Picture this! Grouchy, wheelchair-ridden Mildred is celebrating a birthday. Her sultry nurse wheels her to the table, and Mildred nearly goes hysterical because the clown has yet to arrive. On cue, a 35 foot monster croc invades the festivity, vomits the clown's head on Mildred's cake, and eats her sultry nurse. Oh yes...this is all done in grainy, 1970s drive-in, film fashion. The scene, of course, continues. If this appeals to you, see 2016's "Zombie Croc." This film is so good, it has escaped the notice of IMDB.
Sunday, May 29, 2016
Lyn Thomas is not a household name, but during a short period over a half century ago she was a terrific B- movie actress. Never landing a role on any Hollywood blockbuster, Ms. Thomas would appear in TV classics such as Dragnet, Border Patrol, and Wagon Train. Today we examine her most famous film...1958's "Space Master X-7." Filmed like a Film Noir piece, or a 1950s detective film, the beautiful blonde plays a woman on the run. From an abusive husband? From the police? From a jealous beau? No! Deadly space microbes that consume you like primordial ooze feasting on a lab rat.
Friday, May 27, 2016
In 1978 "Dawn of the Dead" was released in Italy as "Zombi." A year later, hoping to capitalize on the success of George Romero's film, the Lucio Fulci zombie movie was released in Rome as "Zombi 2." Quickly, this "rip-off" made its way to the U.S. and hit theaters and drive-ins as "Zombie." In 1978 I sneaked into the Rated X (NR actually) Romero classic and saw what I believed was the perfect film, with no need for elaboration. A few years later, still a minor, my dad and I saw the Fulci classic at the drive-in...and wow! Zombie vs. shark! Just as good as "Dawn," was the Italian version...at least in my mind.
Wednesday, May 25, 2016
..okay, maybe not the common man. Our protagonist, a groundskeeper at a spooky old cemetery is hardly common. He is a loner. He is dying from a brain malady. He has memorized all the residents of his cemetery. No capes, no sleek costumes, no babes in waiting....nope...Charlie (Stephen McHattie) is that weird old guy children fear, and who has spent his life avoiding other human beings. But an epic battle will need to be fought, and guess who will be asked to fight it. Let us look at 2014's "Hellmouth."
Monday, May 23, 2016
From Dracula to the Creature from the Black Lagoon, Universal Studios capitalized on monsters during the 1930s, 40s, and 50s. As these classic creatures have been revived by Universal over the past few years, it is easy to forget that Universal didn't have a monopoly on monsters. Of course we remember Lon Chaney, Jr. as "The Wolf Man" in 1941, no one remembers 20th Century Fox' werewolf. In 1942, that other studio released "The Undying Monster." Ignored by modern audiences, this atmospheric horror film is action-packed and fast moving.
Saturday, May 21, 2016
IMDB was not kind to 1986's "Nightmare Weekend." On that site, this film is described as "...a deadly turd of a film," and "....worthless pile of maggot ridden filth." Despite that harsh criticism, this is a much better flick than Mila Kunis' "Jupiter Ascending." Though the aforementioned quotes may not be inaccurate, "Nightmare Weekend" gives us a man's face eaten off by some silk panties, a woman seducing a tarantula, gratuitous pre-marital sex with bloody consequences, and a puppet trying to explain love to a beautiful woman. This film is available on Troma's YouTube channel.
Thursday, May 19, 2016
1977's "Fraulein Devil" may be said to be a seedy remake of the great Burt Lancaster film, "The Train." After all, there is a train, there is French resistance seeking to blow it up, and a lot of German soldiers shooting machine guns. Our feature also has a sultry, but evil SS officer and seven of the most attractive female German soldiers from WW2. Made in France, "Fraulein Devil" teeters between a Euro-Trash piece and a campy war movie.
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Elite military tactical teams. Genius scientists working in super secret labs. Beautiful heroines in tight black leather body suits. Yep....we've all seen these well equipped peeps save the world from monsters and the un-dead. Appealing on film, but unlikely in the world we actually live in. Hence, "Cannibals and Carpet Fitters." This 19 minute short (view it on Vimeo by clicking this link Cannibal ) utilizes real people that we are likely to meet in our daily lives to fight the evil foes that torment us.
Cannibal Kickstarter ) to see how to do more.
Cannibal Kickstarter ) to see how to do more.
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
With the European Union on the verge of collapse. both Russia and the U.S. have predicted World War 3. Excuse my yawn. What would a third world war look like? The answer is in today's film, 1977's "Damnation Alley." A post apocalyptic horror/scifi tale, this film capitalized on the world's fear of nuclear war which extended through the 1980s. Whether it's scientifically accurate is secondary to the fact that we get to see giant scorpions and radioactive, armor plated cockroaches causing much havoc.
Sunday, May 15, 2016
Umberto Lenzi the Italian director that brought us "Cannibal Ferox" and "Eaten Alive!" also brought us a cutting edge (no pun here) murder mystery, "Knife of Ice" from 1972. The title is derived from an Edgar Allan Poe quote, which is appropriate as this film utilizes many Poe themes. Like Poe works, this Lenzi film has lots of dead beautiful women. Carroll Baker ("Giant" and "Baby Doll") was more than 40 years old when she starred in this film, though her appeal as a sex object was still in full force. Ms. Baker would then turn in a striking performance as a mute damsel, quite helpless, and in much peril.
Friday, May 13, 2016
Most of you are not familiar with Lisa Dunsheath. After a stint on the soap opera "Santa Barbara," this lovely actress left acting, got married, and departed New Jersey for California. However, thanks to some Tom Savini magic, Ms. Dunsheath's death scene in 1981's "The Prowler" is one of the most memorable slasher film murders ever (Janet Leigh step aside). Yep, she was the nude woman in the shower who got pitchforked by the maniac in today's film.
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
Charles and Diana were not married when this film came out, but the British tabloids reported that their favorite date was when the two sneaked into the 1980 film "Terror Train." The love-birds laughed and laughed and fell in love (I made all this up, actually). Following 1978's "Halloween," any slasher film would be excoriated by the critics. Jamie Lee Curtis quickly cemented her status as queen of the scream queens with "Halloween," "Prom Night," and "Terror Train." A careful examination of these three films reveals that "Terror Train" is the one she has the best screams in. Oh yes, for fans of the 80s, enjoy the performances of David Copperfield and Vanity.
Monday, May 9, 2016
...actually, only about one hour into the future. What waits for us an hour from now? Some maniacal killer right out of "My Bloody Valentine." But wait....he's here.....now! An hour from now he will kill everyone....but that's a whole 60 minutes from now. Can our protagonists stop what will happen an hour from now if they know it will happen? Oh yeah....Zoe Bell is in this...did I mention that? Intrigued? Let us take a look at 2016's "Paradox."
Saturday, May 7, 2016
Man-eating giraffes! Demented Koala bears! Dive-bombing parrots! Perhaps a metaphor for the direction mankind is headed in if we keep abusing and exploiting the animal world, today we take a look at The Asylum's "Zoombies." Released earlier this year, with bad CGI, great acting, and lots of gore, this film takes the zombie apocalypse to the zoo.
Thursday, May 5, 2016
2007's "Beneath"is cursed with an unfortunate title. Not an irrelevant moniker, however, in recent years, lots of good films have come out with the same title. I even did a blog entry on another "Beneath" last August. Back to this "Beneath," a fine film with crypts, cockroaches, hidden passages in a cavernous old mansion, evil forces lurking, and a homicidal malignant force all grace our feature today. Because the current title may cause some confusion, I suggest this 2007 film be re-released as "Naked Space Babes vs. the Tentacled Menace."
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
Sara Malakul Lane, a Thai-English model, has emerged as a terrific B movie actress, appearing in lots of horror films of late. In 2015's "Shark Lake," she steals the show, portraying a beautiful sheriff deputy trying to save a resort town from sharks and Russian mobsters. Oh yes, also excelling here is Dolph Lundgren...as a struggling ex-con with an unusual talent. Okay...bad CGI and perhaps Syfy Channel quality, but our two protagonists are terrific and some of the kills are really nice.
Sunday, May 1, 2016
...with embalming fluid! 1965's "The Embalmer" (aka "Il Monstro di Venezia") is another Italian horror film which utilizes a sex-maniacal killer who preys on beautiful young women. Edgar Allan Poe believed there was nothing more beautiful than a dead, beautiful woman. The fiend in our film obviously agrees. With a jazzy musical score and a tip of the hat to the beatnik culture, today's film plays out like a Poe tale.