Return to Splatter Farm, Slasher by the Book

Has anyone noticed that Clint Eastwood makes a lot of movies lately with highly original plots.  It should also be pointed out that those plots are ones no one in there right minds would desire to see. Come on, let us be honest.  "Cry Macho" should never have been made.  Someone tell this guy to stop! When in doubt...and listen up, Clint!...make a slasher film!  We want to see slasher films!  Not twisted idiocy that masquerades as cinematic art.  Hence 2020's "Return to Splatter Farm," directed by some of this blog's favorite peeps, Jeff Kirkendall and Mark Polonia.

Something awful happened at a rural Pennsylvania farm, 30 years ago.  A bunch of campers and youngsters were beheaded or gutted...happens.  The perp? Jeremy (Kirkendall)...an he's still loose.  Bobbi (Danielle Donahue) is the only living heir and inherits the farm.  Now her and four of her buddies head to claim the inheritance and help Bobbi clean it out so she can move in.  Her buddies are suitable for decapitation and disembowelment, but good peeps nonetheless.  Of course, Jeremy still resides in the barn and slices up couples who wonder in there to make out or have pre-marital sex. We see a lot of slasher action, including guttings and decapitations...and pre-marital sex not ending well (as if it ever does).

Bobbi explores the farm with her best buddy, Daphne (Maria De Lorenzo) and Jeremy sees them.  Now Jeremy turns his attention to Bobbi's party.  The other three include Brad (Nico Bryant), a football player...Liz, a skank...and Gopher, a stoner.  Worry not, other babes will find their way to the farm for the sole purpose of gratuitous shower scenes...gritty reality.  Jeremy has a field day and I must say, we sort of are rooting him on.  As hunks and babes die horribly...some in orgasmic conflagrations...so sweet, we plead with the screen that the nubile Bobbi will be spared.

Will the nubile Bobbi be a final girl, or merely the final kill?  How many of us identify as a Jeremy type in this increasingly polarized existence here in America?  Is there ever a bad time to throw in a gratuitous shower scene in any movie (hear that Clint!)?  Classic slasher tropes spring at us in this very refreshing film.  So if you had to endure "Bronco Billy" or "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" (gag me with a spoon!), treat yourself to "Return to Splatter Farm."