Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn, Apocalyptic Wasteland in 3D

Before Kelly Preston was a Scientology queen, she was Dhyana, babe of an apocalyptic wasteland seeking the assassination of a monster warlord.  Many would argue that these two roles are one in the same, but I will refrain from any editorial comments about the religion of the stars. Just like Scientology has its magic crystals, 1983's "Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn" has its magic crystals containing the life-force of peon unfortunates.  This film is a wild scifi ride and was released in 3D.  However corny and campy, "Metalstorm" is an infinitely more entertaining film than the newest bore-a-thon, "Manchester by the Sea."

In an apocalyptic wasteland, there always seems to be a sultry babe put in much peril. Dhyana (Kelly Preston) is one such chick.  While mining in a no-man's land, for crystals, Baal (R. David Smith) shows up with his henchmen and murders her dad.  Baal is a monster cyborg with a mechanical arm. Dhyana and her dad never got the memo that the truce ended and Jared-Syn (Michael Preston) wants to conquer humanity.  Fortunately for the nubile Dhyana, Dogen (Jeffrey Byron) arrives.  Clad in a leather Mad Max outfit, our hunk is a Ranger.  Dhyana and Dogen instantly fall in love and both seek to kill the evil Jared-Syn.  Uh oh, Mr. Syn has psychic abilities because of his giant life-force crystal, and knows they're coming.

The crystal gives Jared-Syn the ability to create energy portals, and he uses one of these to abduct Dhyana and set a monster on Dogen.  Dogen then befriends Rhodes (Tim Thomerson), a former Ranger who knows how to get into the lost city, where Jared-Syn dwells.  The two hunks then head there and must fight sand monsters and Syn's giant warrior, Hurok (Richard Moll), on their way.  Alas, Jared-Syn has some more surprises for the two would-be heroes, as well as the beautiful Dhyana as his hostage.

If "Battlefield Earth" was John Travolta's love letter to L. Ron Hubbard, "Metalstorm" is Kelly Preston's. Half "Mad Max" rip-off and half sword and sorcerer epic, this is a wildly entertaining film. Guys will like the explosions, Kelly Preston, and fights, and gals will like our two hunk heroes, and Scientologists will go goo-goo over all the crystals and energy portals.  Yep, a film with something for everyone.