From Troma, today's feature is 1990's "Fertilize the Blasphemous Bombshell." I guess we all have our "kidnapped by Satanists" stories, so this film is one we can all relate to. Sheila Ryan (aka Sheila Caan) died two years ago at the age of 60, and was married to James Caan for a short time. Her film career is extremely limited, but she certainly filled the bill as the bombshell in this Troma classic. Co-starring with Ryan is Rick Hill ("Deathstalker," see my review of March 3rd) as a hunk she becomes sweet on, and Bo Hopkins as the sheriff. Throw in dozens of Satanists, including a nude snake dancing woman, and a few shower scenes, and we have 90 minutes of fun. This film is available in good quality on YouTube.
The Plot: Susan (Ryan) gets in her red VW and drives from Las Vegas to the California desert. The anthropologist is looking for her twin sister Sandy, and Sandy's fiance. The night before, this unfortunate duo was abducted by Satanists. Sandy was raped by the Devil-Master, and the fiance was torched. Sensing her twin's pain, Susan knows something bad happened and arrives at a gas station run by a hunk (Rick Hill). Susan, from her last conversation with Sandy knows she stopped at a town called (Ellivnatas...yeah, I know what it spells backwards). Deathstalker has never heard of this place. Susan is determined to find her sister, so immediately she becomes sweet on Deathstalker and goes home with him. Together they discuss a plan to find Susan and her man? No, Deathstalker pours them both a bourbon, and Susan announces she wants to take a bath. The bath turns into an elongated shower scene, unhampered by tan-lines. Then off to find Sandy? No, our bombshell then goes to sleep, in Deathstalker's bed. One can't blame her, even though Deathstalker's shack is a dive, his bed is equipped with satin sheets.
Okay...when our bombshell has a vision that Deathstalker is the Prince of Darkness, she sneaks away to begin her search. She visits the sheriff (Bo Hopkins), but he is uninterested, and has never heard of Ellinvnatas. Susan finds enough clues, like pentagrams burned into the sand, but the sheriff is still unmoved. After being chased by Satanists in souped up desert vehicles, Susan finds this elusive town. When she walks in on a black mass being conducted by the Devil -Master (Robert Tessier), they are expecting her. They grab her and bring her to the pentagram in the desert, and the Devil-Master beckons Satan, quoting Keats, to "enrich this chalice of toad's blood with thy potency, that I may fertilize this blaspheming slut." In all fairness, she called him some pretty abusive adjectives in the previous scene. As he tries to rape Susan, she escapes clad only in a blouse and panties. During her escape, the bombshell uses knives, boulders, fire, gun, cars, and tree branches to dispose of 10 Satanists. She takes a break to shower nude under a waterfall, again, unhampered by tan-lines. Uh oh...Deathstalker and Bo Hopkins are on her trail...but can either of these men be trusted?
Susan is a feisty heroine, and at no point in this epic do we sense she is at a disadvantage. She goes through Satanists like crap goes through a goose. Ryan is, in the classic sense of the word, a babe. Troma probably picked Ryan because of her obvious appeal in shower scenes, but her acting is pretty good. Despite the low budget, the action is superb, as many of the scenes will remind you of "The Road Warrior." See this Troma film. If you have small children and have seen "The Toy Story" movies 40 times too many, "Fertilize the Blasphemous Bombshell" will serve as needed therapy.
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