They're coming! No, not the refugees or disenfranchised citizens of a bordering nation. Exactly who they are is never made totally clear in 2016's "Border Patrol." This short film tackles deeper issues than who we are keeping out, or what the wall is there for. Yeah, there is a wall guarded by a border patrol unit here, but in this short film, the border may have already been crossed, and not the geographic one.
Border Patrol .
Wednesday, November 30, 2016
Tuesday, November 29, 2016
Poor Susan Blacklinie. She is always being put on the buffet for the animal kingdom. In "Jaws," she portrayed Chrissie. You remember Chrissie, the skinny-dipper who was eaten by the great white at the start of the film. Two years later, her fate was even more gruesome. In 1977's "Day of the Animals" she is mauled by wolves, picked apart by vultures, and then thrown of a cliff by those same birds. The pretty blonde also served as Linda Day George's stunt double in that same film.
Ahhh, where would a decade be without it's version of what will end the planet? Nuclear bombs kept people on edge in the 1950s, Communism in the 1960s, and today...global warming has us ready to relocate to Mars. But in the 1970s...come on now, any guesses? Mercury in our Tuna and aerosol sprays were gonna melt our cells and destroy the ozone layer. In "Day of the Animals," we are warned in a prologue that what we are about to see could happen if we keep using underarm antiperspirant. Unfortunately for some hikers, led by the hunk Steve (Christopher George), they will see these effects first hand. The increased radiation makes all the animals up in the California mountains attack. Mandy (Blacklinie) will be the first to go.
As Steve and his Indian (the 1970s term for Native American) Daniel (Michael Ansara) try to keep the hikers from panicking, a loose cannon ad-executive, Paul (Leslie Nielsen) goes as mad as the pursuing critters. Paul will turn into a homicidal rapist, as the snakes, tarantulas, birds, mountain lions, and wolves pursue. A cute side story occurs as Steve falls in love with his real life wife Linda Day George, who plays Terry. Uh oh, as our campers desperately try to make it back down the mountain to town, they are unaware that the animals have already eaten most of the citizens. With Steve's group dwindling, and the army on it's way, can our surviving hikers hold out?
What begins as a harmless made-for-TV looking PG flick, quickly turns into a gory and dark horror film. Some of the kills are horrifying and uncomfortable to watch. Will man emerge still atop the food chain? Will Mr. and Mrs. George think twice about a family pet? This film was decades ahead of the hit reality show "When Animals Attack," but the makers of that show clearly had this film in mind.
|The tasty Susan Blacklinie|
|Leslie Nielsen and Michael Ansara|
|Susan Day and Christopher George with Cujo|
Sunday, November 27, 2016
Set in Hawaii and shot in the Philippines, 1979's "Up From the Depths" is one of a billion "Jaws" rip-offs. IMDB bills this one as a horror/comedy, however I don't think comedy was a goal of the film makers. Directed by Charles B. Griffith, the overly stereotyped characters may indicate a comedy, but in fairness, perhaps the stereotypes are fair. For example...is it inaccurate to assume that ditzy swimsuit models are shallow and have inflated egos? With lots of nudity, gore, and a cool looking sea creature, this film is worth a watch.
Friday, November 25, 2016
Now for some serious sexploitation! 1973's "War Goddess" (aka "The Amazons'") is the story of the great Amazon nation. Made up wholly of beautiful babe warriors with no need for men. Biting commentary of the virtues of a feminine society, free of corruption by males? yeah, yeah...but also some great 1970s sexploitation featuring statuesque babes rubbing sacred oil all over their nude bodies and engaging in cat-fights and passionate lesbian love making.
Wednesday, November 23, 2016
"We want you to portray a Euro-skank who gets raped by a little kid and births alien eggs." The lovely and very classy Bond-girl Maryam d'Abo (The Living Daylights) had to begin her acting career somewhere. 1982's "Xtro" was just such a film. Yet the plight of her very unfortunate character sums up this cult horror favorite. When she heard that above line from director Harry Bromley Davenport, one wonders if she smiled and was aroused...or was she disgusted but figured she needed a paycheck to pay the rent?
Sam (Philip Sayer) is abducted by aliens while playing with his young son, Tony (Simon Nash). Tony's mom Rachel (Bernice Stegers) doesn't believe Tony and assumes Sam has just run off. Three years later, Rachel has moved to London with her son and moves in with a younger guy, Joe (Danny Brainin). Also living with them is Analise (d'Abo), a very frisky nanny who likes to have pre-marital sex. Uh oh...Sam returns with no memory of the past three years. What a return it is. A sultry babe is raped by a monster and minutes later gives birth to Sam. After birth, Sam returns to Rachel. At first he and Rachel appear to be falling back in love, much to Joe's consternation. But is this Sam? He begins exhibiting weird behavior and it becomes apparent he is actually an alien looking to reclaim his son...and much more.
Sam, or whatever Sam is now, has a plan which involves his son Tony and Analise's womb. As Analise continues to have pre-marital sex, the viewer realizes her fate will be one worse than death. Joe and Rachel remain ignorant to what Sam has become, but Tony is given some very alien powers, including the ability to make each one of his toys a homicidal weapon. As Tony's toys inflict much carnage, the boy has a surprise for the nubile Analise. What happens to Analise will be one of the most memorable scenes from 1980s horror. What are Sam's goals? Will Tony also become a monster? Is Analise's fate the best argument against pre-marital sex?
Playful and quirky, "Xtro" is also total horror. As the final credits roll, viewers will be in shock at what just unfolded. One wonders if Ms. d'Abo was ever told that her role in "Xtro" would be a stepping stone to becoming a Bond-girl. Made in England, "Xtro" probably crossed many lines into the taboo, but that is what hardcore horror fans prefer.
|Back to Earth|
|Analise and cocoon|
Monday, November 21, 2016
Okay, it ain't blue, and it ain't a monkey. Take heart, because it is infinitely creepier than a smurf/simian. So why call this 1987 film "Blue Monkey"? Don't ask. What is important is that we have a giant bug thing, beautiful damsels in much peril, a grouchy cop trying to save the damsels, an abandoned insane asylum, and a big laser gun. Okay...a bit choppy perhaps, but these ingredients are mixed to produce an effective horror work containing some images that will stay with you.
Saturday, November 19, 2016
From 1968 West Germany comes "Castle of the Creeping Flesh." A weird tale with lots of nudity and gore, most of the gratuitous kind. A tale of a bloody family curse that drives a loving father mad with an obsession to bring his beautiful dead daughter back to life. Yeah, this always works out well. Throw in a fierce bear, a Gothic castle, some young lovelies bent on finding pre-marital sex, and a mad scientist. Directed by Adrian Hoven, this is a heart warming tale... wait, what I meant to say is the heart is still warm when it is dug out of one of the aforementioned lovelies.
Thursday, November 17, 2016
In 1985 George Romero's "Day of the Dead" hit the silver screen. Initially, this horror flick was a failure. Fans of Romero's "Dawn of the Dead" (1979) were cool to this next installment in the great director's zombie series. Where "Dawn" drove home social commentary with wit and humor, "Day" tried to drive it home with a hammer. But wait! As the decades unfolded, horror fans warmed to the 1985 film, and it is safe to say "Day of the Dead" has aged well. Even Zack Snyder's remake of 1978's "Dawn" became a bigger box office hit than it's 1978 predecessor. Forget all that, today we take a peek at 2008's "Day of the Dead," which Romero had nothing to do with.
Tuesday, November 15, 2016
Again we look at a Starr Andreeff film. Last month we examined Syngenor in which the beautiful Andreeff was pursued by a gargoyle-like creature. Before that, in 2014, we looked at The Terror Within where a nubile Ms. Andreeff was raped by a mutant gargoyle thing and assumed room temperature after the monster's spawn took form in her womb...so sad. Today, a more conventional tormentor for Starr Andreeff...the vampire. Just as cute, and just as vulnerable as in the above mentioned films, Ms. Andreeff will be entangled in a battle with deadly consequences once again. Today we take a peek at "Dance of the Damned" (an exotic dance, I may add) from 1989.
Sunday, November 13, 2016
Santa's helpers? No. The Keebler elves? No. When Nazi scientists delved into the occult, and created a two-foot killing machine able to sneak behind enemy lines, homicidal elves were born. Too bad for them Germany lost the war. Decades later, the same Nazi scientists, now living in the U.S. will unleash their creation. Today we look at 1989's "Elves." This is a somewhat humorous horror tale that turns very dark and deranged. Fans of Deanna Lund, the beauty from "Land of the Giants" will have mixed feelings about this tale. She's in it, but will be left contorting and fried, and very nude, in her own bathtub.
Friday, November 11, 2016
In the opening credits of 1973's "Blood Orgy of the She-Devils," we learn that the dancer costumes were furnished by Eros. Eros? I wonder how that went down. I can imagine sitting at the reception desk of Eros headquarters and Ted V. Mikels (the director) strolls in. I'd greet him by saying hello and asking how I could help him. He responds, I need a dozen costumes for a satanic dance team for "Blood Orgy of the She-Devils." Would I respond by saying, "Let me show you what we have on this rack," or would I say "Can you be more specific?" Perhaps the inspiration for the Solid Gold Dancers, our satanic dancers are the highlight of this film.
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Sultry stewardesses fighting evil is a plot device that has always done well on this blog. Ursula Andress in Loaded Guns or Jamie Chung in Flight 7500 or Mercedes Mason in Quarantine 2 or my favorite Heidi Lenhart in Crocodile 2: Death Swamp have all left us agape with their beauty as they dealt with unruly passengers, ghosts, infected, or monster reptiles. Alas, not all of these beauties have fared well...so sad. Perhaps in today's feature, 2007's "Flight of the Living Dead" our high flying heroines will prevail against a plane full of zombies. By the way, to see my reviews on the above noted films, just click on the above links.
A secret military weapon...a virus which animates dead soldiers so they come back to life and keep fighting. Brilliant. Not quite ready for the battlefield, but the virus ends up on Concord Air Flight 239. Never good when your flight to Paris has secret cargo guarded by a guy in a containment suit carrying a machine-gun. Turbulence strikes and the virus, inside a zombie gets loose and the fun begins. Megan (Kristen Kerr) is a beautiful stewardess, who with Truman (David Chisum), a cop, and his prisoner Frank (Kevin J. O'Connor) will engage in an all-out war against the undead at 35,000 feet. The ever increasing undead will go through the remaining passengers and crew like crap through a goose.
In a very sad scene, the sultry stewardess Emily (Heidi Marnhout) will be half eaten by a passenger and turned into a maniacally lethal zombie. As zombies come through the floors, walls, toilets, and air vents the victims will include skanks and hunks looking for pre-marital sex, a nun, more stewardesses, and pilots. As Emily, now a monster, and most of the passengers converge on Megan and her two friends, another problem exists. Realizing that the stolen virus is loose on the flight, the Pentagon orders Flight 239 shot down. With a fighter jet pursuing them, our survivors must kill all the undead (is that a double negative?) and signal the jet-pilot to abort his mission.
Will the pretty Megan be able to stay pretty, or will she suffer the fate or her stewardess colleagues? Will this be the end of the new secret virus weapon? This is an action-packed horror film that has some truly amazing scenes (you won't believe how a zombie can take out a jet fighter at 30,000 feet). Directed by Scott Thomas, "Flight of the Living Dead" (aka "Plane Dead") is a lot of fun. For those of you tiring of the seriousness of "The Walking Dead," this film is for you.
|Pretty Emily about to become a monster|
|Gratuitous bathroom scene|
|Megan at war|
Monday, November 7, 2016
Delta Omega Sorority at Barrington Women's College is the latest sorority to be wiped out in a slasher film. True, their coeds are nubile and sultry, but that won't help them stay alive. Why do sorority houses endure the most horrible murders in slasher films? This is an easy one to answer. The guys that make these films, and put up the money for them, have all been rejected by beautiful sorority gals in their college careers. Sour grapes, you might say. Today we take a peek at 1984's "Silent Madness" which appeared in theaters in 3D.
Sunday, November 6, 2016
Not a sequel, but the next course. Last August I wrote a review of the horror short "Dinner." To see that review, click on this link Dinner .The sultry and talented Aleksandra Svetlichnaya put together a fast-paced horror film. Emerging from this film is a new heroine, akin to Alice from "Resident Evil" or Selene from "Underworld." Now, coming soon "Dinner 2," billed not as a sequel but the next course. Take a look at the trailer for this one by clicking this link Dinner 2 Trailer
Stay tuned to this blog for more details as I will stay in touch with Ms. Svetlichnaya regarding her next course. Comic book fans, or fans of knock-out heroines will not want to miss this.
Saturday, November 5, 2016
As both Russia and the U.S. send troops to Syria (the world never smartens up), a more deadly conflict awaits. In 2014's "Arachnicide," Italy invades Albania. Part Syfy original rip-off, and part Italian horror film, this film, directed by Paolo Bertola, merges the two to make a gooey big monster film. Bad dubbing, that weird horror music, and giant spiders deliver in this very cheesy film. "Arachnicide" would more appropriately be called "Italian Commandos turn Mutant Arachnids into Green Ooze," or "Giant Spiders Chow Down on the Italian Military." I guess those two titles are a bit contrived, but they do sum up this entire film.
Thursday, November 3, 2016
1978! America is in the midst of a healing process. Corrupt government and confusing wars played havoc with the sensibilities of decent people. Anti-war films were popular. These films eventually fell by the wayside as they were seen as unpatriotic. In truth, these films were less anti-American than they were anti-killing for ambiguous causes. Films like "The Deer Hunter" hit the screens in 1978 and spoke to our social conscious. In 1981, a less popular, but just as biting film, "Southern Comfort" told a similar message with a more domestic flavor. I'm not sure if 2016's "Carnage Park" is an anti-war film, but the deterioration of the human psyche as killing is normalized, is a prevalent theme.
Pod and Darling
Pod and Darling
Tuesday, November 1, 2016
Americans know a lot about the moors. They are populated by pagan worshipers just waiting to burn innocent tourists in order to beckon a fertile spring. Charming, quaint, and deadly. Throw in a crocodile menace and now we have a veritable horror film fun-land. Throw in one of my favorite young actors, "Primeval" star Andrew Lee Potts, and we have a crafty, and somewhat comedic creature-eat-human horror film. Today we look at 2016's "The Hatching."
We've all been there. A prank gone wrong. Three lads try sneaking into the zoo, but the prank ends when a youngster is eaten by a Big Nile Crocodile in front of his two mates. It happens. 18 years later, Tim (Potts) returns to this small village on the moors. Lucy, his beautiful GF (Laura Aikman) joins him, but the town is a bit cool to his return. They still see Timmy as the boy who fed his buddy to the croc. Oh yes, a slew of young babes have gone missing around the moors, and a very enormous crocodile has set up shop.
The town, or most of it, is ignorant to this predator's presence, but not for long. The thing is getting hungrier and venturing out of the water. Uh oh, Our croc has friends who are keen on it's survival. As someone feeds the monster human body parts, usually those of English babes, the very cute and nubile Lucy is endangered. Unbeknownst to Lucy, Timmy might know more than he is letting on about the crocodile horror besieging this quiet community.
Will Tim be able to defeat the demons of his youth and fight the crocodile and his allies? Will the pretty lasses of this village be more of an endangered species than the Big Nile Crocodiles? A few surprises and twists, and lots of severed body parts await the viewer. Some good gore, a bit of humor, and really big crocs make "The Hatching" (directed by Michael Anderson) a nice catch for horror film fans.
|He will need a bigger boat|
|She will need to row faster|