Thursday, July 25, 2019

Raiders of the Sun, A Sultry Blonde and War-Midgets

A sultry blonde clad in too-tight yoga pants. Midget warriors wielding battleaxes. A hunk sporting great pecs who grunts a lot. An apocalyptic wasteland where the most valuable commodity is gunpowder (yep, Frank Herbert based Dune on this film). Best of all, this is a Cirio H.Santiago film. With epic war scenes rivaling "Patton," 1992's "Raiders of the Sun" will satisfy where the newest "Mad Max" film disappointed.
Nuclear war has destroyed most of the world and an army called The Alpha League has emerged as the only noble collection on the planet. Fortunately The Alpha League has a monopoly on gunpowder, but unfortunately many traitors from its ranks have formed an army. Under the command of Clay (William Steis), the evil army repeatedly attacks The Alpha League's arsenal. Meanwhile hunk Brodie and his pecs roams the wastelands in his souped up car looking for trouble. After repelling the evil invasion, handsome Talbot (Blake Boyd) leaves the army to go back to his sultry wife Vera (Brigitte Stenberg) and her yoga pants. Uh oh, Clay's brother Hoghead (Rick Dean) has his own army and wipes out Vera's village and abducts her.
Vera is now a prisoner of Hoghead, and he desires pre-marital sex with her. Desiring to stay pure for Talbot, the spunky blonde always busts Talbot's jaw when he tries to rape her. Now Talbot seeks to infiltrate Hoghead's camp and free his wife. Brodie, when he isn't killing nuked out survivors, befriends Talbot and joins his quest. Brodie will lose interest in this noble quest probably because Vera is already married and a Filipino babe named Sierra (Lani Lobangco) with an army of midgets falls in love with him and has gratuitous pre-marital sex with him. As Talbot tries to rescue his wife, Brodie shacks up with Sierra and her midgets. Uh oh, Sierra's village sits on a gunpowder mine and Clay's and Hoghead's armies head over there. As the midgets grab their battleaxes, Brodie prepares for an all out deciding battle.
Will Vera ever meet Sierra and if they do will a cat-fight ensue (remember, this is a Cirio H. Santiago film)? Were the battleaxe wielding midgets the inspiration for the Ewoks in the "Star Wars" series? "Raiders of the Sun" is so much fun as it is filled with epic war scenes, gratuitous love, and plenty of beefcake and cheesecake. Enjoy, and remember the H in Cirio H. Santiago stands for 'Gratuitous.' 

1 comment:

  1. I thought the H stood for Horror, more hot Flipper chicks please! This is what Lucas wanted to do with Raiders of the Lost Arc, but being P rated , it lost it's guts.