Bigfoot vs. the Illuminati, The Foot Saves Mankind

Okay...so a sultry space princess wants Van Helsing (Marco Guzman) to return to her ship. Faced with saving mankind, why would you figure she wants Van Helsing back. Here's the quote, "Return to headquarters, I want to f*** your brains out!" He returns and she...well, you'll see. Throw in Dr. Jekyll and cult fruit-loop leader Aleister Crowley, lizard aliens, and of course...Bigfoot! Yep 2020's "Bigfoot vs the Illuminati," directed by BC Fourteen (don't ask).

Two thousand years into the future, AI robots have drained Earth of all our natural resources. About 3,000 are all that's left and the Earth's air is now poison. Off to space they go, led by Princess Kali (Ashley Tod)…a babe. She leads an alliance of surviving humans but her allies are fast being killed off by Archons. The Archons are reptilian fiends led by Rothschild (Robert Forth). Determined to save humanity, Kali summons a Van Helsing clone, known as VH. VH and Kali will play heavy on the sexual tension and will engage in passionate pre-marital sex. Dr. Jekyll (Edson Camacho) works in Kali's laboratory trying to invent weapons to defeat the lizard people. 

VH has an idea. An old friend, Bigfoot (also played by Guzman) is summoned to help fight the Archons. Meanwhile, Rothschild resurrects Aleister Crowley (Wes Bruff), the ancient alchemist, to assist in wiping out humanity. As more of Kali's allies are blown to bits, her sexual needs increase. Now Bigfoot is all in in defeating the lizard people. Great space battles will ensue, a visit to Area 51 will also occur, and Bigfoot will talk jive to lizard people and allies alike. Make sense? Makes more sense than "Jupiter Ascending" or "The Last Airbender." 

Did I mention this is, I guess you could say, an animated film. Perhaps American Anime, if you must. The plot is ambitious and makes more sense if you just watch the movie. After f***ing VH's brains out, will Princess Kali reward Bigfoot the same way? If the lizard fiends get a hold of Kali, will they expect her to f*** their brains out too? Does a loony alchemist really have a shot against Bigfoot? This 76 minute animated film has terrific scenes of spaceships and alien galaxies. Perhaps just as realistic as "Battlestar Gallactica" except with more sexual tension and...Bigfoot! Enjoy "Bigfoot vs. the Illuminati."