot.  Bikini babe Lois (Liv Boughn) and her sugar-daddy Steve (Richard Miller) will get eaten next.  No one is too broken up about these saps.  Bad news for Carol, some old geezer is really making a play for her and the ick factor is maxed out.

Okay, Carol and Trace have a friend with rocket launchers and grenades...don't we all.  Luis (Aaron Diaz), another shirtless hunk brings them to the shore.  He'll be useless and be eaten.  Now Carol determines that the monster is heading into the canal where her girls water-polo team is playing.  Fortunately she won't be in time to save the bickering brats.  Here comes Roger Corman...really!  He tells Carol how to kill the monster.  Now Trace and Carol are on the offensive for one of the greatest endings to any shark movie since "Jaws 2."

With modern technology can another version of this film be released without the stupid global warming crap in it...and much of the dialogue?  Do bikini babes with nice tans even need dialogue?  Can we expect to see more films where prehistoric sharks rip apart annoying water-polo teams? As annoying as many of the characters are, we do feel bad for Carol that the only guy trying to get in her pants is some old slimy geezer.  For summer fun see "Dinoshark."  

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