Teen Lust, Finally, Satan Picked On

Hollywood has had no trouble picking on Christianity.  So much so that Christians merely yawn at their efforts now. What if Hollywood throws barbs at the Church of Satan? Makes them look ridiculous while lampooning them?  This film was made in 2014 and swarms of locusts have yet to show up. Is this proof that Satan isn't as all-powerful as most of Hollywood thinks?  Throw in some virgins, hot babes (most not virgins), a sacrificial dagger, and frivolous carnality and we have 2014's "Teen Lust," directed by Blaine Thurier.

Neil I(Jesse Carere) is a hunk.  he's also shy...so sweet.  This high school student has a secret.  Him and his parents belong to a Church of Satan. The church is led by Priest Sheldon (Cary Elwes), and babe Priestess Mary (Kristin Bauer).  Neil can't go ten minutes at a time without humiliating himself in front of the hot babes at his school.  He also has secrets.  One, he is a Satanist. Two, the magic tricks he does are real. This won't help him get laid.  His buddy, the nerd Matt (Daryl Sabara) wants to help him get laid...he's also a member at the same 'church.' Uh oh...Sheldon, Mary, and Neil's parents (Jon Dore and Emmanuelle Vaugier) have been preserving Neil's virginity so they can offer him as a sacrifice to Satan, shortly after his 18th birthday.

Okay, a little late, but Neil figures this out.  Just before the ceremonial dagger plunges into his chest, he escapes with Matt's help.  His plan?  Yep...get de-virginized.  First up is his good friend Denise (Annie Clark).  This will be awkward...after all, Denise doesn't know about this Satan stuff.  Can you imagine the foreplay or pick-up line?  You'll see these in the movie. Now the entire church is after him.  On the run, Neil and Matt brainstorm about ways to quickly lose his virginity.  What they come up with will largely be unsuccessful, especially after the prostitute (Ali Tataryn) ends up being a Satanist. The Satanists control the town and Neil seems to be doomed as they converge.

Will Denise help out a friend and screw Neil?  Will Satanists boycott the film industry unless they secure promises from them to donate big sums of money and include Satanists in their films while portraying them positively...and donate to Satan Lives Matter?  Actually, this might have already been done.  Anyway, for an accurate portrayal of Satanists and their church, see "Teen Lust."