Friday, July 26, 2024

Chupa, The Chupacabra Attacks...Akron!

The feared goat-sucker of Mexico. We all feared it would migrate her to the U.S. Now it has, at least in today's film. Yep...the residents of Akron, Ohio have something else to worry about other than the odor of burnt rubber. Straight-to-VHS films of the 90s would eventually give way to straight-to-DVD films of the 2000s. Today we see one of the last straight-to-video classics, 2000's "Chupa," directed by Tom Hoover. One may ask why make a film about the Chupacabra when most people would rather see a Bigfoot film. Well, maybe Tom Hoover was into a pre-cursor of "inclusion" in highlighting marginalized cryptid communities.

The plot is a good one. Whether this film is...you decide. Outside of Akron a woman is shredded by the Chupacabra. Now the FBI is seeing an opportunity for a cover-up...imagine that. FBI scientist Simon Westlake (Jim Lee Johnson) gathers a failed marine captain, Roger (Peter Ferry) to lead a super secret mission into a Ohio national park to find the thing and capture it. Recruited into the group is cryptozoologist, the portly Dr. Seth Corralis (Russell Kunz). Babes? Angela (Tiffany Sandels), she's sixth in the credits...you know what that means. She'll have seduction and pre-marital sex scenes before being shredded. So sad. Oh, Gabriel (Jeffrey Lyn Hall). He's a psychic...or empath...yawn. This dweeb will fall in love with the group's anthropologist, Samantha (Mary Mahoney). 

A lot more members of the group will exist. The group? They'll yell at each other a lot, except for Angela. Angela will seduce, suck face, and engage in pre-marital sex. Roger will yell at Angela for her proclivity to engage in carnal acts. Then the monster approaches this group's compound...becomes a shape shifter, lures them out one by one, and shreds them. Our Marine leader, Roger, will yell at people some more. Uh oh! Is it a Chupacabra? Westlake, the FBI guy, apparently has not told the group or Roger everything. Seth gets suspicious and contacts SETI. Have you ever noticed in these films SETI is always totally clueless? Now as others try to get in on the action Angela promises, the monster interrupts one of her pre-marital sex sessions. Now its game-on!

Is it the Chupacabra that is terrorizing these woods outside of Akron?  Is this the best film ever made about the peoples, perils, and history of Akron? Before shredding her, will the Chupacabra do anything else to Angela? The creature in this film is amazing (EMBELLISHMENT, it is actually so lame it is funny). See "Chupa" and get your fill of straight-to-VHS films.

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